Ch. 1
He felt awful.
No.
He felt horrible.
Why had he done it? Why did he have to make a dare to see the sun?
Just to finally feel superior to Chinook? To look brave for Todd and Breeze? Just for his own wonder at what the sun actually looks like?
Shade sniffed softly, wiping the back of his wing across his snout. He hugged his legs closer to himself, his wings providing warmth like his mother's own wings did when they slept for the day. He had flown off into the island's forest by himself ever since his colony decided to roost for the night. It wasn't only so he could have some time alone to himself. But also to get away from the other adults.
Unlike everyone else, Ariel was more forgiving of her son's actions, telling him that Tree Haven burning down wasn't his fault. But the other adults...they weren't so happy. Not only angry and resenting to Shade, but he heard most of them muttering that Frieda should have handed him over to General Brutus when she had the chance. Otherwise, Tree Haven would still be standing.
Ears drooping, Shade buried his muzzle below his forearms, shutting his eyes tightly. Tears of regret threatened to fall, but he struggled to hold them back. But his softly quivering lip and trembling chest told him otherwise.
"M-maybe they're right..." Shade whispered, opening his eyes to look at the vast ocean near the shore, "I should of just let the owls take me. Then...everyone would still have a home." He rubbed his shoulders, the cool autumn air blowing against him coldly. He shivered from it, though he didn't care.
"Why did I have to look at the sun?" He muttered to himself, sighing heavily.
Closing his eyes, Shade listened to the sounds of the water washing against the shore. His blonde hair blew gently in the breeze. Though from the recent storm his colony had flown through, his large bang fell limp in several separate strands, most of them covering his right eye.
He had to wonder if it was worth being around his colony any longer. Most of the adults casted looks of utter resentment and judgment at Shade whenever he caught their glances. Other newborns, even Todd and Breeze, weren't allowed to be near him or talk to him.
And Chinook. He remembered vividly the cold look he was given when Tree Haven was burned down. Looking down at Shade from a tree limb above him. His brow furrowed in a scowl. If anyone would give him a hard time for Nocturna knows how long, it would be Chinook. Shade clenched his fist. Not only was he feeling guilty, but he was feeling angry at him, too.
"I could've caught it!"
"Could've, would've, should've!"
He had taken his food from him, just because he was smaller.
"Your father was bad luck! He was a trouble maker AND a coward!"
"My father was not a coward!"
He also insulted Shade's father. He didn't know if those things Chinook said were true. But he hated it when he talked bad about him.
Shade gritted his teeth together tightly. A mixture of anger and sadness mixing and boiling inside him.
Scowling from the bitter memories, the sound of wing beats drew near him. Shade's ears pricked up at the new sounds, turning his head around to see who they belonged to.
His face fell when he saw two familiar faces.
"Todd. Breeze." He said neutrally, watching as the two newborns roosted on a tree limb not too far above him.
"Evening." Breeze muttered, looking glumly at Shade.
"Shade." Todd greeted quietly. They both looked exhausted from the trip, but also forlorn and almost sad looking.
"Well, well, well."
Shade flinched. He knew that voice.
"If it isn't the lawbreaker...Shade Silverwing." Chinook sneered as he landed right next the smaller bat, a scowl fresh on his face.
"Chinook." Shade muttered, averting his gaze.
"What are you doing out here on your own? Waiting for an owl to come out and take you? Hmph, I wish it were possible. If only Tree Haven was still standing when it does." The larger Silverwing growled, noticeably agitated at mentioning their once perfect summer home.
"Not now, Chinook. I'm not in the mood to deal with you right now." Shade sighed, turning around to take flight.
A rough claw grabbed his shoulder, forcefully yanking him back with a startled yell.
"Well that's too bad, runt." Chinook growled, getting right up to his face, pushing Shade onto his back towards the trunk of the tree, "Because there's something I need to get off my chest. What makes you think that seeing the sun, would make any difference of what I think about you? Huh? Did you think, that just because you're a runt that saw the sun, that it would make you tougher than me?"
Shade got up onto his feet, only to be roughly shoved by Chinook again. Todd and Breeze shared anxious glances towards each other, watching the scene unfold between two bitter rivals.
"N-no! That wasn't it at all, Chinook!" Shade tried to get back on his feet, "I-I was...just curious about why we weren't allowed to see it." He lied, hoping that Chinook would buy it.
"Don't lie to me, runt! I know that's not the real reason you dared to see the sun! It was because I was bigger than you, wasn't it? It was because I insulted your worthless father!"
Shade wasn't sure what it was, but somewhere deep inside him, an uncontrollable emotion was bubbling up to the surface. As if reacting to Chinook's heartless words, "Don't. Talk about him like that, Chinook." Shade tried to yell out, but only managing to growl it out.
"Or what? What are you going to do about it, runt? Your father was never around when you were born! Like I said before, and I'll say it again. Your father...was a trouble maker. I bet you get most of your bad luck from him."
Shade found himself whimpering quietly, struggling to keep his emotions in check. The remarks about his father stabbed themselves deep into his mind. They couldn't be true. His eyes threatened to release the tears building from Chinook's hateful and cold words.
"Chinook, I think he gets the point," Todd spoke out, Breeze looked between the three male newborns worriedly, "Why don't we just go back to the colony and-"
"Stay out of this, Todd!" The bigger teen snapped, causing the other to flinch from his tone, "This little runt needs to know his place." He snarled, nearly backing Shade up against the trunk of the tree, "Your nothing but a trouble maker like your father. You're nothing but a small, insignificant, little bat that can't fly for a hundred wing beats without clinging to your mom like a newborn. You got our home burned down just because you wanted to look at the sun! Just so you wanted to show me up!"
"Chinook...p-please..." Shade began to whimper, tears starting to overflow, clenching his quivering fists, "I-I…I didn't mean…"
"You know what?" Chinook growled, oblivious and uncaring for the smaller bat's emotions, "I was right. You're nothing but a trouble maker. You are nothing but a bat that burnt down our home. You're just a runt that can barely take care of himself. Our colony has enough problems without the likes of you flying around here." Chinook leaned in closer to Shade's face, speaking the last words firmly. As if to ensure he was heard.
He couldn't stand it any longer. His breath quivered from anger and severe guilt boiling inside him. Shutting his eyes, pitifully folding his ears back, Shade crouched into a quivering ball. He was going to snap at any moment. If Chinook said another word, he would lose it. He just needed to endure it a little longer, then he would be left alone.
"Your father would be ashamed to have a weak son like you." Chinook breathed out.
"SHUT UP!"
The older Silverwing drew back with wide eyes. A look of pure disbelief spread across his face. Even Todd and Breeze couldn't believe it.
"Shade, stop-" Breeze fretfully reached a wing out to him, but Todd placed his claw on her wrist. A calm but weary look met her eyes.
"No. Let him." He quietly muttered.
"I am so...so...SO sorry about Tree Haven, Chinook! I AM!" Shade yelled out, brows tightly furrowed in pained expression, "A-and I know I screwed up! But stop pushing me around and stop insulting me and my dad! I never asked to be this small! I never wanted to be without a father for most of my life!"
Chinook brought his scowl back, opening his mouth to try and make a comeback.
"NO!" Shade screamed, causing the older bat to flinch from the outburst.
"You know your own dad is alive, Chinook! You know you'll get to see him soon. To really know that he's waiting for you." Shade croaked, tears running freely down his face. Months up pent up emotions from the teasing and the hatred he felt to Chinook whenever he insulted and criticized his father, were finally pouring out of him, "I never even got to know my own dad, or even see him, or even know if he ever loved me or my mother." He looked to Chinook, his vision blurred from his tears, envy for the older Silverwing evident in his eyes, "Do you get that? My dad is gone, but at least you have yours."
Chinook's face softened up lightly. He never even thought about it that way before. He never even took it into consideration.
"My dad never made it back to Tree Haven. He could be...alive or dead or...captured by owls or...I don't know! So give me a break!" He forcefully yelled out, his voice growing hoarse from the effort of keeping his emotions in check. The last thing he needed was to burst into tears right in front of them.
Todd kept his weary glance at Shade, but now focused it on his former friend. Breeze had a claw to her mouth, a hurt and sorrowful expression etched into her face.
Chinook didn't know what to think at that moment. In truth, he never, ever took Shade's feelings seriously. Whenever he teased him, it was only meant for fun. But after hearing the small Silverwing go off on him, it was now clear to him that it was never for fun. He had hurt Shade's feelings, he insulted someone who could be truly dead. He had become something more of a bully. Something far worse.
It made him feel sick of himself.
Chinook's eyes wandered from Shade, to the bark of the tree limb near his feet, to another branch near a distant tree. He looked back up, hesitantly reaching a claw forward towards Shade. He had his head hung low, taking deep, quivering breaths.
"Shade...I..." Chinook spoke up, placing his claw onto his shoulder gently, "I didn't-"
His claw was forcefully pushed away, earning a judging glance from the smaller Silverwing.
Shade only shook his head slowly, his gaze filled with the pure hate and envy he had for the older newborn, "No. No. You never cared. So don't try and act like you care now." Opening his wings, Shade took flight, flying as fast as his wings could take him.
"Shade, wait! I-!" Chinook called out to him, but was too late.
He could only stare off to where Shade had disappeared into the foliage.
A sniffle brought his attention back, making him look up to where the other newborns were watching them. Breeze wiped a tear away from her eye, now having a full idea of what Shade was suffering through. She wouldn't look at him.
"I...can't believe I ever looked up to you." She whispered, her voice breaking from the emotional strain. Chinook could only flatten his ears in guilt, watching as Breeze took off from her roost, flying back to where their colony were roosting. Shade had taken off farther away from them.
The only one left was Todd. Chinook, for some odd reason, couldn't meet his gaze. But he could feel it. The portly Silverwing only giving him a cold, hard frown. Spreading his wings, he took flight after Breeze. He was left standing by himself. The dark-blue Silverwing could feel something building inside him. It was in his chest. A lump was forming in his throat. He took a deep, shaky breath, spreading out his wings. With a small grunt, he was in the air.
As the moon's light began to shine down on the small island, Chinook slowly made his way back to the colony. He had to take his time getting back.
The tears clouding his vision made it difficult for him to see properly. The words he had briefly shared with Todd during their flight to the island were starting to ring clearly in his head.
This is as much your fault as it is Shade's.
Just remember. I know what you did.
He just wanted to hide.
He wanted to just disappear.
It would make the colony happy, no less.
They wouldn't have to deal with him anymore.
No runt to worry about messing things up even more.
His wings were growing numb and cold, having been working as hard as him to try and fly as far into the island as he could. The autumn air was much colder during the night. He needed to find somewhere he could roost. Hopefully someplace where nobody would find him.
He banked his wings and flew towards a large pine tree, and carefully studied its trunk. After a couple of minutes, having to go faster after hearing a rumble of thunder in the distance, he managed to find a good sized hollow, enough for him to fit and roost. But after what had happened, the depression and guilt even heavier than before, all Shade could do was rest his back against the wall of the hollow, and sit down. Hugging his legs closer to his chest, Shade looked out of the tree's hollow, the rain beginning to fall, and the thunder coming in shorter bursts. The blonde haired Silverwing could only gulp heavily, letting out a saddened breath, nuzzling his nose into his wings.
Maybe Chinook's right, he whimpered in his mind, fresh tears beginning to fall down his muzzle, I should've let the owls take me...
Burying his face into his wings, Shade began to softly cry, his bottled up emotions flowing free. But the heaviness never went away.
Having broken an ancient law, the guilt was bound to stay with him forever.
Where is he? He should've been back by now, Ariel wondered aloud as she waited by a knothole in an old oak tree they had found when they reached the island.
She had to admit. It would make a beautiful new Tree Haven. It was quite roomy, too. She had been standing outside for a while now, keeping watch for her son whenever he decided to return. Though he was grounded for seeing the sun, she had to let him go have some time for himself ever since the original Tree Haven was burnt down. Shade had been down ever since, and didn't speak much the entire flight from the northern forests. A few of the females had gone out to hunt for their pups, as well as some of the older newborns who wanted to stretch their wings. Her ear twitched at the sound of wing beats. Ariel turned to the source with a hopeful look. It was only Breeze and Todd. Sighing in disappointment, she went back to keeping watch in other directions. But she had to do a double-take. Breeze was sniffling softly, as if she had been crying the whole flight over. She flew past Ariel before she could ask what was wrong, followed by an unusually quiet and grim looking Todd. He gave her a soft passing glance before disappearing into the knothole.
After waiting a few more minutes, she had caught sight of another winged figure coming towards the tree.
"Shade?" She called out.
The figure seemed to stop, remaining in place for a few seconds before flying closer. Her hope was dashed once again when she realized who it was. She recognized the light and dark-blue fur and hair. The bat landed in front of her.
"Oh, Chinook." She breathed, closing her eyes, "Sorry, I...thought you were Shade."
He remained quiet, rubbing a claw to his shoulder. She couldn't help but notice the redness in his eyes, and the wet trails going down his cheeks.
"Chinook? What's wrong?" Ariel stepped forward and laid a claw on his shoulder. He flinched at her touch.
"Ariel...I..." His voice cracked, head looking towards the ground in a pitiful manner.
She raised an eyebrow, bringing her other claw up to his chin, gently turning him so his face was leveled with her own. "Chinook, what happened?"
"I...I'm so...so sorry." He muttered, shutting his eyes tight, "I messed up...big time."
"What do you mean? Where's Shade?" She asked, trying to figure out what he was apologizing for.
"I-It's about him. I...I'm sorry. I...it's my fault. Not Shade's." He quivered, his red puffy eyes turning to Ariel's, "It's been my fault since Tree Haven."
Ariel could only look at Chinook with a knowing, but stern look. Chinook breathed in deeply, drawing out a strained sigh.
"It...started before the owls came. Before Shade even...saw the sun."
The more Chinook began to recount the events that led to his position, the more guilt that began to build as Ariel face melted from confused. To concerned.
Eventually it became a mix of shock and...utter disdain.