A/N Nikki's prospective when she is informed of Harry's 'death'. Slight warning for spoilers.
Never Again.
Harry was dead. She couldn't believe it, not long ago she had been sat in their office with him, laughing and flicking bits of paper and watching as his handsome face crinkled in amusement at her.
She didn't want to believe it. But Leo's broken voice had told her, and Leo would never lie.
Harry was dead. The words kept repeating in her head as her brain attempted to make sense of it. But no matter how many times she thought it, it sounded, mixed up and incorrect because Harry couldn't be dead. Harry was so vibrant, so excitable. So very alive.
Maybe it was better that she would remember him this way, rather than the way Leo would. Leo would remember the sound the bullet made as it blasted out of the gun and into Harry. Leo would remember the smell of burning flesh and disintegrating clothes. Leo's memories of Harry would be forever tinted with the helplessness, the heartache of witnessing your friend's execution.
So maybe it was better she hadn't seen.
Harry was dead.
But none of this felt real, these things didn't happen to people, did they? She had dealt with numerous murder cases, carried out post-mortems with professional indifference. She had cut into so many bodies… but the thought of someone doing that to Harry?
That was inconceivable. So, very wrong. Maybe if she went over there, saw his body.
She shuddered violently and was suddenly aware of the tears that trickled down her face, the wetness as it trailed over her lips. She closed her eyes remembering the time when Harry's lips had done that, just that one amazing time. Something neither mentioned, but neither forgot.
The loss of Harry left a gaping hole in their team, in their family. Leo the wise and knowledgeable guardian. Harry the unruly cheeky man, who acted his shoe size rather than his age but still had managed to steal her heart, however unwittingly.
Leo had always known, she'd seen the looks he gave her, the raised eyebrows which seemed to just beg her to tell him, but their friendship was worth too much to both of them.
But…
If they had risked it; if they had got their act together then this wouldn't have happened. He would have never flown to the aid of some other woman, and she would once again feel his lips against hers, feel the flex of his muscles under his skin as he held her. She would feel that comforting feeling that enveloped her when Harry held her, while he shielded her from the evils of the world.
Her hands shook in her lap and she breathed deeply through her nose. If she was so out of control now, how was she going to react when she saw Leo? Or Harry? Or when they brought him home, sealed in a body bag. No longer alive, no longer a person. Just a shell, the remainder of a spirit now gone.
Forever…
She would never see Harry smile again, or laugh, or joke. She'd never see him cry. He'd never again drag her out on a job in the middle of the night, just because he wanted company. He would never complain that she stole his seat. They would never share a pizza and a beer on a lonely afternoon.
Never again. Never Again.
Longing hit her. She wanted him. Safe, alive and in her arms and she would never again let him go. She shook herself angrily. There was no point reflecting, regretting things never said. There was nothing she could do, nothing she could change.
But she could make the man who killed him pay for his crime; make him suffer how she was suffering. How Harry had suffered.
Harry Cunningham's name would be cleared; he would come home a free man, albeit a dead one. If it was the last thing she did.
After all Nikki Alexandra had not just lost her best friend. She had lost the man she loved.
A/N Hope you enjoyed, review please?