It's really amazing what listening to music at midnight can do. I heard the Rascal Flatt's "What Hurts the Most" and thought it was perfect for the end of "Meridian."

Title: How we Really Feel

Summary: How did Sam really feel at the end of "Meridian"? Slight S/D slant and spoilers for "Meridian."

Disclaimer: I don't own Stargate, I just like to write about them.

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Sam sat at her kitchen table, barely touching her full cup of coffee. Even the weather seemed to be mourning Daniel's death; the rain pounded gently on her roof, making its relaxing piter pater noise, yet her thoughts were not on the rain.

She sighed. It was here at home that she could let her military facade drop and cry over the sharp, deep loss she now felt.

She and Daniel had always been so close. Ever since Daniel died a week ago, she found it harder and harder to get up and go to work everyday, knowing that the SGC was missing one of its most important people. To her, the halls were emptier without his presence. Her lab was no longer inviting without knowing he would be by to bring her a late cup of coffee and to check on her, discuss his latest translation problems and successes, or just to stop by.

At work, she had to be Major Carter, the strong military warrior that couldn't openly mourn her best friend's death.

'He could have been more than a friend.' The thought formed before she could stop it. She had been so close to telling him how she really felt, but her military breeding iterfered. Now he was gone. "You have an effect on people, Daniel. The way you look at things, it changed me too. I see what really matters. I don't know why we wait to tell people how we really feel. I guess I hoped that you always knew." There was so much she had wanted to tell him--needed to--and she choked. It was too late to find out if he truly felt the same way. Why hadn't she been able to say anything?

Everything at the SGC reminded her of him. How could it not? They both dedicated their lives to the project, literally and more than once.

Even when she was around Colonel O'Neill and Teal'c she felt alone. When she was around them she had to but on the Major Carter face. She had always been able to be Samantha Carter around Daniel.

It was the the lonliness, the emptiness, and regret that made it hardest to get up every morning. She regretted never saying anything to him even after five years. If she could go back, she would tell him the three words that were the hardest for her to say, "I love you." Why was it so tough?

"I don't know why we wait to tell people how we really feel. I guess I hoped that you always knew." She couldn't believe she hadn't been able to tell him straight out.

Unheeded, her dam broke and her tears fell like to rain outside. "I love you, Daniel Jackson," she whispered. "And I always will."

A warn and gentle breeze blew across her face. "I love you, too," it seemed to whisper.

fin