Tears For Sarah
"Did you bring the – ? "
"Yeah, are you sure you're – ? "
"Yeah..."
My name is Sarah, and my longtime boyfriend and I are about to have sex for the first time. But wait, hold on a second here. I'm getting ahead of myself here. Let me start at the beginning...
My name is Sarah Norton, and ever since we were in middle school, Shawn Welles and I have been a couple. Everyone predicted that we would be together forever, so it was no surprise to my father when I told him that I needed to schedule an appointment to talk to my obstetrician about birth control. After all, Shawn was nearly twenty–one when we started fooling around, and I was just shy of nineteen.
We were the most popular couple at Shady Mills High School, him being the quarterback and me being the co-captain of the cheerleading squad. I've grown up around guys all my life, though, since my mom died when I was three and I have two brothers, Danny and Kirk, and no other sisters.
Okay, enough background information. Let's get back to the reason we're all here...
Shawn ripped open the condom package nervously, while I closed and locked my bedroom door. Then I turned to face him, smiling. Shawn was the careful and nervous type, as it was easy to see by the time he took to unbutton his flannel shirt and blue jeans. I glanced at him coyly, nodding reassuringly, taking off my cheerleading uniform freshly dirt-stained from that day's grueling practice. Then I walked over to him and kissed him deeply and passionately. Before we knew it, we were on top of my bed, and I waited for Shawn to make the first move, but nothing happened. I flipped over to sit next to him on the bed, and just looked at him for a few moments in complete silence. Then I finally spoke.
"Shawny, baby, what happened?" I asked sweetly, using my pet name for him. I secretly worried that I had been the problem, maybe moving too fast for him.
"I, well, Sarah... Pooh-bear..." he started, using his pet name for me. "I can't, ok? I'm not ready."
I stood up slowly, taking a few steps backwards towards my dresser, where the porcelain doll that my mother had given me at my baptism lay down. I turned away from Shawn to face the mirror on the wall behind my dresser, and saw his devoted but nervous face staring back at me.
"You're mad. I should just go," he said quietly, fumbling around for his clothing.
"No, baby, please don't go," I said soothingly, walking over to him and gently stroking his soft brown hair. He shrunk away from me and rushed to put his clothes on and rushed out of my bedroom, mumbling a quick goodbye to my father, who was standing in the front door when he opened it, before running down the front walkway and getting into his car. A minute later his car was screeching down the street and turning the corner, out of sight.
"What on Earth happened? Is everything ok, Sarah," my father asked, his brow furrowed in concern. All I could do was burst into tears that I had been holding back for what seemed like forever and run upstairs to the comforts of my bedroom, slamming the door behind me.
That night, I was still holed up in my bedroom, wallowing, when there was a soft knock on my door. My father's gentle voice wafted in.
"Honey, I have something for you to eat. I made your favorite: Pot roast and mashed potatoes."
"Sure, but I'm not hungry," I said quietly.
"Fine," he said. "I'll just set the tray outside your door. But don't let it sit too long, the dog will get at it."
"Thanks," I said, turning to face away from the door and nodding off to sleep.
The next day, I woke up and let the dog out like I usually did, then set out on my morning jog. As I started out on my usual path, I noticed a moving van parked in the driveway of the house next door. Someone was leaning into the back of the truck, as if to get something out. My curiosity got the better of me, and I watched as a boy, easily no older than twenty, lifted a cardboard box out from the moving van and started to carry it into the house. As I stood there, transfixed, he started to stumble and the box pitched forward. My cheerleader instincts kicked in, and I executed a flip and thrust out my hands, helping him to catch the box before it hit the pavement and spilled.
"Uh, thanks," he said quietly, barely looking me in the eye.
"Anytime," I replied cheerfully, carrying the box into the house for him and setting it on the nearest surface. "I'm Sarah."
"I'm, uh, I'm – " he stuttered, his feet shifting uncomfortably. "I'm Brian. My mom and I just moved from Sacramento."
"Welcome to the neighborhood," I said. Suddenly, there was a honk from outside, and I heard the familiar voice of my best friend, Keri.
"Sarah, get your ass out here. We're gonna be late for school!"
"I guess you have to go," Brian said, glancing outside We made our way towards Keri's shiny blue convertible. "I'll see you around. I'm starting at Shady Mills today."
"Oh, do you want a ride?" I asked. "Being the new kid probably sucks. I could show you around."
At that moment, I heard Keri gasp in shock, and to my surprise, she said out loud, "Sarah, you can't be seen with the new kid, it'll totally kill your reputation!"
Brian took a step back, clearly uncomfortable and hurt by her comment, and I gave Keri a piercing stare, though the rudeness of her outburst obviously didn't register, because she gestured for me to get into the car as if nothing had happened.
"It's okay, Sarah. I'll, uh, I'll just get a ride with my mother. See you around school," he said nervously, backing away quickly and rushing into his house. Keri shrugged and drove off.
"What a loser! You're lucky I drove him away for you. If word got around that you were fraternizing with the geek patrol, God only knows what would happen between you and Shawn!"
At the mention of my boyfriend, I felt a twinge of pain in my stomach, but I purposely neglected to say anything to Keri, and we drove the rest of the way to Shady Mills in silence.
When we got to Shady Mills, Keri pulled into our usual spot, reserved especially for the head cheerleader. Just my luck, at that very moment, Shawn pulled into the quarterback's reserved spot right next to us.
"Hiya, Shawny," Keri said cheerfully.
"Hi, Keri... Uh, hey Sarah," he said tentatively. "Can we talk?"
I hesitated for a minute, afraid that if Keri knew Shawn and I were having trouble, word would spread like wildfire. Nevertheless, something inside told me that things would be worse if Shawn and I didn't figure things out, so I bid farewell to Keri and walked with Shawn to a more secluded area near the school.
"How are you?" he asked, not quite looking me in the eye.
"I'm okay, I guess," I responded.
Shawn seemed to be contemplating his words for a few minutes, until finally he took a deep breath and spoke up.
"Listen," he started, glancing away from me. "Just because I'm not ready to have sex I don't want to break up. I love you, pooh–bear."
At first I was blown away by his ability to say what was both on our minds, but I soon realized that if we were truly going to be the hit couple of the school, we needed to be able to work things out.
"What are you saying, Shawn?" I asked.
Shawn seemed to be struggling to say what he really came to talk to me about, but he finally got the nerve, and what he said next nearly blew me away.
"I think we need some time apart.'
I couldn't speak. I was so afraid that if I did I would simply scream. So instead of saying anything at first, I took a few deep breaths.
"I don't get it. You're breaking up with me because I was ready for the next level in our relationship and you weren't? That doesn't make sense."
"No, I just need some time to make sense of things for myself," he said. "I love you, Sarah."
"I love you, Shawny, and I always will, no matter what," I said, taking hold of his hand and squeezing it. He finally looked me in the eye and smiled, just as the school bell rang, signaling the start of homeroom.
"See you after school," he said, bending down to give me a goodbye kiss on the lips.
"Until then," I said, returning the kiss.
Popularity had its positive and negative aspects. By the time school was over, word had spread that Shawn and I were on hiatus. Everywhere I went, people gave me looks or wishes of sympathy. The more they mentioned it, the worse I felt deep inside, though my years of being in the popular crowd taught me to hide my sadness well.
After cheerleading practice, I stopped at my locker before heading home and began to gather the books I would need for that night's assignments into my backpack. Suddenly, I heard a shriek from around the corner and then laughter followed soon after.
"Come on, guys, stop it!" I heard a familiar voice whine. I snuck over to the corner and poked my head around just in time to see some guys from the football team, including Shawn, shoving Brian into a locker. I couldn't help but gasp, then I decided to take action.
"Shawn, Teddy, Phil, stop it," I said, singling out three of the five or so players gathered around the nervous Brian.
"Oh, hey Sarah," Shawn said, turning around suddenly, an expression of deer caught in headlights plastered on his face.
"Let him go," I said.
"But, Sarah, he's the new guy. It's tradition," Phil said.
"Let him go or I'll let my leg go – right between your legs!" I said, not even cracking a smile. The guys gave me looks of disbelief, and that just made me increase my look of terror. Shawn quickly started to help Brian out from the locker, and the other guys followed his lead, then all of Brian's tormentors rushed off in a hurry.
"Uh, thanks, again. I guess that makes you my knight in shining armor. Or whatever the female equivalent is," Brian said timidly, gathering his belongings quickly.
"Yeah... Hey, listen, why don't we walk home together? After all, we live next door to one another," I suggested. Brian smiled and picked up his backpack, slinging it over his shoulder. Then we headed towards the doors and made our way to our homes, all the while engaging in pleasant conversation.
That night, I was working on homework for my chemistry class when there was a light tap on my window. I got up, curious, and threw a robe on over my nightgown. Then I made my way over to my window and carefully slid it open. To my surprise, Brian was sitting on the tree in between our houses, smiling and holding his chemistry book.
"Hey, Sarah, I thought you could use some help with the assignment we have for tomorrow," he said.
"Yeah, definitely. I'm not that great when it comes to anything related to formulas, elements... come to think of it, I suck at chemistry altogether!" I admitted, chuckling.
Brian carefully climbed through the window and sat on my bedroom floor, perched up against my bedpost. I grabbed my notebook, textbook, and a pencil, and joined him . Then we started to work, most of the time in silence. After what seemed like an eternity, however, Brian spoke.
"How are you holding up?" he asked.
"Huh?" I asked, slightly confused.
"I heard about you and Shawn. Word travels fast around this school, I suppose," he said quietly.
"Oh, yeah, well," I started, not quite sure what to say in response. "Things happen, I guess."
"You don't deserve someone who would take love so lightly. You deserve someone who treats you like the wonderful person you are."
As I gazed at him, suddenly transfixed by his words, I realized that he was right. Before I knew what I was doing, I had wrapped my arms around him and we were lost in a sea of passionate kissing...
The next thing I knew, we were laying side by side on my bed, so quiet you could hear a pin drop. Our clothes and my bed linens were strewn all over my bedroom floor, save for the bed sheet covering the two of us. I wasn't sure what to say, as I'm sure neither was he, so we both just lay there in silence. We were both panting and out of breath, and in shock since we were both obviously virgins up until that point. Suddenly, my father's voice drifted upstairs, startling us both.
"Sarah, it's eleven o'clock! Lights out!" he shouted. "I'll be upstairs in a few minutes to say goodnight!"
"Okay, dad," I responded. Brian and I shared a look of horror as he quickly threw his clothes back on. I helped him to climb out of the window, watching as he safely climbed into his own window and closed it behind him. Less than a minute later, there was a knock on my door and my father's head poked in.
"Going to sleep, pumpkin?" he asked.
"Yes, daddy, see you in the morning," I responded, praying that he would get the hint and leave. No suck luck.
"Danny told me what happened between you and that boy," my dad said, leaning against the doorframe. I groaned in annoyance.
"You mean Shawn? Ugh, I swear, having two brothers can be a pain in my ass," I said impatiently.
"Whatever. The point is, are you doing okay?" he asked.
"Yes, daddy, I'm fine. Good night," I said abruptly, shutting off my light and turning to face away from him. My father sighed.
"Good night, pumpkin. See you in the morning," he said, starting to close my door. Just as it was pretty much closed, my father spoke up again, "I'm here of you if you need me." Then I heard footsteps as he walked away.
I didn't say anything, and it wasn't log before I drifted off to sleep.