Oh, you know... just the same old thing... bored... XD
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It is another oh-so-wonderful day in Soul Society... what could a person do to destroy this peaceful day? Oh, Kurotsuchi Mayuri ALWAYS has a way... no matter how peaceful a day is, he can always cause chaos...
How? Ahhh...!! We'll see...
"Hey... Nemu..." Mayuri narrowed his eyes mysteriously, glancing around in his lab.
"Hai?" Nemu bowed slightly.
"Guess what?"
"What?"
"I don't know."
"..."
Okay, that was just plain stupid... and random. So, let's change the topic.
"I want to do an experiment."
"Then why aren't you doing one?" Nemu asked politely.
"Because I need INSPIRATION!"
"..."
"..."
"... umm... you can go take a stroll outside to get some inspiration." Nemu suggested.
"Oh! Good idea!"
So our favourite taichou of the 12th Squad took a long, long stroll outside. But sadly, he did NOT get any inspiration. So he decided to bring up a conversation with random people so he met, and he'll probably get inspiration that way.
Conversation 1: Hitsugaya Toushirou
"Toushirou-kun!" Mayuri exclaimed merrily. (A/N: W-ell... just take it that way...)
"Uhh... what is it?" Toushirou stared at him warily. After all, who would just randomly pop out of nowhere and exclaim 'Toushirou-kun!'??
"How's life?"
"..."
"..."
"..."
"Well...?"
"...are you feeling alright?" Toushirou observed him with a look that said: 'Either-that-you-are-so-totally-acting-like-a-weirdo-or-you-just-drank-one-of-your-random-experimental-drinks.'
"Of course I'm feeling alright!" Mayuri said dramatically. "How sweet of you for asking!"
"Err... not at all..."
"So."
"...yeah?"
"How's life?"
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"...weird." Toushirou finally said.
"Life's weird?"
"Yes." Toushirou nodded. Especially with YOU around.
"Oh, so..."
But, NO! Toushirou is NOT going to be annoyed by Mayuri any longer! So he chose to be wise: walk away quickly.
Conversation 2: Zaraki Kenpachi
"Zaraki-kun!" Mayuri sang.
"..." Zaraki just glared back with a deathly look.
"He-llo!" Mayuri waved his hands in front of Zaraki's face.
"Stop bugging me and get to the topic before I slaughter you!" Zaraki growled, his hand grabbing his Zanpakutou.
"Okay, okay, chill!" Mayuri glared back at him. How brave!!
"So what do you want?"
"How's life?"
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"...are you kidding me?" Zaraki narrowed his eyes at Mayuri.
"Nope, I just asked you a question!"
"...but I don't intend to answer it."
"Why not?" Mayuri started to use his puppy eyes techinique!
"BECAUSE IT'S STUPID, YOU FOOL!!" Zaraki yelled at him.
"Hey! I'm not a fool! I'm just a random stupid genius that isn't smart enough to be a genius but is still a genius that does not look like a fool and isn't a fool but just sounds stupid."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"Okaaaaayy..." Mayuri rolled his eyes. "Would you please stop staring at me with a look that makes me feel like you're telling me: 'Are-you-a-really-retarded-idiot-or-is-it-me-that-has-never-seen-a-madman-before?'."
"..."
"I bet you never saw a madman so you couldn't tell that I'm actually not a madman..."
"YOU'D BETTER RUN FOR YOUR LIFE BEFORE I KILL YOU!!"
Conversation 3: Unohana Retsu
"Oh hi, Unohana-san!!" Mayuri greeted the 4th Squad taichou.
"Hi, Kurotsuchi-kun." Unohana was still smiling but behind that smile she was all like 'Don't you dare piss me off because I'm already VERY pissed off at this moment.'
But Mayuri, being a retarded idiot he is, couldn't have noticed this warning, so he went right off to the topic.
"How's life?"
"..." A smile.
"..."
"..." A sweet smile.
"So...?"
"...so are you alright?"
"Ah, how nice of you for asking! But I am alright!"
"Oh? Glad to hear that."
"So, how's life?"
"..." A sweet and pleasant smile.
"..."
"..." A sweet, pleasant and warm smile.
"Ummm... Unohana-san... would you stop smiling so pleasantly like that? It makes me feel like you're trying to tell me: 'You-are-now-seriously-so-pissing-me-off-that-I-am-going-to-boil-you-alive-any-minute-now.'."
"Oh, I'm so glad you finally mastered the technique to read my smiles!"
"..."
Conversation 4: Abarai Renji
"Yo, Abarai-kun! So, dude, wassup?"
"..."
"..."
"... erm... I don't really talk gangster..."
"Really? But Abarai-kun, you so totally look like a gangster!"
"...I do...?"
"Yup! You totally do!"
"..."
"So, how's life?"
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"... life's... good..."
"Oh! I'm glad to hear that!" Mayuri cried happily.
"..."
"..."
"... actually... life's not at all THAT good."
"Aww... how so?"
"... well... you see, there's someone that's really annoying and bugging me..."
"Oh, really?"
"Uh-huh." Abarai nodded. "And that person really deserves a slap or a kick."
"Why?"
"Because if someone walks up to you and just randomly decided to ask you a stupid question, what would you think or do?"
"Hmmm..." Mayuri thought for a moment. "I'll probably just feel like punching him and tell him off."
"Yeah, so see? It's really irritating, isn't it?"
"Yes, indeed."
"So, this person is standing in front of me now, what should I do?"
"Punch him or kill him or sue him or whatever."
"You really think so?" Abarai raised an eyebrow.
"Oh yes."
Back in Mayuri's lab
"Umm... did you get any inspirations?" Nemu asked respectfully.
"Yes, oh yes of course!"
"So, what experiments are you doing now?"
"Something horrendous."
"..."
"..."
"...something horrendous...?"
"Yes."
"...which is...?"
"How to manipulate conversations into killing the person you are talking to."
"..."
"..."
"..."
Poor Nemu, she didn't dare talk to Mayuri for a whole month after that...
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Moral of the story: NEVER EVER get into a long conversation with Mayuri!!
Haha. XD I'm just too bored... that was just plain random. XDXD Please review!
THANKIES!