Accompanying musica: Bottom of the Deep Blue Sea by MISSIO

Tom x Ginny (Gin 'n' Tonic) is my OTP. So hex me.

I know this is hideously written, but honestly I just wanted to get it posted. I will revise later. Reviews/favorites are not my object in writing this, as I know that this ship isn't exactly sizzling, but they are always appreciated.

Dear Diary,

Today was the first day of my second-to-last year at Hogwarts.

Somehow, I'm ready for it to come to an end.

I'm the last of the Weasleys to attend Hogwarts. Mum was pretty much a nightmare the last few weeks, going on about how this was the last time she would ever buy books at Flourish and Blotts, or school robes from Madam Hopkins, or potion ingredients at the apothecary. I was beginning to catch her nostalgic bug, until I boarded the train. As soon as I set foot on the Hogwarts Express, it all washed away and I was Ginny again. I am Ginny.

I haven't written a diary since my first year at school, for reasons I don't like to discuss here. However, I'm writing this because of something that happened on the train today. I fell asleep in my compartment halfway to Hogwarts. I had a dream that has changed things for me. I think I need a diary for this.

I was lying on my bed in the Gryffindor dormitory, the diary from my first year in front of me. Tom's Riddle's diary. Somehow, I knew that I was in the first year again, and I was writing in it, pouring my heart out onto the pages, heartsick over Harry again. No one else was in the room, and the sky outside was on the dark side of dusk. The diary felt warm and safe in my hands.

And then something changed. I don't know how I knew, but it was a different flavor somehow. Like how some dreams turn from good ones to nightmares in an instant, and you can't put a finger on why. A shift in the shadows, perhaps? Or a change in temperature. Something that subtly makes the dream transition into a nightmare. . . only this wasn't a nightmare. It wasn't frightening or evil, only different than before. I got up off the bed and moved to the window, pushing aside the heavy maroon curtains. It was now completely dark outside, but I saw the moonlight shimmering on the vast, deep black lake. Somewhere in the sparkling ripples there was a bobbing light. I looked closer. It was a small boat, inside of which stood a human figure, shrouded in darkness except for the bright point of light - a lantern.

I turned from the window and wandered out of the dormitory into the Common Room. It was dark, but I did no stumble as I walked through it and climbed out the portrait hole. I walked down the halls. I treaded down the staircases. I couldn't shake the feeling that something was slightly. . .off.

The castle doors were unlocked and standing open just for me. The cool October wind blew my hair around my face as I turned my back to the breeze and ran toward the boathouse. It was dark, shadowed in the light of the full moon. I thought of werewolves in the Dark Forest, but I wasn't afraid. I had a destination.

The boathouse was full of the long, narrow boats that first-year students use to enter the Hogwarts grounds for the first time. They were enchanted to stay upright I had heard, and I remembered Percy telling me that they were also enchanted to be invisible to the senses of the creatures that lived in the lake. A good idea, since the magical beasts that called the lake home are not exactly docile.

The wooden boards creak under my light frame as I walk down the enclosed dock, past the rows of moored boats. Lumos. I only had to think it and the tip of my wand burst into life, casting a brilliant golden glow all around the boathouse. There was no noise, but suddenly I saw the prow of the boat gliding into the boathouse. Everything had the inexplicable timing that is so common in the dream world. The figure was standing upright, perfectly balanced in the bottom of the boat. It magically pulled up to the mooring on the dock and the rope tidily knotted itself around it. I stood motionless, unsure whether to run or scream or hide or try to wake up. My heart rate was accelerating quickly.

The dark figure glided gracefully out of the boat. And my heart, running so fast, tripped over itself for a split second. The grace and ease of the steps reminded me of someone I once knew; a person I had tried to forget for seven years. I only ever knew one person who walked with that much grace. Only one person had the sheer audacity to be so absurdly and wonderfully confident. As they approached silently, draped in black robes. I stood my ground. I was couldn't move. Part of me wanted, so badly, for it to be him, to see him one more time in my dreams, in a safe place where I couldn't hate myself for enjoying every moment I was near him. A stronger part of me knew that whatever was about to happen would scare me out of my wits. But still I remained rooted to the spot, watching him approach. . .

Then there was a flash of bright light and a hand on my shoulder, and I felt my elbow snap back in a violent startle response.

"Shit, the little scone just elbowed me in the gut!" Said the voice of Abigail Dublin. I sat bolt upright, looking around at my surroundings in surprise. Abigail was holding her overweight stomach in her chubby hands and scowling at me. I looked around me and the view of the train car was partially obscured by the dazzling sensation that accompanied getting up too hastily.

"Gin-ny, better change into your robes!" I heard the low-pitched singsong voice of Susan Jannis, my best friend. I turned to see her laughing from the doorway of the compartment, shaking her head and making her chin-length blonde hair wiggle slightly around the sides of her face. "You were out like a light."

I was in a state of confusion, partly because the dream had seemed so real, and partly because I woke up thinking about him. Something in the pit of my stomach pitched and I felt ill.

I still feel a little ill, although the unpacking and setting up in the dormitory helped me get my mind off what I saw - and felt.

I still feel it. It's making me sad. I wish I could describe the feeling, but I'm not good at that. I guess I could describe it as feeling like I'm back in the first year again. Heartsick. Like there's only one place I want to be, and it's beside him, and that's impossible. I feel like there's a void in my stomach, one that I've been trying to patch up for seven years. And it was knocked away after just one dream, one movement that reminded me of him.

I'm such an idiot. I wish I had some of Fred and George's hopped up sarsaparilla.

I don't need him. I never did. I can live a happy life without him.

But I want him. Does that make me as mad as Bellatrix Lestrange?