Disclaimer: I don't own but oh if I did….oh if I did….*evil smile*

A/N- Here's a oneshot I wrote in the middle of the night. I warn you it is pretty rough, but at the end of all this there's a lil something I wanna share about writing this because this fic is pretty personal to me….

Now that I'm done being boring….on with it! (Sorry the letter's long…)

Hikaru tore open the cream colored envelope, hands shaking nervously. He received the letter he was about to read just yesterday, and after one year of no contact he was relieved to see it, but at the same time scared of what it's contents might hold.

Dear Hikaru,

I could never have said this in person, could never have handled your caring response with the pained undertone. So know after much deliberation and a year of mental healing I am writing this letter to you.

I know that my feelings for you, as deep and true as they may have been, not only made you uncomfortable…but hurt you one way or another. And when you get this, don't try to reassure me because Hika, I know that in some way it did hurt you.

While knowing this Hika I'm sorry. I wish everyday I hadn't felt that way. Sometimes when the thought of you crossed my mind, I would wish I wasn't gay. Just so things might have been easier for you.

Please forgive me for what I'm about to do, out of my own selfish needs; I am going to explain why I felt the way I did.

Hikaru,

Just the mere act of saying your name gave me a sense of joy and safety. The sound of your voice and the feeling of your tender embrace were the only things in this world that made me feel at home.

I loved your uninhibited laugh. A laugh that made me believe that maybe, one day, I could be happy again.

I loved that you were the only person who knew just what to say, to take away my shame and pain.

I loved the way you could always make me laugh, you're the only one who could ever do that.

I'm thankful everyday that you were the only one who never judged me for the terrible things I've done.

I loved that when I was with you, I could be myself with no restraint and that you would have me just as I was.

I loved you Hikaru, with all my heart, for being you.

You were the only person who could mend the pieces of my broken heart. I am whole again.

You are the only one who has ever stopped me from hurting myself. I am no longer scarred.

Somewhere down the line I fell in love with you, the word I now refuse to use…and the only word I could have ever used to attempt to describe the feelings I had for you.

Please understand that I never wanted you to try and return my feelings, something I knew you could never do…

All that said I will always love you as my twin, and hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me for everything I put you through.

Sincerely,

Kaoru Hitachiin