DISCLAIMER: I own no one
AUTHOR'S NOTE: NEW MEMBER of the Fruitcake Alliance! HEHEHEHE… read the thwacks, they're great. The original Fruitcake is my hero. To join the alliance and receive the Fruitcake newsletter, email fruitcakehq@yahoo.com.
SUMMARY: What if Ruthie had an advice column and the rest of the family wrote in for advice?
Dear Ruthie,
I've been having trouble with my girlfriend lately. I love her even though she has a very round face and a gratingly whiny voice, but she just doesn't trust me. Additionally, I'm having trouble speaking. I think my remarkably square jaw and stunning good looks are getting in the way of articulation. As a police officer, I recognize the importance of asking for help. (charming smile).
Wonderful Eye Candily Goodness,
K.
Dear Kevin,
Lucy is a whiny bi-otch, but hey, you say you love her, and I respect that, because as my sister, I love the little chipmunk face insecurity blanket too. Maybe if you want her to trust you, you shouldn't go around kissing other girls to express you displeasure about her hanging out with other guys. I hadn't realized your jaw was so remarkably square, but now that you point it out, I realize that you are far too good looking to be dating my sister.
Ruthie
PS… nobody cares that you are a police officer
REVIEW… and if you have a letter for Ruthie, let me know!