Title: Jealous
Summary: It did no good being jealous. Post season 4.
Characters: John & Teyla
Rating: K

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"Don't do this."

She looked down to her hands, fighting off the tears she knew were creeping into her eyes. She did not wish to show weakness but it seemed as though the tumultuous emotions within her wanted to spill out; either in words or in tears, whichever came easiest.

And neither was easy.

She had yet to say anything to him and still he knew why she was there. He had known she'd been outside of his door, just like he always knew. She had debated turning and leaving – debated doing the right thing. But she had not and he had found her, hovering outside his door, an arm bracing her against the wall.

He was naked from the torso up and the sight of his skin was doing more to her than hands of any other man had ever done. She hated that about him. His lack of clothing also alerted her to the fact that he was not going anywhere. She hated that about him; despised the connection he had to the city more than she hated her own connection to the Wraith.

She glanced sideways at people passing by in the corridor and met his gaze; it was steely and cold, unrelenting, his posture indicating that he had no inclination to invite her into his quarters.

When had things between them become so bad?

She sighed and looked away from his stare, back to her hands, irritation suddenly rising within her. She did not know if it was at him or at herself. She should have listened to Ronon, who had told her the same thing John was telling her. But she hadn't and here she was, poised for retreat. But she did not know retreat, not like this, she did not want to know.

They had spent almost six years dancing around the 'thing' they had and she was tired of it. She was tired of the pain of watching him with someone else; when she had been with Kanaan, she had made sure he was not there to witness it. They had barely spoken outside of missions, he spending his time with her and she spending hers with her son, Rayhan.

"You shouldn't be here," he told her as he stepped out of his room finally and into the corridor, his bare feet padding against the hard floor.

"Oh," she said tightly as she looked past his shoulder and saw a figure hovering in the background. She met his stare. "Come to the gym?" But he shook his head slowly.

"No."

She sighed again in irritation before pinning him with an almost tender smile.

"John," she murmured and reached her hand out to touch his arm but he pulled away from her, yanking his arm back to rest against the door that had slid shut behind him. A marine slowed on his way past them, eyes curious until John glared at him and he scurried quickly past. Teyla ground her teeth. "Can we not talk like reasonable adults?"

He ducked his head, an acidic smile stretching across his face as he took a step closer to her.

"No." She met his steely stare with one of her own, knowing when he relented as a puff of warm air hit her on the face. "You didn't want to talk like reasonable adults when I came to you with this." She ducked her head, embarrassment tingling her cheeks. "Why should I give you any better treatment than you gave me?" He took another step towards her and Teyla wanted to back up, to take a step out from under his oppressive shadow but she did not. "You made it quite clear that we would not be having this conversation again." She felt the heat of his stare as he eyed her features, felt his eyes stripping the skin from her face and seeing right through to what lay beneath. "You didn't want me Teyla. You told me you didn't want me, quite clearly. And then went out of your way to prove it. I offered to help you raise Rayhan and you threw it back in my face." His words were quiet and rumbling, echoing deep in to the recesses of her soul. He was right; she had refused him. But at the time... at the time, she'd been confused. She'd lost the father of her child; her mind awash with images of torture and healing from Michael, from the dying mind of her lover. She closed her eyes, taking a step back. He let out a harsh laugh. "You're doing it again. Whenever I'm right, whenever I try to talk to you like a reasonable adult you turn and run. Well I'm done, Teyla, I'm done."

"I..." But she had nothing to say.

The fact was, the truth hurt. She had always tried to blame the failing of their relationship, of their friendship on him when in fact he seemed to have tried harder than she ever had. Even when she'd gone to him for comfort after Kate had died, it had been a lie – of sorts – because she was with Kanaan. He'd pointed that out, too, in one of their arguments. She should have told him about her pregnancy not because of what they had but because of who he was; he was her leader and she had put the team and the life of her unborn child in danger. She had kept her relationship with Kanaan from him but when her birth date had drawn nearer she had made a point of mentioning Kanaan's name in every conversation about her child.

It had to have hurt.

And still, he had come to her after it and offered himself to her.

And she had turned him away.

The door swished open behind him and her eyes were drawn to the woman whose hand rested on John's bare shoulder, her eyes watching Teyla warily.

"Are you okay?"

John nodded, barely looking to the woman and Teyla felt something tighten.

"I'll be back in a minute," he murmured.

Teyla met her eyes and noted the confusion in the other woman's. Guilt tugged at her, weighty and powerful.

"Don't be long; it's cold out here."

John turned to her and smiled, dropping a quiet kiss to her forehead. She disappeared back inside the door and Teyla felt it. That pang of razor sharp jealousy – something she had never felt before, not quite as intensely as this. John was slow to turn to her again and she found her feet shifted, urging her to move, to leave.

He met her eyes again, his stare as weighty and powerful as Teyla's guilt. She swallowed the lump in her throat, backing away from his advancing form again. He gripped her arms, holding her in place and it took a great deal of her restraint not to break free from his grip.

"And do you know the worst of it, Teyla?" She shook her head mutely. He quirked the corner of his mouth, not quite a sneer but not a pleasant sight either. She tucked her lips between her teeth, fighting the urge to look away from his eyes. "I know you wanted me. I know you wanted me and you sent me packing." He broke contact and took a step back, the gap between them widening as she pressed against the wall at the other side of the corridor. "You should go."

She nodded again and took a few steps away from him, pausing for a moment, considered telling him he was right, that he had been all along. The words seemed redundant and she swallowed them again before continuing her lone walk down the long corridor. She tried not to feel the shame that swam within her gut.

"Teyla." She paused at the sound of his voice but did not turn. "I loved you – more than anything."

She bit back the sudden sob and kept walking, trying not to run from him.

There was nothing to be gained from jealousy and as the doors of the transporter slid shut behind her, she made a silent vow to herself.

She had to get over John Sheppard.