It was almost February and life sucked. Mat sat on the floor in the middle of the room, hugging his knees close to him. He shuddered and closed his eyes tight, still feeling his cheek stinging from the slap Mello had delivered, along with the biting parting words he'd said. "I can't take you being such a clinging dog anymore. It was cute at first, but now it's just old. Mat, I'm leaving, and I'm not coming back." He hadn't been able to believe it, not even when the door had slammed. He had gone to bed, expecting Mello to come back in at any time and just wrap his arms around him, and murmur in his ear. So he hadn't fallen asleep at all that night, and when the dawn came, he got up and went to stare at the door to wait. When noon came around, it felt as though his heart had been ripped out rather suddenly, and he collapsed. It was almost nightfall, and he hadn't moved, hadn't eaten, just stared at the door with a terribly blank expression as tears periodically fell. He slowly closed his eyes and buried his face in his knees. His goggles were so stained by dried tears he couldn't see out of them anymore, but that was just as well as far as he was concerned. Nothing seemed to matter and it felt as if he was shattering, the pieces shimmering and cutting as they fell. It was three in the morning before he finally crashed.
Mello felt terribly guilty for leaving like that. He'd put cameras up all through their house without Mat realizing it, and he really did feel what he had said, but he hadn't realized how attached his mutt was to him. Shaking his head, he watched the screen, where Mat was sleeping fitfully, and closed his eyes a moment. He had hoped the gamer would be able to function at least a bit without him, but that was apparently not the case. He took a vicious bite out of his chocolate, leaning back into his chair, and fell asleep as well, haunted by visions of his Mat.
Mat woke with a strangled scream just a few hours later. He sighed wearily and stood up slowly, stretching out his muscles. Walling off his mind, he took care of the basic functions of life, which included making some ramen, which he nearly burnt. Shaking his head at his own stupidity, he ate mechanically, and finished without realizing. Life without Mello would be unbearable…but as long as he was alive, Mat would not die. Just in case he changed his mind. Cleaning his goggles off with the corner of his shirt, his eyes were hidden by his hair, and he heard the door open. His head jerked up and he put his goggles back on, trying to contain the hope that blossomed inside him. The figure came around the corner, and it revealed one of his gaming friends. Mat slumped immediately, a low whine getting stuck in his throat, and his friend came over. It was one of the few he had left, and the guy, Jason, wrapped an arm around his shoulder. Jason lived just next door, of course he had heard Mello leave, seen Mello leave. Mat flinched away from the touch, so Jason just pulled him closed. It was incredibly uncomfortable being so close to someone other than Mello and it didn't help that Jason was slightly heavyset, with thick black hair and dark brown eyes. Mat tried to squirm away, but he was caught in Jason's grip.
"I gave you two days to get over that dumbass leaving, and then I heard you scream. I couldn't help myself; I had to come over and make sure you were okay." Mat just seemed to shrink into himself. Jason mistook this to mean come closer, so he did what he thought Mat wanted. "I've wanted you to be mine for quite some time, Mat. That blonde was always in the way, though. So now that he's gone, what do you say? Be my boyfriend instead?" Mat shook his head vehemently and stood up, breaking free of Jason's arm, and stood on the other side of the room, right next to the door. Jason stood and walked over, so Mat quickly opened the door and fled. The sunlight was too bright, even though it was overcast and had been raining. Mat just had to get as far away from there as he could. He couldn't take it anymore. Mello was gone from there so why stay? He'd have to go back and get his stuff, and get a job too. Mello had been the one with most of the money. Shivering, he hugged himself against the biting wind, and his leaned back against a tree. He had no idea where he was now, and that wasn't a good thing. Except, how was he supposed to go back when he knew Jason would be hovering? He was so shattered inside, he didn't want to have to make his brain think, but he did. He would go back in the dead of night, because then Jason wouldn't be able to see and corner him there.
Then another issue occurred to him. How was he supposed to get another house without money? Groaning slightly, he pushed himself back off the tree, watching as the sun slowly neared setting. He started heading in what he believed was the right direction, and got lost three times before finally making it back. It was completely dark by then, and absolutely freezing. He was chilled to the bone, shivering constantly. He longed to know that Mello would be waiting for him, but he knew it would not be so. Mello wasn't one to go back on what he had said. Also, Mat had no way to track him. Closing his door behind him silently, Mat walked to his bedroom, where he just curled up under the covers by himself, unable to get warm. He missed Mello terribly, and he felt as if only half of himself was still there. Curling upon himself, shivering violently and unable to sleep, he was unaware of Mello watching and weeping silently.
The next morning, Mat woke with a start. He didn't know when he had fallen asleep, but now it was late in the afternoon. Lifting his goggles to rub his eyes free of sleep, he was startled to find that Mello had stormed out without all of his stuff, which included a small black journal that was resting on the bed. He hadn't noticed it, and with a small pang of guilt and a huge wave of sorrow, he picked it up and flipped through it. At the beginning was just happy mush about them, but toward the end, it showed that Mello really had been annoyed about how much Mat followed him. Shaking slightly, he put it back down, and closed his eyes again. He could see the last entry, even though he had read it just once and wasn't looking anymore. "I can't take this. It's making me almost physically sick. I could order him to kill himself by jumping off a cliff and he would. I wish he would get a spine of some sort. It sucks that it turned out like this. I hope it doesn't kill him when I leave, but I need to go. I need to get away from him, and maybe I just won't come back. I probably won't. Now I need to go out and get more chocolate." The chocolate was still sitting in the living room, Mat realized vaguely, and sighed deeply. Slipping out of bed, he scratched the back of his head, grabbing new clothes, and headed to the bathroom. Showering alone was a lonely affair after being with Mello, and half the time he was leaned back against the wall of the shower, dully staring at the water as it fell.
Mello averted his gaze from the screen, trying to make the desire and lust that had risen go back away. He couldn't go back to Mat. He wasn't addicted to him, and this was to prove it. This was to prove they could function without each other. Mat hadn't said a word since he had stormed out, Mello realized. Also, his chocolate was still in the living room. How careless of him to forget it. Perhaps he'd go back just to get the chocolate. Mat had read every page of his journal, which was more than a little embarrassing, and not he was showering. Mello's gaze kept creeping back to the screen, he realized with a little sigh. Carefully settling back in his chair, he closed his eyes until well after the sounds of the shower had stopped. He opened them out of curiosity because Mat was making little noises of pleasure. When he focused on the screen and found that Mat was making slices across his chest, mostly over his heart. Mello gripped the chair hard and stared in disbelief. His Matty was scarring himself on purpose. That wasn't right at all.
Matt was enjoying every cut he made, feeling the blood flow, releasing some of the pain trapped in him. It was in where his heart used to be. Shaking slightly, he stopped, and carefully toweled the blood off, letting it stop on its own. He wasn't sure why it felt so good but it did, and he was reluctant to stop. With a little shrug, he washed the blade off, and pulled on boxers and pants, and almost didn't bother with a shirt until the thought of Jason came to mind. Then he pulled it on quickly, and went back out to his bed. Life went on like this for a week, and when Mat looked at his phone, he was startled to see it was Valentine's Day. He thought bitterly of Mello, and was surprised when a text message came from a blocked number. He opened it and it said Will you be my Valentine, Matty? You better get me lots of chocolate. Even if I was an idiot. His heart picked up a bit and he went to the window. Sure enough, Mello was standing there, shifting and looking around. Mat was about to leave the window when he got a text from Jason. Mat, dude, it is Valentine's Day, so quit ignoring me and go out with me. That blonde is all wrong for you. Don't open the door. Once Mat had finished reading the text, he saw Jason lumber out of his house, and head toward Mello, a look of fierce determination on his face.
Mat immediately went to the door and put his hand on the doorknob, quivering with excitement and dread, only to stop as he heard Mello and Jason talking. Jason started by saying, "You don't deserve him. You left him and he was miserable so go on your way and let me make him happy." Mello radiated fury, and Mat could feel it through the door. "I made a stupid mistake, but I'm in love with him, even if he is a stupid dog." Jason grumbled, "He is not a stupid dog. He's Mat, and my friend, and my boyfriend now, after you left." There was shocked silence, and Mat could tell Mello was too stunned, so Jason stood gloating. Mat couldn't take it anymore, and pulled the door open silently. Mello had turned and was just walking away, so Mat hugged him around the waist from behind, pulling him as close as clothes would allow. Jason hadn't been paying attention, and when he noticed what had happened, he growled in frustration. "Mat, my love, why do you do that? I thought you'd chosen me!" Mat shook his head and whispered hoarsely. "I would never choose someone else. I couldn't, not over my chocolate addict." Jason roared and swung at Mat, but Mello was there and quite suddenly Jason had a gun in his face. Jason blinked, and then paled, turning and fleeing.
Mello was reluctant to turn around, but Mat dragged him inside, closing and locking the door. Soon Mello was in a death grip hug and Mat was sobbing and clinging to him. It took a good ten minutes of soothing to get Mat to calm down, and then for the hiccups to go away. Mello smiled sadly, and was taken by surprise when Mat kissed him, full of need. Mello pulled away, and sat down in the arm chair he had been in just before he had snapped, just about two weeks ago. Mat looked at him, worry and pain shining in his eyes, clear even through his goggles. Mello sighed. "I came back for you, and my chocolate." Mat managed a shaky laugh and walked over to Mello, who pulled him into his lap. They stayed that way, not even talking, for several minutes before they started making out. Just after dark, they took it to their bedroom, and held nothing back, because they needed each other and it had been much too long.
After, Mello ran his fingers over the scars on Mat's chest, eyes full of regret. Nothing he could do would take back that he had left Mat, that he had scarred Mat and shattered him, but he would do everything he could to make up for it. Leaving had been so stupid. He should have just talked to Mat instead of keeping it bottled up until it had exploded like it had. Mat looked away uncomfortably, fearing that Mello would be mad about the scars that crisscrossed his chest. Mello said nothing, and just curled closer, wrapping his arms around Mat, and whispered in his ear, "Take me, mutt. Take me hard."
They would worry about everything else in the morning.
So, here's this lovely thing. I thought about drawing it out, but decided to make it just like…this. I hope you enjoyed it, and perhaps maybe it even got a tear. I believe there might be a second chapter? How about…You people decide! Yes? So review like lovely people!