This is a one chapter song fic. (I've been on a song fic kick lately). The fic is mostly Addison blurbs. There's an Addie/Savvy scene (because I love them both) and some Derek/Addie stuff as well. It takes place a bit in Addison's teen/childhood and before and around the time when Addison and Derek married. The lyrics are "That's The Way I've Always Heard It Should Be" by Carly Simon. The characters are Grey's owned. Please read and review! Thanks!
My father sits at night with no lights on
His cigarette glows in the dark
The living room is still
I walk by, no remark
Addison shut the front door softly. Her lips were pursed together as she tucked a strand of unkempt red hair behind her ear. It was winter and cold, therefore the night came earlier than usual. Addison slid her puffy green jacket from herself and hung it on the hook just next to the front door. She slid off her wet boots like her mother always told her. It was never a good idea to track snowy wetness across the polished hardwood.
Stepping down onto the cold foyer, Addison silently cursed as her sock soaked up water from her boots. She frowned against the cold and quickly moved her socked feet away from the mess. Crossing into the spacious hallway, Addison debated turning the light on in the darkness, but figured the holiday lights hanging outdoors cast enough light for her to see.
As Addison passed by the living room in the home of her parents, she recognized the red ember of light created by the end of her father's cigarette. Addison's mother condemned smoking in the house, but as of late, her father seemed to have forgotten those words. Or ignored them. Addison barely stopped in the door frame, knowing if she did, it wouldn't make a difference. She bowed her head as if she never saw her father and walked up the stairs, heading to her bedroom.
I tiptoe past the master bedroom where
My mother reads her magazines
I hear her call sweet dreams
But I forget how to dream
Upon reaching the second floor, Addison slowed her pace. She peeked into her parent's bedroom and saw her mother in her usual nighttime position, stretched out on the bed, aimlessly flipping through Vogue while holding a glass of Hennessy. Addison looked away, as if the sight was personally embarrassing for her.
Her sock squishing coldly into her toes, Addison continued down the hall towards her own darkened bedroom.
"Thank you for keeping curfew tonight, Addison." her mother called after, sincerely, "Sweet dreams, dear."
Addison paused in the hall at the sound of her mother's voice. She was out of eyeshot, but not earshot. For a moment, she opened her mouth wanting to respond, but she closed her mouth just as quickly and moved on into her bedroom, shutting the door without making a sound.
But you say it's time we moved in together
And raised a family of our own, you and me
Well, that's the way I've always heard it should be
You want to marry me, we'll marry
"You're going to say yes, right?" Derek muttered, an anxious smile on his face as he was on his knee wearing his best in the middle of Addison's favorite upscale New York restaurant.
Addison smiled and bent towards him, wrapping her arms around his neck, able to smell the Zest soap from his shower just hours prior. Derek clasped his arms around her frame while rising from his knees in a not so easy act. Addison stood as well, balancing him as she did.
"Of course. Yes." she whispered into his ear.
Derek pulled back and took the ring, which he had spent months debating on whether it was the right one, from the dark velvet box. He slid it easily on her finger. Addison hugged Derek again before drawing back just enough to kiss him, unaware of all the eyes that had fallen on the newly engaged couple.
My friends from college they're all married now
They have their houses and their lawns
They have their silent noons
Tearful nights, angry dawns
Addison held her hand in front of her, turning it slightly one way and then the other, catching it in the light, trying figure out which angle she liked best. Her hand stopped moving when Savvy took it and turned it toward herself.
"It's absolutely gorgeous, Addie." Savvy gushed over the ring, "I'm so glad he finally asked you. Weiss and I have only been waiting forever. Addison and Derek, the love story continues."
Addison found herself unable to stop smiling since Derek proposed three nights ago, "Don't say Addison and Derek like that. It's embarrassing."
"Well, you're only the most perfect and romantic couple I've ever met." Savvy replied, releasing Addison's hand, which immediately went back to trying to catch the best light, "You and Derek are like Lucy and Ricky, or Joanie and Chachi, or-"
"Joanie and Chachi?" Addison repeated, "That show lasted a year, I-"
"But, you can't neglect the fact they were involved on Happy Days." Savvy pointed out, "Well, how about Luke and Laura. General Hospital. I mean, they were together-"
"As far as I can remember, their relationship didn't start off so well." Addison raised her eyebrows, making her point, "Sexual assault isn't the best way to start off a relationship, Sav. And are you only comparing me to Lucy because we both have red hair?"
Savvy narrowed her eyes, "Are you trying to find fault in my analogies, Addison?"
Addison almost laughed at the seriousness in her friend's tone, "No. Sorry."
"I'm just saying that you and Derek are wonderful together." Savvy smiled, "I'm so happy you're finally going to get married."
Addison nodded and was overcome with a sadness she hadn't realized she was repressing. Her eyes began to fill with tears before she could stop them. Savvy pulled away slightly, caught off guard by tears caused by sadness, not happiness.
"What's the matter?" Savvy asked, concerned.
Addison waved her hand, shaking her head, "Nothing. It's just a big step. I didn't realize..."
"It's a good step, Addison." Savvy insisted, taking her friend's hand and then was a bit unsure, "It's a good thing, right?"
Addison nodded, wiping her tears with her free hand, "No, you're right. It is."
"Okay." Savvy agreed, still unsure of Addison reaction.
Addison placed a smile on her face, putting up a wall between herself and her feelings. She wasn't going to delve into the subject with Savvy. She wasn't going to tell her best friend that the only marriages she had ever had close encounters with were ones with broken insides while their homes upheld a perfection, much like the perfection Savvy insisted was the relationship of Addison and Derek.
Their children hate them for the things they're not
They hate themselves for what they are
And yet they drink, they laugh
Close the wound, hide the scar
Addison crept slowly, her bare feet felt too soft for the harshness of the cold floor. She could hear their voices, muffled but angry in tone. Her nightgown was too long and she almost tripped twice. Her father bought the silk dress when he was away on business. He didn't know her size and told her she would grow into it.
Swallowing hard, Addison knelt down at the top of the stairs. She wasn't suppose to be awake. At eight years old, she wasn't allowed to stay up for the ball drop no matter how much she begged. Her parents always had a party and she figured they must have never realized she stayed up anyway, listening to the laughter and din of the party on the other side of her closed bedroom door.
Now, the party was gone, signaling it was much too late for Addison to be awake, but she heard them, her parents, the familiar tones. The familiar words.
"... if you would just listen to me when I actually talk to you, maybe you would understand..." her mother's voice floated up the stairs.
"...a complete embarrassment!" her father's voice made Addison jump back as her tiny hands clutched the bars of the railing.
"Like you even care!" her mother's voice was strained with tears.
"Wait a damn moment!"
"I hate you."
The click of heels came toward the stairs. With lightening speed Addison was hurrying in the direction of her bedroom. Her toes caught the edge of the silk and she fell forward, a loud thump on the wood floor, her knees smacking hard, causing her teeth to clench in pain. She forced herself up and carried on, trying to ignore the pain in her body.
"Addison?"
She froze in horror at the sound of her mother's voice. Every muscle tensed. She felt cold all over. Addison didn't like to get in trouble. She turned and faced her mother, the light from the first floor allowing Addison to see a mascara streaked face.
"You okay, honey?" her mother asked softly.
Addison nodded. Addison's mother smiled and nodded in return before entering the master bedroom. Addison stood, wishing her mother had embraced her or at least given her a kiss goodnight instead of leaving her alone in the hall with her knees throbbing. With a quick turn, Addison went to her bedroom, pretending that her mother had kissed her goodnight and would be in soon to tuck her in to bed.
You say that we can keep our love alive
Babe, all I know is what I see
The couples cling and claw
And drown in love's debris.
"You with me?" Derek asked, his hand brushing lightly on Addison's thigh. He was scanning column after column of china patterns for the wedding.
Addison drew back into attention, her eyes falling questioningly on her husband.
"You okay?" Derek's voice was light, pleasant.
"I was just thinking about my parents." Addison shook off her thoughts with a shake of her head.
"You're not backing out on me, are you?" Derek was teasing, but his brow furrowed when Addison didn't respond in the same manner.
Addison looked down at the china patterns and then back at Derek, "No... I like this one."
You say we'll soar like two birds through the clouds
But soon you'll cage me on your shelf
I'll never learn to be just me first
By myself
"One week." Derek whispered, his hand lovingly stroking the familiar red hair, "One week and we'll be soaring, Addie. Like... incredible, in the skies, kind of soaring."
Her back was to him, her glossy eyes were open as well as her mouth, which drew in small shaky breaths. Derek was unaware, lost in his own thoughts. He was unaware until she shuddered.
Derek sat up, "What's wrong?"
Addison sat up as well, drawing her knees to her chest. Derek's face was etched with concern as he saw the tears on his fiance. He swiped them away.
"Addison, you want to do this, right?" Derek asked, "I don't want to pressure you, but I thought you wanted this as much as I did. You're not getting cold feet, are you?"
"It's not that." Addison said, doing her best to keep herself from crying, "I want to be a bride. I do."
"But?" Derek prompted.
"I've been with you since college, Derek." the words were falling from Addison's mouth quickly, thoughts she was glad to finally have the courage to speak, "I went from my father's house, to various relationships, to you. I..." Addison grew quiet and Derek had to lean in to hear her better, "My mother fell alongside my father. She was never independent of him. Not once... I don't want to become that."
"You really think I'd force you into some sort of submission, Addie?" Derek asked, the notion making him want to laugh.
"No, of course not..." Addison was shaking her head, truly believing what she told him. "I just worry. My mother once did things on her own. She just... stopped. I've always wondered why. What made her stop doing the things she once did?"
Derek didn't have an answer, so he moved closer to Addison and pulled her into him, keeping her close. Addison breathed in deeply, the scent of Derek enough to calm her rapid heartbeat. She snuggled into him, letting herself relax in his arms.
"I do love you, you know." Addison said, wanting to make sure Derek understood that she still wanted to marry him.
"I know." Derek nodded slightly, Addison feeling his chin lightly bumping into her head, "And I love you, too."
Well, okay, it's time we moved in together
And raised a family of our own, you and me
Well, that's the way I've always heard it should be
You want to marry me, we'll marry
We'll marry.
Her arms were around his neck and she was smiling so much it hurt, but she couldn't wipe the smile from her face. She really was happy. He held his arms around her gently, holding her close enough, but not too close for the public eye was watching. She moved in and kissed him softly, then drew back a bit as they continued to dance in the glow of a dull spotlight.
"Are you enjoying this?" he asked, smiling, his eyes shining with that excitement she always missed when it was gone.
"Yes." she answered, giving a nod.
"Good." he nodded and kissed her forehead.
"I think this is the way it should always be." she whispered to him and leaned her head on that spot between his neck and shoulder.
"I think this is the way it always will be." he replied, just as quietly.
Fin.