A/N: Yes, I'm back already, with my second story! Of course it's a marauder story, and of course the first chap is pointless. But every fic needs somewhere to start from! Let me konw what you think. I swear it will pick up soon.

Lucy is not a Nun

I was scared to death when I set that sorting hat on my head first year, not knowing where I'd be… a humiliated Hufflepuff? A nasty Slytherin? Would anyone like me? Thank Merlin it was Ravenclaw, although Gryffindor might have been better.

I was also scared in my second year when a pair of Slytherin bullies cornered me in the lower dungeon and burned my school books, page by page, until I agreed to steal fire whiskey from the pub in Hogsmeade for them. Lucky for me, four third-year Gryffindor boys arrived at that moment for their potions lesson to hex the toenails off those Slytherin gits.

It was completely terrifying my third year, when I got that letter about my parents' accident. I didn't know how I'd make it on my own. I don't think I would have, if those same boys hadn't been there to hold me until I could breathe again and sneak me stolen Honeyduke's chocolate.

Fourth year was frightening because I had lost control of myself. I didn't care and I didn't think. I was miserable and let it consume me. Once again, my guys were there to keep me on track. With their help, I became myself again.

Fifth year wasn't scary at all. Fifth year was fabulous because I had four best friends. I had friends in my own house and in my own year, but they really did study too much. My four best friends were sixth year Gryffindor boys, and much to the jealousy of all girls in my year, they were the Gryffindor boys. Sure I made mistakes that year… we won't even talk about him… or the other… but the guys always got me through it.

All that brings us to sixth year. Beginning my story in sixth year may prove to be slightly anti-climactic, since I only plan on telling about this year, but by seventh year my boys will be graduated, and my life will end. Figuratively speaking, of course, but who can honestly live without laughter?

So, I was talking about sixth year. My name is Lucy Brown. It sounds like a perky little cartoon character name, I know. I don't really look like a cartoon character, though. I have short, flippy, dark red hair, and look a bit like the chick in the Josie and the Pussycats movie. Come to think of it, she was based off from a cartoon, wasn't she? Drat.

The most notable thing about me, besides being rather short, is that I am a member of the most infamous posse ever known to Hogwarts. Sure, they won't let me take the title of "Marauder," because apparently it's sacred and I would ruin the image, being a female Ravenclaw and all. But honestly, there's only one day per month that we don't hang out together, and that's only because I'm not an animagus like them and can't follow them off to the shrieking shack for some good fun.

"I don't know…" Sirius would say. "I think she's frightening enough as a human."

"Yeah," James would add. "We would take good care of her, come on Moony…"

Then of course Remus would frown. "Do you really think I would take the chance of biting one of my best friends and ruining her life forever?"

"Come on, Moony. I think it would be kind of fun to be a werewolf. At least I wouldn't be so left out."

To which Remus's response was always a stern glare. "Lucy! How can you think for one minute that being a werewolf could be ever be fun? Is that what I am to you? Entertainment?" And then of course he'd go off for an hour, sounding like Professor Binns. Honestly, the boy can't take a joke.

Truth is, life with the marauders is solid fun. We plan amusing little pranks for the weekends or to get out of classes, and spend at least a week planning whoppers for the holidays. Our plan for Cinco de Mayo last year was quite possibly the most monumental event ever. Of course, Peter didn't get it.

"Isn't Cinco de Mayo a Mexican holiday? That's not even on our calendar. That's like… not even on our continent."

Sirius Black looked up from the Hogwarts blueprint the was studying and swept his wavy black hair away from his face so he could roll his eyes at Peter. "Listen, Pete. Do you wanna help us vanish the whole fourth floor, or do you want to whine about technicalities?"

"I want to vanish the whole fourth floor. But then we won't be able to go to Charms on Thursday, because it's on the fourth floor, and we have an exam."

I snorted. "That is entirely the point." Honestly.

It's not really Peter's fault that he's so dumb. I don't know who's fault it is, but I'm sure they didn't mean for it to go this far. He's really only a Marauder because he, Remus, James, and Sirius are the only Gryffindors in their year, and it makes using their dorm as our plotting grounds so much more convenient if we don't have to kick him out. He does play a purpose, though. We all do. Peter is there to be the test-subject/guinea pig,/doormat of the group. He provides entertainment, and I guess he's there to make the others feel good about themselves. Not to say he's bad looking, just in comparison.

Sirius is there to look like a stud and add a twist of wackiness and wickedness to our schemes. I really think that some of his family's darkness rubbed off on him, because he has a streak of pure-evil genius to him.

James is there to be a smooth-talking hottie and to captain the Gryffindor quidditch team, bringing power, prestige, and unwanted female attention to the group. He's also there because he's the only one who can control Sirius after the first round of fire whiskey.

Remus is there to bring order and human logic to the group. He also bails us out when we get caught, with a brilliant combination of charm, flattery, and a good relationship with the faculty. By that, I mean he's every teacher's pet and I strongly suspect that Madam Pince wants in his drawers.

And how do I fit into the group? I guess I ended up here by lucky chance. At the time, I didn't consider it lucky to be cornered by Slytherins my second year, but if I hadn't, I never would have ended up with these guys. I am there to be Peter's girl advice when he gets too hopeless, James's excuse date when he can't get girls off his back about the next Hogsmeade trip, Sirius's like-mind when no one else understands his sick humor, and Remus's partner in wisdom (I am, after all, still a Ravenclaw) when the ridiculousness of the others gets out of hand.

I know I talk about the Marauders like I have a crush on them all (well, except Peter), but while these guys have my undying devotion, I only think of them as friends. They protect me like I'm their little sister, but not in a condescending way. They guys tell me I'm cute, but having a formidable power like the Marauders at my side, I haven't had the greatest luck with guys. Most other guys are intimidated by them and what might happen if they accidentally broke my heart. When Jonah Chambers cheated on me fifth year, the Marauders made sure he was sorry. Ever since then, the only guy brave enough to so much as look at me is Owen Dartmouth… and I must say I've been looking back. He's a total dish. I'm even kind of hoping for a date to Hogsmeade with him. Melanie, a Ravenclaw in my year, and consequently my dormmate, thinks I'm bonkers. Sure, Owen's good looking... but I have connections! If I wanted, I could have a Marauder! But I think she's the bonkers one. She's got it bad for Sirius.

This brings us to today, the second day of the term, sixth year. The five of us, (that is, the Marauders and I, for you slow ones) were sprawled out by the black lake, taking in the summer's dying rays and chatting up the day's events. James, as always, was playing with a snitch. I don't know why he always does that. It aggravates Lily so, and I keep telling him he won't get her by intentionally aggravating her. He tells me I don't know what I'm talking about. Funny, being female, I think I do.

"So, the new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor is kind of a fox."

I groan. "That is sick, James."

"What? Maybe I should move on to older women. School girls don't do much for me anymore."

Sirius chortled. "What about Lily?"

"Lily doesn't count."

"I see."

I remember my earlier thought. "So, speaking of foxes, Owen looks good this year."

"EW!" Shout Sirius and Peter simultaneously.

James looks at me incredulously. "But… he's a boy!"

Sometimes they don't get it. "Yes. And I'm a girl."

They exchange looks as it dawns on them one by one. James pats me on the back. "Oh yeah. You know, sometimes we forget. You're not stupid like most girls are."

"That's sweet of you."

Sirius snorts. "Yes she is. Owen Dartmouth, the Hufflepuff prat?"

"He's not a prat! He's quidditch captain, remember?"

It was James's turn to snort. "You can hardly call what he does 'captaining'."

Sirius nodded. "And you can hardly call what they do 'quidditch'."

Remus finally spoke up. "Guys, she's not a nun."

Sirius looked indignant. "You mean she's going to shag him?!"

"Ugh, no! Where did you get that from? I just meant we can't keep her from dating other guys."

"Yes we can, because she always picks prats."

I gave a loud sigh of exasperation. "Would you feel better if I let you pick who I date?"

"No," all four said at once.

"Well, why ever not?!"

"Because," James said. "There can't possibly be a single guy in this whole bloody school that's better than us."

And of course they were right. The Marauders were the Hogwarts kings, the quidditch stars, the charmingly hilarious famous jokesters, the super-fine school studs. But I don't like Marauders "that way."

The thought never even crossed my mind.

Honest.

A/N: Sooo... I didn't like the first chapter much, but I know kind of where I'm going and I like that. Of course, feedback would be lovely!