Disclaimer: Nothing you recognize is mine. Or Elli's. ALL JK's.
Author Notes: As well, I wrote this with my friend Elli. I am writer 1. -bows- this is random and weird and cheesy but we had loads of fun writing it, and hopefully it's good for a laugh.
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Writer1Arie
Writer2Elli
Writer 1: Ok peoples, this is an Arie and Elli production, brought to you
for no good reason. We're weird. We love it. Without further ado, we give you... A Harry Potter Fairy Tale!
Once upon a time, there was a magic pig. The magic pig, whose name was Harry, fell madly in love with a gorgeous llama named Hermione. But his best friend Ron, who was a funny-looking cow, was very jealous because he loved Hermione too.
Harry and Ron had very loud and violent staring contests. They began to hate each other. Ron's little sister, a hog named Ginny, thought they were both complete idiots. She was in love with Harry. And at the same time she was rather
annoyed with him because he didn't love her like he loved Hermione. She knew he was lame but she loved him anyway.
Writer1: halt! 1...2...3...
Audience: AWWWWW
Writer2: Right-o, carry on.
It made Ron the Cow very sad to see his sister so lonely, and he thought
that if he could set her up with Harry, Ginny wouldn't be so lonely. And
he got Hermione the Llama out of the bargain too. He decided it was a good plan.
The only problem with it was that Harry the Magic Pig loved Hermione the
Llama, so Ron the Cow had to try and figure out how to get Harry the Pig to fall
in love with Ginny the Hog instead.
Writer2: Ugh, How shippy is this gonna get? If it gets to fluffy, I'm sooo outta here...
Writer1: Dude, you can't leave, we have to write this.
Audience: GET ON WITH IT!
Writer2: Ugh, don't rush us!
Writer1: It's your turn to write. WRITE NOW!
Writer2: Fine! huffy
Ron the Cow decided that in order to make Harry the Pig stop loving Hermione the Llama, he would have to make sure that he "found out" how Hermione the Llama found him "romantically repulsive"
Writer2: Ugh, did I really just write romantically repulsive ?
Dude... that's bad...
Writer1: no kidding dude, you've so lost it.
Ron decided to write Harry a letter, but sign it with Hermione's name.
After a few thrown out attempts, his letter read:
Dear Harry,
I'm sorry. I don't love you.
Hermione
Writer2: Wow, Ron's imaginative, huh?
Audience: GET ON WITH IT!
Writers1&2:sneer
When Harry received the letter, he was heartbroken. However, he still loved
Hermione the Llama, and was determined to win her heart. He went to her with the letter, and pleaded for her to give him a chance.
Of course, Hermione had no idea what Harry was talking about and informed him that while she certainly didn't love him, she was quite happy being his friend.
This made Harry very suspicious. He knew someone had sent him that letter, but whom? He went to Ron.
"Ron, did you send me a letter and sign it with Hermione's name?"
Ron looked shifty. "No."
"LIAR!" Harry screamed and threw himself at Ron, intending to pummel every inch of him that he could reach.
But before he reached Ron he found himself suddenly not able to move.
Hermione came out from behind a curtain.
"Tsk tsk, fighting are we? Well, there's only one way to settle this... WE MUST HAVE A SPITBALL COMPETITION!"
Writer2: dies laughing dude, major random spree, there...
Writer1: withering glare
"Gather your spitballs. We shall meet in the Great Hall one hour hence!" proclaimed Hermione.
Audience: waits
Writer 1: yawns
Writer 2: doodles
Writer 1: You do know that I'm going to post that doodle when I post this fic right?
Writer 2: NOOO
Audience: dies of boredom
55 minutes later...
Audience: finally…
Harry and Ron arrived in the Great Hall, their spitball equipment spotless and shining, ready to go.
Hermione stood between them.
"Now, this competition is a challenge. To win, you must shoot your spitball further than your opponent's! You have 3 tries, and at the end of both of your three tries whoever's spitball went farthest wins." She handed Harry several sheets of red paper and Ron several sheets of blue. "This is so we can tell your spitballs apart. Stand at this line," she said, indicating a white line magically put onto the floor, "and let the match begin!"
Writer2: Man, this is insane...
So Harry the Pig and Ron the Cow began to chew strips of paper into spitballs, and spit them as far as they could. Harry's first landed three feet away from him, his second in Hermione the Llama's hair (she was standing five feet away from them) and his third and final he accidentally inhaled, but it still counted as one of his tries.
Writer2: Okay, how did they rip the paper? THEY'RE PIGS AND COWS!
Writer1: I wanna know how they managed to pick up the straws to shoot the spitballs...
Hermione the Llama: You do know you're ruining the realistic-ness of the story, right?
Audience: Pssh, what realistic-ness?
Writers1&2: glareglare If you don't like it, go read something else!
1/2 the audience: leaves
Writer 1: Well you suck.
Ron's first spitball landed a glorious six inches away from him, while Harry sniggered. Then he puffed out his chest, sucked in as much air as he could (he turned quite red) and blew with all his might. The spitball flew, soared, and landed just past Hermione's foot.
"HOORAY! I WIN!" shouted Ron, and spun around and kissed Hermione.
Writer 1: I wonder if she spat on him... I mean, llama spit, ew...
Writer 2: Don't have sick thoughts! bleaches brain
Writer 1: hehe
Hermione swooned. "My knight in rusty armor!"
And so Ginny and Harry fell in love, because they were the only singles in the whole year, and Ron and Hermione started going out. And everyone lived happily ever after!
Writer2: okay, lame cheesy ending...
Writer1: smacks Writer2
Writer2: flamethrowers Writer1
Writer1: dies
Writer2: laughs
Writer1: kills writer2 in a way too gruesome to be put on a family site
Writer2: is dead
Remaining Half of Audience: leaves
THE END