Do a good turn everyday, they say. And so I do.
My parents are the kind whose only thoughts revolve around doing good. I have to do good. They have to do good. They give money to charity, and knit jumpers for orphans. They do everything they can to help others, and to stop people from doing things wrong. It's sweet of them, I suppose, but it can become very sweltering. They control everything I do. They make sure I'm friends with the right people, that I'm not becoming too over indulgent. Sometimes I wonder if they even know what the word selfish means.
And so was my life, helping the elderly, shying away from anyone who had ever sinned in their lifetime. You could say it was wholesome and satisfying, but it was also the most dreadfully boring life a young boy could live. I longed to do something a little less than what they expected of me. I wanted to be like everyone else, with the freedom of my friends. But that was impossible. Because of what I was. Werewolves and do-gooders are a deadly mix.
Then there was school, and endless turmoil to begin with, as I tried my hardest to be exactly what my parents wanted me to be. Getting good grades helping others is all very well, but at that age, the most important thing to do is to live. I never let myself live, as I was scared of hurting my parents. My parents who had accepted what I was, despite believing werewolves to be creatures of the Underworld. My parents who had brought me up the best they could. I could not now abandon them.
I glanced around the room a little. It was dark, almost pitch black apart from the few shafts of light that filtered through the stained glass window at the foot of my bed. I could see each of my classmates, peaceful and serene as they slept, looking almost like the children I had never met. A smile flickered across my face, and was gone just as soon, as though it were my last chance at happiness.
The next morning, I woke late. It was a Saturday morning, I remember that, and the sun was low in the sky. There was a certain chill in the air, although that may have just been myself. As I entered the Common Room, I found myself face to face with two boys, both with dark hair, playing some kind of card game. They smiled as I came in, although I didn't know why.
"Hey - Remus?" asked the one with the longer hair.. He was Sirius Black, a boy in my year who was in quite a few of my classes.
"Yes?" I asked, wondering where the conversation was to lead to.
"Nothing. I just wasn't sure of your name, that's all."
He smiled at me, his grey eyes glistening in the winter sun, and turned back around to his game.
Later on, both of the boys joined me at lunch. I had spent the entire day in the library, reading up on, of all things, werewolves. I felt that if I read about them, and seemed as though I knew nothing about them whatsoever, no one would suspect a thing. That had always been my theory.
"Remus?" asked the other boy, the one with the shorter hair. I noticed at this point that he looked as though he'd never brushed his hair.
"Yes?" I asked, with a heavy heart. Surely he knew by now what my name was.
"Can we eat with you? Me and Siri, I mean."
I was taken aback by this, as I thought that no one in this school would ever want to be friends with me. I was the nice kid, the good kid. Already at eleven, the boys were aware of the fact that I was nothing more than a pathetic specimen.
"Uhh, yeah. Sure."
"Do you not want us to?" asked Sirius. "Cos if you don't, that's fine."
"No! Sit with me, that'd be great."
And that was it. It was ridiculous how easy it was to become friends with two excellent people like that. I never thought I'd have it in me. Of course, once my mother found out, she wasn't happy. Mainly because I had befriended a Black. The Blacks were the most notoriously evil family that inhabited the Wizarding world.
Still, I had to go and do something stupid. I had to fall in love with Sirius Black, my best friend and the most wonderful person in the world. And so I set about getting him. I tried everything I could think of - hints, anonymous cards, little glances. Nothing seemed to make him realise, and I figured I was just going to have to out and out tell him.
There was another day, in early Spring. It must have been late March, and it was a Friday night. James was grumpy after Lily had turned him down for what must have been the thirteenth time, and Peter, James' friend who I had never really known so well during our earlier school years, was catching up on some work he had missed due to some event he refused to tell me about. Sirius and I were playing Wizard's Chess, one of the few games that I could beat him at, and we were having a conversation I'd love to call deep and meaningful.
"You know what, Remus Lupin? You know what your trouble is?" he said to me, setting his stormy eyes upon my own.
"If I did, I'd be sorting out my life, Siri," I replied, taking in the eyes that wouldn't leave me.
"You're too much like your parents. Really. You need to live a little, Remy!"
"I do enough living once every twenty eight days to last me for the rest of the month, if that's alright."
But somehow, his words had been echoing my thoughts. Every little thing I'd done all my life had been safe. Even when it came to chasing the boy I was truly in love with, I hadn't made any real effort. I'd been sure to mask myself, and left the rest of it to Sirius himself.
"And if you weren't a big hairy freak of a monster, you'd behave a little more wildly, would you? Because I doubt it."
"I don't know. Look, I can't help how I was brought up."
"No? Maybe not, but you can change how you behave right now. I don't want to be harsh, but sometimes you need to be honest with yourself."
I wasn't sure why Sirius was saying these things. Usually, he spoke only nonsense that contained plans, plots and stupid jokes, but when he cared about something enough, he would tell all. It always confused us. Still, what he had said made me think.
He was right. Of all my friends, I was the one who always took the most precautions. I was hardly a teenage boy, as most of those would give anything to be involved in many of the pranks I was. I wasn't entirely sure what I was. Only that I needed to do something, and fast. What Sirius said, he had said for a reason. He had felt I needed help, and only he knew what with.
"Remus? Are you alright?"
Sirius' face was there above me. I wasn't entirely sure what had happened, but I was lying on the floor.
"Yeah, I'm fine. What the Hell - ?"
"You passed out. You were talking, saying something that made very little sense, and then, whooosh, you were on the floor."
I was so embarrassed. I had been confessing to him my secret love, and passed out cold. And I noticed that he'd changed around a couple of the Chess pieces whilst I had been unconscious.
"You're alright now, though?" he asked, pulling me back up to my feet, yet not letting go of me.
"Uhh, yeah, I think so," I said, wavering slightly.
"Let's get you sat down," he added, escorting me over to the sofa. I felt terrible, both ill and embarrassed, yet I couldn't help but thrill at his touch - that touch so soft yet masculine.
I sank back into the sofa, relieved to have the support of the cushions against my back. Sirius settled himself down next to me, and let his cloudy eyes pierce my own.
"Remy, what was it you were saying? Cos I believe it may be of some interest."
I watched as Sirius' eyes twinkled and his smiled broadened, pushing away all my previous feelings of humiliation and illness.
"Well, I, uh.... Sirius, I..." I uttered, as I found myself doing the most brave thing I could ever do. My lips trembled, and parted slightly, as I leaned towards Sirius. My heart was beating fast, just as I expected it to. Why I was doing this, I had no idea. But I couldn't stop now. I had to go on.
"What are you doing?" breathed Sirius, his eyes looking down into my own.
"Doing a good turn," I uttered decisively, as our lips locked, and our tongues became one in each other's mouths.
Do a good turn everyday, they say. And so I do.
My parents are the kind whose only thoughts revolve around doing good. I have to do good. They have to do good. They give money to charity, and knit jumpers for orphans. They do everything they can to help others, and to stop people from doing things wrong. It's sweet of them, I suppose, but it can become very sweltering. They control everything I do. They make sure I'm friends with the right people, that I'm not becoming too over indulgent. Sometimes I wonder if they even know what the word selfish means.
And so was my life, helping the elderly, shying away from anyone who had ever sinned in their lifetime. You could say it was wholesome and satisfying, but it was also the most dreadfully boring life a young boy could live. I longed to do something a little less than what they expected of me. I wanted to be like everyone else, with the freedom of my friends. But that was impossible. Because of what I was. Werewolves and do-gooders are a deadly mix.
Then there was school, and endless turmoil to begin with, as I tried my hardest to be exactly what my parents wanted me to be. Getting good grades helping others is all very well, but at that age, the most important thing to do is to live. I never let myself live, as I was scared of hurting my parents. My parents who had accepted what I was, despite believing werewolves to be creatures of the Underworld. My parents who had brought me up the best they could. I could not now abandon them.
I glanced around the room a little. It was dark, almost pitch black apart from the few shafts of light that filtered through the stained glass window at the foot of my bed. I could see each of my classmates, peaceful and serene as they slept, looking almost like the children I had never met. A smile flickered across my face, and was gone just as soon, as though it were my last chance at happiness.
The next morning, I woke late. It was a Saturday morning, I remember that, and the sun was low in the sky. There was a certain chill in the air, although that may have just been myself. As I entered the Common Room, I found myself face to face with two boys, both with dark hair, playing some kind of card game. They smiled as I came in, although I didn't know why.
"Hey - Remus?" asked the one with the longer hair.. He was Sirius Black, a boy in my year who was in quite a few of my classes.
"Yes?" I asked, wondering where the conversation was to lead to.
"Nothing. I just wasn't sure of your name, that's all."
He smiled at me, his grey eyes glistening in the winter sun, and turned back around to his game.
Later on, both of the boys joined me at lunch. I had spent the entire day in the library, reading up on, of all things, werewolves. I felt that if I read about them, and seemed as though I knew nothing about them whatsoever, no one would suspect a thing. That had always been my theory.
"Remus?" asked the other boy, the one with the shorter hair. I noticed at this point that he looked as though he'd never brushed his hair.
"Yes?" I asked, with a heavy heart. Surely he knew by now what my name was.
"Can we eat with you? Me and Siri, I mean."
I was taken aback by this, as I thought that no one in this school would ever want to be friends with me. I was the nice kid, the good kid. Already at eleven, the boys were aware of the fact that I was nothing more than a pathetic specimen.
"Uhh, yeah. Sure."
"Do you not want us to?" asked Sirius. "Cos if you don't, that's fine."
"No! Sit with me, that'd be great."
And that was it. It was ridiculous how easy it was to become friends with two excellent people like that. I never thought I'd have it in me. Of course, once my mother found out, she wasn't happy. Mainly because I had befriended a Black. The Blacks were the most notoriously evil family that inhabited the Wizarding world.
Still, I had to go and do something stupid. I had to fall in love with Sirius Black, my best friend and the most wonderful person in the world. And so I set about getting him. I tried everything I could think of - hints, anonymous cards, little glances. Nothing seemed to make him realise, and I figured I was just going to have to out and out tell him.
There was another day, in early Spring. It must have been late March, and it was a Friday night. James was grumpy after Lily had turned him down for what must have been the thirteenth time, and Peter, James' friend who I had never really known so well during our earlier school years, was catching up on some work he had missed due to some event he refused to tell me about. Sirius and I were playing Wizard's Chess, one of the few games that I could beat him at, and we were having a conversation I'd love to call deep and meaningful.
"You know what, Remus Lupin? You know what your trouble is?" he said to me, setting his stormy eyes upon my own.
"If I did, I'd be sorting out my life, Siri," I replied, taking in the eyes that wouldn't leave me.
"You're too much like your parents. Really. You need to live a little, Remy!"
"I do enough living once every twenty eight days to last me for the rest of the month, if that's alright."
But somehow, his words had been echoing my thoughts. Every little thing I'd done all my life had been safe. Even when it came to chasing the boy I was truly in love with, I hadn't made any real effort. I'd been sure to mask myself, and left the rest of it to Sirius himself.
"And if you weren't a big hairy freak of a monster, you'd behave a little more wildly, would you? Because I doubt it."
"I don't know. Look, I can't help how I was brought up."
"No? Maybe not, but you can change how you behave right now. I don't want to be harsh, but sometimes you need to be honest with yourself."
I wasn't sure why Sirius was saying these things. Usually, he spoke only nonsense that contained plans, plots and stupid jokes, but when he cared about something enough, he would tell all. It always confused us. Still, what he had said made me think.
He was right. Of all my friends, I was the one who always took the most precautions. I was hardly a teenage boy, as most of those would give anything to be involved in many of the pranks I was. I wasn't entirely sure what I was. Only that I needed to do something, and fast. What Sirius said, he had said for a reason. He had felt I needed help, and only he knew what with.
"Remus? Are you alright?"
Sirius' face was there above me. I wasn't entirely sure what had happened, but I was lying on the floor.
"Yeah, I'm fine. What the Hell - ?"
"You passed out. You were talking, saying something that made very little sense, and then, whooosh, you were on the floor."
I was so embarrassed. I had been confessing to him my secret love, and passed out cold. And I noticed that he'd changed around a couple of the Chess pieces whilst I had been unconscious.
"You're alright now, though?" he asked, pulling me back up to my feet, yet not letting go of me.
"Uhh, yeah, I think so," I said, wavering slightly.
"Let's get you sat down," he added, escorting me over to the sofa. I felt terrible, both ill and embarrassed, yet I couldn't help but thrill at his touch - that touch so soft yet masculine.
I sank back into the sofa, relieved to have the support of the cushions against my back. Sirius settled himself down next to me, and let his cloudy eyes pierce my own.
"Remy, what was it you were saying? Cos I believe it may be of some interest."
I watched as Sirius' eyes twinkled and his smiled broadened, pushing away all my previous feelings of humiliation and illness.
"Well, I, uh.... Sirius, I..." I uttered, as I found myself doing the most brave thing I could ever do. My lips trembled, and parted slightly, as I leaned towards Sirius. My heart was beating fast, just as I expected it to. Why I was doing this, I had no idea. But I couldn't stop now. I had to go on.
"What are you doing?" breathed Sirius, his eyes looking down into my own.
"Doing a good turn," I uttered decisively, as our lips locked, and our tongues became one in each other's mouths.
Do a good turn everyday, they say. And so I do.