Yuuri was retiring. He knew it. Victor knew it. They'd decided they were each going to make their own decision after the free skate was over but Yuuri's mind was already made up. Victor knew that. He might not want to acknowledge it, might want to hope Yuuri would change his mind…but he was retiring. Victor would return to the ice, and Yuuri would be with him every step of the way. He didn't want to lose Victor and he knew Victor wanted to return to the ice because he himself would. He couldn't keep Victor from the ice. Without Victor as his coach…there was no way Yuuri would get this far again. So he would retire. And he was okay with that. He'd had a good run, especially recently.
There was, however, one person who wouldn't be okay with this. Victor would be okay with it if it was really what Yuuri wanted. He might not be happy about it entirely but he'd agree with it. There was another Russian though, who wouldn't feel the same way. A Russian who Yuuri had forged a bond with during their time in Japan, they'd spent a lot of time together after all. Who had become like a younger sibling to Yuuri. Who Victor had informed him, looked up to Yuuri. Which explained how said Russian treated him, and a lot of what he said to him. Why he got annoyed when Yuuri didn't do his best, when Yuuri failed at something. Yurio wouldn't agree, but Yuuri felt like they were close. As close as Yurio would let anyone be anyway. Yuuri had even seen him genuinely smile when he'd given Yuuri the piroshki's his grandpa had made. He cheered the young Russian on, because Yurio often had no-one else to cheer for him. He, Yurio and Victor….he felt like they where a strange kind of team. As Victor had pointed out, Yurio would have to be told. Yuuri knew the teenager would probably feel abandoned by him on some level, he knew the young Russian had been abandoned by his mother. Victor had told him. That too had explained a lot about the teenager. He'd had Yuuri and Victor around for months now, both of them a supporting presence whether Yurio admitted he wanted, needed it, or not. Yuuri's absence would hurt him, even though Yuuri still planned on being there. He needed to tell Yurio, reassure him if he'd let him. But as he faced the daunting task, he regretted his bravado the previous night.
"You'll have to tell Yurio. He'll….be upset" Victor had said. Yuuri had rolled his eyes.
"It'll be fine Victor, I'll tell him no problem"
"Sooner rather than later Yuuri" Victor had warned.
Stupid, stupid….I can't do this…he'll kill me. Murder me right here on the ice. No. Man up Katsuki. It'll be fine. He'll understand. Yuuri nearly laughed at the last thought. Yuuri skated up to the side of the rink, coming to a stop in front of Victor. The Russian was gazing across the rink at Yurio and Yuuri swallowed nervously.
"You haven't told him yet" Victor stated.
"Um…I'm going to…." Victor looked at him sternly.
"Now. I'm going to now" he nodded his head as he spoke, then quickly took a drink of water.
"Yuuri" Victor said quietly, before Yuuri could skate away. Yuuri turned to look at him. "Be gentle with Yurio…he's….fragile" Victor said.
But…who's going to tell him to be gentle with me after I've told him…I'm fragile too! He thought. He just nodded and skated in Yurios direction. Yurio was busy practicing a step sequence and didn't immediately notice Yuuri, so he hovered, watching the teenager. Brows furrowed in concentration as he pushed himself to go faster and faster. Yurio finished running through the step sequence and Yuuri seized his chance.
"Uh Yurio…." he started.
"What do you want piggy?" Yurio asked gruffly, looking up from examining his left skate.
"I um…I need to talk to you about something" Yuuri glanced over his shoulder at Victor who gave him a firmly encouraging gesture. He looked back at Yurio to see the boy glancing between the two of them.
"Not now, I'm trying to practice. I don't have time to listen to you mooning about Victor. Besides. I don't need the talk. I already know about the two of you. I was there when you announced the engagement remember?" Yuuri stared at him blankly. Then looked down at the gold band around his finger. He flushed. "It's a little late to sit me down and tell me about your relationship don't you think?"
"But Yurio-"
"I'm not your kid. You and Victor don't need to mother me so much" Yurio growled. Yuuri swallowed and watched as Yurio started to slowly skate through his choreography.
"But Yurio I have to tell you-" he raised his voice a little. Yurio came to an abrupt halt, spraying ice and whirled to face Yuuri.
"Tell me what?!" He snapped in irritation. Yuuri looked in to the big green eyes. Eyes that had been hurt and abandoned. Abandoned by the one person who was supposed to love him the most. Yuuri hadn't even heard anyone mention his father. Yurio had been abandoned, and he always looked so lonely. So alone. He shut himself off from people so he wouldn't be hurt but somehow Yuuri had managed to worm his way in. Yuuri was well aware his support meant something to the boy. He figured he and Victor cheering for him were the only times he had people genuinely cheering for him, wanting him to succeed. Supporting him, loving him. Thanks to a combination of Victor's knowledge and Yuuri's own observations he understood the boy, he understood that Yurio liked him. He'd been so touched when the boy had shared the food his grandpa had made for him specially with him. When he'd comforted him. Because that was what it had been, it was just Yurio didn't know how to show his affection. Because he'd been abandoned by his mother, raised by a grandpa who had loved him but had the same issue Yurio did. Because he didn't let people in, he kept them at a distance. But he'd let Yuuri in and now Yuuri was abandoning him too. That's how the young Russian would see it. Even if he was there with Victor. Yurio had let him in to his life, and Yuuri was going to leave. He was going to hurt the boy again.
Yuuri felt tears well up in his eyes.
"Oh Yurio" Yuuri sobbed as he threw his arms around the teenager, who immediately stiffened up. It wasn't lost on Yuuri that Yurio didn't shove him away. He let him hug him. That just made Yuuri cry harder.
"What is your problem? Why are you crying? You're getting my favourite jacket all wet and snotty. Stop it" What's wrong? Please stop crying. Is what he knew Yurio was really saying. "Did you have a fight with Victor? He's an idiot." Yuuri forced himself to stop crying and pulled back from the teen who just stared at him, a slight crease between his brows.
"Um…uuh…..your…your uh….your skates un-tied" Yuuri stuttered before turning and fleeing. He could hear Yurio cursing him in Russian, probably calling him an idiot. A weirdo. He looked back over his shoulder to see Yurio frowning at him, confused. Yuuri came to a stop at the side of the rink.
"Oh yes. Masterfully done." Victor said with a slow clap. Yuuri glared at him.
"Shut up. I was wrong okay. This is hard. He was just looking at me with his big green eyes all…all…"
"Why do you think I said you had to do it" Victor said, smugly. Yuuri levelled another glare at him.
"Let me guess, you'll swoop in to comfort him and then you'll be his favourite again, right?" Victor looked at him innocently.
"Yuuri. How could you stoop to that level? Yurio and his feelings aren't to be toyed with." Yuuri raised his eyebrows at Victor and he sobered up. "Seriously Yuuri. It's your decision. You have to tell him. He'll probably blame me too for not stopping you. He'll be even more hurt if you don't tell him yourself" Yuuri nodded. He knew Victor was right.
"Next time..I'll tell him next"
"Hey. Pork cutlet bowl. Are you hormonal or something? You and Victor are still sickening to be around with your…feelings. So you obviously didn't argue with him. Are you PMSing?" Yurio asked. Victor sputtered and then started laughing. "What? Mila said guys can PMS too! She told me! She said that's probably why I was so grumpy!" Victor laughed out loud.
"Yurio….she was….messing…with…you.." Victor gulped out between laughs.
"Hey….SHUT UP!" Yurio shouted. He turned back to Yuuri. "So. Why were you crying like a loser? It wasn't about my skate" Yurio looked at him with a penetrating stare. Poor Yurio. I should have been there to make sure Mila couldn't feed him such stupid stories. He really cares about me….he…came all the way over here…Yakov will shout at him..but he came over to make sure I was alright.
"oh Yuriooooo" Yuuri wailed throwing himself at the teenager again.
"Get him off of me" Yurio growled at Victor. "What is your problem piggy?!" Yurio demanded.
"Your…uuh…your skate was untied….and I….I….didn't want you to get hurt…" Yuuri sniffled. He glanced up when the teen didn't say anything to see him flushing slightly and looking a mix of confused and oddly vulnerable. Yuuri felt his eyes fill up again.
"Not again, my jacket is ruined by your stupid leaking" Yurio muttered. "Hey. Victor. Do something, he's your fiancé da? Moron" Yurio snarled before skating back over to an irritated looking Yakov.
"Yuriooooooooo" Yuuri wailed again. Victor grabbed him by the arm.
"Enough practice for you, people are staring. Not in a good way" Victor murmured, rubbing Yuuri's back gently.
Yuuri had failed to tell Yurio during practice. He'd failed to tell him after practice. He'd failed to tell him while they'd eaten. He was failing to tell him..well..right now. They'd both changed and where waiting for the competition to start. Yuuri was debating telling Yurio now. Just getting off his chest and out in the open…it might even fuel him…right? But Yuuri wasn't so sure. He didn't want to throw the teenager off, ruin his performance…his chance at a medal just to ease his guilt. Especially if he'd be as upset as Victor thought he would be. Yuuri didn't realise he'd been staring at the younger skater for going on ten minutes.
"What? Why are you staring?" Yurio snapped at him in irritation.
"Uh…uh….uh…"
"You have something to say?" Yurio demanded. Yuuri swallowed. Okay…just…just tell him. Rip the band aid off. Open your mouth and speak the words Yuuri. It won't be hard. You're stronger than you were this morning, he's not standing there looking all…..breakable. He's hyped up. He'll take this and use it to try and beat me. I saw his anger at JJ and how it fuelled him before..it'll be like that. Except of course…he really doesn't like JJ and….he does…like me. Mostly. Kind of.
"Yurio…..Yuri…." Yuuri started. Yurio sighed.
"Did you fall on the ice and break your head? Is that why you keep staring and mumbling and…leaking fluids.." Yurio asked. Yuuri could see the concern lurking beneath the surface. Be strong. Be strong. He needs to know. You don't want to ruin the results by telling him then….just tell him…Yuuri knew it was a bad idea to tell him before they skated. But he needed to get the words off his chest. He could feel them burning up his throat. Yuuri took a breath.
"Yuri…um…you see…"
"What is it number two Yuri?" Yuuri stared. Did he….did he just make a joke? To…to alleviate the tension? He did…he just made a joke. And now I'm going to shatter the moment…I'm going to do a Victor…I'm going to shatter his fragile glass skater heart. Oh yeah. Victor told me all about that and I told him he was a moron. Now I'm about to do the same thing. Good job Yuuri. Excellent big brother…sort of..not really type skills. Not that Yurio sees me as an elder brother of course..but….he's become like my…like a….oh God. I can't do it…but I have to. It's fine. It'll be fine. Yurio doesn't care that much we're just….acquaintances. Yeah…just acquaintances. Besides…Yurio wouldn't react like you did. He'd probably hit me. With his skates. Without the guards on. Yuuri's brain chose that moment to flashback to a cold night in Russia. A bag of warm food. Yurios sweet, almost childlike smile. His childish delight in sharing his grandpa's treasured piroshki with him. That had been the moment Yuuri knew for sure that the younger skater had developed an attachment to him, a bond. Right there. When he'd shared his food, and gruffly tried to make him feel better. Yuuri felt his eyes prickle.
"Well….about that…the number 2 Yuri thing…I uh…you're going to be….uh..um…"
"Are you having a stroke? Is it because you're so old now? Are you broken? Should I hit you against the wall to make you work again? It worked with my grandpa's old phone" Yurio mused to himself. His grandpa…..he's all Yurio has besides Victor and I…and now I'm going to…..no…I'll be there with Victor…I hope….mostly….I mean…I'm not even sure…I might just fly back and forth to see Victor. I might not even spend that much time with him, I might not be able to. I might not be able to see Yurio much. Yurio would only have his grandpa…his grandpa doesn't even live with him. He doesn't get to see him all the time. He'd just have Mila telling him stupid stories that he'll end up believing and Victor who thinks it's a good idea to shatter people's hearts to motivate them. I can't leave him in that chaos. He needs me…..oh God.
"Oh Yurio" Yuuri lurched forwards but Yurio lunged backwards.
"Oh no, you have that look in your eye…the hugging one. Get away!" Yurio cried. "This morning was more than enough. I can't take it anymore" Yurio flailed his arms to keep Yuuri back. Yuuri laughed. Yurio stared at him, probably thinking he'd finally cracked and gone crazy. Yuuri took advantage of the moment and grabbed the teenager hugging him tightly.
"I just needed to tell you that you're-" totally gonna be the only Yuri soon. Number 1 Yuuri. Say it…use your words Yuuri. "Yuri number one" he felt Yurio stiffen.
"What do you mea-"
"For now" Yuuri aded quickly. Coward. Yurio scoffed.
"You think you can beat me? In your dreams pork cutlet bowl" Yurio wasn't sure if he imagined it or not, but he thought he felt Yurio's arms come up briefly and return the hug.