Road to Paris
When the summer ended, and before she started a new life in Paris, Blair crossed five times with Dan Humphrey. All were uncomfortable, they were all fast and surrounded by palpitations and a feeling of unrest.
Things between them had not done any good, but learning by Gossip Girl Serena had sex with Dan, was the last excuse she used to convince herself that choosing Chuck was the best option she had.
It was three months of world travel, stays in expensive hotels, candlelight dinners, and long nights of making love with Chuck. But when she was alone, when Chuck was in a working meeting, those moments that she was really alone with herself, were when she noticed that something was missing.
It wasn't the feelings. She loves Chuck, so much she chose to fight for him. But the feeling of leaving things unfinished filled her with concern. Perhaps the fact that she thought Dan surely hate her now also generated that void in her chest. Only she could make a man go from love to hate, and the same phrase that one day headed to Chuck, now seemed to belong also to Dan, she sack the worst of it.
Outside, the sequel to Inside, ended up breaking any emotional connection with the Brooklyn boy. The hatred with which Dan treated Claire, the way he showed as if she had played with Dylan's feelings all the time, made her sink into a sadness that never thought Dan Humphrey was able to generate in her.
So being back home after months, made her became very nervous. Chuck seemed to notice, but said nothing. Dorota received her with open arms, they talked about the summer, but she didn't mention Dan. Blair didn't wanted to know anyway. Better to pretend that nothing ever happened. Perhaps it would have been easier if she hadn't entered her room and found a box with her things. Things that once she had left in the loft. She sat on the bed, and slowly empty the contents. Movies, candles, tooth brush, a whisk and a copy of Inside.
If Blair thought her return would be quiet, she was wrong. That night she took a bath and let the water droplets to be confused with her tears.
The first time they crossed ways, Blair was in a bar, two weeks after having returned. She was having breakfast with Chuck, making plans for her senior year at Columbia, when she saw him. He walked slowly down the side of the street, had a white shirt and black vest, and Blair had to repress a memory of their high school years. He had several papers in his hand and a bag slung over his shoulder. Blair saw him look across the corner, look both ways and get lost in the crowd. She didn't notice Chuck had begun to talk.
It was on her birthday she crossed a word with him for the first time in almost five months. She had decided to go buy some clothes for the dinner Chuck prepared for her. Something intimate, just between the two, he had said. Blair came loaded with bags back to the street, and the meeting was so sudden that left her speechless. They looked eachother in the eye, as usual,he smiled a side smile and nodded his head in greeting. Blair couldn't move. Dorota was the one who came to the rescue, she was so glad she shouted the boy's name, gave him a warm hug and walked away toward the waiting car, leaving them alone. Dan waited she said something, however trivial, but Blair couldn't say anything. The words meant to be said couldn't leave her chest, they were stuck by the surprise of the meeting.
"Have a happy birthday, Blair" Dan said before he passed her.
When the car went up, Dorota looked annoyed, as even reproaching the way things had happened. They didn't talk the whole way home. That night, for her birthday dinner, Chuck prepared a surprise party, everyone was there, even Serena, making her return to NY the greatest news and stealing the center of attention. They were all there, except for one person. Later Nate would tell her Dan had traveled to London to visit Jenny and Eric that evening.
The third time they crossed ways, Blair was prepared for the meeting. Lilly and Rufus reconciled, and there was no other form of celebration that with a big party. Chuck had left early that morning, she knew they wouldn't see eachother in all day, work in the company had grown impressively since the return to life of his father and the new partnership with Jack, so she hardly saw him . But Chuck had learned not to neglect her, and always had a gesture that made her remember how much he loved her. Still, there was always something that made her remember how he hurt her, what she had given up for him.
It was in the middle of the waltz, Dan seemed to notice her. Blair had looked him all night with a frown. Serena was on his arm, so blond and radiant as ever. When he saw her, Dan smiled and turned sideways to lose in crowd. Chuck invited her to dance a slow song, and she forgot the tousled black hair boy.
When she walked into Serena's room to get her bag and go home, she found him sitting in a chair reading a book. She had to hide a laugh. He hadn't changed anything. She looked him, she watched every detail. His eyes dancing as he read, the hands treating the book like a jewel, the relaxed posture, and as his hair lost all the gel he surely used. By the time Dan noticed her presence, Blair was ready to tell all she had meant.
"I'm so sorry, Dan." He just looked at her, left the book on a table, and stood with his hands in the pockets.
"Me too" was all he said, without removing his eyes from hers.
"I never wanted to hurt you. I never wanted things to be so... I ... "
"It's okay, Blair. It was my fault, I should had to seen it coming. "For a strange reason the comment made her angry, and as always, Dan understood it instantly. "You can't fight the inevitable, right?"
Blair look into his eyes, there was no trace of hatred or even resentment. And then she noticed it. The feeling in herchest, she could hear his own heart beating. That was before her the only person who had offered her everything she ever wanted, but he couldn't give it. Or, she didn't deserved it.
"I miss you" she said before she could stop herself, because the boy's face stressed out.
"Don't say that"
"Why? It's the truth ... I miss my best friend "
Dan eluded her gaze, drowning a laughter and looking tired. Blair thought perhaps she rushed things. Maybe Dan wasn't ready to be her friend again. Perhaps, there she was, playing with his feelings again. But before she could explain that she didn't wanted to hurt him, that she only wanted to regain his friendship, Dan interrupted her.
"That was my biggest mistake. Thinking we could be friends ... I should have to have fled W in time. "Blair stayed with her mouth open, and a sensation of deep pain in her chest.
"Dan ..."
"If I had decided to quit... if I had left our relationship as simple known that had a couple of friends in common ... none of this would had ever happened."
"I don't regret anything," she said without noticing that her eyes had filled with tears. "You were the best friend I had. The only person I could rely on, not expecting any treachery, without envy or hidden messages behind our talks. So ... that's why I'm so sorry I hurt you. "
"I told you it's my fault. If I hadn't insisted so much,if I had left my feelings hidden ... at least today we would still be friends ... "
"I still want you to be happy, Dan"
"I also want the same for you"
And without another word he left, leaving her alone in the room. With her heart beating really fast and her eyes full of tears. The air was missing, but her chest felt lighter.
When she returned home with Chuck, Blair preferred to stay up and watch Roman Holiday instead of going to bed together. That night she slept on the couch and dreamed of Rome, a motorcycle and Dan Humphrey driving it.
A long time happened until they met again. Blair returned to Columbia, resumed her work in W and was beginning to work with her mother in a venture herself, when her world fell apart. Chuck returned to be the same he was before, endless meetings, postponed dinners, always planning how to increase his fortune, and believing that every snub, every important date he forgot, he could solve with a bouquet of flowers. And then it was she who decided to be Blair Waldorf once and for all and forget about Chuck Bass. And so, one night after a business dinner, Chuck returned home to see his bags ready to leave the house. There were no words between them, no attempt to convince anyone. There was no goodbye.
It was not long after it was over with Chuck, Blair discovered the whole truth. Serena and Dan never slept together. The day she heard that, Blair preferred she didn't. It was Serena who confessed it all, apparently they were both very drunk, she kissed him, he followed the game, after that Serena really believed she had sex with Dan, but apparently it was all a dream. Dan left her in her bed, had given her a kiss on the forehead and sat beside her, staring at a fixed point on the wall.
Blair wouldn't believe it. Apparently Dan himself confessed it to Serena.
"Dan loved you so much, B." repeated the blonde in tears as she shook her head.
What followed were weeks of torture. She had truly believed that both had been damaged in the same way, that in some twisted way, they were on hand. But it was never like this. She had decided to go with Chuck, even before anything could happen between Dan and Serena. "Dan loved you so much, B". She had not only lost her best friend, but had lost perhaps the only person who loved her as she always wanted to be loved. Why was it so hard to believe anyone could love her besides Chuck? Dan had always shown that he was there, that loved her, with good and the bad. Why not love him, if Dan had everything she wanted?
Her mind turned to confusion, blame led her to a need for solitude everyone mistook with grief over the breakup with Chuck. How could she explain to her mother she wasn't crying over Chuck, but over the heart of a Brooklyn boy who she had unwittingly broken? How to tell Serena that the only reason she had forgiven her betrayal was to hide her guilt? How to tell Dan that just now, she understood that he really loved her?
Just when she seemed to have reach bottom with her social life practically non-existent, people had begun to think that Chuck had finally destroyed her, she received a notice on her cel that paralyzed her. Jenny Humphrey was back in NY. She rose from her bed, dressed and left. The younger Humphrey wasn't going to use her misfortune to claim a throne she could never fill.
Blair found her outside a restaurant, surrounded by people, with a dress of her own creation. They stared at eachother. Jenny arching an eyebrow, and taking a cigarette from her purse approached her.
"I'm not with my dad, if you're looking for another Humphrey heart to break" She looked annoyingly at Blair, Jenny had no idea how much it hurt that phrase caused on her.
"I came to tell you that you can return to NY if you want to"
"Not if you noticed it, but I'm here already. I don't need anything from you Blair. I never needed it... It just took me a long time to realize "
"I know, little J." Blair said looking sad. "You can have everything if you want to. I don't care anymore. "
"Have you ever cared?" Asked the blonde. Blair turned at her, looked her straight in her eyes, understanding the hidden meaning of Jenny's question. She nodded her head and looked toward the street. "You didn't deserve him." Blair head spin even more, Jenny Humphrey didn't needed to see her mourn.
"Have you ever wanted turn back time and do it all over again?"
"I don't regret anything I did, Blair. Well, except maybe Chuck ... "The two laughed at the comment.
"It was good to see you." Blair said walking back to her car, but a comment made her turn back.
"You know ... the only thing I always wanted was to be your friend, but I realized later that you don't want friends, you have Serena, and she was always enough for you. But Dan ... Dan is not like that. Dan saw beyond the perfect girl in high school, he saw all that was behind, and yet ... for all that ... he wanted to be your friend. He told me so. He never plan to fall in love with you. You shouldn't have played with his feelings, Blair "
"I didn't want to hurt him"
"Stop lying to yourself Blair. You never saw him as enough for you, never knew how to value him. "
"That's not true. What we had was special, it was more than I expected. It was not just being with my best friend, it was to feel safe, full ... "
"Loved..." Someone behind Blair finish the sentence. It wasn't necessary to turn around to know it was Dan standing behind her, Jenny triumphant smile made her even more irritated.
"Dan ..."
"I loved you, Blair. I hoped that would have been enough ... "
"It was, Dan. It was. "
"Then why did you go with Chuck? Why did you leave me without saying anything? What happened that changed everything? "
"I don't know ... I got scared ... I ... don't know ..."
"With a goodbye would have been enough"
"I couldn't say goodbye to you"
"Why?"
"Because I didn't wanted it, I couldn't loose you ... but I couldn't have you. I love Chuck, I always do. But Dan, you made me believe I could love you too. "
"But never like you love him"
"Dan ..."
"Blair is enough. I don't know what you're looking with this. We can't be friends again, we can't return to be as before. "
"Why?" Se said almost pleadingly.
"Because now I know what is to have you, I can't go to be with you, hear you talk about Chuck and think how to help you be happy with him. Because I knew how to make you happy, I didn't need anyone's help to do so "
"You made me happy"
"But not enough ... look ... I don't want to talk about this anymore ... I don't want to have to start over, or having to try to understand ... You chose Blair, stay with your choice ..." Dan said turning on his heel to leave.
"Chuck and I are not longer together ..."
"So keep looking for someone that makes you happy, Waldorf" And without saying more he left. Jenny took his arm and both left her in the street, crying tears of love that she never shed before. Blair was crying because Dan Humphrey had broken her heart.
And then, Blair seek someone who would make her happy. She did it because even after all, Dan was still wanting that for her, because behind all the resentment, even Dan wanted her to be happy. And what she did was look for that happiness, just because a guy from Brooklyn, the only person who ever was able to love her as she always wanted, told her to do so.
First Blair believed she found that happiness in a count, then again with Chuck, then only in her work, but none of that made it hard enough. Just when she received a letter from her mother, speaking of a new company in Paris looking for a fashion assistant and prospect of a new life away from the dramas and unfinished loves, that she finally felt really happy again.
The last time Blair crossed with Dan Humphrey, was at the airport bound for Paris. She had booked the flight for early in the morning, didn't want anyone to know of her trip. Chuck and her said goodbye the night before, just then she noticed that they had never did so, maybe just now was a good bye forever. To Serena she left a letter, she didn't have courage enough to said goodbye to her face to face. She invite Nate dinner and spent the whole night with Dorota hugging, crying and remembering her childhood. But finally Blair felt happy.
When she finished leaving her purse on a chair and watch the clock turning to see how long she had before departure, Blair found in front of the Brooklyn boy one more time. They both smiled. The smiles were nostalgic of common dreams that never came true. It didn't hurt to see him, but the sensation of would have happened if, almost made her cry.
"You look great, Waldorf." It still hurt a bit that she's no longer called by name, but she smiled anyway.
"Of course, Humphrey is a Dior" Dan laughed loudly. She didn't listen the sound in a long time and she had missed it. "I ... I went to see you at the loft ..." she said shyly.
"I know ... I saw the note ... congratulations on the new job." His smile was so sincere, that Blair wanted to wrap her arms around his neck and lose herself in his embrace again.
"Thank you. I wanted to say goodbye ... I never did, and this time ... it seems so real, I feel as if I'm leaving NY never to return ... "
"NY will always be your home. You're his queen, remember ... you have the crown and all. "Blair laughed. She still had the silly toy crown he had given her. The crown was all that was left of the boy, and it was perhaps the most important gift she ever received.
"I take it with me. As a souvenir.
"That you were once the queen of NY?"
"No ... that someone ever made me feel so." They looked at eachother a while, knowing there wasn't much to be said.
"You know ..." he began to say a little nervous, "London is not so far from Paris, right?" Blair had to suppress a smile, she just bit her lips and shook her head. "Well, I do not suppose you mind if I ever go to Paris, and call you for a coffee"
"I wouldn't mind at all," She said quickly. The call from her flight was listening. "Well, I have to go ... Goodbye"
"See you later, Waldorf"
Dansaid turning on his heel. She dedicate him a wide smile, shook her legs, and went to her door. Blair looked as the tangles hair got lost in the crowd.
"See you later, Dan" She whispered and got in the door.
FIN-
In the eternal wait for the Dair/Peighton you like it.
I really need a Beta. I have a lot of ideas but I'm too lazy to translate them to english. UGH.