I know, this is probably going to be the craziest thing I've ever written. I don't even really ship these two anyway- I just wanted to do something that's never been done before. That I'm aware of anyway. Not to mention, I've seen pairings that are way weirder than this, both here and Archive of Our Own. Believe me. So if you don't like this story, just don't read. Or suggest reasonable ways of improving it. And don't be jerks about it, please. One flamer on a Ratchet and Clank story was enough for a lifetime.
. . .
Lester spotted Morgan making her way past the HD TVs towards him and inwardly growled with frustration. That woman just wouldn't give up. When was Morgan going to learn... when you join the corporate fat cats and Big Mikes, you leave the lower Buy More-lings behind. Still, Lester couldn't help but admire Morgan's persistence, annoying as it was. But he wouldn't give Morgan the satisfaction of knowing that. He'd rather die first.
"Lester, talk to me." Lester turned and started to walk away, not wanting to hear what Morgan had to say. He headed down the aisle towards Jeff- who would most certainly keep Morgan away, being the professional perv that he was- when he felt the assistant manager's hand on his shoulder. "Lester. You can't ignore me forever. You know that."
Lester bit his lip to keep from letting out a snarky comment. Morgan wasn't worth his time. She wasn't worth it. And somehow, the darn woman just couldn't get it through her thick skull. "Lester..." Morgan's tone was almost pleading now. Lester slowly turned around to look at Morgan. He could see the relief on her face. Apparently she thought he was finally going to speak to her. Well, she wasn't totally wrong.
But she wasn't right either.
A smirk appeared on Lester's face and he slowly lifted his hand, making a fist. He then quickly flipped up his middle finger. The shocked expression on Morgan's face in response to this action was almost enough to make Lester laugh. Almost. With that, the dark-haired Nerd Herder whirled around on his heel and marched down the aisle towards Jeff. "When is she ever gonna learn?"
"When is who gonna learn?" Jeff asked, picking up a box of charging plugs. He opened it and proceeded to stick one end of a cord up his nostril.
"Morgan Grimes," Lester told him, watching his friend curiously as he stuck the other end of the cord in his nose. "Hey, doesn't that hurt?"
"Nope," Jeff replied. "I lost all feeling in my nose after the first couple times I did this. You should try it sometime- it really opens up the nasal passages. At least, that's what my mom told me."
Lester bit his lip, trying not to laugh. He put a hand on Jeff's shoulder and said, "Well, if we ever get caught up in some super secret spy conspiracy or something as equally unlikely... at least we know they can't torture you by plucking out your nose hairs." Jeff merely shrugged in reply. Casey happened to walk by at that moment and did a double take when he saw the cord in Jeff's nose.
Hm... interesting. Note to self: tell General Beckman it might be a useful torture device. And then he headed towards the Home Theatre room, devising up ways to improve this idea.
"Lester."
Lester turned to see Morgan standing a few feet away. She must be really desperate if she was willing to stand this close to Jeff. Speaking of which, Jeff turned around as well. "Oh, hi, Morgan. How are you?" As if it was perfectly normal to ask someone that with a cord up your nose.
Morgan cringed at the sight, but said nothing of it. "Er, I'm fine. Thanks for asking."
Lester elbowed Jeff for that. Never ask the enemy how they're doing. Jeff looked at Lester, who looked back at him. Then Jeff looked at Morgan. "Lester says he hates you."
"Yeah, okay, I get that," Morgan said. She looked at Lester and continued, "Lester, I'm not asking you to be my friend again. I just want you to do your job. That's all. You of all people should understand that, having been in this position yourself once." Lester just looked back at Morgan with a cold, hard stare. I was wondering when you'd pull that rabbit out of the hat, Grimes.
Morgan seemed to get the message. "Fine, you don't wanna talk? Fine. At least do your job. I hope you're happy, Lester, because you're not the only who'll be giving the cold shoulder now." With that, she stalked away, her frustration trailing in her path.
The next morning...
Lester sniffed his coffee suspiciously, then took a cautious sip. Good. Morgan hadn't touched it. Although waging a prank war would have been kind of fun, especially if it meant every blow that Lester could have made would be vengeance. Still, he was glad his stuff hadn't been tampered with. Maybe Morgan finally learned her lesson.
A smile made it's way across Lester's face. Finally! That woman was such a pest, he wasn't sure when- or even if- she would give up. "Viva da vida," he murmured to himself, smirking. Today was going to be a good day. For the entire morning, Lester saw nothing of Morgan, save for watching her pestering Chuck about something for a brief moment. And when Morgan's eyes met Lester's for a brief second, she quickly cut off whatever she was rambling on about and scurried off, claiming she had to see Big Mike about something.
Much to Chuck's confusion. It wasn't even a moment later before Chuck came back to the Nerd Herd station and practically started interrogating Lester. "Okay, what's going on with you and Morgan? Ever since I came back from that one install a few days ago, things have just really been off between you two."
Lester raised his eyebrow slightly and asked, "And this is your business... why, exactly?"
"Because Morgan is my best friend, that's why. And she's your friend, too."
"Are you sure it isn't because you're sleeping together?"
Chuck gave Lester a glare. "Lester, there's a very big difference between a best friend and a girlfriend. Morgan is just sharing my apartment. I sleep in my room, and she sleeps in hers. There's absolutely no sleeping together."
Lester looked skeptical. "If you say so, Bartowski." Chuck rolled his eyes and just walked away. "I still think you're sleeping together," Lester muttered to himself.
Typical Lester Patel.
"Hey, Lester, have you seen my phone?"
Lester turned to face Jeff. "No, I haven't. Why? Don't tell me you lost it again..." The expression on Jeff's face told him everything. "You lost it again, didn't you? Jeff, how many times have I told you- what goes in your pocket stays in your pocket. Unless there's an emergency."
"But I haven't taken it out all day! I swear!" Jeff looked at Lester, imploring. "Can you help me find it? Please, Lester?"
Lester let out a huff of annoyance. "Fine, but you have to share your paycheck with me. Seventy-five percent."
"I'm not an idiot, Lester. Fifty."
"Seventy."
"Fifty-two."
"Sixty-five."
"Fifty-eight."
"Deal!"
They searched the store for the next two hours, looking for Jeff's phone. With absolutely no success. "Jeff, we have to face facts. We can't find your phone," Lester told his friend as he slowly lowered himself out of the air vent in the ceiling. He landed on the floor with a painful thud, barely missing the chair that they used to move the ceiling panel.
"But it has all my favourite boob pictures on it!" Jeff wailed.
"Well, it's not in the vent, that's for sure. And why did you make me look in there, anyway? It's cramped and hot and smells funny."
"It's a great place to see ladies butts and not be noticed," Jeff told him. "I thought my phone might have fallen out of my pocket there."
Lester tilted his head, forgetting about the phone for the moment. His interest was peaked. "You're right. I did notice when I was up there that it's got a great view of the store. You can see almost everything that's going on."
"I hope I'm not interrupting." Lester and Jeff turned to see Morgan standing a few feet away.
"Hi, Morgan- oof!" Lester elbowed Jeff, interrupting the friendly greeting.
"I don't know- or wanna know- whatever you're doing," Morgan said. "Just get back to work before I take decisive action." Lester rolled his eyes in reply. This only vexed Morgan more. "I'm not kidding. Get back to work. Both of you."
Yeah? What'ya gonna do about it if we don't, Grimes? Lester raised his eyebrows, is if to challenge Morgan.
Morgan let out a sigh. "Fine. If you two won't work, then I'm taking a cut outta both your paychecks. Ten percent."
Jeff wasn't impressed. "I'm just here for the boobs, anyway."
"What?!" Lester shrieked in response to Morgan's threat. Although Jeff's casual reply would've bewildered a bit him under normal circumstances, in this instance it was in one ear and out the other. "You can't do that!"
"So, Mister Patel speaks," Morgan commented sarcastically, her expression smug. "And actually, I can. Look it up. Now get moving before I sic the Casey on you." Lester and Jeff turned away, the former grumbling in annoyance. Morgan took her phone out of her pocket and typed in the following words: Can the assistant manager of a store take a cut out of another employee's paycheck?
Later, that afternoon...
Lester smirked as he and Jeff looked proudly at the traps they had just finished setting up. Tripwire at the door to the lunch room, tar on Morgan's favourite chair... they even spiked Morgan's lunch with some tranquilizer sedative they stole from Casey's locker. Jeff even had the idea to set up a secret surveillance camera and cleverly disguised it as a fridge magnet so that way they could capture the humiliating moment forever.
Naturally Lester was all for it.
"Dude," Jeff spoke up, "this is gonna be so epic."
"I couldn't have said it better myself, my friend," Lester replied, grinning. "Now let's get outta here before our target shows up. I hear that yogurt place Chuck's ex-girlfriend works at is selling a new flavour. Apparently it's become a favourite of the green shirts."
"Do you think it has tunaroni in it?" Jeff asked. "You know how much I love my tunaroni."
"I have no clue. Let's find out!"
. . .
And that's the end of that. This chapter was more of "getting things set up" sort of thing. Obviously some really weird and crude humour was thrown in. (Writing Jeff is pretty fun!) Anyway, signing off now, cuz I'm tired. Next chapter will be up soon.