Disclaimer: I don't own anything. DEAL WITH IT.
"Queue the theme music" came a voice from up above in the little magic roof dome.
"Five… Four… Three… Two… One"
"Hello, I'm Anne Robinson, and welcome to today's special addition of the Weakest Link. All of today's contestants are directly from the staff of Hogwarts' School Of Witchcraft and Wizardry. It's time to find out whether these men and women are truly worthy to teach the next generation of sorcerers, or if they're as big a bunch of dunderheads I usually host for."
Snape jumped forward, shouting, "Hey, that's my phrase!"
"Shut up Snivellus."
Ignoring the teacher who slunk back to his space in a sulky manner, Anne continued.
"I can't be bothered to explain the rules because I'm a lazy git- Wait, did I say that aloud? Moving on, let's begin. The first round is about Hogwarts, time starts… now."
"Question one, Dumbeldore, who was Hogwarts' most hated headmaster of all time?"
"In this time of peril we must unite and hold hatred in our hearts for no-"
"Oh shut up- WRONG ANSWER! It is Phineas Nigellus! Question two, Hagrid what colour are young unicorns"
"I've always found Unicorns rather boring, 'cause they've no fangs see, but…"
"WRONG ANSWER! In fact, it is gold. Question three, Madam Hooch, which broomstick does the Irish Quidditch team ride?"
"Firebolt!"
"Finally…" It was hard not to notice a distinct sound of disgust in Anne's speech. "Question four, McGonnagal which of the Hogwarts staff is an animagus?
"Well, Mrs Robinson, the answer to your question is, of course, me– "
"WRONG ANSWER! The correct one would have been Professor M. McGonnagal."
"Question five, Professor Moody-"
"BANK!"
"Sir, you have nothing to bank due to your colleagues' idiocy."
Professor Moody yanked out his wand and waved it around threateningly. "I won't let your little mind tricks work on me, I'll bank whether whether you ruddy well like it or not! I maintain CONSTANT VIGILANCE!"
Anne rolled her eyes, muttering something under her breath that sounded distinctly like, "Oh great, another nutter. She then turned back to Mad-Eye. "Which dark wizard returned to power in the summer of 1995?"
"You-Know-Who."
Anne was about award them with their second correct answer, when she was interrupted by a screeching, rather red faced Professor Umbridge. "This is a horrible falsehood that has been spread by that abomination that is Albus Dumbledore and the wicked Harry Potter!"
Dumbledore's smile vanished, in a rather annoyed voice, he said, "Now now, Doloras…"
"Detentions! All of you will be writing lines in my office for the next three weeks!"
"Moody, that was correct. Question six, Professor Flitwick… Wait, where is Flitwick? Has anyone seen him?"
"Here!" squeaked an excited voice from behind the plaque with his name on it. "I'm down here!"
"Where?"
"Behind the sign! It's too tall!"
"Right… well then… Professor Flitwck, what is the incantation used in levitation?"
Jumping up and giving an excited squeak, he yelled out, "Wingardium Leviosa! And hello Mum, I'm on the muggle television!"
"Correct. Not that your mother can see you, but, Professor Trelawney-"
"BANK!"
"Moody, it's not your turn."
"I don't care! I will still maintain CONSTANT VIGILANCE!"
In a sarcastic drawl, Anne retorted, "What a pity, you're still out of time."
Who will be voted off? Hang around to find out!
