Light and Darkness

Nobody knows my past like you know my past. I remember counting the flashes of light, surge by surge, each pulse making the abyss I dwelled in more livable.

I continue on my path, abandoning The Castle That Never Was, heading into the darkened city beneath. I know you're following me, I can hear the heavy footfalls upon the pavement. You're tearing out of the Castle, a blaze of crimson hair approaching fast. Turning away, I keep my steady pace. There's no need for me to stop.

FLASH! Before I know it, you're here beside me, those vibrant green eyes something I can't bear to turn and witness for myself, because I know that if I do all resolve will be lost, and here I will remain, your willing pet.

"You can't turn your back on the Organization!"

FLASH! I give you the tiniest glance imaginable before trodding along as if you hadn't spoken.

"No one would miss me"

FLASH! I hear you gasp, as if about to speak, and for a small moment, I pause, every muscle in my body aching for the response it longs to hear. Tell me I am wanted. Show me how much I am needed. Convince me to stay with your words, and even more so, your actions.

FLASH! Your shoulders droop, as if a man broken, and yet you say nothing. Nothing to the man you supposedly loved.

FLASH! That's five. I've waited long enough. I take my leave of you, standing there on the darkened street, knowing full well I may never see you again. The pulses of light gave me strength, and the ability to continue on my difficult course.

But they were only lights, nothing more... and how they burn me. Light... and dark. Both come together, you see. Can't have the one without the other... you wouldn't recognize them otherwise.

I used to look at you, and see light. The light of a new beginning. Hope. Who knows what the future brings? Anything is possible. If only I could have known then the sick truth. That hope wasn't mine. It was borrowed. Borrowed from another. The one who truly has your heart. You stole that hope from me, wrenched it away in one swift motion, one terrifying moment in which the world was shattered, and reformed itself into a morbid characterization of reality. You stole that light from me. In its place is Darkness. Depression. Despair. Dejection. Doubt. And you know what else it displaced?

You. I want no part of you, not anymore.

One day I hope you look back and realize what you did to me. Really see how my light began to fade. And then, who knows? Maybe we'll meet again. And you'll find me with a new light. A new hope. And guess what? I will take GREAT satisfaction in reminding you that you had no part in its existence and never shall. For you are responsible for the dismissal of the light I once had, for casting me into the dark void, and offering me no means of escape other than my own inner strength.

But you already know this. You put me there. You knew when you forced me into the dark I was without illumination. How could you not? Did you honestly think the light could shine on? What sort of bulb continues to shine when beaten with a hammer? You were the wielder. Your lies broke the filament inside. Bzzt! There goes that light. Time to replace the bulb. Sorry, better luck in the next socket. Maybe you'll find someone a little more gullible. In the meantime, I found my light. And I'll be shoving it right under your nose until you're blinded with guilt. And regret. And shame. That's right. Shame. If you can't even feel such simple human emotions, you were never the person I thought you were. Good riddance. I see no further use in your existence except to stand in opposition to my own.

My Light, your Darkness.

In a twisted way the beauty in all of this came from what made you ugliest: your secrets... your lies... your flawless execution and snake-like charm, ever ensnaring the attentions of the vulnerable and victimized. I was your victim. So thoroughly ensnared that I let your hungry darkness consume me entirely. I was lost, but not lost forever. Light consumed still shines on, however faintly. Just as the sun eventually pierces the night with its rays, my captive soul in time breaks from that empty prison; an empty person, save for that last feeble flicker, burning away the shrouded cage in which it was held. That same darkness pumps so hatefully within your veins, and for that may you wile away, eternally damning yourself as I was damned.

You never truly were enough of a man to just kill me.

If only, all those months ago, I would have understood those two words that would have changed my life, and possibly, saved yours as well.

"I would."