-Thirteen Reasons Why I Almost-
-Chapter 1-
He was convinced there were only two options. Tell me who raped you, or get on with your life. Mr. Porter was a somewhat nice person. He was nice to the extent that his job let him to be. He wanted to answer that damned phone that kept ringing. He wanted to help me. But even more than that, he wanted me to leave. He didn't want to deal with a girl that felt like that on that day. The world was filled with somewhat nice people. They smile at you, try to make you feel better about yourself. They tell you to move on. They don't even think about the possibility of trying to help you do that. That's why he didn't stop me. That's why I turned around and walked out of that door. These lines of thoughts were strewn about in my head as I walked away from the office. My feet padded along the concrete floor quietly, too quiet for anyone else to hear. Too quiet for anyone else to notice. My eyes glanced down at the microphone poking out of my bag precariously. If no one else wanted to hear me, I'd make them hear.
"I think I've made myself very clear… But no one's coming forward to stop me." I almost tripped as I readjusted my bag. It was almost to the end. The end of the path I started myself on. "Some of you care. None of you cared enough. Neither did I." My breathing quickened as a face flashed in my mind. "And I'm sorry." The smiling face in my mind made me turn around and look down the hallways of Liberty for one last time. "So… it's the end of tape number 13, there's nothing more to say." I opened my bag and pulled out the tape recorder. My finger found the 'stop' button one last time. That's when the bell rang.
I glanced around as people flooded out of doors and into those halls. I saw one face I knew, two, three, four. In my mind I begged them to stop me, to ask me to talk. I needed something else to fill that nothingness that had taken root inside me. But no one did. The pain that replaced it, I didn't want to feel. They smiled, one had even waved at me. But he talked to a different girl and moved on his way. I think it's time I start to start moving on mine. My feet shuffled around one person and turned myself around. My feet padded towards that door one more time, this time drowned out by so many others. My hands pushed against that door, it closed quietly behind me. All this I had expected, my plan in my mind being filled out exactly how I expected it to. It's almost like the universe expected me to kill myself. The same school door opened behind me forcefully. My eyes darted back to that door. Then I saw it, that face again. That damned smiling face. Had the universe come to taunt me with you one last time?
"Hannah!" Clay called to me. He walked swiftly up to me and doubled over, panting heavily. He had been running. Running to who? Me? A small grin crept up my face and I looked down at him.
"Hey Helmet, what did you need?" He glanced down up the tape recorder in my hands and raised an eyebrow as he straightened himself.
"More likely what do you need?" To talk to you, my mind answered. "That tape recorder is AGES old, and I thought my dad was the dinosaur." My grin faded as I stood there.
"It's for a project at home, I'm making a sort of video show thing." His smile grew and he laughed.
"A video show? That sounds awesome! You should totally let me listen to it sometime!" My eyes wanted to flood right there. You will helmet, you will. I noticed he was twitching nervously, I wondered why. "So hey, I um… Something's been tearing at my mind lately. Ever since that night at the party I couldn't stop thinking about it." My feet didn't move, they were frozen in place, stuck to the sidewalk. This was not part of my plan. What happens next will shatter my world, and stick hope into that place where the empty had inhabited. "Can we go somewhere now to talk, like sometime today? Actually shit I got Crestmont shift later." That's when my plan fell apart. I counted on people not caring enough, not stopping me. But here you were. Pleading thoughts filled my head as I gripped the bag that was slung around my shoulder. A new area entered in my mind, it was filled with the need for a different path.
"It's okay Clay, why don't we just go now?" He looked relieved. Actually, we both did. That was when a line of panic shot through me. What was I supposed to tell him?