3 AM
Genre: Angst
Rating: K+
Summary: In the stillness of the early morning hours, Roy ponders his place in this world.
Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist. That awesomeness belongs to Hiromu Arakawa.
Ishbal, 0300 hours
Shadows danced across the planes of the desert, the large moon illuminating the sky from above. It was a chilly night, yet the inner fire that smoldered from deep within tempered Roy's discomfort. It was only physical however; the second his eyes, heavy with exhaustion, drifted close, nightmarish images greeted him properly, jarring him awake. After long bouts of insomnia, he'd become used to the game of roulette; however, the snores of his comrades continued their endless taunt, leaving him at the mercy of the stars and eerie silence.
Sleeplessness suited him though. Despite the obvious draw backs, Roy would've taken long nights over the constant loop of the depravity of war replayed in the darkness of his mind. Bad enough he had to live and breathe it under the merciless rays of the brutal sun, the constant reminder of his role in this forsaken place lay square on his shoulders. In the stillness of the night, he gained respite from the voices that cried out in despair, the flames, quelled by the gentle breeze, merely simmering underneath.
Flames.
He'd been an eager apprentice, devouring all of the knowledge he could get his grubby pre adolescent hands on. Knowledge was the only thing, aside from his foster mother, Roy respected. Knowledge was profound power and it was going to take all of that and then some to effect the changes he'd only dreamed about. As a young boy, he'd seen his fair share; spending time in a brothel in the city reaped a bountiful boon of experience, enough to know that a seismic shift in morale was needed. Crime seemed to flourish. The voices of the citizens were drowned out by the rhythmic march of the military as its presence eventually toppled Parliament. Corruption and deceit were tangible commodities while freedom suffered from the silence that fear had perpetuated.
Roy couldn't allow it to continue.
Even after Master Hawkeye turned away from him, even as the fit of his military uniform threatened to strangle his very spirit, he couldn't allow his country to fall into the abyss of destruction.
He had a dream.
Had a dream.
Roy stared into the flames, musing over the missed opportunities. With his thirst for knowledge, his determination, he could've ascended the upper echelons of society with little effort but it wouldn't have given him the power to make his dreams a reality.
Nobles and intellectuals were ostentatious fodder at best.
He needed more than a title and the military offered the perfect trajectory. Sure, he'd become nothing more than an obedient dog as a State Alchemist but the ends, in his mind, justified the means.
That was until Ishbal.
Roy cast his weary gaze across the flat planes of the desert just beyond the camp, the lines of demarcation drawn by the shadows of the ruins. The shadows of the ruins bled into the desolate, unforgiving desert, completing the ruination of a nation. With nothing more than the gentle whisper of the wind, the haunting echoes of war rose to a fever pitch across the harsh sands. Endless campaigns against humans, regardless of their origin, had left its mark on him but he was resolute in his determination. It was the price he'd have to pay to achieve his goal.
A small tuft of air escaped his lips as he shook his head. The lives of a nation bartered for his aspirations.
Equivalent exchange indeed.
"You'll be no good to anyone without rest, Major."
Roy stood quickly, his arm raised with his middle finger and thumb poised to snap but relented at the sight of the white uniform. He relaxed a measure as he exhaled heavily, averting his eyes briefly. He wasn't up for chatting but the weariness in his subordinate's eyes indicated that chit chat wasn't warranted.
"No need to worry about me, Corporal." Roy lifted his eyes to the young man and nodded toward the center of the camp, "Worry more about your comrades. We have an important mission tomorrow."
"My point exactly, Sir. We'll need our ace in the hole at top form." Despite the Corporal's weary countenance there was a certain amount of pride in his voice, pride that Roy thought to be misplaced. The lack of awareness disturbed Roy: instead of youthful innocence, the dark pools reflected lost humanity where remorse and compunction were unfounded.
War, much like transmutation, required payment that was often much more than what one received.
The gleam in the Corporal's eyes was enough to cause Roy to turn away, barely containing his displeasure. In the quest for change, suffering was inevitable but to extract merriment from painting their own hands with the blood of the innocent was far more than he'd bargained for. Yet, he remained, a loyal steadfast dog of the military, executing orders and people with the simple snap of his fingers.
"Like I said, Corporal, I'll be just fine." Roy's voice brokered no argument and the young corporal responded in kind, giving his superior a sharp salute before turning on his heels and returning to his pallet.
Roy sat down slowly and looked out, disgust roiling throughout his entire body. His sense of justice and morality decayed with every second spent on the front lines but it was a necessary evil. To make good on his promise to those who stood behind his covert push for change, he had to play the dutiful role. Roy was every bit of the monster the Ishbalans had called him and weighted with the blood of countless victims on his hands he consigned the mistakes of today to the hope of the future.
Dawn would arrive soon, heralding another day of mindless annihilation.
Another day Roy knew his actions would shift the winds of change.
Another day Roy knew his nightmares would reside in reality, forever etched on his soul.
That is if he had one when it was all said and done.
A/N: This is my first attempt at writing Fullmetal Alchemist. All errors are entirely mine. I welcome any constructive criticism, especially since this is my first foray into the world of FMA. Interest will determine whether I continue with this.
Thank you for reading and please let me know what you think!