1

Cindy Thomas thought her life couldn't get worse after her dad died. Then Lindsay was killed. She thought she was going to break, losing her father and her lover in a two week span. It rained the day they buried Lindsay. She sat in the cold, watching but not listening as bible verses were read. Lindsay's father held her hand tightly, and that was what kept her from letting the tears fall. The last part of her heart broke when Warren Jacobi handed her the American flag along with Lindsay's badge.

Long after the casket had been lowered into the ground, she sat in the rain, letting it soak her to the bone. She couldn't bear to leave, she wasn't ready to leave. The redhead forced herself to look up as she felt the rain stop hitting her skin. There was a blonde woman standing next to her, holding an umbrella over them. "You were her girlfriend, weren't you?"

"How did you guess?" She finally found the strength to stand, and she realized even while in heels, the woman was still three inches taller than her.

"Linz always talked about you. Jill Bernhardt, I was a friend of hers from The Hall," she said, holding her hand out. Cindy took it gently in her own as she cast a glance to the hole in the ground. She started walking away, semi-thankful that Jill was still holding the umbrella over them. A shiver ran down her spine as a breeze blew through the cemetery. "You look like you could use some coffee. Well, after getting a change of clothes, that is."

Despite the sadness that was threatening to overtake her life, Cindy managed a small smile. "Coffee would be amazing. There is this little place down on Market that Lindsay and I go..." Her breath caught in her throat. "Where we would go…"

"Do you have a ride back?"

"It's within walking distance."

"It's pouring out."

"I like the rain."

Jill bit her lip. "Okay, look, I know that you don't know me at all, and I know I am intruding, but I don't think you should be alone right now." She stopped walking and looked at the younger woman. "So, can you accept someone who cared about Lindsay caring about you?"

"You don't even know me. How can you care?"

"Because Lindsay did. She loved you, and she cared about you, and I really don't think she would want you to be alone right now."

"Then why did she leave me?" Cindy hadn't meant to snap at Jill, but she had and she could tell that it had hit the woman hard. "If she didn't want me to be alone, then she wouldn't have left. She would have ignored her phone. If she didn't want me to be alone, then she could have thought better about what she was getting into before she went into that house."

"You know as well as I do she would never have ignored her phone," Jill whispered, looking at the redhead. "It is not her fault that she got shot. You should have known that was a risk in her job." The two women started walking again. "You did know that was a risk, and deep inside you had resigned yourself to the fact that it could happen this way. That some bastard would get lucky enough to miss the Kevlar in just the right spot. And it was a risk you were both willing to take, wasn't it?"

"You think you can mentally prepare yourself for something like this when you know it can happen. You sit up at night, watching her sleep, knowing that the next time her phone rings and she leaves, that you will never see her again. You know, we had this thing, where every single time we parted, we would kiss and let each other know how much we loved each other. The…that night…I was half-asleep when she left. I heard her say that she loved me, but I didn't say it back…"

"She knows," Jill whispered, stopping as they neared the porch. "When you two first started dating, if you knew this is where you would be now, would you have walked away?"

Cindy stepped under the cover of the porch and dug in her bag for her keys, her eyes not really focusing on anything. She stopped and looked up at Jill. "If I had known that I would love her this much…and knew that I would lose her…I would have never walked away. I would never give up the past three years."

She unlocked the door and motioned Jill inside, making sure the door latched behind them. "This place is beautiful."

"Would you believe she decorated most of it?" Cindy smiled as she shrugged off her coat. "You can have a seat. I'll be back in a minute."

Jill moved over towards the television as Cindy went upstairs. Her eyes scanned over pictures of what had to be the redhead with her dad, and pictures of the young woman and Lindsay. Her gaze settled on one photo of the two in front of what looked to be a waterfall.

"We went to Niagara Falls last winter," Cindy said, appearing next to Jill. The blonde scanned the woman's body quickly. She could tell immediately a portion of the reasons that Lindsay loved her. She had thrown on a pair of jeans and a shirt that she knew was Lindsay's. "It was her idea. I wanted to go somewhere with a roller coaster, but she said that going to Canada would be more romantic." Cindy stopped rubbing the towel over her hair and looked across the room at the photo again. "She was right. It was the happiest I remember being in a while."

Jill found it hard to speak. Instead of trying to form words, her eyes looking out the front window, seeing the rain falling harder than before. "Maybe we should take a rain check on coffee…"

Cindy followed her gaze. "Yeah." She watched Jill sit down on the couch, nervously looking around. "It's weird, you know, sitting here. Seeing her everywhere. Smelling her." She moved over to the couch. "Want the tour? I can show you her favorite room in the house."

"Sure," Jill replied, standing up and following Cindy into the kitchen.

"Now, I will warn you, this may make Lindsay and myself seem like we were completely immature people, but, well, who cares." She opened a door and led Jill down a flight of stairs, stopping to turn the lights on. The basement lit up, revealing a large television and at least four different video game systems. "You name a point and shoot game, she has it. It was her way to take out frustrations when she didn't catch the bad guy. I would sit on the couch, working on an article, and she would sit on the floor in front of me, playing whatever game, cursing up a storm."

"What was her favorite game?" Jill was looking at the shelf next to the television, running her fingers along the titles of the games. She noticed they were alphabetical by system and then title. She turned around to see Cindy holding a pair of drumsticks.

"Rock Band. We would have weekly competitions between us. She was so close to beating my scores on the drums. She would laugh because I would play on hard, but she was on medium, and the day she played her first song on hard, I played my first on expert." Cindy's voice had taken on a nostalgic tone as she gently twirled the drumsticks in her hands.

Jill looked around the rest of the room. Aside from what appeared to be the area for only video games, there was another room off to the side which had a television and hundreds of DVD's in it, and another area that had a pool table and a pinball machine. "Okay, not to sound rude, but I know that a cop and a reporter wouldn't make anywhere near enough to have this much shit," she smiled, following Cindy over to the pool table.

"My dad had money. I would generally mention how cool it would be to have something, and then we would have it." She picked up a pool cue. "Wanna play?"

"Sure." She grabbed another of the cues and watched as Cindy quickly and expertly racked the balls into the triangle. "So, if you don't mind me asking, how did you and Linz meet? I know it hurts to think about her, but sometimes talking about everything can help."

Cindy broke the setup perfectly, sending the red solid ball into the corner pocket. "I had snuck my way onto a crime scene and she cuffed me," she smiled, quickly sinking two more shots before missing one and stepping back so Jill could take a shot. "And then we just started talking, and one day I just got up the courage and asked her out."

The blonde surprised Cindy by making her way to only one stripe and the eight ball left on the table before she missed. "I've spent a lot of time in pool halls," she said, shrugging. "Linz had to testify in my first case as an ADA. It was pretty nerve wrecking for both of us, and afterwards, we just started talking. That was almost six years ago." She stood up straight and smiled at the redhead. "It amazes me how we didn't meet sooner."

"I tried to stay as far from Lindsay's work life as I could. I think the only person I ever met that she worked with was Jacobi. I mean, we would cross paths at crime scenes, but that's about it." She proceeded to sink the rest of her shots and the eight ball before looking back at Jill. "I can see why she liked you. You're really easy to talk to, and you listen."

The blonde woman smiled as she followed Cindy back up the stairs. "So, it seems as if the rain has stopped. How about that coffee now?"

"Sure," she replied, grabbing the worn leather jacket that Lindsay lived in as she followed Jill out of the house.

Jill looked quietly at her feet as she walked alongside Cindy on the sidewalk. In the past four months, she had spent at least an hour of time four days a week with the woman, and she had seen her hit the inevitable breakdown over losing her dad and her lover. She looked up when she noticed Cindy had stopped walking. "What's the matter? You're unusually quiet tonight," Cindy said, looking at the blonde.

"I have to ask you something," she replied, feeling like a teenager. "You don't have to answer this right now, but I just want it out there. I know that we go out every Friday night, but I think I would like to take you out for once not as a friend. Like, on a date."

"Jill…" She took a deep breath. "I'm not ready. But, when I am, I can promise that you will be the first one to know…" She put her hand on Jill's shoulder for balance as she leaned up and placed a soft kiss on her cheek.

"So, refresh my memory, how did you meet Claire again?" Jill quickly matched the shorter woman's pace.

"When my dad was in the hospital, she was his doctor. After seeing me every single day for two years, she became like a mother to me. She was, and is, there for me when I need her. Kind of like you," she grinned. "Ever since I met Lindsay, and more importantly, when my dad was sick, it's like I developed this really strange family, but they care about me and I care about them."

"Lindsay said you were the one who got her and her dad on speaking terms again…"

"Yeah. When my dad got sick, and I mean real sick…I was losing him, and it just seemed to important to me that Lindsay be on good terms with her dad in case anything ever happened to him. I didn't want her to have things left unsaid. And I guess at first she agreed to it because she cared about me so much, or maybe she was just humoring me because I was a mess about my dad." As they came upon the movie theatre, the grin on Cindy's face grew into a wide smile. "Claire!"

She took off running for the last twenty feet and wrapped her arms around the woman. Jill quietly strolled over, smiling as she watched Cindy. "And this must be Jill…" She reached her hand out and shook the blonde's hand gently. "Cindy doesn't shut up about you."

"I hope she doesn't say anything bad about me," Jill replied, gently nudging the redhead. "I wish I could say she talks about you all the time, but she doesn't. She spends most of our time together telling me all about what Lindsay was like outside of her job." She looked quickly at Cindy. "Wait, that sounded a bit more bitchy than I planned it."

"I understand," Claire said, smiling. "Nate, Derek and Ed are inside, most likely in the arcade," she said, looking at Cindy. The redhead smiled at Jill and headed inside, leaving the two women outside. "How is she doing? Since I only get to talk to her on the phone most of the time, it's kind of hard to tell her moods. And don't feel bad about the talking about Lindsay thing. I would overhear her talking to her dad about the two of them. She'll go on to anyone who will listen."

"All part of her charm, right?" Jill asked, smiling.

"At some point I want to move to New York. I mean, not like the area that I lived when I went to Vassar, but to Brooklyn. And I want you to go with me…" Cindy let her fingers trail lightly over Lindsay's skin, causing the older woman to shiver. "Would you do that?"

Lindsay leaned her head down and captured Cindy's mouth with her own before she answered. She let her hand rest lightly on the redhead's waist, the skin warm underneath her palm. "I think we could manage that at some point. If it's what you want, then it's what I want."

With a smile on her face, Cindy turned over, settling herself into Lindsay's arms, soaking in the feel of their bodies touching in every spot they could. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

"When did you realize that?" Lindsay kissed her shoulder before resting her chin on it.

"Just this second. I never want to be without you. I love you too much to ever be without you," she whispered, closing her eyes. Hours later she felt the bed move as she vaguely heard Lindsay's phone ringing. After a few more minutes, she felt the familiar lips on hers.

"I love you," Lindsay whispered. "I'll see you later."

At the knock on her office door, Jill didn't look up but instead called out, "It's open." She vaguely paid attention to the footsteps as they neared her desk. After a few moments with no response from the person, she looked up to be greeted by a smiling Cindy. "You're back!" She moved from behind her desk and wrapped her arms around the woman.

"I have something for you," she whispered, stopping Jill from pulling completely away. Before the blonde woman could respond, she leaned up and pressed their lips together. She pulled away after a moment and looked into the ice blue eyes. "I told you that you would be the first to know when I was ready."

It took Jill a moment to recover, but once she did she pulled the redhead in for another kiss. "I've wanted to do that for the past three months," she whispered, holding Cindy to her. "Was your trip to Brooklyn successful?"

"I found a nice place, and I am pretty sure I can get a job at a paper," she said, leaning her forehead on Jill's shoulder. She snaked her arms around the taller woman's waist, smiling. "Will you go with me?"

Jill pulled away and returned to her seat behind the desk. She fussed around with papers, avoiding eye contact with the redhead. "I have a lot to do today," she mumbled.

"Jill, I'm not asking you to move with me this instant. It would still be a month or two before I move. You don't have to make a decision this instant," she said, sitting in one of the chairs. "Will you look at me?"

She glanced up, not wanting the woman to notice the tears in her eyes. "I have to get this out there now. It's been five months, and I know you can't erase three years of memories in that short amount of time, but at some point you should at least move on a little. Have you packed up any of her stuff? Have you stopped carrying her badge in your purse?

"Jill…"

"I'm serious, Cindy, answer those two questions."

"No I haven't packed up her stuff, okay? And I haven't stopped carrying her badge! I'm allowed to stay attached. We were going to get married, did you know that? Did she share that with you? We talked about getting married…and then me moving to New York…and then she got the phone call."

Jill opened her mouth for a moment and then closed it, her eyes wide. "She mentioned in passing that you two were starting to finally have your serious talks…"

"If I had the chance to step in front of her, to die, I would have taken it. Because I know she would be stronger than I am about all of this. And I would have gotten to be with my dad again. Jill, I loved her more than anything and when I lost her, I didn't think I could feel that ever again. And then you entered my life. And now I think falling in love again might be a possibility. So I will ask you once more. Will you go with me?"