I would rue the day I ever ate that peach in the Labyrinth.
It's not like I blamed Hoggle. Jareth was been a conniving, evil bully, and a sore loser to boot. It wasn't his fault that the lying, cheating sneak blackmailed him. I wouldn't want to end up in the Bog of Eternal Stench either. I mean, have you smelled that thing?
No, I was really annoyed when I found out that there was a gross, icky worm in the peach I took I bite out of. That was down right creepy. C'mon, Goblin King, how low do you have to sink? Putting a bug in a girl's fruit? Who even thinks of that?
I was even angrier that it tasted horrible too. I don't know if you've seen that movie where they had Jennifer Connelly play me, but if you have, I have to say that she played that scene perfectly. Did you see the look on her face when she took a bite of that thing? It was much more elegant than mine was - I almost hurled! It was disgusting!
But what was the absolute worst thing that had to do with that peach was the . . . um . . . "side effects."
I did NOT dream about that dream, I swear! I had crazy loons laughing at me with their weirdo masks on! And I was in a dress that almost killed me about, oh, I don't know, fifty times! And Jareth was in . . . Well, it doesn't matter what he was wearing or how he was watching me, it's not like it was . . . I mean, I didn't really . . . I could've been . . .
But, yeah, anyways, that wasn't even the end of my peach nightmares. Oh no, that pompous pig constantly reminded me of my now least favorite fruit.
They first magically appeared in subtle ways, like in my refrigerator after I had thrown them all away, or a stray one in the laundry basket. Or, my absolute favorite, in Toby's crib.
I about had a a heart attack every time I saw one. But I just figured it was that jerk's way of expressing his spite, and I would just throw those peaches in the garbage where they belonged.
But he just wouldn't give up. It probably evolved into a game for the goblins. They were just told to hide them anywhere, I'm sure, but then they started to get creative. Where to hide the squishy peach so that it falls on Sarah's head? How to hide the rock-hard peach where Sarah won't notice it and step on it and land on her butt?
Needless to say, if I ever caught a goblin in the house without my express permission, they would get bombarded with whatever I could reach at the time. One, which called himself Flop, later told me that I taught them new words when I threw stuff at them that were even better than 'cretin', 'el stupido', 'lily-livered codswallop', and 'puffy-haired dancing King'.
Flop patted me on the back and told me he was proud of me when I put my head into my hands in despair. Then he handed me a peach.
The hide-the-peach game never stopped. Sure, it became less frequent as I grew older, which was nice, but I would always find a peach when I least expected it.
I vowed to myself to one day tell the Goblin King off for the peaches, but I admit that I procrastinated. It had been seven months since my birthday, and I was grateful that I had a nice sock-sorting system going on. Plus, I mean, y'know . . . We did, um, well . . . You know what I'm bloody talking about.
I'll admit that I looked into that crystal pretty much everyday. It looked very nice on my nightstand, right next to my college text books.
But, regardless of whatever magical King's feelings for me, I resolved to have a perfectly normal Valentine's Day with my new boyfriend, Logan.
Logan was wonderful. He and I took most of the same classes together at college, and he just asked me out a few days ago, asking if I wanted to spend Valentine's Day with him. Of course I said yes, so now we're going downtown to the local coffee shop to hang out before heading to the park for awhile.
Hopefully it will be the most romantic day of my life.
I'm not going to let that vain, jealous Jareth ruin it for me.
"Sarah's got a boyfriend, Sarah's got a boyfriend!" Toby ran around the house that morning letting everyone in the two hundred mile vicinity know that I did, indeed have a date for Valentine's Day.
"Toby's about to get it, Toby's about to get it!" I retaliated in a sing-song voice as I chased after him.
He shrieked in delight and dove behind Karen. "Sarah's going to get me!" he squealed, grabbing onto her leg. "Protect me, mom!"
Karen just went on dusting, humming to a song in her head as she tuned us out.
I sighed, stopping and letting my head fall onto my chest. "Now that you're hiding behind that fortress of yours, I'll never get you. I guess I'll just go now . . ." I turned around and started walking away from them.
Toby let out a triumphant laugh. "You shall never catch me, ugly ogre! I am Prince Tobia-ahh!" I turned back around incredibly quickly and pounced, picking him up and tickling him mercilessly. I knew he would abandon Karen when he thought he won, so I had planned my revenge rather well, if I do say so myself.
Toby giggled uncontrollably until I relented and dumped him onto the couch. "That'll teach you to proclaim my status," I said imperiously before turning around and running into a male body.
"Are you calling me your status again?"
I laughed, wrapping my arms around Logan, who I had rammed into. "Because, you know, I told you to stop doing that," he teased, hugging me tightly. (I know what you're thinking, but shut up, I don't care that he's lame, he's CUTE and that's all that matters!)
Toby made kissing noises from somewhere behind me, and I quickly stepped away from Logan and shot Toby a dirty look that clearly told him that there would be payback later. I then turned back to Logan with a smile. "Hey! How did you get in . . . oh." I saw my father over Logan's shoulder. My dad had his arms crossed over his chest and he did not look very happy. My dad was still very anti-dating, no matter whom I brought home.
"You're dad let me in," Logan said, polite as ever, though my dad didn't deserve it.
I cleared my throat, taking his hand in mine and leading him past my family and towards the door. "Well, we better be going."
"See you Mr. and Mrs. W! Bye Toby!" Logan called as I pulled him forcefully out of my house.
"Be home by eleven!" my dad called loudly after us.
I dumped myself in Logan's Jeep and Logan got into the driver's side. We caught each other's eye and, for some reason, we started laughing to ourselves as he started up the car and we drove down the road.
"I'm sorry about my dad, he's . . . Well, he still thinks I'm fourteen sometimes," I said guiltily after our laughing fit.
"That's okay. He's nice, and I think he'll grow to like me eventually," Logan winked at me, and I giggled.
"I hope so. He's so embarrassing," I shook my head sadly, and pressed the play button on his in-car CD player. I raised my eyebrows in surprise when I recognized it. "You listen to David Bowie?" I asked skeptically.
"He's only the greatest musician that ever lived!" Logan replied smugly.
"Wow! That is so cool. I love David Bowie, too." I grinned at him, pleased at this discovery.
He smiled back at me, and reached for my hand. I allowed him to slip his hand into mine, and we drove to the coffee shop, listening to David Bowie as we sped along.
It was a peaceful moment. That was, until I saw the owl flying along side our car. I blanched, my eyes going wide. That owl better just be a freak of nature, and not who I think it is . . .
"What is it, Sarah?"
Logan's voice startled me, and I looked back at him quickly before looking outside again. There was no owl in sight. "Nothing. I just thought I saw my dad following us," I joked lamely.
We rode the rest of the way without any abnormal thing whatsoever. But now I had a horrible feeling that you know who was going to try and ruin my Valentine's Day.
But that's why I carry pepper spray in my purse.
Hey everyone!
Welcome to the "Pink Glitter" sequel. It's just as lame and full of even more craziness!
Coming up next: Sarah and Logan start off to a perfectly normal Valentine's Day. But just when they start to make it normally perfect, a certain Goblin King steps in claiming to be an old boyfriend of Sarah's. Sarah's Valentine's Day starts going down the drain, and it only gets worse when she finds out what she's been drinking . . .
[insert evil laugh here]MUWHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAAAA![/end of evil laugh]
Thank you all for reading, and don't forget to leave a review!
Disclaimer: I no own, you no sue, kapeesh?