Chapter 1 – Prologue: Self-Destruction Destroyed
Author's Note:
Useless statistics: Chapter originally published 14 May 2015. Last revised 2 September 2017. Total word count: 3596. Body word count: 1624 (45%, sad). Chapter rating: T.
This story starts off at the end of Rebellion. So please don't complain about having things spoiled even though I shouldn't need to put an explicit warning. Few fan fictions don't have spoilers anyway... Meh, fine, I'm too kind to not do it, so here you go: ~*!SPOILER WARNING!*~, for most (if not all) of the twelve episodes and all three movies. Bold, italics, underlines, stars, and several other things.
I have kindly moved the rest of the Author's Note to the end of the chapter for the convenience of people who just want to read a story instead of a monologue about the background to the story.
Madoka was finally here for her. They could finally be together. So much time spent trying to save Madoka, then so much time spent living her life in a way that would make Madokami proud, then so much time trying to preserve the perfect little fantasy inside the barrier, and it could all end happily now.
Madoka reached toward her soul gem, the blackened, ready-to-break crystal that was the physical manifestation of her true being. All she had to do was sit back and wait a few seconds for the Law of Cycles to release her from her enslavement as a Magical Girl. She could finally be with Madoka, forever. But...
There were so many things Homura regretted. So many failures. So many incomplete promises. So many lies. So little to be proud of. So many... necessary evils. So many sins.
She had gone through all those time-lines, and not once had she succeeded in truly saving Madoka. Her wish, made all those years ago, was to be strong to be able to protect Madoka, but the pink girl took that opportunity away from Homura by saving the world herself, leaving it in the process. Then Homura was ridiculed in Madoka's new world, where she was the only one other than a toddler who knew Madoka ever existed. She fought the wraiths for Madoka, but she didn't last long. Soon enough, she became fed up with this Madoka-less world and despaired. Before she was taken away by the Law of Cycles, she was imprisoned in her own mind by Kyubey. The little white demonic alien creature thought he could bring back witches. She was his little guinea pig. But now she was free of that prison, the trippiest world she'd yet experienced. But she wasn't really free. She was in shackles. Her guilt weighed her down, and she faced judgment. Everyone wanted her to die peacefully and to be pardoned. Madoka was going to purify her soul gem and take her away... to rest in peace.
I'm not ready yet.
Madoka's serene, kind smile quickly twisted into a conformation of surprise. Homura held the deity by the hands. Enough of Madoka giving, and giving, and giving! Homura wanted Madoka to be happy, but the little pink girl, turned deity, no longer had a life of her own. It was Homura's turn to give. Homura's turn to give so much that it hurt her. Homura's turn to become nothing, to pay for all the evils she had caused already—to pay through more evils. Madoka deserved roses, and Homura deserved thorns.
Homura's soul gem was already completely full of taint, but it was somehow filling even more: with love. Mad love. Love pushed over the edge. Love that had been threatened by peace, a greater love, that wanted itself to be the lover, not the beloved. The multicolored dots, much brighter than the regular dismal color of corruption and despair, filled the entire gem, then went past the gem, expanding outward. The colorful cloud covered the little stone table(1) Homura's body was laying on. Covered the friends surrounding her and Madoka. Expanded over nearby towns and cities. Grew to surround the whole Earth. The whole solar system. The whole galaxy. The whole cluster of galaxies. The whole universe. It was changing, being remade according to Homura's wishes. Being remade to give Madoka a chance to have happiness of her own. Happiness under Homura's conditions. Madoka couldn't give. She had to receive.
Madoka was torn. Literally. Madoka duplicated and split in two. Madokami was obligated to leave to help other Magical Girls, but Madoka couldn't leave, held there by Homura. Good. It was just as Homura planned. She finally found a way, in what would have been her last moments, to get Madoka back as a person, to have Madoka for the first time.
Homura's soul gem was filled with love, not despair. 'Love is to will the good of another for their benefit.' She had learned that once upon a time, long long ago, in a time she hardly remembered after all those time loops. Madoka was supposed to be a girl, not a god. So Homura would let her be a girl, no, force her to be a girl. Madoka's wish was still intact; Madokami had gone off to put other Magical Girls to rest. And now Homura's wish was complete too. Madoka was saved, thanks to her.
But she knew people wouldn't see it that way. To them, she stole a god's powers, when in fact she had just separated the god from the mortal. To be against a god... she was a demon. Homura bit into her soul gem, shattering it and reforming it to be shaped like a purple crown. Demon Homura. Lucifer, the devil... Homucifer? Akuma, the evil spirit... Homura Akuma? Homucifer Akuma. Any of those, all of those would do. She was used to wearing masks. She'd been doing it for years. What was one more mask? She had a part to play—distract the world so Madoka could be herself, the self that Homura had known before all of those time loops. Homura would be the one to blame. She would deserve the blame, desire the blame, cherish the blame. It was all that was left. She would fulfill justice for herself and fulfill her need to have Madoka as Madoka, all in one motion.
The world was restructured, returning to a state similar to that of the tenth day (2a) of the time loops. Now Madoka was the transfer student and Homura was the nurse's aide. It was all so familiar, all so heart-touching, but now Homura knew that everything that would happen in the days to follow would lead to a happy, living, Madoka.
She messed with the others, Mami, Sayaka, Kyoko. Pushed them out of their comfort zones. Attracted their hate. She deserved their hate. She demanded their hate. It was all as it should be.
That night, Homura was sitting at the edge of her favorite cliff watching over the city. She had her favorite Incubator next to her, Kyubey. But Kyubey wasn't exactly his cheerful evil self. Homura had given him the capacity to feel emotion, then filled him with plenty of despair and other negative feelings. She enjoyed torturing the critter—mentally as well as physically. He was being a good Incubator right now, sitting loyally at her side: because if he tried to leave, Homura would torture him some more. Poor guy. ...Just kidding. Although she was the one stupid enough to have made such a trainwreck of what had started as a rescue mission, Kyubey was the ultimate source of all of her problems. He deserved the torture just as much as she did.
Everything was going so well. Those who deserved evil were receiving it from Homura. Those who deserved good were allowed it by Homura. Homura herself received the evil she deserved. The world was her stage, being manipulated into what she thought of as just perfection.
She suddenly felt like dancing. What better way to rejoice in one's "evil" domination of the universe? Well, maybe she had gone a wee bit mad, too. Minor details. So she danced around the chair, danced around the pitiful form of our favorite Incubator, danced to the edge of the cliff, danced off the edge of the cliff, and...
A gentle touch. A light.
There was a shield.
A clock.
A grain of sand.
The last grain of sand.
Something flipped. Inside her? Outside her? What was it? Did it even exist?
A painful ache of love—not remorse, not self-hatred, not satisfaction of an achieved goal: This feeling was of something she didn't deserve anymore, hadn't for the longest time.
Reality went dark.
She was in her Puella Magi outfit, one leg trapped under the rubble of a building. There was blood in her left eye, but her right eye saw Madoka looking down at her with a pitying expression.
"Homura-chan... You knew you couldn't do it alone... We can do it, Homura-chan. I can help. I wish..."
No, no, no, no, nonononono, no no, no! "No, Madoka! Don't do it!" How is this even possible?! She had the world under control! She had Madoka under control, safe! But now... now it was just like the moments when Madoka, her dear Madoka, made that dreadful final wish...
It won't happen.
Homura's trembling right arm pulled out a pistol from within her shield. She spotted her least favorite Incubator sitting right beside Madoka, eagerly waggling his ear-tentacles around so he could start the process as soon as possible. She aimed with her right eye, the left still blurry with blood(3). She shot.
Madoka was still talking, completely ignoring Homura's words and actions. "... I wish I had the power to erase witches before they're born. Every single witch, from the past, present, and future. Everywhere."
The bullet missed.
Homura screamed.
Madoka started to glow...
Homura instinctively grabbed one familiar edge of her shield and turned it counterclockwise. The sand was now ready to fall once more. The gear-filled tunnel opened beneath her, and she fell in.
She woke up in that same hospital bed as always, and looked at the calendar: All the numbers were crossed off up to March 16th (2b).
That wish... I couldn't allow it. I know what would happen. Because that same wish... I saw what would happen. I lived what would happen.
Author's Note:
While reading, watching, and/or listening to a story, be it TV, anime, a movie, a video game plot, a book, a fan fiction, or whatever other type of story, many people think, "How could things go better? What are some plot holes that could be mended? What are some things that could be added that the original creator overlooked?" The PMMM multiverse allows for second chances. That is, most fan fictions could fit into canon because of the forgotten time-lines. This story is meant to act as an extension, reconstruction, and metaphysical analysis of canon as well as an entertaining fairly original piece for the readers. This is a fix fic, but not in the usual sense of repeating all the events with certain parts turning out better. There is a distinct emphasis on outside-of-canon events, and everything that seems "fix fic" will be planned in character due to Homura's wonderful time travel abilities and performed with ample struggle. Most importantly, the "fix" is not just better choices within the framework already provided by the show.
Madoka Magica has aspects of Cool, Dark, and Cute, but these are all mood setters, not the underlying emphasis. Madoka Magica is really about Limited Resources (energy becomes unavailable due to entropy in the real world, and this is mirrored by Soul Gems, Grief Seeds, and so on in this anime) and Exchange. My intention here is to break these topics. How do we break Exchange and Limits?
Only transcendence bypasses the problems of the world. In the original anime or first two movies, the wish system and Madoka somehow broke reality. However, this fix wasn't much of a fix. The magical girls still suffered. They still fought an uphill battle and were doomed to failure. No, to transcend the world, systems inside the world are not sufficient. Ultimate causes are necessary.
In Christianity, we call the ultimate cause of the world God. Unlike in Eastern religions, God is not an element of the world and does not depend on the world. Additionally, He is not an indiscriminate force and does not "balance" anything: He is personal and has purpose for good.
This story was originally intended to focus purely on friendship and teamwork. Working in only that realm is like a Shonen anime, where people (or teams) get more powerful to break through their problems. In the context of Madoka Magica and this fic, that assumes that friendship is somehow enough to counteract the gloom of the world. That may be true for many people much of the time, but people always have ups and downs; downs result in death in Madoka Magica. While friendship will still be a focus, I now want to develop Homura herself, and her reliance on community, in the light of faith. Madoka Magica very clearly contains elements of Buddhism and Christianity. Buddhism is shown in the endless cycles, the karma, the balance of dark and light, good and evil, giving and receiving, suffering and causing to suffer. Christianity is snubbed, but is partially present in the intentions of both Madoka and Homura to be heroic, bring a better future, and eliminate final death. Madokami isn't exactly a fix to death, but it's something.
With Homura's mention that she attended a Catholic school, I found a place to worm faith into Madoka Magica. Although 1% of Japanese are Christian – and of that 1%, half Catholic – and thus most Catholic school students in Japan are non-Catholic just attending for secular education – I take the liberty of pretending a few words or concepts lodged in Homura's memory at some point.
I have TWO important OCs, one relevant though not important and fully in a support role, and the other in a counseling and active role, though not overshadowing Homura. The main OC won't be brokenly overpowered. One of my pet peeves is broken-OP OCs gallivanting into the universe to steal all the glory. If they're OP, then they'd best have their own problems to deal with, because solving the canon conflict by injecting a super-powered new character is never fulfilling to readers. I stand by this statement absolutely. These OCs are imperative for the "fix" to happen, but they themselves are not the fix. They allow Homura to fix her mess by her own will and actions.
I likely won't ever read the manga (mostly access reasons), but this story might still use select elements from those stories. If any of those characters seem OOC, sorry, thank you, and you're welcome. I don't know any better. If any of the original PMMM characters seem OOC, sorry, thank you, and you're welcome. I think they certainly could be that way, the time-lines allow for some variety, and I'll definitely have events shape their changes.
Now for boring things about writing:
Some formatting, in case you haven't figured it out: Thoughts are in italics, although so are stressed words. It should be easy enough to tell the difference though. Projected thoughts (telepathy, mostly Kyubey) will be in quoted italics. Past dialogue being recalled will be in single-quoted italics... maybe or maybe not. Footnote clarifications will be pointed out by an underlined number in parentheses directly following the potentially-confusing word or phrase.
This is started as my first "published" story, though I am now coming back to it after a couple years, including some experience with a decently lengthy RWBY story. I'm currently a seminary student and I've been proficient at writing relative to my peers for most of my life. I'm not a professional writer, but this isn't the slop that so many fanfiction users unfortunately share. I feel that I'm good enough at the English language to earn the right to twist it and poke fun at it to my heart's content, so I'll do that. Some phail (4) grammar and such is on purpose. But feel free to give any corrections or suggestions, including story suggestions: I can write in one-shots of past time-lines if I feel they can be relevant to the main plot. I'm serious about taking suggestions. If someone wants it, I have all the more motivation to write it, assuming it fits in. On another note, I like horrendous puns that are so bad that nobody could ever pretend they're funny, and ones that are puns of puns so far off on a tangent that you can't tell what they're supposed to mean. Maybe I'll have mercy and footnote any of those. Or maybe they won't exist since they really go into dialogue best, and none of these characters are me. If there are any hideously bad puns, they'll be referenced by an underlined number in parentheses, then explained in the author's note at the end of the chapter. I suppose I'll also footnote a synopsis of the chapter in case some people can't tell what's going on and it's a part you should understand (not just foreshadowing or building suspense). Most of the fourth wall breakage will be in Author's Notes, though I reserve the right to occasionally inject thoughts into the story as well when it's interrupting something useless.
Rated T. Once I get characters like Kyoko involved, or once there are action scenes, it'll be worthy of T. I will not include any overt sexual references, so there shouldn't be any reason for the rating to go up.
Bah, everyone seemingly has to do the disclaimers. I do not own any part of the Puella Magi Madoka Magica / Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magica franchise, or any plot events or characters or terminology or any of that. I just have this story, which uses elements from PMMM.
Footnotes:
(1) stone table: To the best of my research ability, this rectangular, body-sized stone table thing that Homura's body was laying on should be called a catafalque, which is basically a booster seat for coffins so people can see inside at closer to eye level. I don't know why it would be out in the middle of nowhere, or why Homura's body alone without a casket would be on top of it, but that is the most sensible explanation I could find. For flow's sake, the obscure word doesn't belong in the body of the story, so it went here.
(2) tenth day; March 16th: Homura's first day of time loops is accepted to be either March or May 16th, and I prefer the March theory. I'm assuming the first day Homura wakes up, fills out applications, and sends them, then leaves the hospital to go to her apartment. Walpurgisnacht arrives on midnight GMT of Walpurgisnacht, April 30th going into May 1st, a German holiday(?) celebrating a gathering of witches and the birthday of Satanism... even though the name Walpurgis comes from Saint Walpurga, a saint from the eighth century. And it's theorized (the theory I agree with) that Walpurgisnacht (witch) is a conglomeration of witches and/or familiars, because Walpurgisnacht's direct namesake is a gathering of witches. Anyway, tenth day because the first day is the 16th and the first day of school for Homura is the 25th.
(3) the left still blurry with blood: In the second movie, Madoka wiped away the blood. I think it was for censorship, though. The episodes show the blood. It's kind of arbitrary, but I'll keep it.
(4) phail = fail. Please be smart enough to have realized that. But I'm starting a tradition, so I included this one. ...Tangent: ph = f, so p = fh. For example, fhotaedeauze are my favorite brown-skinned, white-fleshed edible legumes.
Chapter Synopsis. Starts with Rebellion's end. Homura goes demon, steals part of Madoka, rewrites the universe. Then everything is so perfectly wrong that it grinds to a halt. It seemed she messed up the world so much that it rejected her and unraveled back to when things made more sense. That or she just had a really long dream. Not only was the result of that "dream" a non-ideal outcome, but the time-line she ended up in after being evicted from Rebellion seemed like it was going to end up at that exact same outcome. So she reset. It would probably make more sense for her to go through Rebellion a few hundred more times instead of resetting, but that would be a one-shot, not this story.
Changes Log:
2 September 2017 – Back to this story after a long break. Moved most of the AN to the end; cleaned up the content and notes a bit; changed my vision for the story; drastically changed how Rebellion ends.