The purpose of this story is to get it out of my mind and share it with the world. And why the heck shouldn't I? Anyone who disagrees with me shall face the death described in chapter five of 'The appointments'. Muhaha.
-Tobi
The main shinigami in the shinigami woman's association (SWA) were in their head quarters having been snowed in on New Years Eve and all huddled up by the fireplace in the lounge. The members of said association being the captains of the 2nd and 4th division aswell as the vice captains of the 4th, 5th, 8th, 10th, 11th, 12th, and because Kiyone was ill, Rukia offered to step up for her as the 13th.
Because the heater had broken and the power had gone out, and being the very resourceful people the SWA were, they had made a fire, taken some blankets from the supply closet, raided the SWA headquarters kitchen, cooked food, Matsumoto had discovered a vault of sake in the cellar, the pipes had been frozen, they discovered, they were out of everything else to drink, so Matsumoto rejoiced at being forced to drink, as her taicho had dubbed it, her bitter-pathetic-intoxicating-brain-cell-killing sludge, but the short form was Matsumoto's sludge.
At this point three of them huddled in each blanket, all by the fire, eating popcorn and alcohol-induced rice, with the alcohol burned out, either drinking as little sake as possible or watching in awe as Rangiku racked open her third bottle not even nearing the point of drunkenness, they found this absolutely astonishing.
" It's amazing really," whispered Isane to her captain " how she can drink so much and still talk like a sane person without even the slightest bit of slur." Unohana nodded in agreement.
" Well, that's because I pwn in the bar, I can drink at least six bottles before I'm drunk!" laughed Rangiku as if the fact that she drank so much and wasn't drunk was as silly a question as why Tousen was offended when a drunken Iba challenge him to game of 'I spy'!
"Matsumoto-san, 'pwn' isn't a real word." Pointed out Ise.
"Ah, shuddup!" she declared, waving off her comment .
"Ano, Rangiku-san, why don't we play a game to pass the time? It'll be forever until they figure out what happened to us and dig us out, besides that everyone else is snowed in aswell." Suggested a quiet and shy Hinamori.
Matsumoto slammed down her bottle so hard Momo winced thinking she had done something wrong.
"That's a fan-freaking-tastic idea, Hina-chan! And I know exactly what game to play! It's called guess who! We pick a topic that requires us to answer it with the name of someone and instead of just giving the name we give a clue then we 'guess who' the other is talking about! And when we find out you have to say why! Yay! I'm a genius! More brilliant than my taicho, I say!" said Matsumoto, popping open a fourth bottle of sake. Sweat drops a plenty here!
" Um, ok then," said chibi Ise " So let's play! What's the first topic? Soifon-taicho, why don't you pick first?"
" Hmmm, alright then. The topic is… people we hate"
" Soifon-taicho, hate is such a strong word. Why don't we change it to people we can't stand?" stated Unohana.
" Fine. People we can't stand to even stay in the same room as" Soifon corrected.
" Great! You can go first, Soifon-taicho!" shouted Rangiku.
" The person I can't stand" she started sending a look Unohana's way " Wears a stupid pink jacket."
" Kyouraku-taicho." Said Nanao pushing up her glasses slowly chewing her rice with a small smile.
" Ooh, and why would you hate Pinky-chan, Angry-chan?" asked Yachiru stuffing yet another handful of popcorn into her mouth and munching with bits stuck around her face, sitting on Momo's lap, cuddling as close as possible to keep warm.
" He always seems to know just how to flick that switch to send me into a fiery rage! With him practicallymolesting ever woman that walks by him and saying stupid and immature things as pick up lines, he drives me INSANE!" she screamed braking the handle of her cup.
" Sh-shall we continue?" asked Isane trying to break the tension.
"Ya, how about…Nemu-san! You've been awfully quiet, and we really want to get to know you better. Mayuri can't keep you totally from the outside world, right?" inquired Rukia nervously between Ise and Matsumoto.
She nodded " I suppose it couldn't hurt as long as you don't tell anyone!" she stressed and they all nodded in agreement.
" He's a jack ass I'm forced to be polite too, if I value my limbs." She said angrily.
" Robot-chan! It's Robot-chan! Right Quiet-chan? That guy who's really mean to you! Pachinko-chan hates him too. He doesn't like how mean he is to you…I think Pachinko-chan likes you!" declared Yachiru.
" Yes, I hate my so-called-father. I don't like how he treats me and I don't like how he treats others. He's only happy when he's interested and cutting open dead things, or making them demented. I'm glad I have friends like you guys! I feel like a three hundred pound weight was just lifted off my chest!" Nemu began giggling and fell backwards in giddy schoolgirl laughter, nearly knocking poor Hinamori, beside her, over.
"Wow, Nemu-san, I didn't know you had such an out going personality! We should have more natural disasters barricading the doors and knocking out the power every time we have a meeting!" laughed Unohana and every one joined in, even Nanao.
" Ok," said Hinamori recovering from laughter " Whose next?"
" Let's stop this topic and get on to something interesting…" said Matsumoto mischievously, rubbing her hands together and glancing around.
"What?" they all inquired.
"Secret crushes, and if we guess who you have to say how long you've had this infatuation." She said still doing her evil charade.
They looked startled at first but all agreed after some glances to each other, and a sprint of laughter when Yachiru asked what infatuation meant, though mind they did tell her.
" Alright, ladies let's get started, we'll go clock wise from me. That means I start and then it's Rukia-chan, then Nanao-san, followed by the optional Yachiru then Hina-chan, after which would be Nemu-san, then Isane-san, Unohana-taicho, and then last but certainly not least, Soifon-taicho."
"Please, Matsumoto-san, call me Unohana-san, I was never big on formalities with friends." Laughed Retsu.
" I'll keep my title." Said Soifon grimly.
" Alrighty then my galies, let me open my eighth bottle of sake and then we can begin. Hina-chan has your haircloth always been purple, oh, wait, it's orange, did it just turn blue?" hiccupped Matsumoto " any waaaaaaaaaaay my crush's name is Gin."
" Um, Matsumoto-san, is your crush Ichimaru Gin?" asked a soft-spoken Momo.
" How did you know?" asked Rangiku, completely dumb-founded " Oh, wwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeellllllllll, I've loved Gin since I met him when we were like 1000."
" Matsumoto-san, you're 200." Pointed out Isane.
" Who is?" she asked and they lost all hope of her giving a sane answer.
" Rukia-chaaaaaan, You're next! Give us a hint!" said the drunken Matsumoto, now on her ninth bottle.
" Ok, my crush is-"
" It's Ichigo!" shouted Rangiku.
" Right." She said " Onto, Nanao."
" My crush is the person you'd least expect me to like." Ise answered simply.
" Is it… Hisagi-fukutaicho?" asked Soifon.
" Noooooo." Said Ise with a sly grin.
" How about Kira-kun?" asked Isane.
"Noooooo." She said the smile still plastered to her face.
" I've got it! It's Kyouraku-taicho, isn't it?" Unohana jumped up and knew she was right when Nanao flushed red and decomposed.
" Bu-bu-but, h-how?" she asked grasping her cup tightly.
" He's the last person we would think of. So, Nanao-san, how long?" Retsu winked.
Ise recomposed herself and said " about twenty years after I became his vice captain. I don't get it; I hate every thing he does! I hate how lazy he is, how much he likes sake, how he's constantly hitting on me! It doesn't make sense!" (Did I honestly say 'recomposed'?)
Unohana giggled, " In time it will, dear, in time it will."
" Who did I say was next now? Oh! Right! Yachiru, do you have a crush on some one?" asked Rangiku.
" What's a crush?" the small girl asked.
" I'm guessing she doesn't! Now what was I asking her…." Matsumoto was quite dazed being on her 12th bottle.
" Ooh! It was Peachy-chan! Riiiiiiiiiiiight?" asked Yachiru.
"Ya! It was Peachy-chan! Whose peachy-chan again…?" said Rangiku in deep thought.
" It's Hinamori-san, I do believe." Said Unohana politely.
" Ooooooooook! Go ahead Hina-chan!!!" I think you know by now who the drunk is.
" Ummm, m-my crush I've known since even before the academy." Said Momo, in practically a whisper.
" Whaaat? Speak up Hina-chan, Speak up!" shouted Rukia, forgetting her title and the title of those around her.
" M-my c-crush I've known s-since before the academy." Repeated Hinamori nervously.
" I honestly don't know who that is." Said Rukia and the others murmured in agreement. Momo breathed a sigh of relief. Nobody knew that Hitsugaya and herself had grown up together. This could not be held against her. It could not.
" Bah! You people don't know anything about wittle Hinaaaaaa! It's the grouchy one I work for! I read 'is journals! He has a whole library of journals in his big ass closet! I read twelve pages every night to help myself to sleep! Some are really boring and others are sooooooo sad! Like when Hina had to come over to their old house from the academy to bury the only woman that ever cared! I cried at that one! I'mreeeeeaaaaaallllyyyy sorry about that loss Hiiiiiiinaaaaamooooriiiiii-saaaaaaaaan!" cried the drunk.
At this Hinamori despaired. A) Her long time crush had been found out. B) An old pain was starting to resurface. C) Matsumoto knew every secret about Toushiro including how he thinks of her. Sad really. Really.
" Alright spill! How long?" cried a gossipy Isane, with a new curiosity that was left unnoticed, lots of things were tonight.
" Since I realized he was all grown up. You can't call him short without being a drunk or a liar."
" Hey! Dare'z nothin' wron' wit bein' a dwunk!" screamed Matsumoto slurring her words and starting her 14th bottle of sake.
" Alright Matsumoto-san that's enough for tonight." Said Rukia putting Rangiku's alcohol out of her reach.
" Neeeeee! What's New Years Eve without sakeeeeeeeee?" she whined.
" No!" they all said in unison.
Matsumoto 'hmm-ph'ed like a she usually did when not getting her way then suggested that they continue.
" Soooo, now would be Nemu-san, ne?" she asked.
" Yep." said Soifon, obviously bored.
" Alright, I do have a crush, but this is totally secret. What's said in the SWA headquarters stays in SWA headquarters, got it?" she said as they once again nodded in agreement.
" Ok, My crush has achieved bankai and refuses to become a captain, even though he has all the qualifications." Nemu said winking playfully.
" You have a crush on Ikkaku?" said Soifon, finally jumping into the game.
Nemu nodded " He cut off Mayuri's arm when he was about to hit me! He cut it off again after he used the regenerating formula! I couldn't tell if it was chivalry, bravery, or stupidity, but whatever it was it won me over! Mayuri didn't lay a hand on me for the rest of the day!"
" Wow." They all said, even the second division captain was amazed at the guts Ikkaku had. When people said the eleventh were brave they weren't kidding. Or was it fool hardy…?
" Wow, remind me to buy Ikkaku a drink when I see him in the bar next time!" said Matsumoto, pulling a hidden stash of sake out from her uniform but was again taken by Rukia.
" When we said 'no more sake.' We completely meant it!" growled the petite woman as Rangiku sweat dropped and giggled nervously.
" Next!" yelled Yachiru who was enjoying this game. More black mail material meant more candy, and Yachiru loved candy!
" Isane do you have a crush?" asked Momo, suddenly curios.
" No, I don't. I have scarce time to even look for someone interesting to me." Isane said half complained.
" Hmmmm, maybe I should lengthen your vacation time Isane-san. God knows you need to be more social." Said Unohana simply with lack of some of her usual politeness, of which was quickly corrected " Sorry, but you could use a little more relaxation, seeing as you usually work so hard, you should spend your free time with your friends."
Isane decided to not take it personally and waved it off politely.
" Next would be Unohana-san! Unohana-saaaaan, doyou have a crush on anyone?" said Rangiku, still clearly drunk and waving her finger playfully.
" As a matter of fact," stated the woman leaning in " I do."
The others leaned back and gasped, not knowing this was coming, but quickly their shock was replaced with utter curiosity.
" Who is it!" shouted a suddenly enthusiastic Momo happily, this did not go unnoticed, but was left alone as not to be diminished.
" Ya, Hina-chan is right! Give us a clue!" said Rukia, now comfortable with her surroundings and accepting that she was among friends. This did not go unnoticed either, but was left alone for the same reason Hinamori's out burst was left.
" Alright, alright! I shall, give me a moment to think on it…ah now I have it! My crush has come to me for advice because he trusts me more than anyone else, and knows my advice will be assuring and sound." Retsu said sweetly.
" I knoooooow!!!! It's Ken-chan! It's Ken-chan! Am I right on that one too, Uno-chan? I wiiiiin! I'm going to tell Ken-chan you like him too!" shouted Yachiru in her usual hyper self.
" You are," started the long braided woman " correct, Yachiru."
Every one gaped. The captain of the healing division was in love with the bloodthirsty captain of thebloodthirsty division? It was unheard of! Yet here was the female captain proclaiming such intensions with no hesitation and no sign of a joke what so ever! Seeing their initial shock the said captain said something so simple yet so explanatory, it settled most confusion.
"As a wise man once said, opposites attract!" she then laughed heartily and ended with a wink.
" Alright, Soifon-taicho, your turn! Who do you have a crush on?" inquired a giddy, and flirtatious Nemu.
" Oh, would you look at the time," she said looking at her wrist watch " It's nearly midnight! Almost the New Year!"
" Your right! Exactly twenty seconds to midnight!" gasped Hinamori, looking at her own watch.
" Alright, we'll continue this next meeting! Yachiru can hardly keep her eyes open." Said Ise, peering at the six-year-old girl, now in the arms of Unohana.
" Hey, ten seconds to! We'd better start the count down!" warned Rukia, looking at the watch on Matsumoto's wrist.
" Ten!" they all shouted, except Yachiru's voice, which was groggy from tiredness.
" Nine!"
" Eight!"
" Seven!"
" Six!"
" Five!"
" Four!"
" Three!"
" Two!"
" One!"
" HAPPY NEW YEAR!"
WHY DID I WRITE THIS? I have no clue! It's March for Pete's sake! R & R!
-Tobi