Forever 17

Summary: I'm watching over you, and I'll always be watching over you, I love you Liberty. (A JT Yorke Story)

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Never thought it would be me
living in a shattered dream
how could this be?
The end for me

You always hear about these random acts of violence and people dying too young, but you always think that it could never happen to you, the blind ignorance you have towards the world doesn't allow you to ever think that it could be you lying in that coffin before you even have a chance to live your life. Unfortunately, you only really realize that it could happen to you when it's too late.

I, JT Yorke, didn't appreciate my life, or even the lives of the people around me. I abandoned Liberty the second our son was gone, and I didn't even stay around long enough to see if she was okay, which she probably wasn't. That's the thing about me, I don't really think before I do something, which is probably one of the main reasons Liberty decided to give the baby up for adoption in the first place.

Why I ever listened to Jay, I don't even know. I guess I thought that somehow, stealing and dealing drugs was going to help us out, once again the blind ignorance was kicking in and I, being gullible and naïve, seemed to think it would solve our problems. However, when everything came crashing down on me, I didn't think (yet again) and I did another dumb thing, typical me. The minute after I popped those pills I knew it was wrong, but it took a load off of my shoulders, knowing that I didn't have to deal with anything anymore. Even though Jay did get me into this mess, at least he got me to a hospital, things could have been so much worse…

I don't like thinking about that day, and my suicide attempt, but I do think that somehow it prepared me for what we were facing. However, that did kind of blow up in my face when we got into a fight, and we finally ended it. That was probably one of the worst days of my life, shy from the day that Liberty told me she was putting the baby up for adoption while I was in the hospital on 'suicide watch'

If I could take all of that stuff back, I would. But now it's too late

What I wouldn't give to have
a life to live, a day to plan
instead I'll be forever, 17.

I know that it's wrong to believe this, and it's wrong to even be thinking about it, but I can't help but blame Mia. Sure she was good looking and she was fun to talk to, but she was no Liberty Van Zandt, and I knew it too. I didn't want to be in love with Liberty, I just couldn't get her out of my head, especially after she gave up our baby…

I know I put up a strong front around school, pretending like nothing had happened, but it was just a mask I put on to avoid showing the pain I was really feeling because JT Yorke isn't supposed to be sad, he's supposed to be a steady source of humour and cheering-up-ness, or whatever the hell they called me, it just stopped mattering so much. When I found out Mia had a daughter, I knew I couldn't walk away, for the sole fact that it reminded me so much of what could have been Liberty and I, and our son.

I know the day that I picked a fight with that guy from Mia's old school that there was going to be serious precautions, but as usual, I blew it off, because nothing could ever happen to me. In high school nothing bad ever happens, unless you are a complete psychopath, so I didn't think anything of it, yet again with the blind ignorance.

Could have lived out every dream

Could have been most anything

It's too bad it took dying just to realize how many mistakes I made in my life.

Someone wake me up

I haven't lived yet

I'm only 17.

God did you forget?

I'm just a baby!

And I don't want to be

Forever 17

When Manny said she wanted to have a 'small get together with friends' for Liberty's birthday, I was ecstatic, even though I had suggested it subtly in the first place. I knew that somewhere deep down I still had feelings for Liberty, I just didn't want to acknowledge them, and I could continue 'playing house' with Mia, pretending to be happy and in love, when I wasn't, not with Mia anyway.

The look on Liberty's face when I told her it was me who suggested the party to Manny almost shattered my heart; it was a look of complete and utter love. It was everything I had not to grab her and kiss her right there, but I couldn't, and I wouldn't, because I am a coward.

I'll never have a bed to make
a test to take
a summer day
I'll always be forever 17

Could have had a family
if things had worked out differently
instead I'll be forever 17

Looking back on it, I know I've made mistakes, and it would have been easy to fix them had I realized what they were at the time, and acknowledged the fact that I might not live forever, but I didn't, and look where that got me. There are so many things that I regret not doing. I regret not being able to hold Liberty in my arms one last time, I regret not being able to say goodbye to my son, I regret not being able to tell Liberty I loved her and never stopped, and I regret never saying goodbye to everyone.

Could I have one more day?

A chance to learn from my mistakes!

Why is it that we only realize what we had when it's been violently ripped from our grasps and were never going to be able to hold or talk to it ever again? I would do anything just to hear her voice saying my name and holding me just one last time, but it's too late now, I took her for granted and now she's gone.

Someone wake me up

I haven't lived yet

I'm only 17

God did you forget?

I'm just a baby!

I don't want to be
Forever 17

It hurts me so bad when I realize that Liberty will have to deal with the absence of our son alone, and that if she ever does become reacquainted with him, and he asks about me, she'll have to tell him that his dad is dead, all because of a moment of weakness in which I distanced myself from the one person I ever really loved, for no conscious reason.

She probably won't ever forget the fact that I just sat there and died, letting the blood run down the back of my shirt as she screamed and cried for help and for me to say something, to say anything. I wanted to say something so badly, but my mouth just wouldn't work!

In a matter of a moment
life fell before my eyes
now I'm looking at the meaning of
the miracle of life

Where are we going
without even knowing
the answers deep inside

Forever 17

I really loved her, more than I've ever loved anything in my life. My oatmeal, as I referred to her, was so much better that the meatball sub, I just couldn't realize it until it was too late.

When she told me she still loved me I could barley breathe, but for some reason the words that came out of my mouth were 'oh…wow!' and that was it! When she stormed off I could feel the words finally coming back up into my mouth, but she was gone. So I did what seemed natural, chased after her. When I finally caught up with her, we surprisingly got into a fight, and for some strange reason I tried to convince her, and myself, that I was in love with Mia!

When she grabbed her coat and ran out the door I knew I had made a mistake, so after receiving some pretty good advice from Toby, I finally did something I should have done months ago, went looking for Liberty, to tell her how I really felt.

Unfortunately, before I could get anywhere two assholes were pissing on my car, which ticked me off majorly. Some witty remarks were exchanged and with that they backed off, or so I thought. I'm turning the keys in the handle of the door of my car when I'm suddenly shocked still with pain. The red haired guy whispered something in my ear, but I can't hear him. The pain is deafening, even though pain doesn't exactly make a sound.

I heard them run off, but I couldn't move, I could feel something trickling down my back and in horror, I realized it was my blood. I managed to turn a 180 and slide down the car so I was sitting on the sidewalk. I couldn't move, I was paralyzed, and I was dying. I hear footsteps, and a cry of anguish, someone had found me. I was silently praying that it was Liberty, so that I could tell her what I had originally planned on telling her. I felt someone grasp me around the waist and shake me, screaming in horror when they saw the blood tricking down my back.

Finally I could see the persons face, it was Liberty. I tried to open my mouth to get the words to come out, but nothing would come out, just a trickle of something coming out of my mouth and by the taste in my mouth, it was blood. She grasped me harder, screaming and crying for someone to help. It was getting darker and Liberty was getting blurrier and farther away. I wanted to reach up and grab her, hug her, and tell her it would be okay, but I couldn't. I was fading and slipping away, so far away that I would never come back.

So don't give up
You haven't lived yet
You're only seventeen
And God did not forget
You're just a baby

Looking down on the people waiting in the hospital waiting room, I couldn't help but feel a trickle falling down my cheek. I knew what would the verdict would be, but I didn't want them to hear the words that everyone always dreaded to hear.

"I'm sorry, but your brother didn't make it" the doctor said, as I sadly watched on as Toby's hopeful expression turn into one of pure shock and despair. I watched as he slowly turned on his heel and headed back towards the group, asking to speak with Liberty in private first. As the two of them walked out into the hallway, I saw the hope in Liberty's eyes, hoping and praying that I would be okay, but then Toby dashed her hopes.

I could barley stand to see her face as it quickly changed from hopeful, to sad, to anguished and then confused. I saw her eyes dart around the room, as if it was some big joke and I would come waltzing out of the double doors. But it wasn't, and I didn't. She let out a muffled cry and ran out of the hospital.

Someone wake me up

I haven't lived yet
I'm only 17.

The next day at the funeral home I surveyed the grieving people as the mourned. I didn't know half of the people there, but it was nice to be acknowledged I guess. I saw Liberty sitting on a sofa by herself, she wasn't crying but I could tell she was barley holding it together. The anguish shining through her eyes would penetrate through anyone, if they knew her well enough.

When they had the memorial she finally broke down, I could feel the anguish radiating from her and broke me, to know that I couldn't hold her in my arms and tell her that it would be okay. She sobbed into Danny's shoulder, as he held her tightly, there were tears brimming in his eyes aswell, but I knew he wanted to be strong for Liberty, so he wouldn't let the fall. He will take good care of her, even if I cant

So don't give up
You haven't lived yet
You're only seventeen
And God did not forget
You're just a baby

Liberty I love you and I'll always be watching over you sweetheart, don't forget about me but keep on going. I hope you reunite with our son someday and I hope you tell him about me, Even though I'm gone I know I'll always be with you, even if you don't realize it.

I know I'll see her again, although when I see her again she should be much older than me, because I will be, Forever 17.

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AN: Gah that was hard to write, but I just watched 611 and 612 and I needed to write that, as my own coping or something, I'm not sure. But I cried so hard writing this, so I hope someone enjoys it or something. The song is 'Forever 17' by ZOEgirl, if anyone was curious.