A/N: This is a post ep (yes i know, again) for Season 6 episode 10 "Fall from Grace". It includes no real spoilers except for the last scene, and actually not even that completely. But that's what this ep is about; Jordan's reaction to Garret's ultimatum. I know there next ep has not aired yet but I'm pretty sure we won't be seeing anything like this there, and if we will I'm just 'happy' about it.
I'm rating this ep T for some hard language. I hope that's enough. It's just cursing, nothing more. It's not that bad is it? But if you're sensitive you may want to read elsewhere. Rewiews always welcome. But this was more of an impulse work than anything else.
To those of you waiting for an update for "elevators and hot spring days" I's coming (pun... er... not intended... I think). I have not forgotten. I just need to find the time and the inspiration.
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"You need to deal with this"

She stared at him as if she couldn't believe the words coming out of his mouth. But then it dawned on her."Damn you Garret!" She shouted and turned around and left his office, slamming the door behind her with a loud BAM.

He could hear her heels clapping away down the corridor fast and furious. He knew he had to say this.
He knew she'd have this exact reaction.
He knew it'd help. Eventually she'd come around.
He also knew how much he hated putting her through these dilemmas no matter what good it did later.
He wished he could have taken a drink right now to ease the worries.
He took a deep sigh.
He could only hope she'd change her mind 'till the next morning.

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Jordan saw red. Blood fucking damn red! She thought as she was about to tear her bag apart in sheer frustration for not finding the keys in 3 seconds.
"But for fuck's sake!" She cursed out loud, and just when she was about to throw her bag upside down on the floor she found the keys at the bottom, as usual.

Right now she hated Garret so much she didn't know what to do with herself. So as usual when she felt this way she dealt with it by just going home as fast as possible and staying away from any human contact that would otherwise be an easy available target for her frustration. Only this time it wasn't her fault, dammit!
She slammed the door and bolted it with hard angry moves. Kicked off her heels and quite enjoyed shaking them off her feet as hard as she could. They hit a wall and landed with hard thuds on the floor.

After quickly and equally tempered discharging her other attires she pondered her best options. Shower? No. With her luck she'd just slip and hurt herself or her neighbours would complain over her head banging into the tiled walls.

She walked over into her bedroom area and sat down on the bed, discharging her clothes for something more comfortable.
But her mind was too upset to handle such calmness, and she felt her eyes start to burn with unshed tears as she pulled her grey top over her head.

Why did he have to do this? Why does he always have to be such a damn pain in the frikken ass?!
"Deal with it, deal with it, bla-blaa-blah." She copied his words with a mocking voice.
"What if I don't want to deal with it then? What if I just want to die!?
"Just leave me the hell alone and let me die!" She screamed, tears now rolling down her cheeks as she was fumbling for her night-t-shirt through blurry eyes.

Her brain willed her body to stop crying but her brain was also the fuck up that made her cry. She hated to bloat in self pity but she couldn't help it. It was all the fault of that damn meningioma! And that made her cry even more in sheer frustration.

In the end she just gave in. She fell down on her stomach onto her bed and just cried her eyes out. Banging her fists into the mattress she screamed angry at the world, sobbed and yelled until she could hardly draw a breath.

Why had this happened to her she wondered while she tried to take a deep breath some time later. Why was the world always against her?
"What did I do to upset you!?" She yelled at god or noone in particular.
"But know this, I'm not giving up that easy! Oh no. You want me to die, fight, because I'm going to fight YOU, you hear me?!!"

"I'M NOT GOING TO DIE!" She screamed.
"I'm not going to die" She repeated in a tired, rough voice.
"I'm not going to die" She whispered, curling into the fetal position on the bed, clutching her t-shirt. Worn out.
"I'm not going to die" She thought. And just before falling asleep she remembered "I need to thank Garret for this. Damn him for knowing me better than me.

And then she was gone, deep into a dreamless world that for the moment held an escape from an uncertain unthinkable future.