Don't let the summary fool you, this is properly classified as humour and is meant to be very light-hearted. This is set after my other story The City Ruinous but can be read as a stand alone piece (I do recommend reading it though-and possibly reviewing? :-) ). The only background information you really need is that the Four recently returned to Cair Paravel after a rather nasty encounter with a witch and a city of evil giants. A few unpleasant things transpired over the course of the story and left Edmund with some pretty nasty nightmares. Linus is an original character introduced in that story, but his personality is fairly self explanatory here.

"Oi, shove over." It is scarcely ever pleasant to be awakened from a deep sleep by an elbow to the ribs and a distinctly grumpy voice ordering you to move. But, as Peter well knew, when the voice and elbow belong to your even grumpier appearing brother it is usually wise to do as you are told. Peter obligingly shifted over and let Edmund drop onto the mattress with a cross sigh.

"Trouble sleeping?" He blinked owlishly, still barely half awake, but growing steadily more aware as his worry increased. In the month since their return from Harfang Edmund had been prone to fits of depressed brooding, sleeplessness, and violently unpleasant nightmares. He was improving, albeit slowly, but Peter found his sudden presence in the middle of the night less than reassuring; Edmund usually only appeared in Peter's room after waking from a particularly violent bout of nightmares.

"Oh, clever, as if you don't know precisely why I'm not sleeping in my own room. Don't try to pretend you aren't entirely responsible for this!" Edmund sounded thoroughly put out rather than distressed.

This is not what I was expecting, Peter thought blearily-fighting to keep hold of at least some of his blankets as Edmund fought equally determinedly to pull them further towards him. Usually his younger brother was pale, shaking, and on the verge of tears when disrupting Peter's sleep, and while Peter was relieved this was not the case he was rather puzzled as well. Equally as unexpected was the loud snuffling sound emanating from the vicinity of the closed door. "I really have no idea what you are talking about." A very distinctive whining sound joined the snuffling and Peter wondered vaguely is he was still asleep and having a bizarre dream; it sounded like a pack of Dogs was trying to paw their way into the room. "What the blazes is that noise?"

"That," said Edmund crossly (managing to wrestle most of Peter's blankets away from him). "Would be Linus and Fox. I'm assuming you ordered them to keep me out of trouble; unfortunately their definition of doing so involves snoring so loudly my teeth ache and managing to knock me off my own bed. They've been following me all week, which isn't so bad, except that I was minding my own business and trying to sleep when they decided that 'guarding' meant sleeping on top of me. I know you put them up to this." His head disappeared, first under the mound of blankets and then under Peter's pillow. Peter blinked again, not sure if he wanted to laugh or curse, and settled for clamping his hands over his ears and attempting to fall back asleep.

Whoever is responsible for this ridiculous behaviour will most decidedly pay for it. At a much more reasonable hour. At least Edmund seemed to be sleeping peacefully. And he ought to be, considering he stole most of my blankets.

Peter sighed, managed to tug one of the blankets free from his sleeping brother's grip, and glared blearily in the direction of the door. Sacrifices must be made, I suppose. But between Edmund's only slightly muffled snoring and the pathetic whining coming from the Dogs in the hallway it took many hours for Peter to find sleep again.

By the time he woke the next morning (Edmund was still stubbornly asleep and Peter valued his life enough not to attempt waking him), and stumbled into the hallway in search of breakfast he had entirely forgotten about the Dogs. Upon entering the hallway, he tripped rather spectacularly over the snoring lumps of fur stationed outside the door. His shin collided painfully with a low table and he narrowly escaped falling flat on his face as the aforementioned lumps of fur suddenly leapt to their feet, barking and wagging their tails.

The huge grey wolfhound nearly bowled him over again in excitement and the sheepdog-Fox?-let out such a piercing bark of welcome that it set Peter's head aching. "King Peter! King Peter! Good morning! Did you sleep well?" Linus bounced on his paws, spun in a circle, and dropped back on his haunches, grinning. Peter suddenly found Edmund's behaviour of the previous night perfectly explicable. Dogs, he had learned recently, were terribly excitable, unflinchingly loyal, and unfailingly infuriating. Aslan, give me patience! he implored silently, as he always did when confronted with some of the more ridiculous Creatures in his kingdom.

"Good cousins, what are you doing outside my door?" he asked, as politely as he could while rubbing his bruised shin.

"Waiting for King Edmund," offered Fox helpfully. "Is he avoiding us?" Both Dogs whined rather pathetically, only to cheer a moment later. "We're guarding him!"

Not particularly well, Peter reflected, remembering how deeply asleep the two Creatures had been prior to him stumbling over them. "And what precisely do you mean by guarding?"

Fox tilted her head to one side, puzzled. "Following him, of course."

"And protecting him," Linus added exuberantly. "You never know when someone might try to poison his food."

"Or steal his blankets!" Fox added, jabbing Linus in the shoulder with her nose.

"Who ordered you to?" So that I can personally shout at them for Edmund stealing my blankets.

"It's a secret," confided Linus in a stentorian whisper. "We mustn't tell! Queen Susan ordered us not to say a word about it."

Well then. "Ermm…wonderful, carry on…guarding then." He half sprinted down the hallway, struggling not to laugh. How is it that Dogs manage to be infuriating, well meaning, and amusing all at once?

When Edmund joined them for breakfast half an hour later he did not seem amused, and was less so when Linus and Fox came lumbering after him into the room and nearly overturned the table before Edmund reluctantly put most of his own breakfast onto the floor for them. The Dogs eagerly accepted the food and for a few heartbeats there was peace. Regrettably Dogs eat incredibly fast and a moment later they were scampering about the room, barking and chasing invisible shadows. Peter spared a moment to be glad Lucy was away visiting Mr. Tumnus, if she had not been he was quite certain she would have joined the Dogs cavorting about the room rather than remained gracefully at the table. Susan would have been at her wit's end trying to make her remember her manners. Speaking of Susan...

Peter had not missed the slight, amused twitch of Susan's mouth as she watched Edmund groan and reach for the coffee pot again. Well, dear sister, it seems Linus reported your part in this accurately. He hadn't quite trusted Linus' accidental implication of Susan's responsibility until that very moment. Peter was all too happy to scrawl a single word onto a scrap of parchment and surreptitiously slip it across the table to his glowering brother. Edmund glanced crossly from his coffee to the parchment and his mood seemed to brighten considerably. He grinned conspiratorially at Peter before turning cheerfully to his older sister.

"I say, Susan, I've just thought of the perfect Christmas gift for you!" Susan blinked, obviously puzzled by Edmund's sudden change in mood, but somehow didn't find it worth questioning. Peter was certain she shared his relief that their prone to brooding brother spent the rest of the morning grinning and whistling a jaunty tune.

Had his shin not been so thoroughly bruised and his rest not so rudely disrupted the night before, Peter might have summoned up a modicum of sympathy for Susan. She would undoubtedly have cause to regret assigning the two Dogs to guard Edmund before the end of the day. As it was Peter found himself inclined feel that she entirely deserved whatever retribution was coming to her. Besides, had he been the one responsible for the Dogs' behaviour Peter felt certain whatever revenge Edmund was plotting would have been well worth bearing based solely upon the fact that, for the first time in months, his brother's eyes were filled with impish amusement rather than being haunted by his nightmares. Although, the devious grin Edmund was currently sporting did serve to make Peter rather nervous about the nature of his revenge-such looks usually heralded a rather spectacular disruption of Cair Paravel's peaceful atmosphere.

Sometimes sacrifices must be made, Peter thought again, though this time it was with a rather unreasonable amount of amusement. Though this case is quite likely to prove more diverting than most others.

A second part featuring Susan will be posted at some point. I'm really supposed to be putting my writing on hold until after finals in a week...and yet here I am. This plot bunny was rather persistent and I found myself wanting to write something that is nearly utter nonsense after the stress involved in The City Ruinous. Leave me a review if it isn't too much trouble!

Cheers,

A