Author's Note: Using Hogwarts Daily Challenge Prompt #3: "Don't you think you're being a little paranoid?"
Almost Incognito
"Don't you think you're being a little paranoid?"
Severus frowned at his companion, who was wearing a false beard and platform shoes at his request. Her glare was real, though.
"If you ask me, you're not being paranoid enough," he said, his eyes narrowed as he surveyed the train platform. "I told you we should have forced Potter to lend us his Invisible Cloak."
Hermione sighed in irritation. "Severus, honestly! In the Wizarding World, we may be slightly popular—"
"Slightly?" Severus' voice grew shrill. "The Daily Prophet paid for someone to paint a billboard of me the size of the Gringotts dragon, (with an exaggeratedly huge nose, by the way), looming ominously over a tiny version of yourself when our engagement became public knowledge! We may be many things, Hermione, but we are not popular! Quite the opposite, I should think."
"I look ridiculous." Hermione looked down at her feet, which were charmed to look at least four inches longer than normal.
"Might I remind you which one of us is wearing a flowery dress?" Severus hissed back, trying to keep his voice down.
"Hm," Hermione said, tapping her mustache thoughtfully. "I think turquoise looks rather flattering with your colouring."
Severus tried to stop himself from blushing at the compliment (especially considering how absurd it was), but failed miserably. Other than the rare praise for his hard work (which was more skill than talent), Severus was not used to having his appearance perceived in a positive manner.
"Stop that, Hermione," he said, after a few moments, his face growing scarlet.
"Stop what?" Hermione replied innocently. "Can't I look over my spouse in a rakish manner?"
"We're British," Severus said, deadpan.
"So?" Hermione looked puzzled.
"So no, you may not look over your spouse in a rakish manner!" Severus exclaimed. "It isn't proper! And stop staring at my breasts! They're not even real!"
"Oh, so now you want to play the proper card, do you?" Hermione replied with a smirk. "And yet, who was the one who insisted that we dress up like Barbie the Goth and Cousin It after a shave?"
"I have no idea what you're referring to," Severus replied, unamused, "and frankly, I'm afraid to ask."
Hermione opened her mouth, but just then, the train whistle sounded for passengers to begin boarding, and she took the chance to grab him by the wrist and lead him towards their car.
"After all, I am wearing the trousers in this relationship, at least for now," she said, snickering.
"Haha," Severus replied sarcastically, "but I'm carrying the tickets in your purse, so you might want to rethink who's in charge in this situation."
Hermione pulled him up the step of their car and, as he was pulling himself up, pulled him into an embrace and kissed him soundly on the lips. "There. Have I made it all better?"
Severus was about to reply, when Hermione's eyes darted behind him and immediately, her wand was in her hand. Severus turned back just in time to see a familiar green bug flying towards them.
"PETRIFICUS TOTALUS!" Hermione shouted as the train whistle blew loudly and steam hissed everywhere, obscuring her spellcasting.
When the air cleared, Severus could see that a tiny insect statue had dropped onto the floor of the platform. With another swish of her wand, Hermione placed a Permanent Sticking Charm on the frozen illegal animagus. A few pigeons landed nearby, and one of them seemed rather keen on a snack.
"Perhaps that'll teach Skeeter not to stick her beak where it doesn't belong," Hermione said with a sniff.
Severus merely stared at her with a mixture of adoration and shock.
"Come on, then," Hermione said, tugging on his wrist. "Let's get to our compartment. I believe we have some rather honeymoon-like antics to get up to."
"Well, don't let me stop you," Severus replied, his cheeks on fire in record time.
"You couldn't if you tried," Hermione replied, wiggling her eyebrows.
"I knew there was a reason I married you," Severus said, "beard and all."
"I could say the same for you. A man who will wear a dress for you in order to sneak out of the country for our honeymoon is definitely a man worth keeping." Hermione grinned and pulled open their compartment door. "Now, then, how about we get out of these pesky disguises?"
Severus smiled, then, for the first time that morning. "I thought you would never ask."