A/N: Hi everyone Sexiboisgiggler here,well this is my first Austin and Ally fanfiction but not my first fanfiction you see im also on here as SpeedsGirl4eva but unfortunatly cant remember my log in details so just in case some of this story looks or sounds familiar its patterned on my old story Speedles Secret as at the moment my idea pool is a tad dry sorry...anyway ill do my best to change it as best i can..thanks in advance an enjoy...
Lend me your ear
And I'll tell you
The things i fear
Lend me your heart
And I'll tell why
I'm torn apart
I suppose you are wondering how,why and when this terrible secret of mine acctualy manifested...if it was me reading this I soo would but its not because Im the one writing it,anyway it started the day I was born,sounds silly I know
You see my parents Donna and Dennis didnt want anymore children,they already had Didi my sister and they were happy and then BAM I arrived
Dez McDonald
24th June 1997
7lb 9oz
06:40
That day shouldve been my parents second wait no third happiest day of their lives,marriage,Didi,Me? but sadly no.
Anyway I started this diary to try and make sense if it all I also started self harming
I suppose to escape the continues problems at home.
Well here goes...
Day 1:
Didi and mom started on me today,I'm not sure as to why though..oh no wait, yes,yes I do...they dont like me much. Didi always calls me a weirdo I mean since when have I ever been a weirdo?
Anyway Didi got so mad at me she literally ripped the phone from the wall and threw it at me as though she was pitching a baseball (since when has my sister been remotley intrested in sports?) this whole experiance really scared me.
Day 2:
Mom was admitted to hospital today..the doctors said something about her having Lupus I guess it means shes having a mentl breakdown.
Dad and Didi both say it's because of me so i guess no matter what I dooreven attempt to do it'll always be MY fault so I've written my current feelings down belo kind of poetic form...
MY WORLD:
My world is full of anger
My world is full of pain
My world is full ovf helpless cries
I'm screaming out in pain
My world is full of suicide
My world is fullof cuts
My world is full of hurting myself
My world is full if blood
My world is full of violence
My world is full of wars
My world is full of self destruction
There's nothing to live for
My world is full of death
My world is full of doom
My world is fullof mass destruction
The end is coming soon
Tears are falling down my cheeks
But my tears are red
All my life I've sufferd
All my lifeI've bled
Now I sit here silent
My hands holding my head
As I sit here crying
I cry tears of blood.
How ironic is that...I became the person I am today to prove my so called family and my demons wrong. I thought that if I did some good then maybe just maybe my life would be happier...so I enrolled onto a film/directing course here at Marino High (yes im at school and have been for a while)
Finaly in my life I have a group of friends that actually like and accept me for who I am- well except for Trish she seems to like toying with me but its cool we have a special friendly understanding. If only they knew my past then they probably wouldnt want to associate with a weirdo like me.
I'll be honest I still self harmn just not as regular as I used to but I still feel uneasy and slightly guilty about what happend after class the other day,you see my best friend Austin asked me again why I always wear long sleeves...I I couldn't give him an answer because if In did then my disgusting and shameful secret would be out in the open reducing me to that scared and volnurable lad I once was all over again and I cant risk that.
Luckily for me I keep you well hidden diary so when Austin,Ally and Trish do pop round after school they wont ever find you therefore never discovering my secret or my little friends(my razors). Austin came close to finding THEM the other day I thought that hiding them in the drawers in the base unit of my bed was a safe option...obviously not.
Anyway Diary I should be going now I have another wound to secretly dress and I'm dangerously late for school.
'What-Up' Dez.