want (someone) to *love*
Disclaimer: This story is rated R for suicide and implied homosexuality. ;x I don't know how well people will take to the latter, so I'll just give it a plump little 'R' just to be safe. Let's see. Yes, Heero and Duo lust each other. This was originally an original fiction between me and my best friend Alyssa. (Kanjooteki Mikomi on FF.net if you care to read any of her fantastic little stories). It was originally about a half brother and sister named Keiko and Rave, so if you see any ' she ' or ' Keiko ', 'Rave ', 'Chrono', 'Daisuke'.. This is why. I figured it'd do better as a fanfic rather than original so I went through and edited a few things. If you'd like to get the original story, you're more than welcome to contact me at OrewaShinigami@aol.com or leetninja@aol.com and remember to put something in the subject line regarding the story. Like: REGARDING THE STORY. ;x Anyways, I hope you enjoy your little stay in my world.. And have a safe trip back to reality.
He turned his head away from him, eyes closing as his voice came out in a low mournful speech, slightly monotone, but emotion was evident with the way it wavered. "Because I can't love you, because I don't love you.. Because I never have loved you.. I'm sorry, but.. He's mine, Duo. I love him, not you. You were just the escape. Nothing more, nothing less. I never loved you as more than a brother, but please understand, Duo.. Please.. I really did try to learn how to love you, and I think I came close, but I never got passed seeing you as a brother, a best friend.. Oh, Duo, I-"
He cut him off with a sharp slap across his face, tears swimming in the darkening violet orbs. "Your escape? So I was nothing more than your toy? Is that all I was to you? And to Hilde, too, right? Why did I even bother..? I knew getting caught up with you would only promise me nothing but a life full of grieving and devastation. I might have been Brother and Sister Maxwell's mistake, Heero.. But you were mine.."
Heero felt the words sting his heart just as the slap had stung his cheek. He felt the poison of his words spreading through his veins, felt his heavy look as he held back the tears he'd forced from the prisons in his eyes. He almost broke down then. He was prepared for this, he told herself, recited what would happen over and over in his head, but somehow it seemed much worse seeing his face than imagining it, feeling the slap and his hateful words, and suddenly he was sorry, because he really did love him, and for Hilde and Wufei, he would let him go.
"Please, Duo.. You don't understand.. I just-"
"What don't I understand? That you don't love me, or that I was just a little puppet in your self absorbing game? You really did a number on me, Heero. Now I only hope that you have to go through what I went through to get just a little bit of attention from the one that you love. Wufei doesn't love you, and Wufei never will. He has nothing to live for except seeing himself on the front covers of magazines. You'll make him a little money and then you'll be out of the picture. Just like you got bored with me Heero, only faster, swifter, and more painful."
Heero started to cry then, seeing himself reflected in the mirror like orbs of his best friend and lover and suddenly hated himself. He came to realize he hated everything now as he studied the pathetic boy glimmering in his lovers eyes through his tears. He hated the way his hair stuck out in certain places, the way his eyes got brighter as tears fled from them to find a resting place on the ground, the way he looked like he was smiling when he cried. He even hated the way his face made him look hauntingly beautiful. Maybe Duo was right, maybe Wufei would get bored of him, but at least Duo and Hilde could be happy together in their own little world. At least he wouldn't have to hurt anymore when he saw Duo look at Hilde with nothing but love, then look at him in a slightly distant way, the way a brother would look to his younger brother.
"Duo.. Duo.. You're getting this all wrong.. You're-"
"What?" He rounded on him. "Now you're gonna cry, huh? If anybody should be crying, it's me. I almost gave up everything for Solo, and my life for you, and you can't even love me one bit? Why, Heero? I thought that you loved me.. All those hollow and empty words.. And I believed them, Heero.. I believed them. I don't even want to look at you right now. Get away from me, just the very sight of you is making me sick.."
And his world shattered around him into little fibers of glass, cutting him too much to allow him to cry and digging too deep to allow him to move. What had he done? He loved him.. He..
He reached out for him, hand falling on his shoulder. "Duo.."
He loved him.
He slapped his hand away before shoving him a good foot and a half away from him. He seemed slightly shocked by his own actions, eyes traveling down to his hands before he tightened them into fists, as if to grasp his feelings of wanting to kneel down next to him and ask if he was okay and tear them apart. "Don't touch me, Heero. Don't even come near me.."
He turned then, figure retreating into the back rooms, leaving Heero in the living room with unheard tears falling freely from his eyes, meeting their ends on the backs of his hands and the carpet as he got up. He made a mistake, he broke the one he loved the most, and he was going to pay his debt in his own blood. He was going to show him exactly how much he loved him, even if it meant giving up his most precious gift; life. But somehow, even that didn't seem good enough. He was tainted, he'd betrayed him with his body and his life, and he'd had no regrets. Even now his only reason for hurt was because he hurt him, and that seemed to cut a hole bigger than he'd ever imagined in his heart, in his mind, in his body, in his soul..
He reached Duo's room and turned to the dresser, sliding it open to find a pistol. He'd always kept it there just in case, though he knew he'd never need it, not with how powerful he was.. How did it feel to be like Duo, being a street rat for your entire life with nobody to look out for you but yourself, and losing everybody you loved so far? He pushed the thought aside as he grabbed a bullet, putting it into the cockpit of the gun before cocking it. He pointed it to her head. "I'm sorry, Duo.. Aishite'ru.."
*Click* Nothing.
Heero opened his eyes. He wasn't dead, he was still alive.. He took the safety off the gun. He'd do it this time, he'd go through with it.. And then it hit him. He'd just been given a second chance. He knew then, knew exactly how to make it up to him without making him hurt more. He threw the gun on the floor, turning to run out of the room, but he was prolonged. His second chance began for a moment and ended in a second. His steps faltered with the sound of a shot fired, and he fell to the floor, blood pouring from his head.
Upon hearing the hollow echo of the gunshot resound around the house, Duo ran quietly up the steps to the bedroom. He hadn't, had he? The door opened. Blood. There was so much blood.
Duo fell to his knees, tears pouring over tired eyelids as he looked at the male on the ground. "Heero.. Heero wake up.." Pale hands reached forward, grabbing the beauty to shake him once, twice..
He wouldn't wake up.
Duo moved clumsily, holding the small frame pressed against his body as his hand found the gun, digits wrapping around it, forefinger settling on the trigger. If he wouldn't wake up and be with him now, he'd go to him, and they'd sleep forever.
That night, two corrupted souls began their endless journey to heaven, or maybe hell, leaving behind teenage bodies in a puddle of blood. Which gate they fell upon is uncertain, for the only ones who would know are dead, and those who are dead cannot speak of things they know, places they've been, and objects they've seen. Only those willing to leave their bodies to join an uncertain afterlife will ever be able to greet the two teenagers and drown in their sad eyes of blue.
Rest in Peace: Duo Maxwell and Heero Yuy. May you find happiness wherever your wings set you free.
Disclaimer: This story is rated R for suicide and implied homosexuality. ;x I don't know how well people will take to the latter, so I'll just give it a plump little 'R' just to be safe. Let's see. Yes, Heero and Duo lust each other. This was originally an original fiction between me and my best friend Alyssa. (Kanjooteki Mikomi on FF.net if you care to read any of her fantastic little stories). It was originally about a half brother and sister named Keiko and Rave, so if you see any ' she ' or ' Keiko ', 'Rave ', 'Chrono', 'Daisuke'.. This is why. I figured it'd do better as a fanfic rather than original so I went through and edited a few things. If you'd like to get the original story, you're more than welcome to contact me at OrewaShinigami@aol.com or leetninja@aol.com and remember to put something in the subject line regarding the story. Like: REGARDING THE STORY. ;x Anyways, I hope you enjoy your little stay in my world.. And have a safe trip back to reality.
He turned his head away from him, eyes closing as his voice came out in a low mournful speech, slightly monotone, but emotion was evident with the way it wavered. "Because I can't love you, because I don't love you.. Because I never have loved you.. I'm sorry, but.. He's mine, Duo. I love him, not you. You were just the escape. Nothing more, nothing less. I never loved you as more than a brother, but please understand, Duo.. Please.. I really did try to learn how to love you, and I think I came close, but I never got passed seeing you as a brother, a best friend.. Oh, Duo, I-"
He cut him off with a sharp slap across his face, tears swimming in the darkening violet orbs. "Your escape? So I was nothing more than your toy? Is that all I was to you? And to Hilde, too, right? Why did I even bother..? I knew getting caught up with you would only promise me nothing but a life full of grieving and devastation. I might have been Brother and Sister Maxwell's mistake, Heero.. But you were mine.."
Heero felt the words sting his heart just as the slap had stung his cheek. He felt the poison of his words spreading through his veins, felt his heavy look as he held back the tears he'd forced from the prisons in his eyes. He almost broke down then. He was prepared for this, he told herself, recited what would happen over and over in his head, but somehow it seemed much worse seeing his face than imagining it, feeling the slap and his hateful words, and suddenly he was sorry, because he really did love him, and for Hilde and Wufei, he would let him go.
"Please, Duo.. You don't understand.. I just-"
"What don't I understand? That you don't love me, or that I was just a little puppet in your self absorbing game? You really did a number on me, Heero. Now I only hope that you have to go through what I went through to get just a little bit of attention from the one that you love. Wufei doesn't love you, and Wufei never will. He has nothing to live for except seeing himself on the front covers of magazines. You'll make him a little money and then you'll be out of the picture. Just like you got bored with me Heero, only faster, swifter, and more painful."
Heero started to cry then, seeing himself reflected in the mirror like orbs of his best friend and lover and suddenly hated himself. He came to realize he hated everything now as he studied the pathetic boy glimmering in his lovers eyes through his tears. He hated the way his hair stuck out in certain places, the way his eyes got brighter as tears fled from them to find a resting place on the ground, the way he looked like he was smiling when he cried. He even hated the way his face made him look hauntingly beautiful. Maybe Duo was right, maybe Wufei would get bored of him, but at least Duo and Hilde could be happy together in their own little world. At least he wouldn't have to hurt anymore when he saw Duo look at Hilde with nothing but love, then look at him in a slightly distant way, the way a brother would look to his younger brother.
"Duo.. Duo.. You're getting this all wrong.. You're-"
"What?" He rounded on him. "Now you're gonna cry, huh? If anybody should be crying, it's me. I almost gave up everything for Solo, and my life for you, and you can't even love me one bit? Why, Heero? I thought that you loved me.. All those hollow and empty words.. And I believed them, Heero.. I believed them. I don't even want to look at you right now. Get away from me, just the very sight of you is making me sick.."
And his world shattered around him into little fibers of glass, cutting him too much to allow him to cry and digging too deep to allow him to move. What had he done? He loved him.. He..
He reached out for him, hand falling on his shoulder. "Duo.."
He loved him.
He slapped his hand away before shoving him a good foot and a half away from him. He seemed slightly shocked by his own actions, eyes traveling down to his hands before he tightened them into fists, as if to grasp his feelings of wanting to kneel down next to him and ask if he was okay and tear them apart. "Don't touch me, Heero. Don't even come near me.."
He turned then, figure retreating into the back rooms, leaving Heero in the living room with unheard tears falling freely from his eyes, meeting their ends on the backs of his hands and the carpet as he got up. He made a mistake, he broke the one he loved the most, and he was going to pay his debt in his own blood. He was going to show him exactly how much he loved him, even if it meant giving up his most precious gift; life. But somehow, even that didn't seem good enough. He was tainted, he'd betrayed him with his body and his life, and he'd had no regrets. Even now his only reason for hurt was because he hurt him, and that seemed to cut a hole bigger than he'd ever imagined in his heart, in his mind, in his body, in his soul..
He reached Duo's room and turned to the dresser, sliding it open to find a pistol. He'd always kept it there just in case, though he knew he'd never need it, not with how powerful he was.. How did it feel to be like Duo, being a street rat for your entire life with nobody to look out for you but yourself, and losing everybody you loved so far? He pushed the thought aside as he grabbed a bullet, putting it into the cockpit of the gun before cocking it. He pointed it to her head. "I'm sorry, Duo.. Aishite'ru.."
*Click* Nothing.
Heero opened his eyes. He wasn't dead, he was still alive.. He took the safety off the gun. He'd do it this time, he'd go through with it.. And then it hit him. He'd just been given a second chance. He knew then, knew exactly how to make it up to him without making him hurt more. He threw the gun on the floor, turning to run out of the room, but he was prolonged. His second chance began for a moment and ended in a second. His steps faltered with the sound of a shot fired, and he fell to the floor, blood pouring from his head.
Upon hearing the hollow echo of the gunshot resound around the house, Duo ran quietly up the steps to the bedroom. He hadn't, had he? The door opened. Blood. There was so much blood.
Duo fell to his knees, tears pouring over tired eyelids as he looked at the male on the ground. "Heero.. Heero wake up.." Pale hands reached forward, grabbing the beauty to shake him once, twice..
He wouldn't wake up.
Duo moved clumsily, holding the small frame pressed against his body as his hand found the gun, digits wrapping around it, forefinger settling on the trigger. If he wouldn't wake up and be with him now, he'd go to him, and they'd sleep forever.
That night, two corrupted souls began their endless journey to heaven, or maybe hell, leaving behind teenage bodies in a puddle of blood. Which gate they fell upon is uncertain, for the only ones who would know are dead, and those who are dead cannot speak of things they know, places they've been, and objects they've seen. Only those willing to leave their bodies to join an uncertain afterlife will ever be able to greet the two teenagers and drown in their sad eyes of blue.
Rest in Peace: Duo Maxwell and Heero Yuy. May you find happiness wherever your wings set you free.