ALIVE
Summary: He's not alive, not really. But should living really be defined by the physical senses?
Timeline: Alphonse and Edward return to Rizenbul escorted by Major Armstrong after their face-off with Scar.

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"You're not afraid of the dark anymore, are you, Al?"

"Eh?" Al tilted his armour helmet head a little toward his brother. They lay side by side on the grass of this hill near what remained of their home, looking up at the stars.

The countryside had no real streets and therefore few lamp lights. But it was quite bright, the moon and stars blanketing the vast lands in a soft glow, the sky looking as though it were made more sparkling light than actual dark sky. Ed himself seemed ethereal in this light and Al momentarily forgot what was being said as he stared at the way his brother looked in the moon and star light.

"You aren't afraid of the dark," Ed repeated, remaining mostly motionless, arms folded beneath his head as he continued to star-gaze.

"Oh." Al looked back up at the sky, his armour clanking noisily as he turned his head… or helmet. Even now it was all still confusing. "I guess it's because I know not much can hurt me now. Shouldn't that be a good thing? With this body, how could I come crawling into your bed at night?" He laughed a little to himself at the mental image but quickly stopped. Ed didn't always like the sound of his laughter. After a while, he asked, "Why does it bother you?"

"I just wondered." Edward sighed, and Al could sense his older brother was in one of his sad, angrily contemplative moods.

Edward didn't get like this often but when he was injured and he was reminded of his mortality, the mood would surface and he'd become surlier than ever. Alphonse figured it was because Ed had risked himself and therefore risked his promise to restore Al's body.

But Al had decided long ago that he would simply continue to encourage his brother to pursue their goal. The mood would pass, it always did.

"Ne, nii-san, why did you wonder that?" he asked softly, "Why that in particular?"

"Sometimes," Ed replied, his voice just as quiet, "I wonder what you… feel. How you live."

Al, knowing Ed meant so much more than those simple words and being afraid of the dark, thought about that for a long while; Ed would wait.

It was true there were a lot of things exceptionally different about his… body? Shell? Vessel? For example, he had no way of looking at anyone from the corner of his eyes. He had to turn his noisy, clanking helmet piece to actually look at anything. And he couldn't feel. It meant he couldn't feel pain but it also meant he couldn't feel pleasure... couldn't feel his brother's touch; not anyone's touch.

He could lift his brother up when the young state alchemist was injured, and bring Ed to medics. But he could not tell if the pressure he applied was too much or too little, didn't know if in his panic he was hurting his brother. He could pick up a little stray cat, feel compassion for the poor creature, but he could not feel the fur or the animal's purrs. There seemed to exist a delicate balance between his being and living.

Though, he got angry, sad and happy as normal. He laughed at things that were funny, and Ed would often give him strange looks when he did…

Then it struck him.

"I still feel," Al said softly, the pieces of Ed's mood falling into place in his mind. "I get scared sometimes that I can't protect you. That you, as a state alchemist, will be sent where I cannot follow and that I will have to watch you go… maybe not see you again." If he could have given a breath at this point, he would have. There was a pain in him that he could not fathom and could not ease, one that felt as though it were coming from his chest… a chest he did not have. He pushed that thought away and said, "I'm afraid that you will end up losing more limbs trying to help me. That one day, someone might need to bind your soul to armour, too, if things go wrong."

For a rare moment, Ed remained silent and simply listened.

"But, I do try not to think about that, the future. Sometimes, I like to think about how I remember things; the past." He felt himself smile, though there was no face to smile with he smiled in his… soul. And in his soul, he felt almost happy. "Things from when I had my body. I still have a lot of memories of living in a flesh body and what everything used to feel like. And now, I'm happy that I am at least here with you, that we were never parted. And I'll keep trying to be with you as often as I can, as close as I can."

"We protect each other, keep each other safe," Ed muttered agreeably, his voice thick.

"Yeah, together," Al echoed. "Because you know, I do feel. I feel happy when I am with you, happy when we help people, and when you go off to fight, I feel worry for you. You know, even if I cannot feel your touch or smell Winry's new perfume… I can see and hear."

Ed let out a sigh, a release of pressure from his emotions. It was a sound that Al knew very well from his usually stoic brother. The sound that meant Ed was suppressing tears, saving his face.

They lay for a long while until from the next hill over, a search light flashed from the second floor of the Rockbell house. The brothers heaved themselves up to their feet in unison, recognising Winry's signal and began the walk back. Al wondered about Ed's new auto mail and how soon they would be leaving. He wondered if Aunt Pinako would pack them food to take on the trip enough for Major Armstrong, too and—

"Sometimes, I miss my arm and my leg," Ed muttered. Alphonse thought about that statement, how it applied -in a way- to him, too. "I miss... being able to feel with them, gauge pressure and really sense touch with them. When it's winter, the metal is cold and it… hurts."

"I don't hurt, nii-san, I—"

"That's not what I meant!" Ed snapped softly. "I… I know what it's like to miss your limbs and I… you've lost… I…"

"I suppose it's useless of me to say it's alright," Al sighed. Ed gave a short, wry chuckle. "But I don't think you understand how I feel."

Ed turned to give Al a startled look before returning to face ahead as they walked. "I guess not."

"If I had to trade my body in order not to die and to continue to be with you, I am glad. If I had to trade my touch, smell, and taste to keep my sight and hearing, I am glad."

Ed gave a soft whimper at these words.

Al said lowly, forcefully, "I love you, nii-san. You saved my life."

"I put it at risk in the first place," Ed choked out.

"I was just as much a part of mother's transmutation as you were, Nii-san. And you are trying to make things better, make things right." Al listened to the clanking the armour made with each step he took, the sounds echoing in him as though he really were in the armour and not the armour. He said, "You are doing enough, trying to give my body back to me."

"I am going to give your body back to you," Ed corrected gruffly; temper flaring at what he momentarily thought was doubt of his promise.

"I know."

They were passing through the Rockbell property gate when Ed muttered, "I love you, too, Alphonse."

"I know that, too."

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