A/N: This is just a one shot about Joe's decision in S3E13 'Heart'. So spoilers for that episode, and a little bit of language. Enjoy, and please review! Xx :)
You have to look at the hard topics and dilemas, and be honest and truthful. If you ask me, that's what being Christian is really about.
When Joe had first asked his parents if he could stop being home-schooled, they had- predictably- said no. Both his older sister and his older brother had been home-schooled all their lives, and they had turned out fine. His sister was at Christian college studying French, and his brother was a pastor in California, so it obviously worked. But he felt like he was missing out: his sister had had a pretty hard time adjusting when she went to college, and he had recently realised that he didn't have any friends that he wasn't either related to, went to church with, or bought groceries from.
However, Joe continued to ask and ask his parents again and again, until they finally agreed. It had taken months of hoping, praying and convincing- as well as much reassurance that his mom was doing a great job of teaching him, and that he just wanted a change of scenery- but eventually the day came for his first morning at McKinley High School. Things went well for a while- he even found a group called the God Squad, and made some friends there- until something caught Joe's eye that kind of freaked him out a bit. He was just walking to Algebra, humming under his breath, when he saw two Cheerios (he didn't really understand why the cheerleaders had the same name as his favourite cereal) in a corner.
They were standing really close to each other, and suddenly, to his horror, they kissed. Like, on the lips. For a second he was stunned, and a little bit confused. He'd never seen anything like it before: he knew he lead a sheltered life. He lived in a small town in the middle of Ohio, and he'd been raised in a strict Christian family; he didn't even own a TV. More importantly, his religion taught that homosexuality is wrong. The Bible said so, the preacher said so- he'd even heard his parents mentioning it every now and then.
Joe felt it was important that someone knew what was going on, so that they could help those girls. They were misguided: all they needed was for someone to show them what they were doing was wrong, and they'd repent and be forgiven. Maybe it was some sort of teenage rebellion thing. So, Joe turned around and started walking to the principal's office, trying to remember the way from when he had an interview there on his first day.
"This is bullshit! It's so unfair; I just want to take hold of whoever did it and go full out Lima Heights on their ass." Someone, a girl was yelling.
"Santana, please calm down." The voice who said this sounded a little bit scared, and there was a pause.
"I'm sorry, Britt. I just…" As Joe walked past the choir room, he heard raised voices, so glanced inside to see what was going on. Inside were the two cheerleaders he'd seen kissing in the hallway a few days ago. The dark haired one had been yelling, but now she had her head on the shoulder of the blond one. It looked like she was crying, and the blond cheerleader was stroking her hair.
"It's ok, San." The blond cheerleader- Britt, the girl called Santana had called her- said, her voice as light and whimsical as it usually was. "Whoever talked to Principal Figgins is just jealous that they don't get your sweet lady kisses like I do."
Britt reminded Joe of his cousin Hannah: she was a bit 'away with the fairies', as his mom put it. Still, she was a sweet girl, and this girl, Britt, had such an air of innocence about her that he didn't think she could be all bad. So he didn't understand why she would stray away from the word of God like that. He was going to be late for class if he didn't get going, but just as he was about to move away from the door into the choir room, he saw the girls were kissing again. He looked away, embarrassed, but when he looked back, he saw something else. The girls were staring into each other's eyes with a look so tender and full of love, that he thought it could only be the real thing. It was the same look he saw with his grandparents, who had been together for fifty years. This confused him no end, so he shook his head and walked away, making a mental note to definitely go and talk to his pastor after school.
At lunchtime that day, the God Squad had a meeting, in which the issue of same-sex couples was brought up. After what everyone said, Joe left the meeting feeling even more confused. Sam, Mercedes and Quinn had all said they thought being gay was ok, so now Joe was wondering if he was the one who was wrong. After all, they were all really good Christians, and smart people who could think for themselves. So who was right? He just couldn't figure it out, so took a detour to his church on his bike ride home to speak with Pastor Rick. Rick was young and friendly, so he was always easy to talk to.
Joe padlocked his bike to the rails outside the house next to the church where Pastor Rick lived with his wife and their young daughter, Rosie, and walked up to the front door, ignoring the pinch of the gravel beneath his bare feet. For some reason, he felt kind of nervous.
Just as he raised his hand to knock, the door was opened wide. Joe stepped back a little in surprise.
"I saw you through the window." Rick said by means of an explanation. "How can I help you, Joe?"
"Um, I kind of need some advice." He said, scuffing his shoes against the porch step.
"Ok, well come on in, then." Rick said, stepping aside to allow Joe past, and leading him into the living room. "I just put Rosie down for her nap, and the Mrs isn't back from work until six, so we've got a quiet house to talk about whatever you need." He indicated for Joe to sit on the lumpy couch, opposite the dusty old fireplace.
"Great." Joes said as he sat down.
"Would you like anything to eat or drink?" Rick asked, but Joe shook his head, so the preacher took a seat in a beaten up old armchair next to the fireplace. "So, what can I advise you with today?"
Joe paused for a moment, trying to figure out how to phrase it. "I was wondering…how I should deal with something at school."
"Ah yes, you started public school recently, didn't you?" Rick asked, and Joe nodded.
"Yeah, I did." He replied. "And I joined a club called the God Squad; we like to get together and pray for things, talk about stuff, do some bible study. It's really nice: kind of reminds me of when I was doing lessons at home and I'd do that kind of thing with my mom." Rick was nodding. "We're doing this thing where we go around and sing to people for Valentine's day; kind of a 'spreading the love' thing."
"That's a lovely idea." Rick praised, and Joe refrained from grimacing, knowing he wouldn't be as keen on what he would say next.
"Yeah, it's pretty cool." He agreed. "It's just…someone asked us to sing to their girlfriend, and I wasn't too sure, so I thought I'd ask for your advice."
"What's the problem, Joe?" Rick prompted, knowing there was something Joe wasn't telling him.
"The person who asked us to sing for their girlfriend," Joe said slowly "was called Santana."
"Ah," Rick leant back in his chair, a look of understanding passing over his face. "And you feel like you shouldn't sing for this Santana girl's girlfriend because of what the bible says about homosexuality."
"Right." Joe said, relieved that Rick understood.
"Well, really, I feel like the only advice I can give you is to make your only decision."
"Er…" Joe privately thought that was some of the worst advice he'd ever been given. "Thanks…"
Rick laughed slightly. "This is the sort of question that you really have to have your own opinions about. I know what the bible says, but the bible says a lot of things that we don't practise, because society has evolved since its writing. The most important thing you can take from the bible is to love God and to love your fellow man; after that, you really have to think for yourself."
"Well," Joe said, having thought about what Rick had said for a moment "what do you think?"
"Personally, I think that God loves all his children equally, which means that no one has the right to pass judgement on his fellow man." Rick said calmly.
"I just…" Joe said, struggling. "I remember my parents telling me that it's wrong. And the bible says you must honour your father and mother."
"Of course you must, but disagreeing with your parents isn't dishonouring them. It's merely showing that you are able to think for yourself. If anything, it's a good reflection on them." Rick reasoned, and Joe couldn't refute his logic. Rick spoke again, this time more softly. "You are a very intelligent, very kind boy, Joe. Whatever you decide will be right for you, I am sure."
"Thank you, Pastor." Joe said. "This really helped."
"You're welcome, Joe." Rick said, standing up with a smile. "Anytime."
Later that evening, while his parents were out at a dinner party, Joe logged onto the family's computer that was usually just used for things like accounts and homework. Pulling up Internet Explorer, Joe looked considering at the search bar, before slowly typing in the address for Facebook. Mercedes had come over the day before to help him set up an e-mail account and Facebook, so that he could keep in contact with his friends. He thought it was a really good idea; especially because it meant that he could talk to his cousins who lived in Alaska. Obviously he'd always been able to call them, but he didn't have a cell phone, so the independence of being able to talk to people without the whole house knowing was kind of nice. Of course, he'd asked his parents' permission first, and they trusted him, so it was all ok.
Still not quite used to the concept, Joe was quite slow as he found his way to Mercedes' page, then clicked on her friends. Scrolling down, he found his way to the 'S's, and then clicked on Santana's page. It was private, but he could see her profile picture was one of her and her girlfriend, lying in a park with daisy chains on their heads and a setting sun casting a glow of their happy faces. It was a really beautiful picture, and they were wearing that expression he'd seen them wearing when they were in the choir room earlier that afternoon.
Going back to Mercedes' page, he saw that a boy had posted something on her wall; a boy called 'Kurt Hummel'. The link was to something called the Trevor Project, and it looked like a lot of people had been 'tagged' in the post.
Kurt Hummel: Ppl! This is the link where you can donate. Pls give generously.
Blaine Anderson: Bb, ur so amazing! Not every1 wd do the whole 'charity-not-presents' thing.x
Kurt Hummel: I bet u wd.x
Blaine Anderson: Mayb, but it wd be your idea. Cuz you're just that wonderful.x
Puck: Ugh, cut the mush, please loverboys. All done, Hummel.
Kurt Hummel: Thanks Noah!
The comments continued as such, all saying much the same as this Puck person, although the thing that interested Joe the most were the very first ones between Kurt and Blaine Anderson. It was obvious that they were a couple, but what intrigued Joe the most was the fact that they were so normal. They interacted exactly the same way as any other couple that Joe knew: and here, Joe had always assumed that gay couples weren't normal. The normality somehow made it seem more…genuine. Out of curiosity, Joe clicked on the link, expecting it to go to a charity that gave money to an animal sanctuary, or a children's charity, or something.
What he saw was a shock. The slogan of the page was 'Preventing Suicide Among LGBTQ Youth', and while he didn't know what LGBTQ meant, he didn't have to look far to see that it meant 'Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgendered and Questioning'. Still, he wasn't that sure what the last two meant, but the message was clear: people killed themselves because they were gay. No, not because they were gay; because people hated them because they were gay. People said it was wrong, that they were wrong- just like Joe had. Suddenly, he felt an overwhelming sense of guilt. He saw that it wasn't wrong; he saw that it was normal now.
Love is love.
The party at the Italian restaurant had been really fun, and when he saw the expressions on Britney's face when she and Santana were dancing, and one Kurt's face when Blaine surprised him, he knew that he had made the right decision. Joe had never really been to a party before, aside from family ones, and it was really fun. Not full of drinks and drugs like he'd thought there would be, and he'd talked to a lot of new, really fun people. After the party had died down a bit, Britney came over and said thank you. He remembered it especially because she'd followed it up by saying "I think God's really cool, because he has a beard like Santa." Then she'd paused for a moment in wonder. "Wait…is God Santa?" Joe hadn't really been sure as to what to say, but luckily Santana had come over and taken Britney home. But not before she'd cast a small smile over her shoulder, silently thanking him.
A few days later, after he sang to Brittany for Santana, he brought up the topic over dinner with his parents. He asked what their opinions were on the topic, to see it they'd changed at all. They immediately assumed that he was mentioning it because he wanted to tell them that he was gay, but when he explained, it made more sense to them.
His father said that in recent years, they'd revised their previous opinions, and had come to much the same conclusion that Joe himself had. His mother then said that they'd been stuck on a train with two men and their daughter. Joe remembered it: it had been around Christmas, and his parents had been out of town on a weekend-long volunteering programme at the nursing home where his mom's dad lived. They hadn't come home until real, real late, and Joe and his siblings had been really worried that something had happened to them. After that, both his parents got mobile phones, so that they could contact their kids in an emergency.
The men's daughter was sick- just with a cold, nothing too serious, but enough so that she was clearly miserable and it took up a lot of her fathers' time and attention. While the train was sitting still in the middle of nowhere for nearly five hours, they got to talking, and it was the simple care and love that the two men had for each other; but more so for their daughter. Joe's parents said that they hadn't been able to believe that there was anything wrong with that, and when they ended up admitting to the two men that they didn't believe that homosexuality was right, they didn't get angry. They looked sad- almost resigned-, but not angry.
After a while, the men started questioning things that they were saying. Joe's parents had been happy to have a debate: after all, they didn't hate the men, they just didn't agree with their lifestyle choice. Of course, the men continued to insist that it wasn't a choice, that they were born that way. The more they said it, the more Joe's parents believed them, because of the absolute sincerity that they said it with.
Despite their differences, the four adults parted on good terms, with Joe's parents having listened to the two men and ready to consider a different point of view. What sealed the deal eventually was the little girl, who had big brown eyes, shiny brown hair and clutched a little toy pink bunny rabbit in her hands. Her voice was hoarse from all the coughing and sneezing she'd been doing, but her voice was clear when she said "please don't hate my daddies." Joe's mom's heart almost broke there and then. She had got up from her seat across the aisle from where the girl, Rachel, she thought she was called, was seated on one of her father's lap, crouched down in front of her and said "I don't hate your daddies, sweetie. I just disagree with them a little, that's all. And sometimes grown-ups disagree with each other."
Rachel considered this for a moment, then said "did you know something?"
"What is it, honey?" Joe's mom asked.
"My daddies are the very best daddies ever." Rachel was solemn as she said this, and Joe's mom could see that she really believed it. "They gave me this," she held up a necklace that had a star on it, "because they say that I'm the brightest shining star in the whole wide universe." For some reason, Joe's mom could feel herself tearing up. There was something touching, heartfelt and innocent about it that only a child who know no wrong could express.
"I bet they did, sweetheart." She said, slightly croakily. Then, the train started moving again, and she sat back down so she didn't overbalance. Rachel began coughing and her fathers' attention was diverted: they didn't notice the look that passed between Joe's parents: a look of wonder, and change, and acceptance that they were wrong.