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A/N: Why am I writing this? No one likes my fics anyways…*cries* Maybe 'cos I have a silly sense of humour… *cries some more* Anyway, in this fic there will be rip-offs of popular books/movies. See if you can spot them! If you find any review back or e-mail me at lil_lia92@hotmail.com. On with the story!
Disclaimer: I only own the very few segments of plot in this story. The characters and ripped-off scenes are not mine. Man I'm just wasting my time writing this shit…
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It is a lovely day at Chihiro's house. However, the house itself is not so lovely. The newest thing in the house, aside from last-night's leftover food, was a toilet that lay in a bathroom, hidden deep in the terrible clutching of doom this family holds…all must fear their –
Chihiro: HI!
Dad: AH HOLY FU[insert profanity here!]ING SHIT CHIHIRO YOU SCARED ME!
Mum: No swearing in front of Chi-Chi, honey.
Chihiro: My name is NOT CHI-CHI!
Mum: Yes it is.
Chihiro: My name is Chihiro you crazy woman you must have amnesia it says Chihiro Ogino on my birth certificate!
Mum: DON'T TALK TO YOUR MOTHER LIKE THAT!
Chihiro: Uh –
Now, as naughty little Chihiro forgot, her mother had an insane mental problem called Tourette's Syndrome, which causes outburst to occur. However, Chihiro's mum's case was much worse…
Mum: YOU LITTLE STINKING BRAT I HAVE SPENT SO MUCH MONEY ON YOUR TEETH AND NOW YOU BITE THE HAND THAT FEEDS YOU!
Chihiro: Uh –
Mum: HOW DO YOU EXPECT US TO PUT FOOD ON THE TABLE IF IT WEREN'T FOR YOUR FATHER AND I WORKING OUR BUTTS OFF 24/7, AND YOU HAVE NO RESPECT!
Chihiro: Erm…
Dad: Actually I do all the work –
Mum: SHUT UP! *seizes the nearest frying pan and whacks him on the head with it!* YOU'RE GIVING ME GREY HAIRS!
Chihiro(in a sweet voice): Can I see?
Mum: NO YOU CANNOT YOU SPOILED BRAT! YOU SHOULD BE MORE SYMPATHETIC TOWARDS YOUR MOTHER AFTER THOSE EVIL PIXIES OF YOURS TURNED ME INTO A PIG!
Chihiro: But –
Mum: SHUT UP!
Chihiro(looking frightened): *raises her hand*
Mum: WHAT DO YOU WANT NOW MAKE IT QUICK DON'T WASTE MY TIME!
Chihiro: How did you know about the Spirit World?
Mum: Oh, I know a LOT more than YOU know, young lady. I know all about how my idiot husband led us into that tunnel and how you made out with a boy who wasn't even HUMAN!
Chihiro: I did NOT make out with him! For god's sake I was only ten!
Mum: HOLD YOUR TONGUE OR I WILL CUT IT OUT! *seizes a butcher knife with other hand*
Chihiro: Mum stop it you're gonna make me crap my pants! *runs to the bathroom with the new toilet and shuts herself inside*
Okay, for the next page or so of the story we must pretend as HARD AS WE CAN that Chihiro's sanity is perfectly normal and that she was not seeing things. Because, as Chihiro lifted the toilet bowl, she saw a very peculiar sight that made her scream.
Chihiro: Haku! What is your head doing in the toilet! Doesn't it stink down there?
Haku(well, his head): This is not my REAL head you dope! It's a hologram! (A/N: Hehe Haku took a page out of Rin's book with the whole "dope" thing!)
Chihiro: What's a Hoola Graph?
Haku: You know, for a 14-year-old girl you are rather uneducated. And shouldn't you give me a proper welcome like, "Oh I missed you so much Haku!"? *smiles sweetly*
Chihiro: First of all, I am FIFTEEN! And why should I get all gooey over you? I still haven't forgiven you when you bitched at me in the elevator! Or when you left me all on my own in the human world!
Haku: I need to tell you something, Chihiro.
Chihiro: What is it? Hurry it up, I need to dump!
Haku: IreallyreallylikeyouandIwanttospendtherestofmylifewithyoubutYubaabaiscutatyousoyouneedmyhelptosurviveherwrath!
Chihiro: Huh?
Haku: *sighs* Yubaaba is plotting to send you 200 copies of Sailor Moon copies.
Chihiro: What the – NNNOOO!
Haku: Well, I need to go now, I have business to attend to…
Chihiro: Wait!
Haku: What?
Chihiro: How can I contact you in case I need help?
Haku: I don't know! If you think you're so smart, find a way like I did! But you are rather dumb so –
Chihiro: Ooh that's it I am REALLY going to crap on your face!
Haku: Wha – NO! HOW DO YOU DISCONNECT THIS THING? I -
But Haku was too late. Chihiro had her pants down and was sitting on the toilet bowl. And, unfortunately for Haku, Chihiro caught him in the middle of his yelling.
Haku: AGH!! THAT'S SICK!!
Chihiro: *cackles evilly* Smell you later, Haku!
Okay, a bit too much information there. Let's skip a few lines ahead, shall we? Chihiro get up to flush the toilet, only when she does…
Chihiro: Uh! The flush isn't working! *searches frantically for a solution* Hah! I know! *grasps the base of the toilet and pulls it out of the ground, lifts it up and pours the shit out the window* All better! *beams*
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Okay, I know, it WAS weird. And short. But I like shorter chapters. It means more updates. =D I must remind you I was sugar-high at 10 o'clock at night when I wrote this, so…*clears throat* Excuse me.
Okay, there were a total of 3 rip-offs in this chapter…can YOU spot them??!!
TO BE CONTINUED…(maybe)