Fairy Tales ETC.
By Chibi Summoner Diamond Weapon
Disclaimer: I don't own FFX!
Naomi,Akumi: WE KNOW!!!!!!!!!!
I was very sugar/caffine-high when I wrote this. It may make no sense. All the characters are OOC, ESPECIALLY Yuna. Enjoy! ^_^
The Wizard of Zanarkand
There is a girl called Yuna who is on a pilgrimage through her world, called Spira. One day while going to a temple, she is brought to a far off place by a tornado.
Auron: Oops... (If you don't get this, let me know)
The place she lands in is a colorful world filled with flowers, trees...and machina.
Yuna: Oh my... I don't think I'm in Spira anymore...
???: Well aren't we perceptive.
Yuna turns around and sees an Al Bhed man, who looks very familiar, repairing one of the machina.
Yuna: What is this place?
???: This is Al Bhed Land in the world of Roz.
Yuna: ...uh...right...
???: Oh, by the way, is that your temple?
Yuna looks to where he is pointing to see Baaj temple there.
Yuna: Oh! The temple! I need to pray there now.
???: Sure, whatever.
So Yuna goes into the temple and prays for three days. When she comes out, she notices two feet sticking out from under the temple.
Yuna: Eeeeeeeeeek!!!
???: I see you've noticed the witch.
Yuna: Witch?
???: Yes. Dona, the wicked witch of the East.
Yuna: Um...oh. So, how'd she get under there?
???: Your temple fell on her. Thanks for killin' her off.
Yuna: Uh, no problem. So, who are you?
???: Sid.
Yuna: Cid?
Sid: No, Sid.
Yuna: Cid?
Sid: NO!!! SID!!!
Yuna: What's the difference?
Sid: The spelling.
Yuna: Oh.
Suddenly a pink energy bubble comes from above. A bunch of Al Bhed come out and start bowing.
Al Bhed People: All hail almighty Lulu! All hail almighty Lulu!
Yuna: What the hell?
The pink bubble lands and vanishes to reveal Lulu in a pink version of her dress.
Lulu: I came as quickly as I could.(To Yuna) You're the one who dropped the temple on Dona?
Yuna: I...guess
Lulu: Ah, good. *walks over to the feet sticking out and pulls off two sparkly red hi-heels* These are for you.
Yuna: No way! I am not gonna run around wearing those crappy shoes!
Lulu: PUT THEM ON OR DIE!!!!
Yuna(meekly): O..okay... *puts on the shoes* Strangely comfortable for heels.
Lulu: Of course they are!! They're the magical ruby heels!!
Yuna: ...right...
Lulu: Take him with you too. *points to a hyperactive little moogle running around in pointless circles* His name is Toto.
Yuna: Why should I take him with me? And what kind of name is Toto for a moogle?
Lulu: You should take him with you BECAUSE I SAID SO!!! And as for the name...DEAL WITH IT!!!
Yuna: ...you're scary...
Lulu: I know, aren't I? Now, just follow the Djose Highroad to get to Zanarkand. The wizard will help you get home.
Yuna: Really? Then what are the shoes for?
Lulu: Um...you'll...find out later! Yeah, that's it.
Yuna: O...kay...wait, you aren't going to make me sing cheesy songs, are you?
Lulu: That depends on my mood.
Yuna: *sweatdrop* Uh oh... *grabs the moogle and goes tearing down the Highroad*
Lulu: Oh well...
So Yuna and Toto, the rabid moogle, set off on their journey.
Yuna is still running down the road when suddenly...
Yuna: AHHHH!!! THE DAMN MOOGLE BIT ME!!! I HAVE RABIES!!!
Yuna runs down the Highroad again, dropping the moogle. It follows her. Eventually, she comes to a crossroads.
Yuna: Which way...?
?????: You could always go this way.
Yuna looks to her left to see...
Yuna: Tidus!!!
?????: Actually, miss, it's Tidus (Pronounced Tie-dus)
Yuna: Oh.
Toto: What's the difference?
Tidus: The pronunciation.
Toto: Oh.
Tidus: So, who are you and where are you going?
Yuna: Well, I'm Yuna, and this is my rabid moogle, Toto.
Toto: Charmed...I mean, uh, roof roof....I mean....KUPO!!!
Yuna, Tidus: *sweatdrop*
Yuna: As to where we're going...to see some wizard in Zanarkand.
Tidus: Can I come?
Yuna: Why?
Tidus: I...um...need a brain.
Yuna: Oh. Right. *cough*loser*cough*
Tidus: So, can I?
Yuna: I guess so.
Tidus: YAYY!
Yuna, Toto: *cough*dumbass*cough*
Toto: *bites Tidus on the butt*
Tidus: AHHHH!!! YOUR DAMN MOOGLE BIT ME!!!
Toto: I'm rabid. What did you expect?
Tidus: ............?
So, they head off: Yuna, Toto, the rabid moogle, and Tidus the scarecrow with no brains.
Tidus: I'm not a scarecrow!!!
Me: Oops! Sorry!
Tidus: Like hell you are...
Anyways, the three eventually come upon a clearing where groaning is heard.
Yuna: What's that horrible sound?
Tidus: Got me. But you're right, it is horrible.
They follow the sound (like the idiots that they are) and eventually they come upon a man laying on the ground.
????: Thirsty...
Yuna: Thirsty?
Tidus: That's what he said.
Toto(sarchasticly): Too bad we don't have anything. Really a shame.
Yuna: Hey! Look there!
They look to where Yuna is pointing. There, sitting on a stump, is a jug of sake.
Yuna: Maybe this will help.
She rushes over, grabs the jar, comes back over, and pours some of the contents down the man's throat.
????: MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tidus, Yuna, Toto: *sweatdrop*
????: Thank you. I thought I'd die of dehydration.
Toto: I think we should hold on to that jug...
Yuna: Wait...Auron?!
????: Actually, It's Arlo.
Tidus: Auron?
Arlo: NO!!! IT'S ARLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tidus: What's the difference?
Arlo: THE WHOLE NAME!!! You really don't have any brains...
Yuna: Wait...how did you know...?!
Arlo: That is none of your business.
Yuna: You are exactly like Auron...except for that wierdness about the sake.
Toto: What would you say if I said, "I guess you'll be coming with us to Zanarkand?"
Arlo: I'd say, "You guessed right."
Yuna: Okay then! Let's go!
So, Yuna, Toto, the rabid moogle, Tidus, the brainless guy, and Arlo, the sake obsessed dead guy, head off.
Arlo: Hey! They aren't supposed to know I'm dead yet!!!
Me: Oops again.
Yuna: It's okay, Arlo. Auron was dead, too.
Arlo: .............
So anyway, the group keeps following the road, until they come to a really freaky forest.
Yuna: This place is giving me the creeps.
Tidus: Seriously.
Just then a large blue beast man jumps out.
???????: ROOOAAARRR!!!!
Toto: That was weak. Let me show you how it's done. *takes a deep breath.....*
ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
???????: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *hides behind Yuna*
Yuna: Kimahri?! Wait, don't tell me your name is different too...
Kimahri: No, me just Kimahri.
Yuna: Whew...
Kimahri: Kimahri Lonzo.
Yuna: *sweatdrop*
Kimahri(crying): Your moogle scares Kimahri!!
Toto: I'm so glad! *bites Kimahri's leg*
Kimahri: AHHHH!!!! GET IT OFF!!!!
Yuna: *pulls Toto off Kimahri* What is it with you and biting people?!
Toto: I'M RABID. Didn't I make that clear?
Yuna: Even so...
Kimahri: Kimahri wonders where strange group going.
Yuna, Toto, Arlo: We're off to see the wizard.
Tidus: The wonderful wizard of Roz!
Arlo: Don't you dare start singing.
Tidus: R-right, heh...
Kimahri: Can wizard make Kimahri brave?
Toto: Heheheheheh...COWARD!!!
Kimahri: *starts crying*
Yuna: Don't cry Kimahri! I'm sure the wizard can make you brave.
Kimahri: *sniffle* R-really?
Yuna: ...no, not really. I'm just using comforting words because that is how I am characterized.
Kimahri: *starts crying again*
Arlo: If you don't stop that, I'm going to have to kill you.
Kimahri: *stops crying*
Arlo: Thank you.
Yuna: So, will you come with us Kimahri?
Kimahri: *nods*
Yuna: Okay then! We're off!
Tidus: To see the wizard!
Arlo: *pulls out Masamune* If you don't quit that...
Tidus: EEEEEPPP! O-okay! I'll stop!
Arlo: You'd better...
So the party continues-
Tidus: Wait, we're a party now? I thought we were a group?
Me: Tidus?
Tidus: Yes?
Me:SHUT THE HELL UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tidus: O-okay...
Me: And stop stuttering.
Tidus: O-okay...I mean...okay...
Me: And stop saying okay!
Tidus: Yes ma'm...
As I was saying! The party continues onward until they reach another crossroads. All of a sudden...
?????????: You won't go any further!!!
There is a puff of black smoke, and then...
?????????: *cough, cough* Damn smoke! *cough, cough*
The smoke clears to reveal a woman with long gray hair and a very skimpy outfit. This could only be-
Yuna: Yunalesca!
Yunalesca: That's LADY Yunalesca to you!
Yuna: Right, whatever.
Yunalesca: I am Lady Yunalesca, the wicked witch of the West!
Toto: Good for you.
Yunalesca: Silence infidel!
Toto: Ummm, whatever.
Yunalesca: I have come to take revenge for your murder of my sister!
Yuna: Hey, I didn't kill her! The temple did.
Yunalesca: Well, I have to blame somebody!
Yuna: Ummm...sure you do...
Toto: Uh, oh! Gottta go!
Yuna,Tidus,Arlo: You can't just leave now!
Toto: That is not what I meant! *bounds over and takes a leak on Yunalesca's shoe*
Yunalesca: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOuR MoOgLE PiSsED ON My NeW SHoES!!! THIS WILL NEVER WASH OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *dissapears in another puff of smoke*
Yuna: Hey! Thanks Toto!
Arlo: Yes. That's the first useful thing you've ever done.
Toto: HEY!
Tidus: Ummm, guys?
Yuna, Toto, Arlo: What is it now?!
Tidus: Kimahri's gone.
All: o_O' Uh oh...
Yuna: Kimahri!!! Where are you!!!???
Kimahri(from behind a bush): O-over h-h-here...
Yuna: Kimahri! Why did you run away like that?!
Toto: 'Cause he's a COWARD!!!
Kimahri: *sniffle* Why is moogle so mean to Kimahri?
Toto: I haven't singled you out. I'm just mean to everyone.
Kimahri: *sniffle*
The party continues until they come to an oversized field of moonlillies.
Yuna: Oh! How pretty!
Kimahri: Kimahri love flowers!
Toto: Toto think Kimahri is a sissy.
Kimahri: *runs away crying*
Yuna, Tidus, Arlo: Uhhhh...right...
They go after Kimahri.
Toto: Do we have to?
Me: YES YOU DO!!!!!
Toto: Hmph...fine.
They find him asleep in the middle of the field.
Toto: Hey! Sissy! This is no time to be taking a nap!
Kimahri: ZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....
Yuna: *yawns* I'm feeling sleepy too... *falls down, unconsious*
Toto: Not you too!!
Tidus: *falls down, also unconsious*
Toto: What's wrong with you people-sleeeeeeeeeepyyyyyyyyy.....*falls asleep as well*
Arlo:.............this sucks...............
Lulu: *appears* Uh, oh...
Arlo: Who are you?
Lulu: That doesn't matter right now! I have to wake them up!!! *casts Blizzaga on the flower field*
Yuna: COLD! *jumps to her feet*
Tidus, Kimahri, and Toto also leap to their feet.
Yuna: Lulu?!
Toto: Huh?!
Arlo: You know her?
Yuna: She's the...ehem...somewhatcrazygoodwitchofthenorth.
Arlo: Oh.
Lulu: Well, I'm out. *vanishes*
Toto: o_O' Well that was an odd encounter.
Arlo: You're telling me.
Yuna: ^_^' Let's just keep going, okay guys?
All: Good idea.
The party continues along the Djose Highroad until they arive at the gates of the huge machina city-
Yuna, Arlo, Tidus: Zanarkand.
Yuna: We finally made it!
Toto: Yay!!!
Arlo: Why are we just standing around?! Let's go in!
The party goes up to the gate and Yuna knocks.
Yuna: Heeeeeeeelllllllllllllooooooooooo...
The window slightly above them opens.
?????: No visitors, ya?
Yuna: WAKKA?!
Wakka: Who are you? Ya?
Yuna: I am the Summoner Yuna, from the isle of Besaid. I have traveled from an alternate dimension to seek a hearing with the wizard.
Wakka: I said no visitors, ya? No one gets to see the wizard, ya?
Yuna: What...?!
Wakka: You heard me, ya?
Yuna: You're telling me, that I traveled all this way, in these damn magic hi-heels, AND I CAN'T GET IN TO SEE THE WIZARD?!!!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!!? !?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!????
Wakka: Uhhhhh.....
Yuna: IF YOU DON'T LET ME IN, RIGHT NOW, THERE WILL BE HELL TO PAY FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wakka: Wait...you said...magic hi-heels?!
Yuna: YES!!!!!
Wakka: Well why didn't you say so in the first place?
Yuna: I DID!!!!!
Wakka: S-sorry...please c-come in, ya?
Yuna: Thank you! !^_^!
The five of them enter Zanarkand. They are then ushered to a five star hotel, where they spend the night.
The next day...
Yuna: WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN'T SEE THE WIZARD?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? DIDN'T WE GO THROUGH THIS AT THE GATE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!? !?!!?!?!
Guard: I-I'm really s-sorry, miss...but I cannot allow you to...M-MISS!!!
Yuna has stormed past the guard and, with her companions in tow, goes into the wizard's chamber.
Yuna: HEY WIZARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I GOT A BONE TO PICK WITH YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wizard:_WHO DARES ENTER THE CHAMBER OF THE WIZARD_?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yuna: Oh dear...
A platform in front of them begins to glow. Two very large eyes appear in front of them.
Wizard: WHO ARE YOU?!
Yuna: Ummm...I was told you could send me home...
Wizard: HOME, EH?!
Yuna: Ummm yes...
Wizard: WELL FIRST YOU MUST DO SOMETHING FOR ME...
Tidus: *sigh* There's always a catch.
Toto: You know, for someone with no brains, you have apretty extensive vocabulary.
Tidus: Shut up!!! Rotten moogle...
Yuna: Tell us what we must do.
Wizard: YOU MUST DEFEAT THE WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST AND BRING ME PROOF OF HER DEFEAT!!!
Yuna: Oh...Ummm, that shouldn't be too hard, right guys? .....Uh, guys...?
Toto: Speak for yourself!
Tidus: Us? Fight HER? Count me out.
Kimahri: Kimahri too. Pissy lady scare Kimahri more than rabid moogle of Yuna does.
Arlo: ....
Yuna: Arlo...? Please...?
Arlo: .....fine.
Yuna: Thank you so much! *bows*
Arlo: Ummm, right.
Yuna: You have that sword, and I have my healing magic and Aeons! It shouldn't be that hard!!! ....Though I wish Tidus(Tee-dus) were here...
Toto: Well, I guess...I could go...
Tidus: I suppose I could too...
Yuna: Thank you so much!!!
Kimahri: Ummm...Kimahri will stay in Zanarkand...
Toto: Go ahead then! We don't need a sissy like you to slow us down!
Kimahri: Kimahri will show you...damn moogle...
The party heads off once again until they reach a large, dreary looking castle.
Arlo: Hmph. This must be it.
Yuna: Well! This is a good time to test out my new Aeon!!! Heheheheheheheheh.......
Toto: Th-that glint in your eyes...it scares me...
Yuna: Here goes nothin'...COME, ANIMA!!!!!!!!!!!
Seymour: *appears* HEY...!
Yuna: Seymour, go away.
Me: Yah! You're not even in this fic!
Seymour(whiny): Yes, but that is MY Aeon!!
Me: WELL TOO BAD!!!! I hate you, so get lost.
Seymour: Wah...*vanishes*
So, Anima comes forth, and decimates all the people/things guarding the gate.
Yuna: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! FEEL MY WRATH!!!
Arlo,Kimahri,Tidus,Toto: *nervous sweatdrop*
They enter the castle to find Yunalesca sitting on a throne (a la Ultemicia.)
Yunalesca: HOW DARE YOU COME HERE!!! AND YOU BROUGHT THAT STUPID MOOGLE WITH YOU!!! PREPARE TO DIE!!!
Yuna: Heh...I've been saving Anima's overdrive, just for you...*summons Anima* Go! Anima!
Toto: Gawd, what is this, POKEMON?!
Anima: *uses Oblivion on Yunalesca*
Yunalesca: CuRsED AeON!!! FeEl MY WrATh!!!! *casts multi-Ultima*
Anima: *is knocked out*
Yuna: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You shall pay!!!! *casts Holy on Yunalesca*
Yunalesca: CuRsES!!! My OnLY wEakNEss!!!
Yuna: Heehee... *casts Holy again*
Yunalesca: NOOoooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yuna: Now feel MY wrath!!! *casts multi-Holy (even though I don't think there is such a thing)
Yunalesca: NOooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooo!!! *dies (yay!('cause I hate her))*
Yuna: Okay, guys! Let's get us some evidence!!!
Later, back at Zanarkand...
Yuna: OH WIZARD!!!!!!!!!!!! *holds up Yunalesca's headband thingie*
Jecht: *walks out* I'm sorry, the wizard is not available- YUNA?!
Yuna: Sir Jecht?! YOU are the wizard?!
Jecht: Naw...not me!
Tidus: Then who is?
?? ?????: NO! Tell him to speak with my agent! RRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! They can call me back on Thursday...fine! Monday, then!!!
Just then, a familiar person/thing steps out.
Yuna: YU YEVON?!?!?!
Yu Yevon: *hangs up his cell phone* Oh. Damn. I was hoping Yunalesca would kill you.
Yuna: YOU'RE the wizard?! YOU'RE A FREAKIN' TICK!!! And since when did you have THAT?! *points at the cell phone*
Yu Yevon: YES, I'm the freakin' wizard. AND IT'S NONE O' YOUR BUSINESS WHERE I GOT THE CELL!!!
Yuna: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr...where's a save sphere when you need one?!
Yu Yevon: You're not gonna get home by me, you know.
Yuna: Nor would I WANT to. Hmph.
Lulu: *appears* If you wanna go home, just click your heels three times and say, "There's no place like Spira."
Yuna: WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE?!?!????????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????? ??????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!??!?!!!?!
Lulu: *shrugs* 'Cause it would have ruined the plot! Duh.
Yuna: Hmph! I'm going home!!! *clicks her heels three times and says "There's no place like Spira*
A portal opens right under Yuna's feet and she falls through, back into Spira, only to land on Tidus (Tee-dus.)
Yuna: HOOOORRRAAAYYY!!!
Lulu: Yuna! You're okay!!!
Yuna: I'M FINALLY OUT OF DAMN ROZ!
Wakka: Roz?
Yuna: Worst place in existance. Don't go there.
Suddenly, a moogle flies from above.
Wakka: Moogle?
Yuna: Wait a minute...TOTO?!
Toto: Happy to see me?
(Where did Toto the rabid moogle come from? Why did he follow Yuna to Spira? What happened to Yu Yevon? What happened to Jecht? Why am I asking so many questions?! Find out in the next installment of...FAIRY TALES ETC. !!!!!!!)
It ended a bit abruptly, I know. I just lost my inspiration near the end, is all. I'm not sure how good this is, since it is my first serious attempt at humor. Didn't seem that bad...tell me what you think! Again, positive reviews and constructive critisism are welcomed. Please don't flame me... ^_^"
(By the way...before I can write the next installment, I need to know the name of O'aka's brother, whom you buy items from on Mount Gagazet. If you know his name, please let me know!)
Diamond Weapon
By Chibi Summoner Diamond Weapon
Disclaimer: I don't own FFX!
Naomi,Akumi: WE KNOW!!!!!!!!!!
I was very sugar/caffine-high when I wrote this. It may make no sense. All the characters are OOC, ESPECIALLY Yuna. Enjoy! ^_^
The Wizard of Zanarkand
There is a girl called Yuna who is on a pilgrimage through her world, called Spira. One day while going to a temple, she is brought to a far off place by a tornado.
Auron: Oops... (If you don't get this, let me know)
The place she lands in is a colorful world filled with flowers, trees...and machina.
Yuna: Oh my... I don't think I'm in Spira anymore...
???: Well aren't we perceptive.
Yuna turns around and sees an Al Bhed man, who looks very familiar, repairing one of the machina.
Yuna: What is this place?
???: This is Al Bhed Land in the world of Roz.
Yuna: ...uh...right...
???: Oh, by the way, is that your temple?
Yuna looks to where he is pointing to see Baaj temple there.
Yuna: Oh! The temple! I need to pray there now.
???: Sure, whatever.
So Yuna goes into the temple and prays for three days. When she comes out, she notices two feet sticking out from under the temple.
Yuna: Eeeeeeeeeek!!!
???: I see you've noticed the witch.
Yuna: Witch?
???: Yes. Dona, the wicked witch of the East.
Yuna: Um...oh. So, how'd she get under there?
???: Your temple fell on her. Thanks for killin' her off.
Yuna: Uh, no problem. So, who are you?
???: Sid.
Yuna: Cid?
Sid: No, Sid.
Yuna: Cid?
Sid: NO!!! SID!!!
Yuna: What's the difference?
Sid: The spelling.
Yuna: Oh.
Suddenly a pink energy bubble comes from above. A bunch of Al Bhed come out and start bowing.
Al Bhed People: All hail almighty Lulu! All hail almighty Lulu!
Yuna: What the hell?
The pink bubble lands and vanishes to reveal Lulu in a pink version of her dress.
Lulu: I came as quickly as I could.(To Yuna) You're the one who dropped the temple on Dona?
Yuna: I...guess
Lulu: Ah, good. *walks over to the feet sticking out and pulls off two sparkly red hi-heels* These are for you.
Yuna: No way! I am not gonna run around wearing those crappy shoes!
Lulu: PUT THEM ON OR DIE!!!!
Yuna(meekly): O..okay... *puts on the shoes* Strangely comfortable for heels.
Lulu: Of course they are!! They're the magical ruby heels!!
Yuna: ...right...
Lulu: Take him with you too. *points to a hyperactive little moogle running around in pointless circles* His name is Toto.
Yuna: Why should I take him with me? And what kind of name is Toto for a moogle?
Lulu: You should take him with you BECAUSE I SAID SO!!! And as for the name...DEAL WITH IT!!!
Yuna: ...you're scary...
Lulu: I know, aren't I? Now, just follow the Djose Highroad to get to Zanarkand. The wizard will help you get home.
Yuna: Really? Then what are the shoes for?
Lulu: Um...you'll...find out later! Yeah, that's it.
Yuna: O...kay...wait, you aren't going to make me sing cheesy songs, are you?
Lulu: That depends on my mood.
Yuna: *sweatdrop* Uh oh... *grabs the moogle and goes tearing down the Highroad*
Lulu: Oh well...
So Yuna and Toto, the rabid moogle, set off on their journey.
Yuna is still running down the road when suddenly...
Yuna: AHHHH!!! THE DAMN MOOGLE BIT ME!!! I HAVE RABIES!!!
Yuna runs down the Highroad again, dropping the moogle. It follows her. Eventually, she comes to a crossroads.
Yuna: Which way...?
?????: You could always go this way.
Yuna looks to her left to see...
Yuna: Tidus!!!
?????: Actually, miss, it's Tidus (Pronounced Tie-dus)
Yuna: Oh.
Toto: What's the difference?
Tidus: The pronunciation.
Toto: Oh.
Tidus: So, who are you and where are you going?
Yuna: Well, I'm Yuna, and this is my rabid moogle, Toto.
Toto: Charmed...I mean, uh, roof roof....I mean....KUPO!!!
Yuna, Tidus: *sweatdrop*
Yuna: As to where we're going...to see some wizard in Zanarkand.
Tidus: Can I come?
Yuna: Why?
Tidus: I...um...need a brain.
Yuna: Oh. Right. *cough*loser*cough*
Tidus: So, can I?
Yuna: I guess so.
Tidus: YAYY!
Yuna, Toto: *cough*dumbass*cough*
Toto: *bites Tidus on the butt*
Tidus: AHHHH!!! YOUR DAMN MOOGLE BIT ME!!!
Toto: I'm rabid. What did you expect?
Tidus: ............?
So, they head off: Yuna, Toto, the rabid moogle, and Tidus the scarecrow with no brains.
Tidus: I'm not a scarecrow!!!
Me: Oops! Sorry!
Tidus: Like hell you are...
Anyways, the three eventually come upon a clearing where groaning is heard.
Yuna: What's that horrible sound?
Tidus: Got me. But you're right, it is horrible.
They follow the sound (like the idiots that they are) and eventually they come upon a man laying on the ground.
????: Thirsty...
Yuna: Thirsty?
Tidus: That's what he said.
Toto(sarchasticly): Too bad we don't have anything. Really a shame.
Yuna: Hey! Look there!
They look to where Yuna is pointing. There, sitting on a stump, is a jug of sake.
Yuna: Maybe this will help.
She rushes over, grabs the jar, comes back over, and pours some of the contents down the man's throat.
????: MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tidus, Yuna, Toto: *sweatdrop*
????: Thank you. I thought I'd die of dehydration.
Toto: I think we should hold on to that jug...
Yuna: Wait...Auron?!
????: Actually, It's Arlo.
Tidus: Auron?
Arlo: NO!!! IT'S ARLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tidus: What's the difference?
Arlo: THE WHOLE NAME!!! You really don't have any brains...
Yuna: Wait...how did you know...?!
Arlo: That is none of your business.
Yuna: You are exactly like Auron...except for that wierdness about the sake.
Toto: What would you say if I said, "I guess you'll be coming with us to Zanarkand?"
Arlo: I'd say, "You guessed right."
Yuna: Okay then! Let's go!
So, Yuna, Toto, the rabid moogle, Tidus, the brainless guy, and Arlo, the sake obsessed dead guy, head off.
Arlo: Hey! They aren't supposed to know I'm dead yet!!!
Me: Oops again.
Yuna: It's okay, Arlo. Auron was dead, too.
Arlo: .............
So anyway, the group keeps following the road, until they come to a really freaky forest.
Yuna: This place is giving me the creeps.
Tidus: Seriously.
Just then a large blue beast man jumps out.
???????: ROOOAAARRR!!!!
Toto: That was weak. Let me show you how it's done. *takes a deep breath.....*
ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
???????: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *hides behind Yuna*
Yuna: Kimahri?! Wait, don't tell me your name is different too...
Kimahri: No, me just Kimahri.
Yuna: Whew...
Kimahri: Kimahri Lonzo.
Yuna: *sweatdrop*
Kimahri(crying): Your moogle scares Kimahri!!
Toto: I'm so glad! *bites Kimahri's leg*
Kimahri: AHHHH!!!! GET IT OFF!!!!
Yuna: *pulls Toto off Kimahri* What is it with you and biting people?!
Toto: I'M RABID. Didn't I make that clear?
Yuna: Even so...
Kimahri: Kimahri wonders where strange group going.
Yuna, Toto, Arlo: We're off to see the wizard.
Tidus: The wonderful wizard of Roz!
Arlo: Don't you dare start singing.
Tidus: R-right, heh...
Kimahri: Can wizard make Kimahri brave?
Toto: Heheheheheh...COWARD!!!
Kimahri: *starts crying*
Yuna: Don't cry Kimahri! I'm sure the wizard can make you brave.
Kimahri: *sniffle* R-really?
Yuna: ...no, not really. I'm just using comforting words because that is how I am characterized.
Kimahri: *starts crying again*
Arlo: If you don't stop that, I'm going to have to kill you.
Kimahri: *stops crying*
Arlo: Thank you.
Yuna: So, will you come with us Kimahri?
Kimahri: *nods*
Yuna: Okay then! We're off!
Tidus: To see the wizard!
Arlo: *pulls out Masamune* If you don't quit that...
Tidus: EEEEEPPP! O-okay! I'll stop!
Arlo: You'd better...
So the party continues-
Tidus: Wait, we're a party now? I thought we were a group?
Me: Tidus?
Tidus: Yes?
Me:SHUT THE HELL UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tidus: O-okay...
Me: And stop stuttering.
Tidus: O-okay...I mean...okay...
Me: And stop saying okay!
Tidus: Yes ma'm...
As I was saying! The party continues onward until they reach another crossroads. All of a sudden...
?????????: You won't go any further!!!
There is a puff of black smoke, and then...
?????????: *cough, cough* Damn smoke! *cough, cough*
The smoke clears to reveal a woman with long gray hair and a very skimpy outfit. This could only be-
Yuna: Yunalesca!
Yunalesca: That's LADY Yunalesca to you!
Yuna: Right, whatever.
Yunalesca: I am Lady Yunalesca, the wicked witch of the West!
Toto: Good for you.
Yunalesca: Silence infidel!
Toto: Ummm, whatever.
Yunalesca: I have come to take revenge for your murder of my sister!
Yuna: Hey, I didn't kill her! The temple did.
Yunalesca: Well, I have to blame somebody!
Yuna: Ummm...sure you do...
Toto: Uh, oh! Gottta go!
Yuna,Tidus,Arlo: You can't just leave now!
Toto: That is not what I meant! *bounds over and takes a leak on Yunalesca's shoe*
Yunalesca: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOuR MoOgLE PiSsED ON My NeW SHoES!!! THIS WILL NEVER WASH OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *dissapears in another puff of smoke*
Yuna: Hey! Thanks Toto!
Arlo: Yes. That's the first useful thing you've ever done.
Toto: HEY!
Tidus: Ummm, guys?
Yuna, Toto, Arlo: What is it now?!
Tidus: Kimahri's gone.
All: o_O' Uh oh...
Yuna: Kimahri!!! Where are you!!!???
Kimahri(from behind a bush): O-over h-h-here...
Yuna: Kimahri! Why did you run away like that?!
Toto: 'Cause he's a COWARD!!!
Kimahri: *sniffle* Why is moogle so mean to Kimahri?
Toto: I haven't singled you out. I'm just mean to everyone.
Kimahri: *sniffle*
The party continues until they come to an oversized field of moonlillies.
Yuna: Oh! How pretty!
Kimahri: Kimahri love flowers!
Toto: Toto think Kimahri is a sissy.
Kimahri: *runs away crying*
Yuna, Tidus, Arlo: Uhhhh...right...
They go after Kimahri.
Toto: Do we have to?
Me: YES YOU DO!!!!!
Toto: Hmph...fine.
They find him asleep in the middle of the field.
Toto: Hey! Sissy! This is no time to be taking a nap!
Kimahri: ZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....
Yuna: *yawns* I'm feeling sleepy too... *falls down, unconsious*
Toto: Not you too!!
Tidus: *falls down, also unconsious*
Toto: What's wrong with you people-sleeeeeeeeeepyyyyyyyyy.....*falls asleep as well*
Arlo:.............this sucks...............
Lulu: *appears* Uh, oh...
Arlo: Who are you?
Lulu: That doesn't matter right now! I have to wake them up!!! *casts Blizzaga on the flower field*
Yuna: COLD! *jumps to her feet*
Tidus, Kimahri, and Toto also leap to their feet.
Yuna: Lulu?!
Toto: Huh?!
Arlo: You know her?
Yuna: She's the...ehem...somewhatcrazygoodwitchofthenorth.
Arlo: Oh.
Lulu: Well, I'm out. *vanishes*
Toto: o_O' Well that was an odd encounter.
Arlo: You're telling me.
Yuna: ^_^' Let's just keep going, okay guys?
All: Good idea.
The party continues along the Djose Highroad until they arive at the gates of the huge machina city-
Yuna, Arlo, Tidus: Zanarkand.
Yuna: We finally made it!
Toto: Yay!!!
Arlo: Why are we just standing around?! Let's go in!
The party goes up to the gate and Yuna knocks.
Yuna: Heeeeeeeelllllllllllllooooooooooo...
The window slightly above them opens.
?????: No visitors, ya?
Yuna: WAKKA?!
Wakka: Who are you? Ya?
Yuna: I am the Summoner Yuna, from the isle of Besaid. I have traveled from an alternate dimension to seek a hearing with the wizard.
Wakka: I said no visitors, ya? No one gets to see the wizard, ya?
Yuna: What...?!
Wakka: You heard me, ya?
Yuna: You're telling me, that I traveled all this way, in these damn magic hi-heels, AND I CAN'T GET IN TO SEE THE WIZARD?!!!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!!? !?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!????
Wakka: Uhhhhh.....
Yuna: IF YOU DON'T LET ME IN, RIGHT NOW, THERE WILL BE HELL TO PAY FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wakka: Wait...you said...magic hi-heels?!
Yuna: YES!!!!!
Wakka: Well why didn't you say so in the first place?
Yuna: I DID!!!!!
Wakka: S-sorry...please c-come in, ya?
Yuna: Thank you! !^_^!
The five of them enter Zanarkand. They are then ushered to a five star hotel, where they spend the night.
The next day...
Yuna: WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN'T SEE THE WIZARD?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? DIDN'T WE GO THROUGH THIS AT THE GATE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!? !?!!?!?!
Guard: I-I'm really s-sorry, miss...but I cannot allow you to...M-MISS!!!
Yuna has stormed past the guard and, with her companions in tow, goes into the wizard's chamber.
Yuna: HEY WIZARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I GOT A BONE TO PICK WITH YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wizard:_WHO DARES ENTER THE CHAMBER OF THE WIZARD_?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yuna: Oh dear...
A platform in front of them begins to glow. Two very large eyes appear in front of them.
Wizard: WHO ARE YOU?!
Yuna: Ummm...I was told you could send me home...
Wizard: HOME, EH?!
Yuna: Ummm yes...
Wizard: WELL FIRST YOU MUST DO SOMETHING FOR ME...
Tidus: *sigh* There's always a catch.
Toto: You know, for someone with no brains, you have apretty extensive vocabulary.
Tidus: Shut up!!! Rotten moogle...
Yuna: Tell us what we must do.
Wizard: YOU MUST DEFEAT THE WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST AND BRING ME PROOF OF HER DEFEAT!!!
Yuna: Oh...Ummm, that shouldn't be too hard, right guys? .....Uh, guys...?
Toto: Speak for yourself!
Tidus: Us? Fight HER? Count me out.
Kimahri: Kimahri too. Pissy lady scare Kimahri more than rabid moogle of Yuna does.
Arlo: ....
Yuna: Arlo...? Please...?
Arlo: .....fine.
Yuna: Thank you so much! *bows*
Arlo: Ummm, right.
Yuna: You have that sword, and I have my healing magic and Aeons! It shouldn't be that hard!!! ....Though I wish Tidus(Tee-dus) were here...
Toto: Well, I guess...I could go...
Tidus: I suppose I could too...
Yuna: Thank you so much!!!
Kimahri: Ummm...Kimahri will stay in Zanarkand...
Toto: Go ahead then! We don't need a sissy like you to slow us down!
Kimahri: Kimahri will show you...damn moogle...
The party heads off once again until they reach a large, dreary looking castle.
Arlo: Hmph. This must be it.
Yuna: Well! This is a good time to test out my new Aeon!!! Heheheheheheheheh.......
Toto: Th-that glint in your eyes...it scares me...
Yuna: Here goes nothin'...COME, ANIMA!!!!!!!!!!!
Seymour: *appears* HEY...!
Yuna: Seymour, go away.
Me: Yah! You're not even in this fic!
Seymour(whiny): Yes, but that is MY Aeon!!
Me: WELL TOO BAD!!!! I hate you, so get lost.
Seymour: Wah...*vanishes*
So, Anima comes forth, and decimates all the people/things guarding the gate.
Yuna: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! FEEL MY WRATH!!!
Arlo,Kimahri,Tidus,Toto: *nervous sweatdrop*
They enter the castle to find Yunalesca sitting on a throne (a la Ultemicia.)
Yunalesca: HOW DARE YOU COME HERE!!! AND YOU BROUGHT THAT STUPID MOOGLE WITH YOU!!! PREPARE TO DIE!!!
Yuna: Heh...I've been saving Anima's overdrive, just for you...*summons Anima* Go! Anima!
Toto: Gawd, what is this, POKEMON?!
Anima: *uses Oblivion on Yunalesca*
Yunalesca: CuRsED AeON!!! FeEl MY WrATh!!!! *casts multi-Ultima*
Anima: *is knocked out*
Yuna: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You shall pay!!!! *casts Holy on Yunalesca*
Yunalesca: CuRsES!!! My OnLY wEakNEss!!!
Yuna: Heehee... *casts Holy again*
Yunalesca: NOOoooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yuna: Now feel MY wrath!!! *casts multi-Holy (even though I don't think there is such a thing)
Yunalesca: NOooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooo!!! *dies (yay!('cause I hate her))*
Yuna: Okay, guys! Let's get us some evidence!!!
Later, back at Zanarkand...
Yuna: OH WIZARD!!!!!!!!!!!! *holds up Yunalesca's headband thingie*
Jecht: *walks out* I'm sorry, the wizard is not available- YUNA?!
Yuna: Sir Jecht?! YOU are the wizard?!
Jecht: Naw...not me!
Tidus: Then who is?
?? ?????: NO! Tell him to speak with my agent! RRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! They can call me back on Thursday...fine! Monday, then!!!
Just then, a familiar person/thing steps out.
Yuna: YU YEVON?!?!?!
Yu Yevon: *hangs up his cell phone* Oh. Damn. I was hoping Yunalesca would kill you.
Yuna: YOU'RE the wizard?! YOU'RE A FREAKIN' TICK!!! And since when did you have THAT?! *points at the cell phone*
Yu Yevon: YES, I'm the freakin' wizard. AND IT'S NONE O' YOUR BUSINESS WHERE I GOT THE CELL!!!
Yuna: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr...where's a save sphere when you need one?!
Yu Yevon: You're not gonna get home by me, you know.
Yuna: Nor would I WANT to. Hmph.
Lulu: *appears* If you wanna go home, just click your heels three times and say, "There's no place like Spira."
Yuna: WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE?!?!????????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????? ??????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!??!?!!!?!
Lulu: *shrugs* 'Cause it would have ruined the plot! Duh.
Yuna: Hmph! I'm going home!!! *clicks her heels three times and says "There's no place like Spira*
A portal opens right under Yuna's feet and she falls through, back into Spira, only to land on Tidus (Tee-dus.)
Yuna: HOOOORRRAAAYYY!!!
Lulu: Yuna! You're okay!!!
Yuna: I'M FINALLY OUT OF DAMN ROZ!
Wakka: Roz?
Yuna: Worst place in existance. Don't go there.
Suddenly, a moogle flies from above.
Wakka: Moogle?
Yuna: Wait a minute...TOTO?!
Toto: Happy to see me?
(Where did Toto the rabid moogle come from? Why did he follow Yuna to Spira? What happened to Yu Yevon? What happened to Jecht? Why am I asking so many questions?! Find out in the next installment of...FAIRY TALES ETC. !!!!!!!)
It ended a bit abruptly, I know. I just lost my inspiration near the end, is all. I'm not sure how good this is, since it is my first serious attempt at humor. Didn't seem that bad...tell me what you think! Again, positive reviews and constructive critisism are welcomed. Please don't flame me... ^_^"
(By the way...before I can write the next installment, I need to know the name of O'aka's brother, whom you buy items from on Mount Gagazet. If you know his name, please let me know!)
Diamond Weapon