pShe stopped at the door to the bulkhead and listened to Lee take his rage out on his law books. Dee puts her hand on the hatch and waits. Waits for the guilt she is sure will come, waits for the pain that will surely follow. But it doesn't. For one brief, shining moment, Dee is able to breathe. To feel her own feelings. Since she began this thing with Lee, this dance of regret and love, guilt and need, she feels understanding. She understands the man that rages on the other side of the bulkhead. Understands that in his own way he loves her. Knows that this love that he has for her is the reason he is able to hold the remnants of humanity to task for their failures. He has known failure. He has seen the look in his father's eyes when he has failed to live up to the name /

Lee has known failure in his marriage, despite not breaking his vows by sleeping with Kara, he has broken them a million times by wishing his wife's lips were her's. By wishing the hair resting on his chest was golden not raven. He knows Dee deserves better. That she isn't to be anyone's second place. He lets himself believe that it is only time and memories that tie him to Kara, not love. When his lips kiss Dee's he can almost believe the lie. /

Standing there, Dee makes a choice. In for a penny, in for a pound. Will she do this? Can she do this? Can she honor her vow to stand by her husband, despite the fact that what he is fighting for is the antithesis of everything she believes? Her mother would say "Dee, do you think I always agreed with your father? That he didn't challenge my beliefs? That we were the same?" Dee knows that would be a lie. Her mother was her own woman and stood as compliment to her father, not a lost piece of him. Dee decides to give him a chance to calm down and goes to find Felix to take her mind of the state of her marriage. /p

p /p

pDee opens the door to their quarters, tentatively and steps inside. Lee is sitting at his desk with his back to her. His shoulders are rounded as if the weight of the fleet rest there. She places her fingertips on the tops of his shoulders and he jumps. He looks at her as though expecting her to disappear. Before he can open his mouth, she says "I'm here." Lee is startled but stands up and goes into her arms. And sobs./p

pDee lifts his head between gentle hands and kisses his tears away. She firmly kisses his lips and he tastes the salt of his tears. It takes like redemption. Not quite like forgiveness but Lee has hope. Hope that she understands that she is the reason that he can do this. The reason that he has the confidence to stand against the entire fleet. Dee is the reason that he believes even Gaius Baltar's life is salvageable. What she doesn't understand is that for Lee, if he can save Gaius, he might just be able to save /

Dee takes one strong, pale hand in hers and leads him down to the floor. She isn't ready to return to their bed yet. There are too many memories of tears cried while waiting for him to return from Kara. The floor is solid, real. Unyielding. She needs unyielding right now, now when she feels that yielding is all she is capable of. She pulls Lee down on top of her and whispers "make me forget". /p

pLee hears these words and the meaning behind them. Make me forget, make me forget the pain. Make me forget the loneliness. Make me forget feeling second best. Make me forget leaving our people /

Lee sets out to erase the pain that he can see in her eyes, that he can feel in the tentative fingers that trace down his back. Lee realizes that even though she was the one who walked away, she expects him to leave. She feels second best. His treatment of her has seeped into the core of who she is. At this moment, he wants to die. He wants to flush himself out the airlock but that would be unfair. That would leave Dee to deal with the aftermath and he could never tell her just how precious he is to /

He pushes his body solidly against hers and kisses her mouth. He swipes his tongue across her lips and they part on a soft sigh. He moves his lips across her cheeks and is unsurprised to taste her tears. He kisses his way down her neck to the collar of her shirt, then raises his head. Asking permission. A short nod and she raises her arms. Lee slides his hands up her sides, taking her shirt with him. He dips his head into the hollow between her breasts and rests. Listens to her heartbeat, listens to the soft contented sigh that escapes her lips. And smiles. He smiles because when she walked out of their quarters this afternoon, he was sure he lost this. Thought that he would never feel the smooth, warmth of her skin beneath his hands. He is grateful to the gods to have the gift of her love again. The gift of her faith. Maybe not faith in him, but faith in their marriage. Faith that it will turn out /

After the unhurried removal of their clothes and the rediscovering of each other's body, Lee slides into Dee's body with a deep groan. She closes her eyes and grits her teeth at the intrusion. It has been longer than she cares to remember since she's done this. While there is pleasure, there is also pain. Like this relationship she finds herself in. Yet in this, the pain is welcome. It reminds her that she is alive when so many others aren't. Lee finds a rhythm that suits them both and she feels the tide of her orgasm rising. When she hears the hitch in his breath that signals his orgasm, she lets go. Knowing that he is able to still find pleasure in her body pushing her over the edge. He releases in her with a soft grunt and collapses against her shoulder. /p

pIn this moment, they lie here, intertwined and fixable. Not perfect but fixable. For the both of them, that is the best that they can hope for. /p

p-End/p