Most people say that you begin to feel unnaturally content and calm when you're dying. Almost like you're drifting to sleep on a warm beach. Well, that's definitely not what I was feeling right then and there, and I was most certainly dying. Maybe, if I had been alone…

But no, I had asked him, no, basically ordered him to come with me. For some bullshit reason, I forced everyone to take sides in the stupid household fight, and no matter how much shit we go through, my brother and I stick together. Still, there was no real reason for him to be in the car with me that night. I just needed somebody to vent to as I moved my stuff to a friend's place. And now, well, now there was a chunk of car sticking out of his throat, and another, different chunk of car where his lower body should be. God, I'm such a goddamn fuck up. Why the hell had I brought him along?

Hell, I could trace the blame even farther back. Did it go all the way back to when I ignored everybody else and decided that I wanted to try engineering? Or did it just extend back to me failing out of said engineering school, wasting my father's money and eventually getting me kicked out of the house?

So, as I, John Travis Kessler, faded into nonexistence, I prayed for the first time in my life. If God was really out there, (I somewhat doubted it), hopefully he wouldn't punish my brother for my mistakes. He was the star football player for the high school team. He was the one getting scholarship offers to incredible schools all across the country. I was just the family fuck up, a mountainous pile of wasted potential and failed exam grades. I didn't work hard enough, but he wouldn't even get the chance to try. It wasn't fair.

I could feel myself fading away, and I saw the divergent paths of two unlived lives flash through my mind. I saw me, working at a car dealership, wearing a fake smile as I packed up my things to go back to an empty house. And I saw my brother, thriving at college, still unsure of what to do in life, just as I was, but with a plethora of options and opportunities. So, as I closed my eyes for the final time, I wished for that life to continue for my brother. Who knows, I did somehow get this far in life, right? Maybe miracles do happen.

I woke up to an earsplitting headache… Wait, I woke up? I survived? I wrenched open my eyes, fighting what felt like a pair of 10 ton weights, and glanced at my body. I was shirtless, in a bed of some kind, and there certainly wasn't a steering column sticking out of my chest. Something else was off, though. Dammit, if only this stupid headache would ease up.

My stomach angrily rumbled, and I sat up. Headache or not, I needed some food. I looked around the room for ideas, but unfortunately, the little bedside table only had a newspaper. No food. Damn. I looked around a little more, and I realized something. This wasn't some mystery bedroom. It was a hospital bed. I guess it wasn't a dream. The crash had really happened.

But why was I alive? I saw my body get crushed. Front row seats. Not a pleasant sight. I looked down at my body again. Sure enough, there was a massive, somewhat fresh scar spanning my chest, starting at my left arm pit and jaggedly extending to somewhere near the bottom of the right side of my ribcage. But that wasn't the only strange thing.

Don't get me wrong, I've never really been fat. I might have wasted a ton of athletic potential by not giving a shit about anything, but I was still in reasonable shape. Somewhere in between chunky and average would probably be an apt description. But now, well, the beer belly was gone. I sure as hell didn't have a six pack or anything, but the excess fat, the sign of my laziness and failure, was mostly gone.

I'm pretty sure a stint at the hospital didn't get rid of a beer gut. What the hell was going on?

Jesus Christ this headache needed to chill out. How am I supposed to figure this crap out if I can't string together a thought? And, to seemingly add to my inability to focus, some faint voices came into existence outside the door.

"Fullmetal, the kid nearly died. Alchemy can't fix something like this."

Alchemy.

Suddenly, my brain was ravaged by a wall of memories. I was in, well, I was nowhere. Total emptiness. Then, these images, almost like movies, played out in front of me, telling stories of a world that wasn't quite familiar. A world, just like Earth, but with alchemy.

Alchemy, the science of converting matter into different matter. The law of equivalent exchange. I had only known of it for a moment, but somehow, I understood it.

Then, a person. But not quite. He, or it, was almost like a silhouette, a white shadow of my existence. There was a conversation.

A second chance. That was what the silhouette said. A new world, a new life. My brother would survive. There were warning, but I ignored them. He would live.

I asked whether I would ever see him again.

"He's right behind you. You have a few moments. But after that, well, that's up to you."

I turned around, and my brother was there.

He was in tears, begging me to somehow stay with him. He needed me, he said. Suddenly, a new life didn't seem so easy. There were so many things that I needed to say, and tears were just getting in the way. I told him to help our dad. The temper, the fights, they weren't good for him. If I wasn't such a confrontational ass to him, maybe I could have helped. I was supposedly the calm one after all. But it was all on him now. I told him to take care of the rest of the family. To tell Mom and Dad to not blame themselves. It was my fault. I'm the one who fucked up. They were just reacting to their pitiful excuse of an eldest son.

"JT, you shut the hell up. That… thing said that you're about to go through hell. Well, you're going to do it, then, when you get back to our world, I'm gonna punch you in the face because that was so freaking stupid!"

Then, we were fading away.

"Stephen, if you tell people about this, they're gonna say you're crazy. Just, keep going. I'm dead until proven otherwise." I winked with that.

"Heh, you're probably right." He put a serious look on his face after that. Which, on his acne-filled teenage face, well, it looked absurd. "Just remember, JT, you're a clever bastard. Use it. Whatever gets thrown at you, beat it before it even has a chance."

"Will do, brother. I'll see you later."

My brother grinned as the last of him faded away. "Smell ya later!"

And that was it. My brain rushed back into the present, where there were two worried looking people waving their hands in front of my face.

"Doctor, what's happening? Why is he so pale?!"

"He's not responding!"

I shook my head. "I'm fine, I swear! Just, err, daydreaming."

The tall man, dressed in a navy blue uniform that had to be from some kind of military, raised his eyebrow. "Must have been a helluva day dream."

I nervously laughed and nodded. "Sorry if this is weird, but where am I? What happened?" From that weird memory thing, I figured that high speed car accidents weren't a common occurrence. How had I ended up in a hospital?

"Uh, I think it'd be easier if my little friend here explained."

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING TINY YOU OVERCOOKED SLIMEBAG?!"

Either this was a common occurrence, or that guy was one smooth dude, because he was out of there before the 'little guy' could even finish his rant. Hell, even the doctors were gone.

The guy sighed then awkwardly walked over to my bed and took a look at a clipboard hanging from the foot of the bedframe.

"Of course Colonel Bastard is calling me little! You're practically a giant and you're only 16! My age and they have you at 6'2". Hmph."

Wait, did he say I was 16? Chalk another one up on the board-of-shit-to-worry-about-later.

The guy, who was apparently a kid, just like I was, again? Ugh, JT, remember the board. Worry about it later. Anyway, the kid continued looking at the clipboard.

"Ah, there it is! Stupid Doctor's dumb handwriting is impossible to read. So your name is John Kessler? Sounds southern. I'm Edward Elric." He sheepishly rubbed the back of his head. "And I guess I'm kinda the reason you're in here. Sorry about that."

"Nice to meet you, Ed." I held out my hand for a handshake. "And just call me JT. I swear, I'm not gonna care either way, but what exactly happened?"

He weakly shook my hand and went on to explain just what had occurred. Apparently, he was fighting some alchemist and accidentally destroyed an abandoned building during the fight. He and his brother were looking at the wreckage after the fight and saw my leg sticking out of it and rushed me here.

When he was finished, I couldn't help but chuckle. It was a solid excuse for my injuries, and I didn't even have to make it up myself. Shout out to that weird silhouette guy for at least taking one plate off my table.

"Sounds like it was my fault for being in that building. If it makes you feel better, I don't remember anything, though."

Despite my attempt at taking the blame, Ed still looked guilty. "We tried to find your family, but we couldn't find any recent record of them. If you give the doctors your address they could send a letter or something."

"My family's… gone. Hell, I don't think I even have a home anymore." Fuck. Way to retain information there, JT. Now you're probably gonna have to bullshit a bunch of answers and you're gonna get called out on some uneducated lie.

Ed grimly nodded. "We kinda guessed that from the little we could find out about you. Me and my brother are pretty much in the same boat. Anyway, the Colonel probably wants to debrief you. You got hurt in a military thingy so he has to ask you stuff or something. I'm sure he'll enjoy the paperwork though." He weirdly grinned as he said that last part. "I really am sorry about everything though. I know I suck at the whole apology thing but if you ever need anything, just ask." With that, he left the room, and was soon replaced by the man, who was presumably 'Colonel Bastard'.

"You look tired, so I'll let you get some rest. I'll debrief you tomorrow."

As soon as he finished saying that, a yell echoed through the hallway outside.

"Mustang! The taxi is here! You wanna be late for your creepy little date?"

Colonel mumbled something about full metal and dicks and left the room sheepishly. Huh. Certainly sounds like a weird date.

Might have been a lame excuse, but I really was tired. I thought back to the weird 'memory reel' I had seen before I talked to my brother. This world, besides the whole alchemy thing, seemed to be very similar to my world in terms of physics and science-y stuff. From what I saw, it looked like technology was at a level similar to what it would've been in the early 1900s. Huh. Maybe I could use that somehow. I didn't know enough about computers to invent them, but I did go to engineering school for a little while. I could paint myself as some kind of genius and make a living reinventing stuff.

No, that didn't feel right. I was given another chance for a reason, and I'm pretty sure that reason wasn't for me to invent the folding chair. Besides, dominating prehistoric basketball would be more fun as a fall back plan. I wonder how these people would like the shammgod?

Seriously though, I had to figure something out. I was homeless and completely on my own. My only connections were to the…

Goddamn it. I didn't want to be a soldier. I'll figure out my future later. Right then and there, I needed to focus on rest and rehab. Heh, lazy JT was already poking through. Plan for the future? Nah, sleepy time. Oh well.

So, sleep began to cloud my brain, slowing my thoughts to a halt, and the most absurd day in my lifetime (lifetimes?) came to close.

So, here it is. New story for a new fandom. For me, anyway. This happens to be a self insert fic to the highest degree. JT's life in our world largely mirrors my own, and his skills and faults will similarly mirror the ones I recognize in myself. It might seem self-obsessed, but, well, I've got a lot of shit going on in my life right now, and writing this has really helped me process it all and kickstart some actual productive action.

Let's move away from the weird emotional garbage though. New story! Hope you guys enjoy it, and lemme know what you think with reviews and favorites and blowjobs and follows.

Ok, maybe not blowjobs. Unless you really want to.

Also, if you want to picture the memory reel sequence, think of a mix between a flash from Chuck and the visions that Ed and Al saw in the Gate in brotherhood.