A little drabble I wrote for my girl Gloaming Grove. My first try at yaoi. I hope you like it and that I did this pairing justice.
Title: Doubts
Pairings/Characters: RenjiXHisagi
Summary: Renji had never been the kind of guy who did much thinking. But when the lights are out, his thoughts appear.
Renji cuddled up to his lover, who laid placidly in his arms, sound asleep.
He had never been the reflective kind. He has always followed his instincts, trusting they will guide him, both in battle and in life. He shared that with his lover.
To this day, he still didn't know how it all began. Was it a slightly different glance, exchanged by old friends who had begun feeling the wear of time, or was it an outlandish proposal over cups of sake what drew Shuuhei to his bed that first time, so many nights ago.
Renji wouldn't know.
He only knew of the private moments they shared, in and out of the bed that held their passion and witnessed his happiness.
He wouldn't know why, night after night, Shuuhei knocked on his door to be with him. And the feeling of ignorance scared Renji.
His gut had told him to run away. That the others wouldn't understand, just like he didn't. But his heart stopped him.
How could he escape the blissful feeling? It had been so long since the last time he was held so lovingly. So tenderly. So honestly.
He didn't know, and he never asked.
All he knew was that when morning came, his lover would leave.
Shuuhei will leave and return to only being his friend. He won't say a word to anyone, keeping his secret. Their secret.
Renji hated the feeling of abandonment that hit every morning after one of them left the bed; both fully aware that the farewell is close. However, what he hated the most were the questions that lingered on his mind every minute of every day he spent apart from his lover.
Will he ever return? Will I hold him in my arms again? Will I ever listen to that voice in my head, and confess?
He had so many questions, but there were no answers to be found. Those questions seemed to hover around him, constantly distracting him from his duties, clouding his judgment and impairing his normalcy.
"Renji," The man called; his voice slurred after waking from his sleep
"What?" Renji snorted, acting as if nothing happened.
"You're worried about something."
"How would you know? You were asleep."
"Does it matter how I know? I just do. Are you gonna tell me what's wrong"
"Does it matter?"
"Yes, you don't let me sleep."
"Well, that's too bad for you." Renji replied, hitting him on the shoulder.
Renji couldn't help but feel hurt after Shuuhei's comment. He hated the feeling; it becomes impossible to deny his own feelings after.
"Renji, why does it have to be so hard for you?"
"You don't even know what you're doing here, Shuuhei. I don't know, but I would at least expect you to."
"I'm sleeping in your arms. And in the meantime, you're worrying about me. I for one don't like that."
"Well, sorry for being normal and caring for who sleeps next to me." Renji answered, annoyed.
"I care about you, Renji. Maybe if you noticed I don't leave, you would feel better. I always come back, and I don't do much more because I don't want you to over think things. I only want you to be happy. I want us to be happy. We were lonely for so long and we both deserve it," Shuuhei shifted on the bed, lying on his side trying to resume his sleep, "Now sleep, Renji. There's much to do tomorrow."
Renji turned his head away from the man, resisting the urge to take Shuuhei's suggestion and hold him once more.
Until he caved.
When Renji turned he noticed Shuuhei, lying on his back, pleasantly sleeping with his arms wide open, waiting for the man that brought joy into his life once more.
A/N: I hope you liked it, Gloaming Grove. I think I might just start shipping Renji and Hisagi. There's something about them that appeals to me.