Shinra Inc And The New Boss
By: Jason Tandro
Author's Note: Continued from Shinra Inc. And New Years, and Shinra Inc. And The Campaign.
Palmer sat in the chair on the 70th Floor Office, spinning about gaily as he stuffed his face full of donuts. The stack of paperwork in front of him was, to Palmer's credit, actually quite neatly organized. The disconcerting reason for that was because anything related to actual work had been delegated to his subordinates.
Reeve was doing his part dutifully, as though it were some sort of penance for his horrible idea. He took on the bulk of the workload but it was not possible for him to do it all by himself. Furthermore Palmer seemed to take malice glee at forcing his coworkers to do ridiculous labors for their own sake. Scarlet had spent the day taking all of the design documents for her weapons and digitizing them for the sake of security. Not a bad idea, until Palmer decided halfway through the task that he would rather have physical blueprints and ordered her to destroy the digital copies. When Scarlet asked why they couldn't have both, he answered simply: "Security".
Heidegger's friendship had spared him a fair amount of Palmer's wrath, but even he was not getting off so lightly, as Palmer kept him busy running drills with the Turks. And Hojo hadn't actually been given any new assignments because Palmer thought a far more devious punishment for him was to forbid him from doing any of his usual work. Palmer had sent him on a two week paid vacation to Junon, and by all accounts he was the most miserable one of the bunch.
In spite of all this, Palmer seemed the most determined to vex Rufus for all of his years of abuse, but unfortunately he'd not counted on Rufus having the common sense to see the way the winds were blowing and tender his resignation shortly before the vote. He still stopped by the have lunch with Reeve on occasion, mostly to rub the whole sorry lot of it in his face.
One such afternoon the two were eating in the employee café, when Rufus was dancing a jig on Reeve's last nerve.
"Bet you feel pretty stupid now," Rufus teased as he always did. "I'll vote for Palmer, he says. You guys better work it out, he says."
"I wanted to shake up the status quo," Reeve explained, rubbing his head. "Can we please not? You do this every time."
"Hey Palmer isn't the only one enjoying a bit of overdue comeuppance," Rufus explained. "I'll grant you that neither of us saw the whole 'having to vote in the new CEO' bylaws skullduggery, but if you recall you lot voted me out in the first place."
"And how many times will I have to tell you that you bankrupted the company? You almost did it a second time!" Reeve announced, the old argument starting to gnaw at him.
"Well you're in a right state now because of it. I'd be amazed if the company doesn't go under now," Rufus shrugged.
"If Palmer doesn't stop ordering so many donuts and finding elaborate ways to waste money just to punish us then I daresay you're right," Reeve grunted. "I don't suppose you have any ideas of how to fix this problem?"
"Bylaws say you can hold a new vote every month, and this month is almost over," Rufus said. "Of course you'd all have to agree on a new leader, and you said you have no interest in the position anymore."
"I would if I could count on you to be a grownup about the situation and not constantly try to sabotage me," Reeve explained.
The two men shared an identically skeptical glance.
"I figured as such," Reeve sighed. "I take it you are suggesting we vote you back in to power?"
"I'm the devil you know. And besides, things run a lot smoother when I'm out of the way."
"Bank. Rupt. Cy." Reeve said, stressing each syllable with a repressed wave of hatred.
"Okay, so maybe there need to be some reasonable reforms, I get that. Look basically all I want is the title. The position of top dog, and the perks that go with it, you see? Maybe I let the busy-work bits go through you from now on. You're good at those parts," Rufus admitted.
"So you want all of the glory without any of effort?" Reeve summed up.
"Yeah, easy as pie. And you'd get to do all that work that you seem to love so much," Rufus offered.
"I do the work because nobody else will," Reeve insisted. "Not because I have some masochistic desire to drown myself in paperwork."
"Well then we'll let you hire a team of assistants. We can carve out a bit of the new employee budget and get you a couple of eager young do-gooders. You know, like the guy you used to be before working at this company broke your spirit," Rufus explained.
"I'm concerned by your casual acknowledgment of a serious morale problem which you seem to have no desire to fix and yet I suppose there's some merit to that idea. I could delegate more. But we have to worry about the other heads as well. They're fit to burst over this Palmer situation and yet they still didn't want to vote for you. If I tell them that I plan to vote for you at the next meeting they could very well resign in protest, leaving the company in shambles."
Rufus rubbed his chin. "So we have to make me appear more likeable somehow."
"You could try to be a better boss, listen to their concerns, promise to change your reckless ways-"
Reeve was cut off by the same skeptical look from before, and he let out a sigh that shared all the same properties of a balloon being deflated.
"I'll get the bribe money," Reeve groaned.
"I can understand why you came to me first," said Scarlet, running her hand through her hair. "But I don't see the status quo improving greatly with you at the helm."
"Hey my malice was never targeted at you. It was usually directed at Palmer or Hojo," Rufus insisted.
Scarlet's office had become a cluster of parts and plans, any sense of organization stripped bare from the place alongside Scarlet's desire to live. It had been a rough ride for her, taking the jabs and thrusts of Palmer's worst ideas in her own stride. But Scarlet was a resilient woman who faced all of life's obstacles with the grace and dignity of a professional.
"I'm just going to quit," she said, packing a few precious desk ornaments and a photo of her junior lab assistant into a small accordion folder.
"And leave Shinra Inc. at the helm of that madman?" Rufus insisted.
Scarlet looked Rufus up and down for a moment. "Which one are you talking about?"
Rufus folded his arms. "Look I know you all hate me or whatever, but I was never that bad. Sure I spent money a bit recklessly and yes I maybe led the company down the path of fiscal ruin on more than one occasion holding each and every one of you out in front of me like a human shield as I plummeted towards the impending reality like a boulder-" Rufus stopped himself for a moment and recalibrated his argument. "But I mean like at least I cared."
"Did you?" Scarlet asked. "Because as far as I can tell all you ever cared about was being in charge of this company. You just wanted to be on top not because you wanted to make things any better, but because you just wanted to have your fun."
"That's a fair cop, but I don't get how it affects you. I mean I let you guys do whatever you wanted as long as it didn't bug me," Rufus argued.
"Don't you get it though? The reason almost all of us spoke up about wanting to take over the job when Reeve resigned-" Scarlet turned to Reeve and gave him a scowl. "- Nice job on that, by the way – " She turned back to Rufus. "- Was because we all have ideas about how to make things better here. For everyone. Even Hojo has some decent ideas, for crying out loud. And sure I wasn't going to vote for him or Heidegger but at least I respected that they wanted to make things better in their own way. You, and as it turns out Palmer, just wanted to create chaos for your own ends."
"So you're just done?" Rufus asked.
"Unless you can find some way where I don't waste the last twenty or so productive years of my life working for a sinking ship, then no, I think I'm done," Scarlet sighed.
"I can see why you came to me first," said Heidegger, taking a large swig out of his hip flask. "Palmer's a good friend of mine and you think maybe I can talk him out of this."
"Well, you know us," Rufus said, folding his arms slightly out of guilt – which he was surprised to be feeling at all in this man's presence.
"As much as I'll admit things have gotten tense around here, I don't see any benefit to changing things. Sure I've had to do some more drills which isn't easy at my age-"
"Weight." Rufus coughed.
"- but the men are actually performing much better. Their combat readiness has been on the decline for a while. Haven't had a good disaster in a while, makes them restless," Heidegger said.
"But what about Scarlet and Hojo? I mean we all used to be thick as thieves, for the most part. Now everybody is just all… I dunno, angry and stuff," Rufus said. "And I hear tell that Scarlet is leaving."
"To be honest, I can see why," Heidegger nodded. "And good riddance, I say. Let's let the old fool try things his way and see what happens."
"So you won't back us then?" Reeve asked.
"Nope. And if you manage to take back the presidency from Palmer then I'll resign in protest," Heidegger retorted.
"I can see why you came to me first," said Hojo, laying on a lawn chair, sunbathing atop the Junon airport. He flipped his sunglasses up onto his forehead revealing a raccoon line tan-line along his eyes. "You didn't come to me first."
"No, we tried Scarlet and Heidegger first," Rufus admitted. "We just want you to feel special."
"Could have said something like 'saving the best for last' and I would at least appreciate the effort," Hojo sighed. "So you want me to join your revolution, but you face the issue of Scarlet leaving and Heidegger threatening to leave."
"In the main, yes," Rufus said. "But really I want to try and get us all back together. I mean the company can't function without you guys."
"That's a touching sentiment and you don't believe a word of it," Hojo grunted.
"Believe it or not, I actually think he's being serious," Reeve offered. "Overly sentimental, perhaps, but he's serious."
Hojo pursed his lips slightly. "I do know that if I don't get a chance to get back into my lab I might lose my mind. And don't you say one word or I'll drop your like a vial of acid."
Rufus was prepared to offer an insult out of habit, but he shut his mouth abruptly.
"Have you ever actually done that?" Reeve asked.
"Where do you think the janitor Timmy Jr went?" Hojo replied. "Also if you find yourself on the 66th floor, don't open the bathroom in the southwest corner."
"So that's where the bodies are hidden," Rufus observed.
"What's left of them," Hojo muttered. "In any case, I will agree to help you if only because you seem to be the only way I'll get to enjoy my passion once more, but I'll not tie a noose around my neck in doing so. You need to make sure the Turks will back your claim as well. You know Tseng and his lot are fiercely in support of Palmer."
"Why on earth do you guys support Palmer?" Rufus asked.
"He hasn't sent us on an assignment since he took office," Tseng explained. "And while I do miss the field work, this bodyguard duty of his is much easier."
"We get to have dinner together," Elena said. "And it's opened up some free time to play our game again."
"That gold-trap nonsense you got me hooked on?" Rufus asked.
"Haters gonna hate," Elena replied.
"And you three?" Reeve asked, glancing down the now mostly empty office at Reno, Rude and Cissnei who were busy playing poker.
"Well, former boss-man I've always been the lazy type. And these circumstances support this endeavor," Reno explained.
"Plus Palmer gives us top-shelf booze as a perk," Rude explained, taking a massive swig from a bottle of bourbon. "I don't know how the hell he expects us to protect his fat ass, I can barely see straight, let alone shoot straight."
"And I am just kinda going with the flow," Cissnei offered. "I don't really like doing nothing, but I figure it's only a matter of time before something gives, so I'm trying to enjoy it."
"Ah whatever, I don't know why I'm even concerned with any of you grunts. The only person here who has a vote is Tseng," Rufus said, turning back to the leader with a hopeful glance.
"And as I said before, I support Palmer," Tseng explained.
"Yeah but that's just one vote in his favor. We've got three, and you'd have two," Rufus explains.
"Actually they'd have three too. Palmer can vote for himself you know," Reeve corrected.
Tseng gave a slight nod which was about as close as he got to appearing smug.
"So to recap, the vote as it stands would end in a tie, meaning Palmer stays in office, and even if I got Scarlet to vote with us, then Heidegger would leave in protest and a lot of you guys might leave too," Rufus summed up, scratching his head.
"That sounds about right to me," Tseng nodded.
"Well this was a stupid idea," Rufus moaned, taking a small sip from a bottle he'd pilfered from the Turks.
"At least you tried. I guess some things you just can't come back from," Reeve said. "Time moves in one direction, my friend."
"I have to do something that would make everybody like me again," Rufus said.
"You could try being a better person, show an interest in their needs-"
"-like save a bus full of kids, or stop a hostage crisis-"
"-you could work on improving the lives of the employees here, improve working conditions-"
"-make a big money donation to a charity, do some big photo op at a homeless shelter-"
"-actually pay attention to employee concerns, let your teammates and friends know they are valued-"
"-stop a meteor from hitting the planet, find out when the remake is going to be released and leak it-"
"-pay attention to the person sitting right next to you offering you sound advice on how to fix the problem-"
"-continue to release new DLC for a game that too way too long to make that connects about as smoothly to the main game as… about… well something to finish this sentence that I can't think of right now-"
"- continue making meta jokes, people really find those funny, it's not at all the reason this got stale at all."
Rufus stood up, bottle in hand. "I've got a great idea!"
"No you don't," Reeve sighed.
"Okay, but I have an idea," Rufus said.
To be concluded…