Hi, my name is Tim Hilliard. I am 45 years old and I am in a coma. At least I think I am in a coma. I can't really be in a coma if I can see everything around me though, so I guess I am not sure what's going on just yet. I just woke up this morning and they haven't explained what's going on. I know they think I am in a coma because they talk to me like I am not here. By they, I mean the doctors and nurses. I wonder if they have contacted my son and daughter yet.
Dr. Shepherd seems like a nice enough guy. I only know his name because he introduced himself to me. That was nice of him considering they think I am not "here". He says he's the head of neurosurgery so how can he not see that I am still "here"? I am paralyzed, I just tried to move my arm and nothing happened. I can still feel though, so I am just very confused. I hope someone will be able to explain all of this to me soon. Well anyway, I hope this Dr. Shepherd guy is as good as he says he is because it looks like I am going to need all the help I can get.
I think this is a teaching hospital. This morning a group of doctors came in here to talk about me. It's too bad I was too groggy to understand what they were saying. I am much more alert now than a few hours ago. Dr. Shepherd assigned this doctor to me, she reminds me a lot of my wife. She's blonde and beautiful and seems to have a good head on her shoulders, just like Dawn did. I say did because my wife died about 20 years ago. We got married at a young age because we had found out she was pregnant with the twins, we thought it was the right thing to do. It was the best thing that has ever happened to me.
There is a group of doctors who seem to have taken a liking to my room. They hang out in here when ever they get free time. It seems that they used to hang out in someone else's room but the new interns took that over which confirms my theory that this is a teaching hospital, Seattle Grace must be where I am. I don't mind that they stay in here, I could use the company. I actually enjoy listening to them talk, it reminds me of this TV show I watch. Lots of drama goes on here it seems.
I am glad Dr. Shepherd isn't giving up on me. I am still here alive and kicking. He just informed me that they're going to do a few more tests. I think deep down inside he knows that I am awake, at least I hope so. The poor man looks so stressed out whenever he comes in here alone. I wonder what's going on with him, it's probably his job. Brain surgery isn't exactly a relaxing type of job. Maybe the group knows…oh here they come.
Izzie, the blonde's name is Izzie. She puts on a front that she is happy but something is troubling her. She doesn't talk about it though. They're all worried about Cristina, she was left at the altar. The guy just left without a word and they don't think he is coming back. Poor girl. Her friends don't know this but when no one is around she comes into my room to cry. I wish there was a way I could reach out.
All the doctors in this group seem to be hurting in one way or another. They all look so broken, almost tortured. It's so sad to see such young people in so much pain. Speaking of which, Dr. Shepherd and Dr. Grey has a weird exchange in here earlier. I think she was trying to tell him something but she wound up just leaving without saying a word. I think she is the reason he looks so tired. I've seen that look on a man towards a woman many times before.
On another note, my son came to see me today. Thank god he knows I am ok…well, he knows that I am alive. He's looking good, just came from a shift. He is a cop. He talks to me like I am here, he is being so strong. He tells me I was shot and they thought I was dead. Thankfully he was there to notice my very very very little breathing that I was doing or they would have pronounced me dead. Imagine that, I am fully aware of what's around me and they thought I was dead.
I see the way he looks at the blonde, that boy is nothing but trouble. Tomorrow he will have my daughter on the phone with me. She moved to New York and she is unable to come out here. I wouldn't want her to worry anyway. I don't want her to see like this. They are good kids, the best kids anyone could ever have. They are 25 years old and twins and they have all my wife's good qualities and good looks for that matter. You can't see but I just smiled to myself.
Dr. Karev is in here now. He doesn't like taking care of me very much. I think he is doing Izzie a favor. He keeps muttering about her under his breath. I wonder if he is the one she is so tortured by. Or maybe he is tortured by her? I cannot tell right now. I am sure they will be back later on or tomorrow and I will learn more about this great group of doctors. Until then, I am going to try to get some sleep. I pray that I wake back up.