An intervention occurs

Ok, this is a mad idea I came up with while in that weird half asleep state in the morning and I just had to write it. I know it's completely ridiculous, but I find it funny.

I don't own Harry Potter; I'd have to be far older and richer for that, and you would all be currently questioning your sanity.

WARNING: If you end up in a state of minor insanity, it is your own fault, not mine.

Harry couldn't believe what was happening around him. How could one year go so terribly wrong? If it wasn't bad enough with all the visions and Umbridge's thinly disguised torture sessions, now he was face to face with Voldemort in the Ministry of Magic atrium still drowning in guilt and grief from the death of his Godfather. Harry was convinced he was moments from death, Dumbledore was nowhere to be seen and he was alone with two of darkest, most insane individuals on the planet. Suddenly, Voldemort's victorious smirk froze along with the rest of him as a female echoed through the atrium.

"Tom Marvolo Riddle! What the hell have you been thinking?! Oh wait, you can't have been, otherwise you wouldn't have made so many idiotic mistakes I'm sure."

Harry had no clue who the voice belonged to but he was sure they must have a death wish. No one could get away with talking to the Dark Lord himself like he was an unruly child. Right?

But Voldemort wasn't doing anything other than swivelling his head back and forth, searching for the owner of the voice while frantically whispering

"Please let it be her, please let it be her…"

Over and over again. It was actually pretty disconcerting seeing his arch-nemesis so-dare he say it-desperately hopeful.

At that moment, the origin of the voice strode into view and Harry had his hundredth shock of the day. Delicately stepping across the atrium was a teenage girl dressed in Hufflepuff robes. She was tiny, only just scraping 5 foot with long hair as black as Harry's own that swept down her back to brush at her waist. Despite her diminutive size, she had a commanding presence that made her age seem closer to twenty than anything else. Her face was heart shaped and perfectly proportioned with porcelain skin, red lips and large eyes framed by long curling lashes. Her eyes were her most striking feature as they were an incredible deep gold and seemed to glow. All her attention was trained on the slightly trembling form of Voldemort and at that instant Harry thought vaguely that out of the two of them, the girl was probably the most dangerous.

Eventually the stranger was standing right in front of the insane megalomaniac she had just insulted. Harry tensed up; convinced she was about to be cursed into oblivion. The surprises weren't over yet though. Not by a long way.

Before Harry knew what was happening, Voldemort had stepped forward and hugged the tiny Hufflepuff girl. What's more, she was hugging him back! What the hell?! Finally, the two drew apart, but not by much as Voldemort grabbed her shoulders and started to shake her slightly roughly.

"Where have you been? You haven't turned up in over two decades! How am I meant to successfully complete my goals without you around? I thought you were dead or something. What in Circe's name happened to you? Diana, you know what I get like without you. What's happening now proves that!"

The girl calmly withstood the shaking, her only response during his rant being to lift her hand to rest on his scaly cheek. As soon as Voldemort ran out of words she drew him back into a hug before attempting to answer his questions. Harry was still just standing there in complete confusion. What was going on? Who was this girl called 'Diana'? He only realised he'd spoken those two questions when the two powerful individuals turned to regard him. Luckily Diana appeared more amused than anything else.

"Well, you do deserve an explanation as well I guess. To answer your questions Tom, I have been back in our seventh year, as expected. I would have been jumping forward to see you as per usual and generally keep you a sane, well-adjusted member of society, but Dumbledore was somehow blocking me. I only just made it through and now I'm stuck here so I guess we now know what happened to me."

Harry tentatively raised his hand after that.

"Um… That explains nothing to me, sorry."

Diana laughed at that.

"I know, we'll explain it all properly in a moment after I've finished fixing the last two decades worth of damage to Tom. Now Tom, what the hell were you thinking?! Splitting your soul seven times? Are you insane?! Don't answer that. I've spent the last week tracking down all your soul pieces and finding a way to stitch you back together again you moronic idiot!"

Voldemort was looking incredibly contrite by the end of that particular rant. Funny, Harry hadn't known he could pull off that expression while looking like a snake-faced bastard. Looks like you learn a new thing every day. Diana abruptly started pulling objects out of her robes, a pretty tiara thingy, a small golden cup, a clunky looking ring, a beautiful locket and a strange orb thingy with black smoke swirling around furiously in it.

"You realise you're running on practically no soul at all now? The bit from the diary was so confused; it couldn't pick up a trail to the master soul, as it was too weak a pull now. Right, be a good brother and drink this potion."

Thus saying, she shoved a vial of silver potion into Voldemort's hands that he hastily downed. Next, she casually cut his robes to reveal his chest before calmly carving a series of runes into Voldemort's skin with a gleaming black blade. Once that was done she used Voldemort's blood to draw yet more runes on each of the objects. Finally she started to chant in some language Harry had never heard before. All the runes started to glow a deep crimson, growing brighter and brighter until they all flashed blindingly for a moment before disappearing altogether. Once Harry was done blinking the spots out of his vision his jaw hit the floor. Standing before him was a twenty-year-old Tom Riddle. And damn if he wasn't good looking. Mortal enemy or not. Then Riddle grinned-actually grinned-down at Diana before enveloping her in another hug before picking her clear up off the floor and spinning her around through the air.

"Oh, how I've missed my bonded sister."

Riddle laughed. Yep, that's right. Laughed. Harry's brain finally caught up at that.

"Wait, sister? Can someone please explain what's going on?"

That seemed to bring the two apparent siblings to their senses.

"Ah yes. You see Harry, when I went to Hogwarts I was a cynical, scared child who had never experienced affection of any sort beyond the snakes I'd occasionally found. Diana here was similar in the sense that she was an orphan. Unlike me, she had known her family for years before the orphanage. She never gave up once in her quest to befriend me until I caved. She was my only true friend. In our third year we discovered a ritual which would make us blood siblings, it was an easy choice really. After that moment we were practically joined at the hip. She is even more intelligent than me. A true genius. And on top of that, a seer. My mental state was always slightly precarious due to the muggle war and the abuse at the orphanage but Diana always kept me from tipping over the edge. But then she foresaw her own disappearance during our seventh year. We knew I'd never manage without her, so we created an object that would allow her to time jump, so she would always be with me no matter what. But about 25 years ago she just vanished. She never showed up and I was pushed over the edge into madness. Not just me, but my Death Eaters as well. She was the thing holding us together and with her gone we became the muggle hating, homicidal terror organisation you see today."

Diana cut in at that point.

"Before I disappeared they were just a political group advocating equal education of all magic, early introduction of muggleborns and the creation of a better Wizarding Social Services Department among other things. We were winning as well before Dumbledore interfered with my time jumping. Manipulative old coot. Him and his stupid fake prophecy."

Tom started violently at that and seemed to gain even more height.

"What?! You mean to tell me that I went after the Potters all those years ago because of that lemon drop obsessed fool's manipulations?"

"Exactly, brother dear. I have temporarily incapacitated him but something must be permanently done about him soon. He'll attempt to destroy me once and for all if we don't."

By this point Harry's head was spinning. All this new information was messing with his view of the world and specifically Dumbledore. If what they were saying was true, then Dumbledore was directly responsible for his parent's deaths and his treatment at the hands of the Dursley's. He'd had his doubts about Dumbledore since Ron's comment after the Philosopher's Stone incident, but they'd been easily ignored before now. Now he needed to know more and decide if he truly was on the right side of this war. And surprisingly, Voldemort was making the most sense at the moment. With those thoughts at the forefront of his mind he met Diana's eyes and asked;

"Could I go with you and hear the rest of the story? It sounds like I know nothing about this war I'm expected to fight in and it's about time I acted like the snake I truly am instead of a foolish lion."

The siblings both let out a laugh at that pronouncement before Tom held out a hand for him to take.
"Shall we? We can talk further at a more comfortable, secure location. I give my Wizards oath that you will not be harmed while with us."

Harry sighed in relief as he felt the magic of the oath snap into effect around him as he took the offered hand.

"One moment, brother dearest. You're forgetting Bella. I really must have a talk with her about controlling the Black madness instead of it controlling her. Bella, get over here!"

An obviously awed Bellatrix Lestrange scuttled over to them. Eyes fixed on Diana with a look close to worship. Once she was close she whispered.

"Huntress? It's really you? I heard of your existence, but I never thought to meet you in person my lady."

Diana smiled indulgently up at Bella while Harry was merely struggling with confusion for about the thousandth time. Tom obviously noticed and took pity on him.

"My sister is named after the Roman goddess of the hunt and the moon. She is not only a fierce warrior but also plays mother or protectress to all my Death Eaters. Hence the title of 'Huntress'."

Harry found himself grinning up at his erstwhile enemy until he snapped back to reality and frowned in consternation. He was obviously in shock, that must be it. He couldn't honestly be enjoying Voldemort's company. Could he? Anyway, they were ready to go. Tom tightened his hold on Harry's hand that Harry was startled to realise he'd never released before turning on the spot and apparating away while Diana did the same with Bellatrix. And in that instant, the future of Magical Britain was changed forever. Whether this was a good thing was yet to be seen. Either way, The Light would now be facing a sane Voldemort and his brilliant Huntress. They didn't stand a chance.

Hehehe… What do you think? Shall I write more or leave it at that? This was so fun to write and I might write her dealing with the Death Eaters some time soon. Either way, I have created something…. Unique. Yeah… Lets go with that.