Always a Disappointment
BY: Scribbling Doodles
Disclaimer: I do not own Gakuen Alice
Summary: She did everything to make her parents proud but not a single word was heard from them. She was always living in the shadow of her brother until one day she could not take it anymore. Filled with Angst. You have been warned.
-0-
"Living behind your brother's shadow never do you any good."
-0-
I'm in my room, sitting on my bed with a pen and paper at hand.
I have had it.
I want to end this. I can't live forever behind his shadow.
"Mommy! Look at my grades! I got straight A's"
A 6 year old brunette was rushing to her mother to show her, her grades.
"Straight A's? Pft. That's nothing compared to what you're brother had! He had A++ on all his subjects. Now go and change. Suni is going home today."
The brunette stomped her feet to her room with tears dripping on her face.
Heh, it was always him. He was the greatest. He had good grades, good manners while I was just a pathetic little girl. I don't deserve to live in this world.
"Mom, I was chosen to compete for a competition in our school! Sensei said I was the best in our class." A 13 year old brunette told her mother excitedly.
"Tch, you're brother joined that contest too and he bagged first place. I'm sure you won't be able to do that so just tell your sensei to choose another one."
Even though I won first place she didn't congratulate me, she didn't even smile or say anything at all. She was looking at me with disgust. I really am unwanted here.
"Mikan-chan! You're grades are so high and you're so smart! You can even skip high school already! Your parents must be so proud." Narumi-sensei was complimenting his best student.
The brunette just gave off a small smile.
"I wish they were…" she mumbled out silently and fortunately the teacher didn't hear.
I did everything. I joined every contest. I became popular. I got high grades. I tried to be a lady. I was the perfect student. I tried to be the perfect daughter.
But why? Why is it that every good thing I do is ignored and my mistakes are noticed?
It's not big, it's not always. I barely commit mistakes. But why? Why do you hate me so much?
Oh, right. It's because you have him already. I was just a mistake, you once said.
"Mommy! Daddy! Can I have another little sister?"
An 8 year old bruntte asked her mom and dad.
"Quiet girl. You're not even meant to be here. It was just supposed to be your brother. You were a mistake. You weren't planned so don't dare ask for another brat."
The brunette excused herself and ran off to her room, crying.
-Bitter Laugh- I was a mistake right? You don't need me. You have Suni, you're perfect son with you. I bet you'd be happy if you found me dead. So that's just what I'll do.
I'll say goodbye to it all.
The Pain.
The tears that I've shed at night.
The comparison of me and my brother.
The unbearable names I get.
I don't deserve to be here.
You did say that I was Pathetic, a loser, a big mistake.
Dumb, ugly, and never will be a daughter of yours.
Don't worry mom, for once. I'll make you happy.
By killing myself.
-0-
Everyone was mourning.
A person they dearly loved now lay in the coffin, looking peaceful yet sad.
Hotaru, Natsume, Ruka, Anna, Nonoko, Sumire and other friends of Mikan Sakura were crying.
But her parents were like statues. No smile, no tear. No nothing.
"She was a kind and smart girl. I could never think of a reason for her to commit suicide. I-I.. she was loved by everyone. Why did you have to do it Mikan? Why?"
Hotaru was known for being stoic but she allowed herself to be set free from her emotions. Who wouldn't? You're best friend just died. No, committed suicide. Who wouldn't cry?
The funeral ended quickly because her body was not blessed. Death caused by suicide is not allowed to be blessed.
"Aunty, the mortician said that this was held by Mikan when she died. He told me to read it to you, so that you may get why she committed it."
Natsume gripped the paper tightly and started reading filled with anger.
5 Words
By: Mikan Sakura
When I get home, I'll show you my card
You, mom will be proud because I've worked so hard.
You'd tell me I'm special, you'll show me a smile
And say "I am proud of you, you have gone the mile."
But when I got home to show you my grades
You screamed at my face, I was so afraid.
You didn't show a smile, you didn't say a word.
And all I could do was pray to our dear Lord.
You talked about my brother and all his high grades
And all of your words kept me under his shade.
It has always been him, it has never been me.
I've tried so hard but you just won't let me be.
That night, I cried I couldn't tell why
So much that I thought I was going to die.
I couldn't take the pain, I was so ashamed.
My mother doesn't like me, was I to blame?
I just want to hear 5 words, my dear mom.
"I'm proud of you" and "You are no where near dumb"
But since I won't hear it, I'll end this tonight
With this blade I shall enter the palace of light.
Her parents were speechless; they could not utter a word. While Natsume and the others stood there with eyes filled with anger towards Mikan's parents and pity towards Mikan.
Moral of the Story, never compare you're children or anyone at that.
They may seem unaffected but it digs a deep hole inside.
END
I am not hoping for reviews because honestly this is just something to… uhmm… take away the heavy feeling in my chest?
So, if you've read this.
Thank you for taking your time to read this.
If you've read this and did not like it, sorry.
I was just feeling like writing something like this.
And the poem in this story is mine. It's not that good or anything but anyways, I hope some people get the message.
Love,
Saf