Originally posted at AO3 under the same name.
Full Summary: Bilbo Baggins is an ordinary young man from little village that is almost forgotten by the world. He is quite okay with his life as it is...
Until certain old family friend called Gandalf comes and offers him 'an ideal city life'. In the end he takes it...
And even if everything is going down the hill from the very start, Bilbo still thinks it will get better.
Well. First, he should learn that if you want to live nice new life - it mustn't have a start with Gandalf in it. Seriously. Because you may end up as a babysitter for two little cheerful kids and one helpless uncle.
(Modern!AU settings, where everything is Gandalf's fault. Really. Poor Bilbo.)

Italics in this story are most of time Bilbo's thoughts. Also... You can find author notes at the end of the chap! :) Thank you and enjoy!

1st Chapter

"Oh, look who is here! Mister Baggins! I almost thought you will not come! Sit down, my friend."
"Gandalf..." Auburn haired man sighed as he sat on the chair in small coffee shop. It was late afternoon, so not many people were here. Just him, old man in grey and woman behind bar, reading some newspapers.
"So you came here to take my offer?"
"I haven't said that. I just came here, because you keep following me with your unrealistic ideas."
"I'm just trying to help you."
"Yes and yourself too."
Older man in grey suit chuckled as he saw other's face.
"Dear Bilbo, there's no need to be angry at me. Even if you may be partially right, think about it. There is whole new world waiting for you, young man. And on a top of everything, I'm offering you a job that can help you for some time. You will help yourself and me too by working as an employee of one of my companies or agencies. Both sides are happy. Or perhaps you want to stay here, in your little village, where everyone know each other and their lives consist of exchanging rumors about neighbors?" Older man shook his head and took out his wallet. "You can go and find new home in city. I can understand that you are afraid of changes but who wouldn't be in the end?"
"... You are horrible..."
"Your grandfather kept saying the same thing from time to time." Gandalf laughed and stretched his hand forward to younger one. "But well he believed me and it DID change his life. He was a wise man. And I believe that you are too. So, do we have a deal?"
Bilbo Baggins sighed. He didn't really know what to think of this man. Yes, a village liked him as he was good entertainer and helped them in bad times with financials but...
He was Baggins, oh god! This wasn't a thing their family usually did!
He crossed his arms and glared at Gandalf's hand.
"I... don't know. I just..."
"Chance like this is one in lifetime. So, I'm asking you one last time - do you want to change your life to better one or do you want to die as a poor villager, who only knows his neighbors and the increasing debts?"
Bilbo sighed. This was cruel statement but he knew that man was right. He was still young - He could do something with this. And if this was really the only and last chance... maybe it would be better to take it.
He reached for Gandalf's hand and shook with it, slightly nodding.
Man smiled and took out a business card, placing it on front of Bilbo.
"I haven't doubted you Master Baggins, I knew you will decide for the best thing! Now…." He gently pointed at number written on card. "You will call this number as you got home today. It's one of my friends, Gloin's. He already knows about you-"
"- wait, how can he know about me if I decided only today -?!"
"… But I think, you would better remind him that it's me, who is sending you to him. He will help you to get a job and find nice place to stay. Also, to obtain a plane ticket for your name. It may be a bit difficult, since all the seats might be taken for few next weeks, but I'm sure that somehow we will be able to pull it off. Day after tomorrow, by this time you will be leaving your little village." Gandalf smiled, ignoring Bilbo's confused and shocked face. He forced a card to his hand. "Imagine it, soon, you will have your own cozy flat and new job. Who knows, maybe in year, you can make it into higher level! And in two, you may find yourself as a CEO of some bigger company! This will be a good little adventure for you, trust me!"
Bilbo frowned. He glanced at card and bit his lower lip.
Adventure? It all sounded nice, to be honest but still, there was that bad feeling of uncertainty. Gandalf could be an old friend of family but for him it was still a stranger that was bothering him since he arrived to this village few weeks ago!

"I can see a potential in you, potential of your grandfather! It would be good for you if you change a place since you are still young and have your whole life before you! I bet you don't want to end up being a dull farmer, do you? You have a potential, young man!"

Potential! He was still bothering him with that. Like some stalker or what! Bilbo was starting to get afraid that soon, Gandalf will pop out of his own fridge with some of his offers.
Today, he came for this little meeting just because he wanted to say him final "NO".
Well. Looks like Gandalf knows how to manipulate some people. And he knows it VERY WELL. Even without trying too hard. Hell…
Little man raised his head and was about to tell something to older one, but… He was gone. As always when auburn-haired was about to protest.
He cursed and looked at business card again. So, there was no other option now. His mind was laughing at him.

AWESOME, Bilbo. Congratulation. You are a crowded idiot.

***

"Your passport, sir."
"Yes, of course. Here…" Bilbo sighed and put his papers on the table.
Airport was crowded with travelling people. Some of them were leaving for their flights, some of them waiting for them. He checked a time and his flight. In 20 minutes, he will see his village from the perspective of birds. For the first time in his life he will leave his place, his little house. He squirmed. He will be all alone somewhere in strange world.
If he imagines that airplane can crash and he will be….
He paled immediately.
NO. NO. DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT. NO.
"Mr. Baggins, are you okay?" Woman, who controlled papers glanced at him nervously.
"Huh? Oh, yeah yeah, it's okay." He took deep breath in.
It will be okay… Just calm down. Look at people around. They are not scared and you are a grown-up man. So…
"Do you remember what happened a month ago? A plane with its passengers was kidnapped by group of terrorists and they crashed…!"
….NOPE…
Last thing he remembered was that he was flying. Well.
Falling.
Gravity is a bitch.

***

"I'm okay. Really, there's no need to worry. My head was spinning, but it's fine now."
He collapsed. For real. Right in front of so many people. Now, he was on a board since they helped him, but they kept to give him…funny looks. Even children.
He pulled up his best smile and assured them again that he really doesn't need any doctor nor any help. In the end, they left him be but put chocolate to his hands – 'it will help you, eat it, it's good for nerves' they said. Like if he was a child or what, oh God!
He sighed and leaned against his seat. This… was starting horrible, like one complete disaster.
But okay. Some people say that if something starts horrible, it won't get worse. Or if you meet something terrible on the start of your journey, it will just get fine and better with time. There's nothing like endless bad luck that will keep following you.
He smiled and relaxed a bit, looking out of window.
Something new is starting. There is no need to worry. Really. It just CAN'T get worse, it's impossible!

Well…. At least that's what he thought. But it mustn't have a start with Gandalf in it. He should learn that by this time.

To be continued…

A/N: Hello everyone! :) Thank you very much for reading the start of this little story! I hope you liked this so far and also I hope that I won't disappoint you. To be honest, I'm not very sure if writing a funny modern!AU of something is good idea in my case *since I don't consider myself as a person with good humor* but well, this idea forced me to try it. xD
I'm really sorry if there are any mistakes (of course there are! xD), I'm not native speaker and I don't have a BETA. Excuse me for that.
Feedback would be lovely :'3 Thank you again and see you guys!