Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh Gx or its character. I do not own the lyrics either.
Author's Note: Hello, there this is my first time writing a songfic. This is a JudaixJohan fanfic, I did this while being caught in the moments of the song. This song uses Payphone by Maroon 5. EDITED Again.
I'm at a payphone trying to call home
All of my change I spent on you
"Judai, where the hell are you?" Sitting on the bed, I threw the cell phone across the bed. The uneasiness had begun to travel my body, as it spread its venom across my body. Spamming your phone continuously, I could feel sick as it unsettles my heart. Always telling me to leave a message, I need you right now so tell me where I can find you. Where the hell are you, Judai?
Pressing my lips, I bit on the lower lip just to feel the sensation of reality. Irritation brewing everywhere, I've been searching for you the entire day. "Judai!" I screamed your name, as I slammed myself against the thin cardboard walls behind the bed. Holding a silver ring in my hand, I had to give it to you because this was the only way to save us. This was it.
Banging my head on the wall, I need this forgiveness from you. I hunger your love more than anyone, I cringed at the sight of the broken picture frame. Looking around, I could see items smashed on the floor. Lamps, picture frames, and book all ripped and torn up on the floor from our fights.
"Please, forgive me. I'll fix it." clasping my hands together, I placed them on my forehead. As if I was praying to an invisible god, I begged to see you. "I just wanted to give you happiness, Judai."
Where have the times gone, baby it's all wrong
Where are the plans we made for two?
I couldn't give up.
Looking around, I began to scorch the room for the phone that was thrown away. As I felt my hands pressed against the cold metallic item, I felt nothing but agony. Placing the phone next to my ears, I prayed for us with each little beep. Please pick up, Judai. I was stupid and forgot what was important, but you need to forgive me Judai.
I can't live without you, realize that Judai. Looking at the broken picture frame of us again, I could see both of us smiling with happiness. I need that feeling. No, I longed that feeling; it breathed warmth into each section of my body. But this broken apartment, brought loneliness ever since we entered this section. Curling myself together, I could remember happiness between us.
The phone just felt empty, as I seek you desperately.
Standing up, tears sped down my checks. It wasn't a matter of pride anymore; it was just you and me now. I needed to find you. Judai, where are you? I could feel my lips bleeding, but nothing compared to the urges of find you. The emptiness left here was almost unbarring. I need it. Opening the door, I left the house and ran out. The ring phone still in the grasp of my hands, I couldn't let go of it.
Yeah, I, I know it's hard to remember,
The people we used to be...
It's even harder to picture,
That you're not here next to me.
Shuffling from here and there, I could remember that last phone call you gave me.
You said you were sick and tired of these arguments we had. You said I've changed, but you just wanted the man that would suit you best. The one that was always there for you and the one you saw that smiled with you.
"We are over," I heard you say. Your voice cracked with each echo of your voice, while mine only stumbled to shake like a pathetic loser. You weren't looking for a looser; you were looking for the man that once stood by you. That's when I know I needed to find you. I tried my best to become a man worthy for you. It came to the point where I forgot who I was.
Duel monster were given up because reality was just too cruel for us to continue. Duel monsters were once our passion, your way to communicate. Your voice rang wildly in my head, as my heart threatened itself to break out of my chest. I felt as if you were chipping at my heart slowly, the thoughts about memories could make a man run berserk.
Getting in the car, my heart didn't ease at all; it made me hunger for you.
Driving away in the constricted automobile, I tried to find you in every corner that we spent countless days together. Thinking about even the obvious places you would never be, was as if I was joking to myself and deceiving myself. Judai, only you ravaged my head for now. Every thought led back to you, I stood no chance to fight back. Never easing this anxious feeling, I was so afraid I would never find you ever again. My heart aggressively beat against my chest, it pained me; it was as if I was being ripping apart on the inside. I needed to find you right now, you're the only who can't give up on me yet. We promised to be together, so come back.
"Johan," Judai spoke, as he brim bright red with confusion. We made a pause in the front beach of Duel Academy; the refreshing heat of the summer air consumed us as teenagers. I could feel my own heartbeat race, as we never settled for something less than a duel. "Yes, Judai?" I looked at him, as I made that cheerful smile to delude him. He sits right in front of me as he made that cute pout; it was obvious that the brunette was troubled. Judai just sat their deep into thought, as I would watch him.
"I like you, Johan," he brim bright red, as he had a confused glance on his face.
Soon he regains conscious, as he thought about what he had just said. His eyes looked at me, as he tried to say that it was just a joke. It was obvious he was afraid of the change in the relation. I just chuckled, as his face brightens red and he backs away for a sign of rejection. "I like you too, Judai." I smile. With that, we both looked into each other with a tender expression.
It didn't need to be told twice.
Suddenly, my stomach tightens as I approached him. I grabbed his shoulder till he fell on the ground. Dragging my body to lean on top of him, I attached my lips to his without hesitation. Yet this was the greatest sensation than I ever imagined. I could feel my stomach tightened, as my own skin begins brim bright red at the tanned brunette. His eyes looked at mine, as he began to shut his. Both our skin flushed in unison.
I was nervous, as we both experimented. Slowly I began to suck on his lower lips, as I thought our kiss looked rather messy. Later our tongue shyly entangled against each other; it was both our first real kiss, but with it shook our purity. Soon we both seek air; both of us took deep breath as neither of us dared to break glances from each of other.
"Truth is Jay, I love you," I pulled him into an embraced.
It lingered through the bitterness.
Precious memory led back to Duel academy, but everything I've done with you was meant be to betray every thought that ran through my head. I love Judai, but you said I changed. I thought you had accepted me for who I was.
You say it's too late to make it,
But is it too late to try?
And in our time that you wasted
All of our bridges burned down
Lips pressed together tightly compressed, as my heart raced to find you once again. I could remember each argument we had; I thought we were soul mates. I just wanted the best for us. I wanted to think about our happiness in the future, I wanted to make it our future something worth striving for. I thought you knew what I was trying to work for and why. I could remember the crashing lamps, as I pushed you down on to the bed just take you greedily and have you for myself. I just wanted to be with you, make you happy, proud, and loved. Picking up the phone, I tried to dial your number. As cars flew by, the world almost seemed black and white.
Once again, I found the ring in my hand as I pulled on to it tightly for hope. Then the phone just led me to voice mail.
Making a sigh, hopefully he gets this. "Judai," my eyes lowered. As my voice faded, I was unsure of what to say next. Yet, I didn't have time for that.
"I'm sorry, where are you? I need to talk you before you finally decide to leave me for good. I gotta make it straight. I love you, Jay. More than anyone else, I love you Jay, please come home." I took a deep breath before shutting the phone back off.
Countlessly driving around for a search, it made one feel sick to the bone. I wanted to puke; it was like being trapped in an elevator.
Looking back at the phone, I could feel a sense of loss. Will Judai pick up or would he put me down for good? Stopping in front of the side walk, I could feel tears dwelling above my eyes. As I continuously clenched my fist and hit the controller's handles, it felt eerily sickening. I felt so loss without Judai. "Judai," I muttered. I couldn't continue anymore, I was tired, but somewhere deep inside I just felt the urge to keep going, Judai.
I sat at the driver's seat for a while.
I've wasted my nights,
You turned out the lights
Now I'm paralyzed,
Still stuck in that time,
When we called it love,
But even the sun sets in paradise
Lying there for a while, I was too tired to move anymore. Suddenly the phone rings, and the caller ID was Judai.
In a rush, I quickly grabbed my phone and hurried to pick it up. I didn't want to miss this call.
"Judai," I practically screamed into my phone. "Oh hey," His voice tried to play it cool. "I got your voice mail, meet me back at the airport," I could hear that his voice was in discomfort. Only I knew him enough to tell that he was in trouble again. "Jay, I love you." I muttered into the phone, as I could hear a pause in him. "Bye," he said as he hung up afterwards. Taking a deep breath, I knew I had to get things straight with Judai. As I tightened my grip on the silver ring, I never felt so frighten with my heart thumping. Maybe we could be together. Turning the car back on; I could feel myself heading towards the airport.
Even as time tick, my heart didn't cease to ease. Everything we were, was I too late to turn back time? I could even fill my heart sink with the disappointment in the memory of your voice.
I'm at a payphone trying to call home
All of my change I spent on you
Where have the times gone, baby it's all wrong
Where are the plans we made for two?
Time was ticking; I was heading into the area that was secluded. I knew this was Judai's last move. Devastation, was that your last hit on me? Driving all the way to the front entrance of the airport, I didn't give a fuck about a ticket or charges. If there was a choice of you over money, you came first. Did it matter about money to me? No, Judai, I was just trying to make you happy, that is why I changed. Changing to try and bring us happiness. Tapping your number, I knew you wouldn't pick up, your last test to me. Would I make you mine or would it be the last time we see each other. Pressing your number, I looked at all the flight boarding. Knowing you, you would rush in a hurry just to get away from me.
Eyes setting on each gate to a different airline, I remember how we left our family just for the two of us. You decide it was best to leave your family, while I decided to support your decision. Memories of me holding you, loving you, having you, were filling my head. Judai, do you love me still or are you going to leave me?
Will you just abandon us?
It was painful thinking about how my life would be without you. Trying to click your number, I ran everywhere to search you. My main priority was to make you realize how important you are to me. Remember the last fight we had, I could see your face trailing in tears, but all I did was open the door so you would have time for yourself. I couldn't stand leaving you, I love you, Judai. So please, let me find you. I'm sorry.
If "Happy Ever After" did exist,
I would still be holding you like this
All those fairy tales are full of shit
One more fucking love song, I'll be sick.
Those sweet nights we had, before we had to grow up. Those nights were I held you till sunrise, we had the world together. Even when we had nothing, we were happy, but growing up to test the difference between us. Just give me one chance Judai. Pressing my lips togehter, I needed to find you. Don't ruin it, these years that passed by, it pained me that I was even hurting you. These years, don't forget every emotion that you embed inside of me. I wanted to give you everything, don't throw everything away.
Run
Time was ticking, arriving to each station; I could feel my heart beating. Time was ticking; I had to see him one last time. Arriving to each station to only desire to reach to the next, fuck Judai, don't you dare leave before I could tell you what you meant to me? Judai, you don't know. Heading to the announcement center, I knew this was the only place I could ever have a chance to find you without being late.
Confession? No, I need this; it wasn't a onetime thing. Without you, it like a world had collapse for me. Judai, wait up for me. Don't leave without just say anything. Don't give up everything just for my one mistake, forget what you really needed. If it was just us everything would be okay, didn't you say that? If you leave me now, let me wait for you at least. Don't just leave without a word; I don't think there is anyone that can replace you.
"Judai," I kicked the door open for the announcement center.
Oh, you turned your back on tomorrow
'Cause you forgot yesterday.
I gave you my love to borrow,
But you just gave it away.
Judai? What is it you truly desire? Taking the microphone from the employers, I could feel my heart being ripped as the employees pulled me away from you as they tried to drag me away. Pressing the button on the bottom of the microphone, I was on. No matter how much the tugged and pull, I couldn't stop. "Judai, I love you, forgive me," I screamed into the microphone. The guards tried to pull me away, but I could feel my eyes burn with rage to cry. Struggling to move away from them, "Judai, don't you dare let me down, don't you even forget all those years we had together." I struggle to break from their grasp. In the end, I could feel my strength draining, my body rages to get away, but I broke down.
My body would no longer move as I wanted it to.
Judai, please hear out my message. For god sake, I love you. Looking at door, I could imagine you bursting inside of here. Marks appeared on my arms due to the grip of the guards, but it wasn't enough. The pain I felt of hurting you, was tearing me up slowly inside. Pressing my lips, I continued to bite on it to feel consciousness. I needed to feel the pain to remind this is reality, to remind me if I'm losing you it would truly be the end between us. Hitting rock bottom, I've broke down to somewhere distant.
Be home, Judai.
You can't expect me to be fine,
I don't expect you to care
I know I've said it before,
But all of our bridges burned down
Waking up, I could see how I was at the hospital. Looking to my side, I expected to find you there in tears while rubbing your eyes, but you weren't even there for me. That meant you left, didn't you. Feeling my phone by my side, I wanted to call him. I need to hear his voice, I wanted to find you, and I wanted to be with you for god sakes. Quickly grabbing it, I could see that there were a lot of missed calls. I must have been out for a long time because of the fainting. Checking each one, I tried to see if Judai called. Looking to the last one, I could see his phone number there.
Lowering my eyes and knowing he wasn't here by my side, he must have already left. Shutting my eyes, I decide to press the green button to call back. It rang once... twice... three times... four times.. and then I could hear Judan's voice. Loud and clear, I could feel a glimpse of hope. "Hello?" I just paused for a moment, until your voice said my name. "Johan?" I smiled a bit, knowing that you always realized it was me without even much of a thought. "Judai," I said back into the microphone. Leaning my back into the pillow, I could how both our breath settled.
"Judai, where are you?" I asked. "Johan, I already left," Judai answered automatically. I just paused for a moment, as I knew what it meant. "Will you come back," my voice begins to shake. He pauses for a moment, as I could hear a snuffle from his voice. "No, I'm sor-" he said before I dropped the phone, as it shuts in place.
I've wasted my nights,
You turned out the lights
Now I'm paralyzed,
Still stuck in that time,
When we called it love,
But even the sun sets in paradise
I paused for a moment, while tears falling upon eyes. My fist still clenched of an item, the ring. I broke, trying to cover my eyes from any other patients to see. All I wanted to do was to scream in agony. Yielding, under pain, I could feel as if my heart was being ripped from its place. I couldn't do anything anymore; it was ripping me from the inside. I just felt tired now. I could feel my phone vibrating, but knowing it was Judai, I just didn't even want to pick it up. Chuckling, I felt stupid. It was funny; my eyes were soaked while I was laughing. Everything just looked out of placed; I could feel the cold have a grip on me. Suddenly, I stopped laughing. My eyes narrowed, Judai, I love you. Pulling on the Ivs, I could feel myself only searching for something, Judai.
Putting the phone back into my pocket while it rang, I never wanted to listen to the ringtone ever again. I just chuckle, my beloved Judai, don't think distance would stop us. I gave you a chance, the phone just kept on singing along the way. My tear stained face, walking out of the hospital; I could feel anger, pain, and love at the same time. Blood began to drip from the marks of the Ivs, but I still pushed on.
Stop deluding me Judai, we belong together. Slowly, my own fist unclenched, the ring dropped.
I'm at a payphone trying to call home
All of my change I spent on you
Where have the times gone, baby it's all wrong
Where are the plans we made for two?