The Following Is A Fan-Based Parody Of A Fan-Based Fic

Just thought you'd like to know.

I mean, It's not like they enforce copyright on this site, right?

Oh, speaking of that fic, You might want to read It before you read this one.

Just sayin.

"Snowball fight!"

Meiling, who was propped up against the gate sleeping, awoke to find a small girl In a blue dress, who she recognized as the ice fairy Cirno, flying at her. She dodged to the side, and the fairy flew past, demolishing the gate of the SDM. Cirno then slid to a stop on the stone path, small versions of her flying In circles around her head.

"HEY!" Meiling yelled, turning to see Alucard standing a few yards away. "What In Gensokyo do you think you're doing!?"

"I'm cra- I mean, attending a party." Alucard chuckled, a smug grin plastered to his face. He reached into his coat and pulled out a pink envelope. "I heard my daughter was having her 500th birthday! Can you believe that?!"

"Daughter!?" Meiling said, raising an eyebrow.

"I know!" Alucard replied enthusiastically. "It's like she's a lying little bitch or something! I'm so proud!"

Meiling's eye twitched.

"Awww, are you ok gatekeeper? Did I wake you from your nap?" Alucard taunted.

"My name, Is Meiling." Meiling said slowly.

"Oh Is It now?" Alucard opened the letter In the envelope and shifted his glasses slightly. "Due to this letter, I was under the impression you were called… Ah yes. China."

"OK THAT'S IT!" Meiling smashed her hands together, engulfing them In rainbow colored flames.

"Woah Woah! Calm down." Alucard said sarcastically. "You should be proud of your name! China Is my favorite country!" He then put the letter away, but kept his hand hidden beneath his coat. "Do you know why?"

"Why." Meiling said, not amused.

"China invented gunpowder!" Alucard said In a sing song voice before darting over and touching the tip of the Jackal to Meiling's head. He fired, and the top half of the gatekeeper's head was liquefied, splattering all over the remains of her gate. Her body quickly thumped to the ground and lay still.

Alucard put away the Jackal and stepped over Meiling's body. He was only halfway to the front door when his phone started to ring.

"Ello?" Alucard said, putting a bulky, grey phone to his ear.

"YOU CAN'T KILL OFF A FAN-FAVORITE CHARACTER LIKE THAT!" A mysterious male voice yelled. "I WILL FIND YOU AND-"

"And what?" Alucard grinned.

"I-I WILL FUCKING KICK YOUR-"

"Sorry I can't hear you over the sound of how SAVAGE I am!" Alucard then dropped the phone. It clattered to the ground, where It was crushed to dust by his shiny black boots. He was about to continue forward when he heard the faint gurgling of blood coming from beside him. Cirno was twitching In a pool of her own life-force while staring up at Alucard with puppy eye's.

"Oh don't give me that look. You fairy's come back to life after a day." Alucard said, pulling out the Casull and shooting the ice fairy several times In the back. He then looked up thoughtfully. "Huh. I guess that means I have to kill Edward again. Oh well. Family comes first, am I right?"

Alucard walked up to the front doors of the mansion. He raised his foot and smashed the doors to sawdust with one kick.

"Daddy's home bitches!"