Vindication
Lyrics are "Vindicated" by Dashboard Confessional (whom I normally despise) -- it's off the Spidey 2 soundtrack. RY, post-gluhen...ish. Questions? No? Then shall we dance...?Hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
Winding in and winding out
The shine of it has caught my eye
Every once in a while we get a mission that kicks our asses, because you're gone. This one is no different; there are too many guards, and Ken and I have been overworked lately. It's not like I expected to live to see thirty, anyway, Youji; and it's not like I could care to see it since you don't remember anything. I'm not bitter. You wanted it that way. I'm wounded and they're circling like vultures: the end is near; I'm dying tonight and you'll die an old man with Asuka and maybe we'll catch eachother on the next round. I'm trying to watch them; I guess the modern samurai in me refuses to die without going out in the brilliance of battle, but the haze of pain might force me into darkness before I get my honorable death.
Wire sings through the air before the blackness claims me and I am left unconscious to ponder...
And roped me in
So mesmerizing, so hypnotizing
I am captivated
While we were together before you forgot everything, it was just a fuck; you know. That's what we swore. But fuck, man; I'm unconscious and probably about to die. So I can say it. I can justify myself. I can free myself with three little words.
I. Love. You.
I am Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along
It always amazed me that your hands were so soft despite yielding wire; mine were always calloused from hours of katana practice. I used to wonder if our hands were a reflection of our souls; because I've always felt unsavable, unsalvagable, tainted forever -- with Aya back I forever face the fact that I am a killer. An assassin. My job is to terminate life. You saw something in me, though, I guess.
And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself
I think I get it. I think we loved eachother. Funny how the world works, though; you've got your amnesia and your Asuka and your upcoming marraige. Okay. Maybe I'm a little bitter. I don't think I'm unsavable, Youji. I don't think I'm going to hell if I die tonight. I think I found my salvation in you. At the least, you found my humanity.
So clear
Like the diamond in your ring
Cut to mirror your intentions
Oversized and overwhelmed
The shine of which has caught my eye
You'll make Asuka very happy while I'm busy being very dead. It'll be alright. Maybe we'll catch eachother on the flip side. It was the type of thing you've always wanted, even if it's what I never wanted.
And rendered me
So isoloated, so motivated
I am certain now that
It's probably selfish of me to want you back; but that's not going to matter soon, because any minute these guys are going to shoot my unconscious self; and you can't be selfish when you're dead.
I am Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along
I think you'd be proud of me tonight, Youji. I think you always thought I could be like this and just never chose to. Never chose to tell you; never chose to show you. It was a mistake; I'm sorry.
And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself
I love you. Did you know it all along?
"Ran."
Delusions of a dying man.
"Holy shit, Ran; if you don't wake the fuck up I swear I'll kick your ass myself."
Alright, so my delusions feel fairly realistic. And I feel like I'm in a lot of pain. I crack an eye open and am rewarded with you; and your lips curl into a genuine smile.
So turn
Up the corners of your lips
Part them and feel my finger tips
Trace the moment, fall forever
Defense is paper thin
"RAN!"
Your hand finds mine; you bring it to your lips, and I stare. There's no way you can be real. Youji Kudou lost his memory, probably doesn't even remember how to use a wire anymore. You just look a lot like him, and can use garrotte; which is why there's so many dead guys around us right now.
"God...I was almost too late. Ran?"
"You're not real." It's fact, pal. I don't know who you are but you are not Youji Kudou. You light a cigarette, which makes it harder for me to believe that you're not Youji; but he's got amnesia. "Youji Kudou's got amnesia and is getting married to Asu--"
"Shut up." You murmur; and we're kissing; and I can taste the tobacco on you, and it's the right type of poison; and I am vindicated.
Just one touch and I'd be in
Too deep now to ever swim against the current
So let me slip away
So let me slip against the current
So let me slip away
"I remember, Ran. All of it."
"I love you, Youji."
I am Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along
"I know."
And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself
"I love you too."
And we're selfish, and it's wrong, but we're right; and we knew it all along...
Slight hope
It dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption...
sorry for my long absence; creative block. review.....please? hugs -glaube.