Enough to Go By
by Sora G. Silverwind

Summary: Being dead isn't going to stop Tomoe from making sure her husband is happy in her absence.

Rating: PG-13.

Author's notes: Yet another fill for the T&B anonmeme, requesting Tomoe possessing Barnaby's body at some point so she can get close to Kotetsu again. Boy howdy did this thing ever get long! I am a wordy, wordy bitch.

Disclaimer: The characters and settings don't belong to me, though Tomoe's trollery and other such things are entirely my own creation. Title of the fic, along with a quoted lyric later on as well as the chapter titles, comes from various Vienna Teng songs because I fangirl that woman to almost obscene levels. Also, the Haze is at least partially based on the concept of the Grey, from Kat Richardson's Greywalker series of urban fantasy novels.

T-&-B-T-&-B-T-&-B

Would it be enough to go by if we could sail on the wind in the dark?
Cut those chains in the middle of the night that had you pulled apart?
Would it be enough to go by if there's moonlight pulling the tide?
Would it be enough to live on if my love could keep you alive?

-Vienna Teng, "Enough to Go By"

T-&-B-T-&-B-T-&-B

As usual, Tomoe found Kotetsu at his apartment in downtown Sternbild. Unusually, he actually had someone over: a man she thought she recognized as Fire Emblem, a.k.a. Nathan Seymour, from HeroTV.

Fire Emblem had joined the crew three years after Kotetsu had. Her clearest memory of the flamboyant hero was at a party where, upon returning with some drinks from the bar, she was treated to the sight of him gleefully groping her husband's ass. To Kotetsu's credit, he'd remained rather composed about the situation, if a little red in the face.

"You totally liked it," she'd accused him later, grinning. "Come on, no need to hide it from me. I know what's up." She nudged him. "I approve of him, you know. Even if, or maybe because, he's prettier than I am."

Kotetsu simpered. "It's not like that!" he insisted, waving it off. "Nathan's that way with nearly everyone. You get used to it after a while." He hugged her close suddenly and kissed her cheek. "Besides, no one's prettier than you in my eyes and you can't convince me otherwise."

Seeing the two of them curled up on the couch together watching an explosion-laden movie, with Kotetsu resting his head against the side of Nathan's neck and Nathan snaking an arm around Kotetsu's waist, Tomoe wondered just how used to it he'd gotten over the years. Or if Kotetsu had just somehow managed to wrangle himself a Gay Best Friend after she'd died, since she didn't recall them being this close before.

The latter seemed more likely, Tomoe decided as she drifted closer to Kotetsu and Nathan and "tasted" their relationship from the aura that surrounded the two: drawing a breath through partly open lips, the tip of her tongue pressed against the back of her top teeth. Such corporeality was out of place in someone who was just a spirit in the Haze, but it was the only frame of reference she had for what she was doing. Besides, who was going to call her out on it in the realm of the dead?

As the energy settled into her tongue, the taste of fresh rye bread bloomed in her mouth, soft and savory, with a touch of tomatoes, ham, and — unsurprisingly, in this situation — mayonnaise. Tomoe had learned over time that friendships had a taste associated with bread: sliced bread from the grocery store for casual acquaintances, and crusty fresh bread for closer friends. The aura between really good friends typically tasted like some sort of sandwich, usually (but not always) incorporating the individual tastes from other people involved in the friendship. Lacking from this particular aura, however, was the signature cinnamon sweetness associated with romantic love, which colored flavors without muddying them.

Tomoe breathed in again, paying a little more attention this time. Nothing cinnamon-like on Kotetsu's side of things, but there was a hint of it somewhere in Nathan's aura, barely noticeable. He had been seriously interested in Kotetsu at some point, apparently, but the feelings had since melted into the tomato-ham-and-mayonnaise-on-rye taste of deep friendship.

Satisfied with her findings for the moment, she settled into the empty space next to Kotetsu on the couch and turned her attention to the movie. If she tried hard enough, she could almost believe that it was the three of them enjoying a planned movie night together, instead of two friends and an interloping ghost who was too stubborn — or scared — to let go of life.

"Cripes, Nathan, but this movie is shit," Kotetsu complained, knocking his head slightly against Nathan's collarbone. "The main character's a dumbass, the plot is stupid, and the special effects aren't even that good. How was this the number-one movie at the box office for the past two months?"

"I was hoping to figure that out by watching it myself," Nathan responded. He ran a soothing hand through Kotetsu's dark hair. "So far, I'm just as perplexed as you are, darling."

Kotetsu grumbled, and with it Tomoe caught a whiff of sandalwood smoke.

Smell was the other sense that was strangely transformed by her passing from the living realm into the Haze. Tomoe could discern more of the texture of smells and how many there were, and all of it would point to the emotional state of the person or people it was emanating from. Exasperation or annoyance smelled like smoke, but the quality and intensity of it depended on a number of factors. In Kotetsu's case, he was obviously miffed by the movie, but the resulting smoke smell wasn't very strong, so it wasn't vexing him that much. The overall scent of the scene was fragrant and earthy, an indication of relaxation. It was a welcome change from the sterile, rubbing alcohol stench of loneliness that usually pervaded Kotetsu's apartment.

"Oh, I know what it is," Kotetsu muttered darkly. "I bet this movie is super-popular because the lead actor kind of looks like Bunny."

"Bunny"? The interesting name was accompanied by an equally interesting mix of scents. Tomoe detected the acrid bite of coalsmoke, which meant that Kotetsu harbored some significant irritation towards whoever this Bunny was. It made an odd complement to the onion stink of jealousy, secondary to the smoke smell but still distinctly present. Both, however, were threaded through with something softer that she couldn't quite discern. And she couldn't taste their relationship, either, since Bunny wasn't in the room with Kotetsu and Nathan. But given Kotetsu's lack of a social life, it seemed likely that Bunny was a new face at HeroTV.

"He does not," Nathan insisted. "The only thing the two have in common is that they're attractive men with blond hair and green eyes."

"And glasses."

"He's only wearing glasses for this role."

"Whatever. Don't you think he still looks like Bunny?"

"Darling, their facial structures are completely different."

Kotetsu pouted. "Fine, fine. I'll trust your judgment."

Nathan giggled and gently poked Kotetsu in the side with a graceful finger. "I think our little tiger has a certain somebody on his mind," he teased, making a kissy face.

"Don't even joke about that!" Kotetsu looked (and smelled) horrified. "Bunny's been pissing me off from day one — you can't blame me for being annoyed at any reminder of him on my off-time!"

And then Tomoe finally identified the other smell associated with the name.

Cinnamon.

Whether scent or taste, it only ever indicated one thing.

Well, now. This was interesting.

"If you say so," Nathan drawled. "But I still maintain that Alexander Steele looks nothing like Handsome."

Tomoe glanced back at the movie, where the main character was currently having some sort of heart-to-heart conversation with the blandly beautiful female lead. Alexander Steele was young and scruffily handsome in a way that could set him up for characters that were either tough guy heroes (as he was in this movie) or charmingly awkward underdog love interests. He...didn't look like the type of person who would have the name "Bunny" attached to him. Tomoe hoped to God that that was just a nickname on Kotetsu's part, because otherwise she felt like she was going to have to throw all her sympathy behind a guy who was unfortunate enough to be named that by his parents. Actually, scratch that: Bunny already had some of her sympathy for being named such by her husband. She wondered if he knew about it.

She stuck around for a few more minutes, hoping to find out more about this Bunny person that had been snared Kotetsu's attention (negatively or not) in the time since she'd visited him last. But he and Nathan had fallen mostly silent, now riveted by the explosions that had interrupted Steele's tender moment with his love interest. And she was beginning to see the specters of past moments in the apartment, with different people and different furnishings and different situations all mingling together messily, which meant that she was falling back through the layers of the Haze and losing her grip on the present. She could never actually fully manifest in the Clear (as she referred to the present time), but she could get close enough that it strained her connection with the energies of the Haze, which were — as far she could tell — rather important in keeping her consciousness glued together. She had seen many spirits in her time become frayed and burned from hovering near the Clear for too long, obsessed with trying to regain what they had lost. If she were going to cling to the remnants of her old life, she was going to at least be smart about it.

Swearing to eventually figure out who Bunny was, Tomoe faded into the deeper layers of the Haze to recover.