Been a while since I've done a present-day GF fic. This idea popped into my head a couple days ago so abruptly and just demanded to be written ASAP. So here we are, just another random piece fresh from my brain! - SGA
"...Go Waddles, go!" Mabel placed her pig on the gift shop floor and clapped thrice for him. Her pet immediately started sniffing about, then raced off with an excited grunt. Waddles trundled to a shelf full of overpriced and shoddy souvenirs, where he scratched at the crack between it the wall until the twins moved it. Immediately he pounced on the half-empty bag of chips that had been jammed behind there somehow.
As Dipper scratched him behind the ears, he looked to his twin and remarked, "I can't believe we didn't come up with this sooner."
"I know, right? We had the world's most adorable vacuum cleaner this whole time!" Mabel lovingly squeezed her pet around the neck. Just then the door chimed and a familiar figure sauntered in with a plod of heavy boots.
"What up doofuses?" The lanky redhead greeted her friends with a grin.
"Hey Wendy!" Dipper excitedly brightened up.
"Heeeey, Wen-Wen!" Mabel chirped.
"What's going on here? Snack time for the pig-dude?" Wendy asked as she watched Waddles finish inhaling the last of the stale chips. The little animal would have eaten the bag too if Dipper hadn't tugged it from his mouth.
"Kind of! Grunkle Stan told us to do some clean-up. Show her what you taught Waddles, Dipper!" Mabel enthusiastically demanded.
"It's nothing much," He let out a nervous chuckle as the intrigued Wendy gave him her full attention. "It's just...well, watch."
Dipper clapped his hands three times and Waddles was got down to business. He put his sensitive nose down to the floor , start sniffing and seconds later he was charging at one of the shirt racks with an excited oink. Dipper reached in and discovered a third of a sandwich hidden away. Wend burst out chuckling. It was a nice two-for-one combo; weirdly cute, and it made her job a little easier to boot.
"That is the new best thing." she declared without hesitation.
Dipper dropped the sandwich scrap on the floor. As their little trashbuster gobbled it down, he wiped his hands on his vest and wondered, "I just want to know why visitors keep doing this. What kind of people can't find the garbage can around here?"
"Easy. Same folks who'd drop thirty bucks on a Stan bobblehead." Wendy reminded.
"Fair enough-"
"Hey!" Mabel interrupted when her curious eyes noticed something different about Wendy's battered brown backpack. One of the straps was being crudely held together with a piece of blue ribbon. "What's all this biz here?"
Wendy rolled her eyes as she dropped her bag next to the register. "The strap broke right before I was about to leave. This is just my quick fix for now."
"Ohhhh, looks like something needs a Mabel touch-up!" The little brunette lit up at the prospect of a new project. She quickly procured a needle and thread from her sweater pouch before nabbing Wendy's bag. But when she untied the blue ribbon she was surprised to find a metal medallion attached to it.
"Whooaaa." She immediately became distracted as it glistened brightly in the light. "What's this?"
"Just the first thing I grabbed." Wendy replied casually. A curious Dipper got a look for himself. He gasped as he read the engraved lettering.
"Wendy….you got first place in ax throwing?" He asked incredulously. Against all odds, she had somehow she had gotten even cooler. Wendy however didn't think it that big of a deal.
"What? I told you guys this. My Dad use to enter me into all kinds of lumberjack games when I was kid."
The twins' recalled this tidbit, but the memory did nothing to dampen their amazement.
"Yeah, but that's all you said. You didn't say anything about ax throwing!" said Dipper.
"You're like...like a warrior forest-princess!" Mabel's imagination immediately got the best of her. The young girl gleefully threw an imaginary blade while making the appropriate whooshing sound effect.
Wendy grinned as she watched her two dorks work themselves into an excited tizzy. "I guess it is pretty cool, huh?"
"Kind of? That's incredible! Why would you keep something like that from us?" Dipper demanded, and a wave of self-consciousness washed over him. He hastily tried to dial it back. "Uh, I mean, uh….we would have loved to hear about it."
"I dunno." she shrugged. "It's just not something I really do anymore."
"Did you do anything else, or was that your only event?"
"Oh no way. There was speed climbing, log rolling, all kinds of cutting contests….you name it, my Dad made me do it."
Dipper recalled the messy jumble of awards he always saw resting cluttered together on a bedroom shelf every time he came over to her place for movie night. "So that's what all your trophies are for?"
"You mean the ones at home? Yeah." She grinned. "I guess I ruled pretty hard when I still competed."
"Whooo! Wendy the superstar!" Mabel bounced with excitement. "Hey, I'm a champion too! Wanna see?"
It wasn't like Wendy had a choice. The tween bounded out of the room and quickly returned with one of her many scrapbooks. She showed several pages that seemed to be nothing but pictures of her at various mini-golf tournaments, smiling proudly as she boasted trophies for mostly second or third place, with an odd first place win scattered here and there.
"Oohh, mini-golf pro! Nice!" Wendy gladly gave her a high five. It was about then that she noticed the embarrassed blush Dipper was wearing. "Dude, you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine." He lied. His friend only needed to give him one look to get him to open up. "It's just you guys talking about your awards and stuff, and I….don't really…..uh….look, it's stupid, I just…."
"Whoops, oh right! Sorry, bro-bro!" Mabel hastily shut her scrapbook up tight.
"Wait, nothing? Seriously?" Wendy meanwhile was very surprised to hear this. Dipper shook his head, to her disbelief. "C'mon, man! Like, you out of all people should have something!"
"No, not really." He sheepishly admitted.
"How? You're like, one of the smartest people I know. You don't have anything for any math bowls? Or...I dunno, spelling bees or anything like that?" She then realized maybe she was stereotyping her friend a little too hard. "Uh, no offense or anything."
"No, none taken. I just...uh…." Dipper only got redder. His sister gave him a comforting pat on the shoulder.
"He get get kinda nervous in front of big groups of people." Mabel put it gently.
"Yeah." He winced at one particularly bad memory. "I took part in the school geography bee one year. First question they asked me what the longest river in the world was. I choked and said Lake Ontario."
"Oh." Wendy decided it was definitely best to just drop the whole subject, though not before giving him a reminder. She knelt down and looked him straight in the eye. "Dude, I've seen you chop a shapeshifter right in the stomach. You don't need a hunk of metal to tell you that you rule."
"Thanks." He instantly brightened up with a weak smile, and she proceeded to get a laugh out of him when she playfully tugged his cap brim down.
"Seriously, I'm kicking your butt if you forget that!"
Meanwhile, Waddles had tracked down a half-melted bag of candy that had been inexplicably beneath the garbage can of all places and was going to town on it. It was the perfect opportunity to shift gears
"Watching him chow down is making me hungry." Wendy rubbed her stomach. "You guys got any of that taco meat Soos made last night?"
"Uh huh! Lots!" Mabel replied cheerfully. "It's like we hit the tastiness lottery!"
"Alright, looks like it's snacktime." Wendy led the way into the kitchen. Dipper found some cheese, Mabel got the leftover meat, Wendy located the tortilla chips, and everyone was soon assembling their personal plate of overloaded nachos.
After warming up his chips in the microwave, Dipper dug in one of the cupboards until he found a small bottle of hot sauce. The cartoonish black window on the label glared out with her dozen eyes as he splashed a few drops on his food. "Okay, just a little bit all around, aaaaand….perfect!"
Wendy had just popped in her snack to warm it up. While she waited, she reached up and over him.
"Mind sharing?" She asked after snagging one of the top chips off his plate .
"Huh? Wait! Wendy!" He acted like she had just lit a stick of dynamite in the house. "Wendy!"
"Too late!" She smirked and popped the whole thing into her mouth in one bite. Time seemed to stand still as the first painfully spicy blast exploded her tongue. It was so unexpected that she went into shock for a few moments. Dipper and Mabel both warily watched their statue-still friend.
"...Wendy?" He asked.
The twins had heard all manner of terrifying sounds that summer, ranging from the ghastly wail of a banshee to the spine-chilling howl of a ghoul on the hunt. But absolutely nothing that they had experienced could compare at all to the agonized shriek that ripped from their friend. Wendy didn't even know she was capable of making such sounds as her tormented scream echoed through every level of the Mystery Shack, from the lowest cellar all the way to the attic bedroom. It was like a volcano had just erupted right inside her mouth. Unfortunately the dreadfully spicy pain quickly become more unbearable with every passing instant. The frantic teen started wiping her tongue down on her shirt sleeve.
"Wendy? Wendy!" Dipper tried to get her attention.
"Hoth! Hoth!" She wheezed. "Tho hoth!"
"Hold on, we'll get you-" Mabel and her twin had to leap back a safe distance when she started flailing about in panicked agony.
"HOTH! HOTH! HOTH!"
Before any of the twins could come to her aid, an old man appeared at the scene armed and at the ready.
"What's going on?!" Ford demanded authoritatively as he got down on one knee and took aim with a fully charged laser pistol. Mabel shrieked and hurled herself to the floor. Dipper had to grab hold of Wendy's waist and yank her down with them. Meanwhile Wendy continued to writhe and yelp in. Tears started streaming from her watering eyes and down her freckled cheeks in thick rivulets. Her world had been temporarily reduced to a personal living hell, complete with fiery anguish.
"What the heck's goin' on here? Someone step on a cat or somethin'?" Stan finally arrived to see what the fuss was about.
"Grunkle Stan! We uh….Wendy, she…." Dipper gestured first to the little bottle of hot sauce lying on the counter, then to his friend. Wendy meanwhile was furiously scrubbing her tongue on a flannel shirt sleeve again. The old man quickly put two and two together
"Oh for the love of….kid, I told you to keep that stuff away from everyone." Stan quickly took charge. First he rolled up the August edition of Gold Chains for Old Men Magazine that he had been reading, and rapped Ford lightly on the back of the head. While his brother fumbled his weapon back into into the holster he grabbed the milk from the fridge, poured a glass and handed it to his suffering cashier. Wendy chugged it all in one go.
"You okay?" He asked gruffly.
"I-I think tho." She wheezed. He gave her a pat on the shoulder, then fired a glare at his brother.
"Sorry." Ford nodded apologetically to the kids.
"We're okay." Mabel squeaked meekly, just to make sure.
"Yes, uh, thank you Mabel." He straightened his glasses and mumbled. "I see that."
"What's the matter with you?" Griped his twin.
"What? I heard screams inside the house. You should know that you can't be too careful around here."
"Mabel screams all the time, and I don't see you pulling anything on her."
"Well, there's a difference…." The brother kept debating as they left.
Dipper took Wendy's glass, and as he poured her some more cooling milk, he mumbled, "I uh….I like my food spicy sometimes."
"I thee that." She tried to reply. Her mouth had now gone numb, but it was way better than the raging inferno she had been suffering through a minute ago. Mabel pat her shoulder before wordlessly excusing herself. Dipper sat with her at the kitchen table, standing on fretful standby in total silence while Wendy sipped her milk and slowly recovered.
"So how are you doing?" The boy asked after topping off her glass again. Wendy gestured for him to wait a second as she moved her mouth and tested her ability to talk.
"Wendy Corduroy….Wendy Blerble Corduroy….Wendy Blerble Corduroy…." She repeated her own name a few times until she was satisfied. "Looks like my mouth's working again."
"Does it still hurt?"
"Nah, it's just a weird tingle now." She took another sip then shook her head in astonishment. "Wow."
Dipper fidgeted with his vest zipper until he finally worked up the courage to tell her, "I'm...I-I'm sorry."
"About what?" She was surprised by the apology, and he in turn was surprised by her reply. The two stared at each other in mutual incomprehension for a moment.
"For….burning your mouth?" He finally answered. Wendy burst out a loud laughing snort.
"What, you mean the way you force my mouth open and dumped half the bottle down my throat?" She ribbed him. "Oh yeah, that wasn't cool at all."
Dipper chuckled weakly. "Soooo, you're not mad? I mean, I'd get it if you-"
"Dude, I was the one who stole a chip. And mad? Seriously?" She gave him an affectionate knock in the shoulder. "I'm like…..so stupid amazed right now I don't even know what to start!"
"Really?"
"Yeah! That stuff felt like someone turned a flamethrower on my tongue. Do you seriously like that stuff?" The teen asked with genuine amazement.
"Yeah, uh, I guess I started early. My Dad always liked his food a little spicy, so he got me into hot sauces, and now…." He shrugged before declaring modesty, "Sometimes I like a real kick now and then."
"You seriously call that just a kick? It felt like my head was going to melt from inside out. And just look at you now!" She pointed to the small plate of nachos nearby. Her friend had been nibbling at the whole time, and he had only become slightly red in the face. "You have like, liquid fire all over those chips, and you're not even tearing up."
"I...I just guess I handle my heat pretty well." He grinned.
"Pretty well? Dude, don't cut yourself short." Wendy took the small hot sauce bottle and brave a whiff. Even this made her eyes prickle a little. "Oh man. Where'd you even get this?"
"Our Dad mailed it up in our last care package." He explained.
"Seriously, I bet if you tried to make any of my friends just smell this they'd all been crying their eyes out."
"Even Robbie?" Dipper just had to ask. She laughed and gave him a wink.
"Pffft! He'd totally tear up harder than everyone combined." She declared. The conversation was interrupted when Mabel suddenly returned with an excited chirp. "Hey Wen-Wen! Feeling better?"
"Pretty much. Still a little numb on my tongue."
"Yeah, my bro's weird like that with his fire sauces. Anywho, you can forget all about stupid tongue numby-ness now. Look what IIIII diiiid!" She sang while she held up Wendy's bag for all to see. The broken strap was gone, and in its place was a knitted flannel one that had been expertly sewn in.
"Oh, sweet! Thanks."
"No biggie! Just my usual master craftsmanship!" The little brunette said with a cutely immodest smile. "Oooh! Almost forgot, here's your medal thingy."
"Thanks." Wendy took her award, paused, then asked, "Hey Mabes, you got some paper?"
"Pffft! Do I have….." Mabel scoffed at the easy request. She reached into a sweater sleeve and out came some scrap paper, a pair of scissors, followed by a marker, a roll of scotch tape, and half a chocolate bar that she had forgotten she'd been saving up there. While the brunette munched surprise candy, Wendy jotted something on the paper, cut out a rough circle and taped it up on the medal. She motioned for Dipper to get closer, then deftly slipped it over his neck.
"What's this?"
"What's it look like?" She laughed before reading the purposely flowery title out loud for him. "Mastery of All Things Spicy."
She then bent over in heat seat and gave him a playful bow, and even tipped her hunter's cap. Mabel threw up her arms with a cheer.
"YEAH! Check it out bro-bro, now you're an all-star too! The best of the best at eating weird hot stuff! No, wait!" Now she wanted to contribute too. She produced a sheet of stickers from her pouch, choose one with the picture a cartoon number one and ceremoniously slapped it on the other side of her brother's new medal. "You're number FUN!"
Dipper's cheeks immediately flushed, and his twin sister burst out giggling at the sight her cut. "Wendy-"
"Whoa, what are you doing?" She played dumb when he tried to give it back. "Dude, that's not my name on it, is it?"
"No, but…" When she draped it around her best friend's neck again he let it stay this time. A grin curled its way across his face. "Thanks."
"Trust me, you totally earned it."
"It's no award for axe throwing, but I'll take it." He joked.
"Oooh! Now that would be a-maz-ing!" Mabel gushed. "Just think what it would be like to be able to flaunt that baby out anytime! No one would want to mess with you!"
"You already have a grappling hook." Dipper reminded her.
"Yeah, but then I'd be a triple threat! Grappling hook mastery, ax-chucking skills, and incredible charm." She immodesty bounced her brown locks and struck a pose.
"You wanna be a pro like me?" Wendy was inspired. She got up and flashed the siblings a mischievous smile. "C'mon."
"Where are we going?" Dipper hopped off his seat.
"What do you think? Outside. You guys are getting a lesson from the master here."
Mabel cheered and bounced in ecstatic circles around her friend and twin while Wendy dug her hatchet from her bag. Dipper was primed and ready to go, but as he waited he couldn't resist the chance to get in a playful dig.
"You know you haven't done any work since you got here, right?"
She made a face at him. "And what are you going to do, doofus? Tattle on Stan?"
"What do you think?" He laughed and zipped up his lips. His snickering friend reached down and took his medal away. "Hey, wait-"
"Chill, I'm just updating it." she reached for the pen again.
"With what?"
"What else?" The teen snickered while she jotted down his new title. "Champion secret-keeper…."