Sakuma watched as Kaminaga and Amari left with the rest of his Kendo club, wishing him luck and promising to text him the moment they would arrive home. On a regular day, Sakuma would accompany them after practice and stop by a convenience store to browse the magazines there or to purchase tickets to see a new movie in town.
Today was different. Today was the day that Sakuma would finally confess his feelings.
The sky was already a hue of blue and orange, the evening sky greeting him and reminding Sakuma that he needed to hurry or he would lose his chance. He turned from the shoe lockers and pulled the letter he had written out of his bag, Sakuma unable to prevent the warm feeling that spread to his cheeks at the very thought of handing it to his crush.
He ascended the stairs and halted by the entrance to the second floor, remembering that he was aiming for the library, not his crush's classroom. He was so used to going up towards the third floor to loiter around in the first-year halls during his breaks to catch his cute underclassman leaving his classroom with friends, until he figured out his schedule and realized that he would stay after school to attend English club in the library.
Sakuma looked down the hall as he walked, feeling nervous once again as he grew more and more aware of just how quiet the halls were without so many students in it. He had done this before, staying at school after practice, but not often enough to make it a habit. The silence was a bit unnerving, which wasn't helping Sakuma settle his resolve. He thought about confessing hundreds of times, but just the fact that it was really happening, that this was his moment, made him restless beyond any stress he's had before.
He thought back to the first time he had met him, and Sakuma knew that his chance of telling him how he truly felt was now or never. His weekend would be spent studying and his exams were starting next week.
After that was graduation.
Sakuma was dressed in his uniform shirt, the warming spring temperatures threatening to escalate as he passed out flyers to a group of first-year students that had bothered to stop at their booth. It was the beginning of the new school year and his club was working hard to maintain their members and participate in upcoming prefectural meets.
After the third-years had graduated, Sakuma was awarded as team captain for the Kendo club and wanted to make his first official duty to scope out new talent and gain as many first years as they could.
Kaminaga and Amari were both helping him, handing out flyers and explaining the club activities while still managing to chat up the girls that walked by. Usually Sakuma was quick to put a stop to their behavior, but it was obvious that there was hardly any real flirting involved. They were genuinely trying to get them interested in joining the club, albeit with a different method than what Sakuma had hoped for.
Sakuma turned around to continue his job when he hit something solid with his arm, then the sound of heavy books tumbling on the ground. The captain jerked himself back to see just what he had done, surprised to find that it was a younger student he had accidently hit. "I'm so sorry!" Sakuma had apologized the moment he looked down, studying the boy's face and the rest of him to make sure he hadn't hurt him or scuffed his uniform.
He set his stack of flyer paper down on the booth table and crouched down beside the student, picking up his fallen books for him before he even had a chance to protest. He read the titles on some of the textbooks and realized that he was a first-year, most likely browsing the clubs like the others were.
After gathering all of the books, he balanced them in one arm before extending his free hand to pull the boy up, his offer accepted with a smile. Sakuma distractedly wondered how such a thin framed boy could manage carrying so many heavy books at once, but his thought never strayed to his mouth. "I'm really sorry for knocking into you like that, I should have been paying more attention."
The boy got to his feet and gently pulled his hand away, taking his books from Sakuma. "I should have been more careful. It's hard for me to see when I carry my books like this. You're actually the second person I've run into because of it."
"Do you need any help? I can carry them to your class if you'd like?" Sakuma was never against helping another person if they needed it, and it was all the more reason to make sure that he really hadn't hurt him.
"Oh, no thank you. It's not that far of a walk from here." The boy flashed him another angelic smile and Sakuma was sure that he had forgotten how to breathe. His features were so soft and he had such an innocent charm to him, Sakuma felt even worse about bumping into him.
Sakuma was going to ask again, to reassure him that it wouldn't be a problem, but then another student approached them both. His hair was short and styled, but the look on his face seemed as though he were looking at Sakuma with a scrutinizing gaze. He turned his attention to the boy. "Jitsui, I was told to bring you to the library."
Sakuma immediately registered his name just as Jitsui nodded. It was a fitting name, for someone so pure and sincere. The first-year spared him one more look before he joined his friend and walked on, his textbooks piled high and pressed between his hands and under his chin to keep them secure.
Sakuma would have kept staring until they disappeared if it hadn't been for the whistle Amari gave. He turned to find that his friend was leaning against the table with a hand on his hip, a knowing look on his face. "Someone's smitten."
The captain only narrowed his eyes at his cocky expression. "Being kind to someone is not equated to a crush."
"You're not going to have any time to date him," Amari added anyway, ignoring Sakuma. "Besides, you're too old to be interested in some baby-faced—Ouch!"
Kaminaga hit Amari on the back of the head with a rolled-up pile of fliers he was meant to be handing out. "Hey, stop messing around and help me with these. At this rate, we're not going to have enough members for this club if you keep goofing off."
Amari took the fliers from Kaminaga's hand and smacked him with it in retaliation of his last attack, Sakuma snatching the roll from Amari and unfolding it so he could hand the papers out properly.
The image of Jitsui and his gentle demeanor stuck with Sakuma despite keeping himself busy and roping in new students to join Kendo. Later that day, when he was preparing to instruct the students that signed up after school, he still found himself distracted while he was tying the belt to his Hakama.
Sakuma was having the same problem now as he stood in front of the doors to the library where his crush unknowingly waited. He was smart to get there just after Kendo practice had ended, afraid that Jitsui's club would have dispersed now that it was already past five in the evening.
The third-year steeled himself and took a deep breath, exhaling slowly to settle his nerves and reminding himself that he was ready to go through with this. He gripped the handle and pulled the door open just as a group of students were about to exit.
Their sudden appearance startled Sakuma and he apologize as he moved out of the doorway, letting them pass and watching each one for any sign of Jitsui. It wasn't until the last straggling club members were leaving that Sakuma met eyes with Jitsui's friend, Miyoshi.
He had learned his identity through Kaminaga a few weeks after his first encounter with him and his description alone convinced Sakuma that he wasn't interested in befriending him just for Jitsui. He usually accompanied his crush due to them being in the same class, and club, but Jitsui wasn't where he expected him to be.
Miyoshi stopped in front of him, his bag strap thrown over his shoulder and his eyes the same piercing glare as he remembered.
Condescending little brat.
"He's sitting at the first table closest to the window."
Sakuma blinked at him.
"Well?" Miyoshi motioned to the letter in Sakuma's hands with his sharp eyes, the action forcing a flush to Sakuma's cheeks once more. "Unless that's for me."
"No!" Sakuma cleared his throat as the blush worsened at his unintentional outburst. His nerves were on fire. "Uh, no. Thank you, though." He expected Miyoshi to turn and walk away, to at least let him into the library, but the first-year remained standing in his way, staring at him with something like a grin. "What?"
Miyoshi looked from his face and then to his confession letter before shrugging. "Nothing. Have a good night, Sakuma-san." Then he walked away, his fellow club members gathered at the stairs as they waited for him.
Sakuma wasn't even going to bother wondering how he knew his name before he poked his head into the library, spotting Jitsui in the exact place that Miyoshi had revealed. He was standing up and packing his books into his backpack, thick-framed classes perched on his nose that Sakuma hadn't seen before.
He took his chance and entered, his gaze never leaving Jitsui as he walked closer and closer, finally gaining the attention of his crush. The noise of his footsteps must have alerted him of his presence.
Jitsui smiled at him as he tucked away the last of his things, pulling the glasses from his face and folding them.
Sakuma was the first to break the silence. "May I speak with you?" It wasn't a great way to start, but it was something.
Jitsui set his bag down on the table. "I'm sorry if this seems a little rude, but I have a train to catch for my evening cram school."
"It won't take long." Sakuma was quick to reassure him. The last thing he wanted was for Jitsui to miss something so important because of him.
It did the job, his smile softer than before. "Then what can I help you with?"
Sakuma watched Jitsui form that smile of his that caught his attention from the first day of school, his hands neatly at his sides. He was polite and soft-spoken, something that Sakuma admired about him even when he was taking up his time.
Sakuma waited a moment before he bowed in front of him, holding out the envelope that contained his written feelings for the first-year. It was plain and white, no sticker or stamp to secure the letter inside, but Sakuma believed it was better that way. Closing his eyes, he began what he practiced a million times in front of his mirror.
"I know it must be strange to receive something like this from a near stranger. You probably don't remember me at all, but we met in the courtyard during club recruitment."
"I ran into you that day."
"Yes." Sakuma blushed at the memory and from losing his focus at the interruption. "I-I came here to tell you my true feelings and for you to accept this note." He stood straight as he felt Jitsui take the confession from his hands. "I don't need an answer, I just request that you read it."
Sakuma bit the inside of his lip as he waited for a response and wasn't at all surprised to see that Jitsui was laughing.The very idea that a third-year would confess to a first-year, and another male at that, was ridiculous. He expected as such, among other things, but he was prepared for his reaction.
"What an old-school way to confess." Jitsui's smile was wide as he stared down at the envelope, peeling the flap with his thumb. "It's much better than through text, at least."
Sakuma was staring at the ground in thought of Jitsui's comment. "I… don't have your phone number."
"Fair enough." Jitsui couldn't help but tease his upperclassman, genuinely impressed that someone would go to such lengths to make aware their feelings for him. Most people didn't have the confidence that he apparently had. It must have taken him a lot to bring himself here.
Sakuma stood completely still has he ripped the envelope open and unfolded the paper inside, neat hand-writing covering the entire page and then some. He began reading it, Sakuma's reaction seen from the corner of his eyes as he studied every line and admired the articulation the confession gave over his feelings. It was embarrassing to read something about himself this way, especially after reading how he was often the subject of his careless daydreaming during his free periods, but it sounded sincere and not at all ill-intended.
Once he was finished, he folded the note just like it was and placed it on top of his bag, along with the open envelope. "I appreciate your feelings very much," Jitsui's kind smile faltered a bit, his eyes meeting Sakuma's so that he could give him an appropriate answer, "but I'm afraid I don't feel the same." He could see the way Sakuma's shoulders slackened the moment he spoke, but the expression on his face never wavered. "School takes up too much of my time and I put my studies first, so I would not be able to maintain a decent relationship with someone two years my senior."
"I thought so." Sakuma requested him not to answer to avoid this very situation, yet here he was standing in the face of rejection. He shouldn't have been disappointed. It went better than he believed it would, but somehow the heat in his face wasn't induced by Jitsui's boy-ish charms this time. Sakuma found it hard to speak. "I'm sorry to have kept you for so long." He moved to bow again and excuse himself, but Jitsui's voice cut him off.
"I do remember you, Sakuma-san." Jitsui didn't want him leaving just yet. He could tell that Sakuma was ready to run out. "It's not just because we bumped into each other, so don't believe that I'm treating this as a stranger's confession, because I'm not. You're very well-known around the school."
Sakuma let the words sink in before he bothered to ask. "For what?" He didn't think he was popular at all, besides his status as Kendo captain, but even the club didn't gain enough recognition as the other sports did.
"You have a reputation of being generous and helpful to your classmates, from what I hear. Your scores have landed you almost top of your class and you take your studies very seriously. You were certainly the topic of conversation towards a few female classmates of mine at one point." The way Sakuma's eyes widened was almost comical. "While meeting you for the first time gave me a hard elbow to the nose, I would never say that I regretted it."
To Sakuma's surprise, Jitsui was the one bowing in return. "I hope that my rejection does not stifle who you truly are. You deserve someone better."
Before Sakuma could reassure him, Jitsui was already taking the letter and his backpack, leaving Sakuma in the library alone. He heard the door close behind him and the faint echo of his footsteps in the hall before Sakuma brought a hand to his face and pressed his thumb and index finger against his eyes to keep the tears from falling.