When Hearts Won't Heal
A/N: I'd like to dedicate this story to three very loyal supporters and friends. One whose birthday I recently missed back in December, one who is just recovering after a bad dose of a cold and one whom I am hoping to meet with next week for a long overdue catch up. They know who they are :-) Enjoy guys with my thanks and appreciation. It is a three chapter story that I have fully completed and I will be posting it one chapter a day for the next few days until it is fully posted. Thank you to all those who read and reviewed my Christmas Story. Your support and kind words meant a awful lot. Xx
Chapter 1
At just before nine am on a dreary, overcast Saturday morning, Mike stood at the entrance to the pool and watched the young man in the water from a distance. Swimming the length of the pool at a fast pace he watched him barely catch a breath at the other end before swimming the length of the pool again. Steve was an excellent swimmer and seemed quite at home in the water. Mike knew he often swam before or after work and that it was something that the young man enjoyed and that he found both invigorating and relaxing at the same time. After a hard day at Bryant street or on his very rare days off Mike had often found him here swimming away the stress and tiredness caused by the gruelling, long working hours and the tough cases they encountered in their profession but this morning something was badly off ... The young detective's swimming seemed more frenzied and gruelling and Mike frowned. Mike had seen a huge and alarming change in his young partner this past seven days since the unfortunate incident that had taken place in the Cannery and Mike had to admit he was worried ... Very worried.
He stood watching as Steve swam numerous lengths of the pool, back and forth like a man possessed and wondered how long he had been here? How many lengths had he swam and when was he going to take a break? After watching what he felt was roughly the thirtieth time across, Mike felt that he could take no more and he ambled slowly towards the edge of the pool right where he knew Steve would surface on his return swim. Just as expected Steve arrived and surfaced briefly and caught sight of the two shoes just at the edge. Looking up at first alarmed and then visibly relaxing when he saw the familiar face under the fedora, Steve threaded water and wiped the dripping chlorinated water from his face, slicking his wet hair back at the same time. His breaths were ragged after his intense workout and he was visibly trying to regain his breath before speaking, so Mike stepped in and spoke first.
"Morning Buddy boy ... That was some fast swimming ... You know for a while there I had to check and make sure there wasn't a shark chasing you ..."
Steve chuckled a little at Mike's humor but Mike noticed that the laugh faded quicker than it usually would.
"You can't beat a good workout Mike ... Anyway what are you doing here so early on a Saturday morning? ... I thought you'd be home relaxing seeing as it's the first Saturday we've had off for weeks ..."
Steve was still breathing heavily and Mike frowned again.
"I'm afraid I'm going to have to cut your workout short today Steve. I need you to come with me ..."
It was Steve's turn to scowl as he steadied himself by reaching out for the bar at the pool's edge.
"Aw Mike , don't tell me we've been called in. Not today ... What is it? A body?"
Mike was almost relieved at Steve's choice of words as it meant not having to lie directly to the young man in the water and smiling warmly he answered.
"You got it! Now get your duff out of there and go shower. We need to leave in twenty minutes ... Come on ..."
"Aw Man! ... " Steve audibly complained as he hauled himself up out of the water and shook the dripping water from his hair.
Of all days, Steve was NOT in the humor to start a new case today. He had hoped that he would have until Monday to readjust himself back into work. This past week had been a living nightmare for the young detective and Steve felt that although things in the case had been resolved as well as they could be under the circumstances, Steve felt his nightmare was not quite over yet.
Mike walked over and picked up a large blue towel from the bench at the side and turned to where the young man was now shivering slightly after his untimely exit from the warm water. Mike frowned further as he saw Steve's frame which definitely showed signs of having lost weight that he could ill afford this past week. Noticing Mike's uncomfortable stare, Steve's arms crisscrossed his chest and Mike knew the reason why.
"This yours?"
Steve nodded as Mike tossed the towel in his direction. Mike watched as Steve gratefully draped it around his shoulders, shielding his visible weight loss from Mike's eagle eyes.
"Ok, give me twenty and I'll meet you out in the car Mike ..." Steve said as he turned and headed back towards the changing rooms.
"Sure, the car's parked just outside ..." Mike called after him.
Mike stood where he was and watched Steve amble away, and something about the way he walked caused a lump to appear in his throat. It lacked Steve's usual energy and enthusiasm and instead despondency and weariness were visible in his every step. He had been suspicious these last couple of days that something serious was going on with Steve but try as he had to broach the subject with him carefully, his attempts had been foiled each time by Steve's fervent attempts to cover up his ongoing misery. The weight loss and the lack of energy coupled with the ever growing dark circles under the young man's eyes that took away from his usual boyish good looks both alarmed and terrified the older man and after the few phone calls he had received since yesterday evening, Mike had decided that today was the day he had to pull him back from the brink before it was too late.
He had hoped that finding the missing gun and finding out that Spencer's brother Jack had been arguably the most responsible for the Cannery incident would have helped his partner come to terms with what had happened better but to Mike's intense disappointment it hadn't seemed to make a blind bit of difference. Steve was still punishing himself for what had happened and it was reaching a dangerous level. With his plan in mind, Mike prayed that it would work and that Steve would be compliant. If he wasn't ... Mike really wasn't sure what else to do and that thought was the one that scared him the most.
Nineteen minutes later almost to the second, Mike watched as Steve descended the steps of the building and opened the passenger door. He was dressed casually in a red shirt with the top button open teamed with a beige sports jacket and trousers and throwing his gym bag into the back seat he sat in and closed the door behind him. His hair had been visibly towel dried but was still damp in patches and Mike noted that he looked a sorry sight.
"You want me to drive?" He asked only this time again the young man's enthusiasm was audibly missing from his voice.
"No, that's ok. I'll drive today. "
But before Mike started the engine he reached down at his feet and produced a brown paper bag. Reaching in, he retrieved a polystyrene cup and handed it to Steve.
"Here ... I took the liberty of getting you a coffee. I thought you might need it. You still look a little chilled Buddy boy ... What happened? No hot water in there?"
"No ... Just no time for a long enough hot shower ..." the young man grumbled accepting the coffee gratefully and shivering again slightly as he sipped the hot welcoming liquid. "Thanks for the coffee ..."
Mike nodded and studied the young man a little more. Broaching the next subject carefully, he spoke in a friendly tone.
"Did you have breakfast this morning Buddy boy?"
Steve tried to hide the scowl that escaped but failed miserably.
"Ah ... Yeah ... I ... I grabbed something earlier ..." he stammered hoping the subject would be dropped but instead Mike reached into the bag again much to his growing dismay.
"Well after that hectic workout you must be ravenous ... So I also took the liberty of getting you a filled breakfast bagel ..."
He handed the offending item to Steve who did his best to smile at his partner's thoughtfulness but as he unwrapped the foil wrapper and saw the bacon and egg inside the bagel and the bacon smell wafted upwards towards him, Steve's stomach churned and he quickly wrapped it back up and spoke in as normal a tone as he could muster.
"I'll save it for later ... thanks. I don't like eating too much after a workout. I'll stomach it better in a little while ... Listen can we stop at my place on the way to the crime scene, please? I'm not exactly properly attired for work and my 38" and my ID and cuffs are all locked up back at my place."
Mike scowled at the discarded bagel and then turned the key in the engine.
"You look ok ... and you won't need those other things just yet. We'll pick them up later." Mike stated firmly and before Steve had a chance to protest, Mike had pulled out into the traffic and they were driving across town without further delay.
Steve remained quiet, sipping his coffee as Mike drove. He would have preferred to have had a chance to grab his tie and his other belongings before heading to the crime scene but he had sensed from Mike's tone that it was not a negotiable matter. His gun on the other hand he was strangely glad to leave locked up in his bedside locker. He had barely touched it since it has been returned to him a few days after the shooting. Instead he had locked it away where he wouldn't have to look at it. He wasn't actually sure when he would be able to even use it again. Five minutes later and Steve nearly choked on his coffee as Mike spoke without taking his eyes off the road, drawing the young man from his thoughts. .
"Lenny called me last night ... He said you stormed out of your meeting with him yesterday ..."
Steve almost splattered his coffee out but instead managed to swallow it down, coughing a little as it almost went the wrong way. As he recovered his breath he turned towards the older man and Mike saw annoyance in his partner's green eyes but there was another emotion mixed with it. One that Mike was having trouble reading.
"Oh really? ... Well I bet he couldn't wait to get on the phone and RAT on me about that huh?"
Mike snapped back much to Steve's shock and surprise.
"NOW STEVE! You know that's not FAIR! You know Lenny had no other choice but to report that to someone. You should be just grateful he chose to tell ME and not OLSEN."
Steve's face fell and caught Mike off guard. Mike hadn't meant to reprimand the young man so harshly but his destructive behaviour and attitude were starting to irritate him and he had to make Steve see that Lenny hadn't told on him lightly. Steve's eyes now held a certain amount of uncertainty and panic as he stammered a response in a much more subdued and anxious manner.
"Is he ... going to tell Olsen?"
Not having meant to upset him, Mike lowered his tone and spoke more sympathetically.
"No ... Not yet ... I got him to hold off until I spoke to you ..."
Steve audibly sighed and turned to gaze out the passenger window, and Mike knew he was trying to pull his emotions back together before the conversation took a more sinister turn. Steve was an expert at disguising his inner feelings and the last few days had proven that, but today Mike could tell that his partner's mask was starting to slip and with the strain of keeping up a brave face for so long, it was starting to show some signs of cracking. Perhaps Mike thought, he HAD picked the best day for a showdown after all.
Mike continued driving as an awkward silence filled the car. Mike knew that soon they would be on the Interstate and he knew that then Steve would start to become suspicious of where they were heading, so he knew he had about ten minutes or less perhaps to quickly broach the subject.
"Well? ... Are you going to tell me why you stormed out Buddy boy?"
Steve didn't turn around but Mike heard him sigh again. Still without turning he spoke and there was a clear tone of angst audible in his voice.
"He ... he kept pushing Mike ... I ... I don't know why exactly ... I just needed to get out of there. I felt like ... like I couldn't breathe ..."
Mike's heart went out to the young man beside him. He was trying so hard to cope on his own, like he'd always had to, but this time he was visibly struggling. Mike continued in a quiet tone.
"Steve? It's Lenny's job to push hard. That's how he helps people. Did ... Did you tell Lenny that? How you were feeling? He would have understood you know?"
Steve finally tore his gaze back from the passenger window and looked at Mike briefly. The sorrowful and tortuous look that he gave him sent cold shivers up Mike's spine. He merely shook his head dolefully from side to side just once before turning away again.
"I see ... " Mike replied. "You just bailed, huh? Steve? Olsen is letting you back to work but you know it all hinges on Lenny's report don't you? He's got to certify you back fit for work and so you HAVE to finish the sessions with him Steve!"
Steve turned once more but this time he looked annoyed again. Mike noted that the young man's emotions were all over the place and that was never a good sign.
"NO MIKE! Absolutely not ... I'm not doing anymore sessions with Lenny. I did three this week already. That should have been enough ..."
"Well Lenny obviously doesn't think so and you KNOW that's not up to you to decide ... "
At this point the car drove onto the Interstate and as he suspected Steve started to become curious. His annoyance seemingly forgotten for now, he whipped his head around to look at Mike.
"Mike? Where are we going? And why are we taking the Interstate?"
"Because the body's in San Mateo County ... That's why. Colma to be exact ..." Mike responded calmly.
"Colma? But why isn't the Colma Police Department handling it? " Steve asked with even more disbelief in his tone.
"Because we are that's why ... Now will you stop asking questions and try answering a few instead please? You're going back to Lenny first thing Monday morning and that's final! You hear me?"
Steve didn't answer. He didn't feel like it. As far as Steve was concerned wild horses wouldn't drag him back to Lenny's office but he would worry about that later. First he was curious as to why they were going to a murder scene in San Mateo County. He wanted to question Mike some more about it but Mike had gone quiet and he feared his questions would just drag up the unwanted conversation about Lenny again so he stayed quiet.
The drive continued in silence and Steve watched as they approached Colma. Something was started to unnerve him. Something he felt he was missing. He was so tired and with so much on his mind these days his brain wasn't functioning at full speed as a result. But there was something about Colma. Something he felt he should be remembering. Too bad for Steve that memory didn't return until they turned in through the gates of Cypress Lawn Memorial Park, when out of nowhere Al Davies' recent phone call came back a little too vividly. Spencer's funeral was taking place here on Saturday ... Saturday! ... TODAY! He wheeled around at Mike, just now realizing what body Mike was taking him to. He'd been had by an expert. Steve felt panic rise within him and his breath caught in his throat as Mike drove forward through the Memorial Park towards where a small contingent of Memorial Park workers were preparing a plot.
"MIKE. STOP THE CAR! " he shouted but Mike didn't listen. Instead he kept driving until they were further past where the funeral would take place and then he pulled in calmly to the side of the road, turned off the engine and turned to handle Steve. He knew that this was going to be the rough part but he was prepared for that. Gripping Steve by the shoulders he looked his partner straight in the eye.
"STEVE? You need to calm down and LISTEN to me now. "
"NO MIKE! I can't DO this ... You tricked me ... Why?"
"For your own GOOD. THAT'S WHY! You're going down a very destructive path Steve and someone has to turn you around before you go too far. Now listen to me will you?"
"NO. I don't know what you're talking about. I told Mr. Davies when he rang and asked me to come ... I told him I COULDN'T... He said he understood. Mike why? Why did you bring me here? WHY?"
"Because you HAVE to be here. THIS is the first step Steve and you have to TAKE it. Otherwise you're NEVER going to be able to put this behind you. I'm TELLING you Steve. You HAVE to trust me."
"What? After this? NO! You shouldn't have brought me here MIKE ..."
Without another word Steve wrenched out of Mike's grip and exited the car. But he didn't walk off. Instead he stood on the grass verge, the passenger door of the green LTD still wide open, trying to make his exhausted and overworked mind figure out what he should do next. He laced his fingers through his hair on either side of his head and then brought one hand down over his face in a nervous gesture, muttering as he did.
"Oh my God ... I can't believe you did this to me Mike ..."
Mike leaned sideways and saw Steve's angst and hoped he hadn't called it wrong. He still felt that he had to trust his Stone instincts though. They very rarely failed him so speaking as calmly as he could with concern for his partner growing by the second he addressed Steve firmly.
"Steve? Get back in the car. Please Steve? Come on ... What are you going to do, huh? Walk back to San Francisco? Just get back in and listen to what I have to say. If you still feel the same I'll take you back. I PROMISE Steve ... Come on ... BUDDY BOY? ... PLEASE?"